The wheel starts up, and Steel pulls me close.
Into my ear so only I can hear, he says, “I’m going to give you one hell of a life, Goldie. I’ve known you’re all I need since the first night we met. I’m all yours. And you can hold me to that.”
My chin quivers, and I try not to cry. This wedding is serious to me. I can’t imagine my life anymore without Steel in it. This isn’t exactly how I imagined getting married, but it feels right. No, it feels better than right. It feels perfect.
I sink deeper into Steel’s arms as the wheels take us up and down.
“That’s twice around, you sure you don’t want to stop this thing?” Steel asks with a smile.
“No chance,” I say, my voice weak from choking back tears.
“Because once we’re married that’s it. We’re married forever.”
“What about you, are you going to stop it?”
“Are you kidding me? If the power blew right now, I’d make those fuckers down there turn it with their hands.”
I’d laugh, but there’s no trace of joking in his voice.
“I love you,” I say.
“And I love you,” he says, and we kiss.
“That’s it, three times around is done, you two are married,” Papa Smurf announces, taking us out of our own little world.
The wheel stops with our car at the bottom. Steel opens the door and takes my hand to lead me out.
All the carnies here have gathered, waiting at the wheel, and they cheer and clap us as we walk down the ramp. Steel’s arm is around me, pulling me along. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.
“You dog,” Razor yells.
“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Steel hollers back at him.
“Where are we going now?” I ask.ß
“On our honeymoon.”
I laugh. “And where do carnies go on their honeymoon?” I’d wonder if we’d go offsite to a motel for a few days, but I know better than that now.
“The Gravitron, baby,” he says, the seriousness he’s had all day now gone from his voice.
“Shut up! In there? I should’ve known.”
Steel laughs, “I’m going to sweep you off your feet.”
“Ha, four G’s of force and the ride’s the one that’s going to sweep me off my feet.”
“Not the way I’m going to.”
Arm in arm, we walk into The Gravitron. From his the seat at the center console, Steel pushes the button that closes the door.
It’s dark, and he turns on the ride’s flashing lights and music, transforming the space into our own magical dance club.
“Scratch this,” he says, turning off the song.
He messes around with the controls and “Wild Horses” starts blasting through the speakers.
The ride isn’t moving yet, he hasn’t turned it on. Instead, he pulls me onto his lap.
Steel’s hand finds my knee, and moves up the outside of my thigh, moving the edge of my dress up with it. His hand comes to a rest on my upper thigh. He wraps his other arm around me, and rests his hand on my waist.
“You look beautiful in your wedding dress,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say, my cheeks flushed.
I don’t know why I’m blushing, since we’ve been together so long. Maybe because this is the first time we’ve been alone together since getting married. Everything feels new, fresh.
“I never thought I’d ever have a wife. I never thought I’d ever want a wife.”
“Well I’m proud to be your wife, it’s an honor.”
His lips brush against mine, and I part my mouth wanting more. Our mouths lock in a slow kiss that fills my chest with tingling.
Steel breaks the kiss and says, “You hear that?”
“What”
“The song, wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you. That’s how I feel about you.”
Not sure whether or not to laugh, I bite my lip. But I can’t hide my smile. Everything he’s ever done has filled me up, and now I feel so full, I can’t believe there could ever be room for more.
I slide my fingers between the buttons of his shirt, trying to feel his hard chest muscles. He lets out a small grunt, and cups the back of my head, bringing my lips to his.
Our mouths crush against each other in a raw kiss that numbs my lips. Steel’s hand travels higher up my thigh and he rubs his fingers over the outside of my panties.
They’re already damp, wet for the excitement of knowing that I belong to him. I widen my legs for him as I work to undo the buttons of his shirt.
As our kiss continues, his dick grows hard and digs against my thigh. I’ve gotten his shirt all the way open now, and press my body up against his chiseled body.
He yanks he head back and tugging at my dress says, “Get this off.”
I hop off his lap, and pull the dress over my head. Steel makes a growl of approval, and I make a show of removing my bra.
Kicking off my shoes, I slide my panties down my legs, watching him watch me as I do. His eyes are fixed on my breasts, and the knowledge makes my nipples harden.
Standing, I shimmy my shoulders to shake my breasts for him.
Steel stands, and brushes his fingertips all over my body, coating my skin in goose bumps.
Leaning, his takes a nipple into his mouth and sucks hard. A twinge shoots from my nipple to my walls, and I swallow in anticipation.
I moan in protest as he steps back from me, removing his open shirt and stripping off his jeans and boxers. His erect cock stands in front of him, his pierced dragon ready for me.
He looks up, and before I can react, he sweeps me off my feet and carries me around the railing. We go several spots along before he puts me down, my back against one of the backrests.
Kissing down my body, he kneels in front of me and pushes my legs wider. Steel starts kissing and licking the insides of my thighs, gripping my ass with his hands. I press my head into the padded backrest and let the sensation of his touch take over.
His mouth reaches my mound and he flickers his tongue through my folds. The tip of his tongue circles in on my clit, making me gasp. My walls flood with anticipation.
Steel continues with his tongue, and my entire body is now tense with want. Want for my husband.
I moan and squirm from the intensity. He moves his hand, bringing his fingers to my entrance. Without pause, he pushes two thick fingers into me and presses against my most sensitive spot.
I scream in delight, but it gets lost in the pounding music. Steel puts his other hand on my belly to hold me in place. Even with his hand, my head and shoulders slump forward.
I’m on the edge, and tense with the need for release.
Steel stands and presses his body against mine, which straightens me up against the backrest. Steel kisses my neck, just like he did on that first night, and the ache for him between my legs becomes unbearable.
“Please,” I say, breathless.
Steel puts his lips to my ear, and in a low voice says, “Anything for you, Goldie. Wait here.”
He springs away, and my legs can barely hold my weight. He sprints to the booth in the center of the ride and leans over the control panel.
The ride starts, and Steel sprints back to my side.
“I’ve been dying to do this to you,” he says. “You’re going to be stuck against the wall and unable to move while I do whatever I want to you.”
Steel won’t be stuck from the g-force, I’ve seen him dance and run around on the walls in here. He’s strong enough to do whatever he wants in here, and the idea of every single one of his muscles being flexed sends a rush of heat that pools between my legs.
We kiss, but it becomes too difficult for me to do. The speed of the ride has increased enough that the force pushes me against the backrest. The g-force has completely immobilized me against the backrest.
Kicking my feet apart, he spreads my legs wide. My feet aren’t touching the ground anymore.
His body is heavy against mine, pressing against
me though he’s using his arms to keep from crushing me.
The tip of his cock is at my entrance, and as he pushes it into me, the entire backrest slides up, taking both of us off the ground. My slick walls clamp around and somehow he’s able to thrust his hips into me.
I’m disoriented, the flashing lights, loud music and four Gs pressing against my body. The side of Steel’s head presses against mine. I’m dazzled, which clears everything from my mind.
It seems like my entire body is out of my control.
The only thing I’m aware of is the intensity radiating out from between my legs. All of my muscles tense and my heart beats faster and faster. Steel continues thrusting into me, and after a moment I cry out in bliss as a tidal wave rips through me.
A moment later, Steel grunts loudly and his dick throbs against my walls.
The ride slows and the backrest slides down the wall. It comes to a stop, and both our chests heave. Steel’s skin is slick with sweat, and my own hair is damp with it.
“Welcome to married life, Goldie,” he says and kisses my cheek.
33
Rainbow in the Dark (Steel)
It’s September, and it’s still hot as hell in Mississippi. I swear to God, I’m finding myself a carnival in Alaska next year.
Emily’s doing real well at the basket toss, getting guys to part with their money hand over fist. Next year, I’m sure Papa Smurf is going to give her her own booth. Then she’d be making some serious money and we’ll be able to pay for all the air conditioning we want.
It’s early morning, and I’m sitting on a lawn chair in front of our trailer drinking a coffee, enjoying the cool breeze before it turns into a furnace blast again. With Emily here, we almost never party late, we’d rather be alone in our trailer. Even when we’re not fucking.
Getting to sleep at a decent hour means we’re always up at a normal time. Usually eight, but sometimes earlier. I’ve realized how much I enjoy being up before everyone else, when the camp is nice and quiet.
I take a sip of my coffee, breathing the aroma through my nose as I drink. This is good. Life is good.
It’s Wednesday, we get the big rides put up today, and finish them off tomorrow and open the carnival Friday night.
Emily comes walking between the trailers, returning from the communal washrooms. She’s not watching where she’s going and narrowly misses the corner of a picnic table.
As she gets closer, the look on her face becomes clear. Her eyes are wide, but vacant, and her jaw is tight. Her fists are balled, and something is in one of them. I set my coffee down, jump up and go to her side.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She looks at me, her eyes boring into my face, and says, “I’m pregnant.”
Her words knock the wind out of me, and I feel like I’ve taken a cannonball to the gut. I can’t even find the way to say anything, and I stand there, feeling numb.
Emily carries on walking past me and straight into our trailer. My feet are frozen to the ground, and I can’t move. I stand here trying to digest what just happened.
How did this happen, I thought she was on the pill?
I take a deep breath and drag myself back to my lawn chair. I’m not proud, I feel like an asshole sitting here when I should be in there, holding her and telling her everything’s going to be okay.
But how can I say those things when I don’t know if it’s true or not. I mean, I can make a lot of things better, but I don’t know shit about babies. Or raising them. All I know is they sound expensive and money’s the one thing I don’t have heaps of.
“Fuck!” I yell into the air.
I force my sorry ass out of the chair. What kind of piece of shit am I, letting her walk into the trailer by herself? I open the door and walk in.
Emily’s lying on the bed, flat on her back and staring at the ceiling. I lie down on my side beside her, and put my arm around her. Her temples are stained with tears, and I kiss the one nearest me. As if that can make this better.
“I love you,” I say, my voice soft, “You need to know that. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”
She turns her head, and our eyes connect. Her eyes are glassy from tears, and she’s breathing hard through her mouth.
“I don’t know what to do,” she says, rolling onto her side to face me.
Taking her hand, I grip it in mine and hold it between us, in the space between our chests. The air hangs heavy for a moment, because I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t know what to do either. More importantly, I don’t know what she wants to do.
“Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you,” I say, forcing the words past the lump in my throat.
Her eyes shut and she starts crying hard, her entire body shaking with her sobs. I let go of her hand and press as much of my body against her as I can. We’re so tight together that my body moves with her sobs.
“How did this happen?” I ask, my voice low.
“I don’t know. Maybe getting the prescription a couple of days late last month?”
“Does two days matter that much?”
“What are you saying? You think I didn’t take the rest on purpose? I don’t want a baby, I just turned twenty-one.”
Jesus, I didn’t mean it that way.
“I’m not saying anything, just trying to understand is all.”
“Are you blaming me for this?”
I tilt her head and stare into her eyes.
“Absolutely not,” I say.
“Then what does it matter how it happened?”
“It doesn’t. I’m only trying to digest this. It’s a big of a shock, you know?”
“I’m not ready for a baby,” she says, sniffling.
“It’s okay, Goldie. Everything will be okay,” I say, stroking her arm.
“You won’t leave me?” she asks, her voice halting and weak.
“You’re my wife, I ain’t ever leaving your side.”
“Promise you’ll never walk out on me and the baby?”
“I made that promise on our wedding day. There’s no way I’d ever walk away from the best woman in the world. Especially not if she’s the mother of my child.”
Emily leans into me, and we lie in each other’s arms in silence.
Is she going to leave me because I’ll never be able to give our baby the life she had growing up? It’s one thing for her to shun that ritzy lifestyle she’s used to, but will she think it’s good enough for her baby? My baby?
Shit, I never considered that before. What if Emily doesn’t think I’m good enough to be the father of her child? Maybe she won’t want me in her life any more.
Our carny wedding on the Ferris wheel meant a hell of a lot to me, but I’m a carny, it’s my tradition. Not hers. It could all have been pretend in her mind.
What if she kicks me out of her life?
My mind’s racing now, and I can’t stop it. I hold her tighter, trying to calm myself.
“This is some pretty big news,” I say, “we don’t need to figure everything out right now.”
She doesn’t respond, instead she relaxes all her weight against me. I might be imaging things, but Emily’s not crying as hard and her breathing’s almost back to normal.
A baby in the carnival. Does she think that’s a good idea?
Hell, do I think it’s good idea for my baby? To grow up in a carnival, where the only people to play with are adults? Ones who are often either drunk or high?
I know what it’s like to grow up around booze and drugs. It’s not something I want for my own child.
Emily stays in the trailer all day, but I have to make sure the rides get put up safely. These assholes can’t handle one day without me, even though they might as well change my name to Zombie because that’s all the use I’m being.
All I can think of is a little me running around and my heart melts. Emily’s so kind and caring, she’s going to be the best mother ever.
And I sure as shit am not going to let her down. She deser
ves a husband who provides her and our baby the best life possible, and I’m going to make that happen. The baby may want for material shit, but no baby of mine is never going to want for love of its father.
There’s no way I’m letting my baby grow up the way I did.
At three o’clock, I decide enough of this shit, I need to be with Emily. I stop by the carny cafeteria, and buy her a burger and fries.
“Hey, I brought you some food” I say, entering the trailer.
She’s lying on the bed, and I wonder if she’s even moved all day. Emily sits up and swings her feet over the edge of the bed. I take a seat on the edge bed beside her.
“Thanks,” she says, and takes the fries from me.
I set the burger on the trailer’s little stove top. I rest my hand on her knee, wanting to do more but not sure what she wants me to do.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
Emily looks at me, her face long, and says, “Scared.”
“Don’t be. I’ll take good care of you.”
“I think I need to leave the carnival.”
“I think we need to leave it. But not before the season finishes. If we screw the carnival, there ain’t no way Papa Smurf would welcome let us back. Besides, that gives us a month to figure out what the fuck we’re doing.”
34
Wind of Change (Emily)
It’s the end of October, and we left the carnival last weekend at a small town in the northwest corner of Mississippi. We gave Papa Smurf back the trailer, and headed straight over the Tennessee border to Memphis. We’re just over the border anyway, and Steel wanted to take me to Graceland.
They’re heading back south for a couple more dates in Louisiana, and Papa Smurf said he didn’t mind us leaving at all, given the circumstances.
Now we’ve been here three nights, and we’re sitting on the bed in our cheap motel figuring out our next move.
I figure I’m over two months now, and I still haven’t seen a doctor. Papa Smurf paid decent money, but he certainly didn’t provide any insurance benefits.
“Where do you want to live?” Steel asks.
Carny: A Bad Boy Small Town Romance Page 14
