“You want to give away your baby?” The look in his eyes was anything but kind.
“I’ll stay behind. I want Essie safe.” Tears spilled down her face. “Please.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and then he nodded and said, “Yes.”
She relaxed. His word could be trusted. He was a good man. She studied his strong chin and high cheek bones. His dark hair could have used a trim. His eyes were a soft gray color, and his lips were usually upturned at the corners but not tonight. He stared back at her until she turned her head away.
Shame flooded her, and accompanied by the intense pain, it was all unbearable. Just drawing her next breath overwhelmed her. A series of decisions had made it so she was now unacceptable. Most decisions hadn’t even been hers—except for Rudy. Her heart cried out for him, but he was dead. A solitary tear rolled over her cheek. As long as Essie would be cared for, she could take whatever the future held.
“Cora, wake up, dear,” Mrs. Chapman urged.
Cora opened her eyes and the pain screamed through her. “Essie?”
“Harrison would like to talk to you. Here drink this.” She put a cup to Cora’s mouth and poured the contents into her mouth. Cora almost spit it out. It was liquor. She shuddered.
“It’s just a small amount, and it should help with the pain.”
Cora watched Mrs. Chapman climb out the back again. A moment later, Harrison climbed in. He made the wagon seem so much smaller. She held her breath. Was it time to say good bye to Essie?
“Who is taking her?”
He shook his head. “A few offered, but I didn’t deem them to be of good character. One was a single man. He only offered for her, not the two of you, and I didn’t like that. Another has a passel of kids that looked as though they hadn’t had a good meal in months. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her with them.”
Her heart dropped. “Thank you anyway. We’ll get by somehow if someone will leave me some supplies when you all ride off tomorrow. I’m not afraid. I’m a firm believer that when one door closes another opens. Your kindness has meant the world to me. Could you put Essie lying with her head on my shoulder? My hands hardly work, but I need her close.”
He picked up the little one from the basket, and she appeared even smaller in his big hands. He gently laid the baby down and made sure she was in a good position to keep from slipping off.
“I understand people hating me, but a little baby? She is innocent.”
He cleared his throat. “I think people thought someone else would take her. I failed you, and I’m sorry.”
“You look so tired and I’m lying on your tick mattress. I bet you’ll be relieved when I’m gone. Eddie wasn’t the nicest man, but he provided for us. I tried to be everything he wanted so this wouldn’t happen.”
Mrs. Chapman poked her head in. “I’ll get some sleep and check on you in the morning.”
“Thank you for your kindness.”
“My dear, it’s my pleasure.”
When she was gone, Cora’s stomach churned. There went her one ally. Well, perhaps not an ally, but she was kind.
Essie began to cry and there was a hint of panic in Harrison’s eyes.
“If you can just take her for a moment, I can bring her under the blanket and feed her.”
“Are you sure?”
“Pain doesn’t matter when it comes to Essie. I can do it.”
He held the baby and helped to put her under the blanket into Cora’s arms. Cora’s face heated as Harrison saw her bare shoulder, but there was no help for it.
He turned and watched out the back of the wagon while Essie nursed.
* * *
He had planned to get some sleep under the wagon but he couldn’t leave Cora and Essie alone. What if the baby needed to be fed again?
He shook his head in amazement. How was this all taking place in his wagon? He should have minded his own business. No, that wouldn’t have been the right thing.
What would Ora have done? He smiled. She would have made sure that Cora never walked alone in the first place. She would have taken them in. He could offer his protection, but he had a bad feeling it would mean marriage. He was still hurting from Ora’s death. He squared his shoulders. As long as Cora didn’t touch him, he might do it. Discouragement rolled over him. There were twenty-six wagons in the group, and he was the only one willing to take responsibility for a fellow passenger?
Ora, you’re still in my heart. I’m just helping this woman and her baby. I don’t particularly like the woman, but I can’t allow her to be left behind. It’s a death sentence. It’s unseemly for me to marry so soon but I’m hoping you’ll be with me on this decision. I miss you every minute of every day. I often think you’re still here but when I want to show you something or talk to you I realize you are gone, my love.
He leaned against the closed tailgate and fell asleep.
* * *
“Cora, let me comb your hair for your wedding,” Mrs. Chapman said as she kneeled next to her.
“What wedding? Who’s getting married? Will they be able to give Essie a home?” Her thoughts were so jumbled. “Where is Essie?” She tried to sit up but Mrs. Chapman held her shoulder down.
“She’s been fed and now she’s napping.”
“How? I was sleeping.”
“I know. I tried to wake you but Essie knew what to do. No one else saw a thing I kept you covered. Now I need to comb your hair before Minister Paul tells me to get out of the wagon. It’s for the best, dear.”
Mrs. Chapman finished braiding her hair, so it hung down on one side, and then she hurried out of the wagon.
She must be dreaming. Everything is too fuzzy in my mind. How could she not awaken to feed her baby? It made little sense.
Harrison climbed into the wagon looking freshly washed and shaved. Minister Paul followed him.
She was so tired she wanted to just close her eyes. “What?”
“Everything will be fine, Cora,” Harrison said.
Was the minister performing a wedding? She said something to him and closed her eyes.
Wait! Who kissed her forehead?
Three hours later, Cora sat up. She was in a moving wagon. Her heart slowed from its panicked rate when she saw Essie in a basket. They’d probably leave them behind when they stopped for the nooning. Someone must have given her something; she’d never slept this long. Was it the brandy? She wouldn’t think it would have such an effect on her.
She reached for Essie, and her body exploded in pain that took her breath away. She waited a minute before she lifted Essie out of the basket. The baby opened her eyes and waved her hands. Cora let the blanket slip down and easily feed the eager baby. Cora sent up thanks and praise for her small reprieve.
Using her fingers hurt. But she held Essie to her and burped her. They said if they gave her anything to ease the pain it would affect Essie. Well, she seemed just fine. Cora hummed as she rocked her baby, and when she finished humming, she remembered someone had gotten married. Was it last night? She thought and thought on it, and the pieces came together.
Oh, my!
She was the one who’d gotten married. Did she marry Harrison?
She was in his wagon. The poor man had sacrificed to keep them from being left behind. A tear rolled down her cheek. It wasn’t fair to him to be saddled with her. When they stopped, she’d give him his freedom.
She heard the calling for the noon time stop. Her body shook in fear. She tried to stop its trembling, but she had no control over it. She carefully put Essie in her bed and then lay back down, trying to pull the blanket up. She couldn’t raise it enough to cover her shoulders, and a wave of shame washed over her.
Harrison climbed in as soon as the wagon stopped and surveyed her. Tears gathered in her eyes at his inspection.
“Could you pull the blanket up to cover me completely? I fed Essie, but I couldn’t get the blanket any higher. I’m sorry. I tried, but my fingers didn’t want to.”
He shifted the bla
nket, so she was covered and fixed the other blankets covering her. “I know you’re in pain. You’re shaking, are you still cold?”
“I’m terrified. Someone must have dosed me with something. I didn’t wake up for a feeding and it took me forever to figure out it was us that got married. My head was so fuzzy. You need not take me in. It’s not fair to you. I’m sure you have other plans for your life and I’ll not have you ruin it by having me as your wife.”
He smiled. “I never figured you for a woman who gave an opinion. You always did what you were told.”
Dismay filled her. She would never have thought Harrison to be like Eddie. Perhaps many men wanted quiet obedient women. She had no experience except for Rudy, and he’d always asked what she thought.
“I’m sorry. I won’t question you again.” She turned her head. She knew nothing of being a married woman.
Mrs. Chapman poked her head in again. “Do you need my help with anything?”
“Yes, please,” Cora said hoping she wasn’t making Harrison angry.
He touched her cheek until she turned and gazed at him. “We’ll talk later. I think you’ll find I’m nothing like Eddie.”
She tried to smile, but she failed.
Chapter Four
The last week hadn’t been easy. Helping Cora brought a longing he needed to get rid of. He sighed. At least she could do things for herself now. Helping her to dress was too much for him. She was beautiful, but he made good and sure his touch didn’t linger. Now he wouldn’t have to worry about putting her stockings on.
Every time they’d stopped he carried her outside to sit for a while. The fresh air was good for her. The others staring at her wasn’t. She had done nothing untoward to deserve their censure. She was a kind young woman who was very loving to her daughter. She’d relaxed a bit when he explained he didn’t want a meek wife. She still tried to please him by keeping everything exactly where he had put it. She always agreed with him. Other than that she’d been quiet.
He made a fire and put the coffee on to boil while she dressed herself and Essie. He smiled and stood when she waited at the back of the wagon with the basket in her hands. He reached up and took the basket.
“Stay where you are. I don’t want you to climb down.” He hated her nod. All it meant was she’d do as he said. He wasn’t used to biddable women. Ora certainly had ideas of her own.
After setting the basket down, he reached up and put his hands on her waist while she put her hands on his shoulders. He lifted her down easily. He wanted to be close to her for just a moment but stopped himself.
“It’s nice to see you up and around,” he told her.
“It took quite a while didn’t it? Thank you for all your help.” She blushed and glanced away.
Was she trying to entice him? She acted unknowing and innocent but she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. Was it all an act she had perfected?
He greased the wheels and watched as she cooked breakfast. He just didn’t know what to make of her. Her actions weren’t anything like he would expect, given her past. How long had she been a whore? He turned away. He shouldn’t think of his wife that way. He wanted to ask, but he wanted the truth, not what she thought he wanted her to say.
They ate bacon, biscuits, and corn mush. It was better than what he’d been cooking. She had watched as he took each bite and dismay had his stomach in a knot. How could one live in constant fear of displeasing another? He needed to talk to her and soon.
Little Essie had stolen his heart. One look into her blue eyes, and he was smitten. He had held her plenty these last weeks, and she always stared at him with a look of wonder. He hoped that look never went away.
“I must do laundry soon. Essie’s diapers leak at night, and her blankets get soaked. I need to freshen them. Also, I’m sure you have clothes that need washing?”
“I think we’re stopping early today near water for just that reason.”
She smiled. “It’s been wonderfully warmer. I didn’t expect snow early in the trip.”
“It caught me off guard too, but from what I’ve learned it’s not uncommon. It’s hard to judge when to leave Independence. If you go too early, you’ll encounter more snow than we did. If you leave late you take the chance of not being able to get through the mountain pass due to snow.”
“I’m grateful for the warmth of the sun this morning. Shall I walk today?”
“Not today. You’re still a bit weak. I want you where I can see you.”
She nodded and quickly glanced away.
“I’m not like Eddie, Cora. I don’t want to control everything you do, but you have been flat on your back for a week. If you’re up for it after the noon meal, we can talk about it again.” She stared at him and her eyes widened. Hadn’t she been given choices before or had Eddie soured her on all men?
“My mother used to paint some diapers with linseed oil to waterproof the outside for nighttime. She’d put it over the first diaper to double up. Maybe we can do that when we get those diapers washed. They need to be dry.”
She tilted her head. “You have much knowledge, and I thank you for sharing it with me. I was sold to Madam Grealy when I was eleven and I can read and write and do some adding and such but they didn’t think I’d need school. It took me a long time to realize why.”
“Sold?”
“Yes. I’d been at the orphanage for a few months before I was taken to the saloon. I washed sheets and the women’s clothing. I cleaned the saloon too in the morning when the customers were gone. I didn’t understand what was going on or what plans they had for me. I’m glad I never found out.” She gathered the dishes and washed them.
It would be wonderful if he could believe her, but the proof of her lies was sleeping in the basket. It hurt that she didn’t trust him, but perhaps in time. “I will check on the livestock.”
“Do you have more than the oxen?”
“I have a string of horses and almost thirty head of cattle too. I pay three men to help me out. Don’t be surprised if they stop by for meals. It was part of the deal but they didn’t like my cooking so much.”
She nodded and went back to washing the dishes. How long would it take until she trusted him? They had four to five months on the trail to find out.
* * *
Cora frowned. She’d expected at least one question about her life at the saloon. It was strange. Maybe he didn’t care. She’d been thrust on him and he was under no obligation to like her. He sure liked Essie though. He’d be a good father someday. She’d call him a good father now, but she had no idea what would happen at the end of the trail. Men had left wives before. Harrison was a good man but she couldn’t hide her background. Everyone already knew.
She put Essie in the wagon and then climbed in the front. Harrison climbed up.
“I would have helped you up. Husbands do that for their wives.”
Her face heated. “I’ll know for next time.” She pretended to be interested in something on her side of the wagon.
“I’ve embarrassed you.”
“No, I’m inadequate. I know little about how things are done. My father was a gruff man who said nothing kind. People avoided us. I learned to be respectful in school. The concept of sharing was hard to grasp. But my teacher was understanding and took the time to teach me a few manners. I’ll always be grateful to her.”
“Wagons Ho!” Came the call.
Soon it was their turn. “Hold on to the seat.”
He was so different from Eddie, who had laughed and laughed when she fell off one day.
They rode for a few hours and then they forded another river. Each crossing scared her more than the one before.
“We’re not stopping here to use river water for washing and drinking?” She furrowed her brow.
“There’s a creek up ahead that has more grass for the livestock. We’ll stop there.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Then Essie cried, and Cora climbed into the back with Harrison holding on
to her. He made her feel as though she was a woman of value.
After feeding Essie, she lay down for just a moment and woke when the wagon stopped. She quickly sat up and crawled behind the front bench. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
After tying off the lines, he turned and looked at her. “There is no reason to be sorry. There wasn’t anything else that needed doing. There isn’t much that can be done while the wagon sways and bumps along.”
She blinked at him. Was he extra nice? Or had Eddie been extra cruel? Probably both.
“We drove through the nooning. I’ll get the food out while you gather the laundry.”
“I should do both. What will the other women think?”
He climbed into the back with her and kneeled facing her. He put his thumb under her chin and tilted her head until she saw his eyes. They looked kind, concerned even.
“You are my wife, and anyone who mistreats you will have to answer to me. The key is we need to act as a happy couple. Smiling at each other, holding hands and me kissing you on the cheek will make them think I feel that I’ve made a good choice.” His expression softened into a smile. “Being married is about learning what the other is like, what things in the world they are interested in. Their likes and dislikes. It’s about trying things and working out the problems. We’ll be fine.”
“You sound as though you’ve been married before.”
He acted as though she’d punched him in the stomach. Face contorted in obvious pain, he climbed out of the wagon and walked away.
Cora stared after him. What had just happened? A frown pinched her forehead. Maybe Eddie was right and she couldn’t do anything right. It saddened her more than she ever expected. Eddie wasn’t a good man, and Harrison is too good.
She gathered the laundry and then put Essie in the sling. She grabbed some soap and carried it all in the basket she’d been using for Essie’s bed. After pushing everything toward the tailgate she put it down. She lifted Essie and put the sling across her body. It was awkward carrying the basket with the sling, but she managed.
Cora’s Courage: Romance on the Oregon Trail Book One Page 3
