A Fine Bromance

by Christopher Hawthorne Moss

  Robby came to stand next to him, gazing in at the shadowy shelves. “No, she lost the key years ago.” He grabbed the cabinet handle and pulled one side of the doors open. He reached in to touch a tiny set of ornately painted teacups. “These went missing for a while, I seem to remember.”

  Andy shrugged. “I wish we could dust for fingerprints, but unless we had access to police records and unless our thief, or rather borrower, had a record, that wouldn’t do us any good.” He reached for the other door and pulled it open too. “I love these little toy soldiers.” He picked one up, dressed in a uniform of some eighteenth-century European army. “Where did she get these?”

  Laughing, Robby replied, “Now that would be telling!” Facing Andy’s unbelieving expression, he explained, “Aunt Ivy was a teacher, right? Over the years kids would bring stuff into class, especially when she taught fifth or sixth grade, and if they were fooling around with them, she would confiscate them. She got a lot of her treasures that way.”

  “That was how she got that full set of the first Star Wars bubble gum cards, right? The ones she keeps upstairs?”

  “Yeah. She told me it took her weeks to get them all, but in that case, she traded stuff for most of them. These soldiers aren’t even as valuable as those cards, though. She painted them herself, but they originally came out of cereal boxes.”

  Andy glanced sideways at him. “How do you know all that stuff?”

  He just shrugged.

  The two continued to examine the dining room but decided going upstairs to Aunt Ivy’s little office was the best choice for lying in wait for someone “to swipe the goods,” as Robby put it.

  About a half hour later, they were looking at some items on a shelf on the wall when the two boys heard a noise downstairs. Their gazes locked.

  Andy’s eyes were wide. “Is that…?”

  “It could just be Ivy,” Robby said. He listened for a few minutes. “It’s not Mr. Duck. I saw him in the heated bed in Ivy’s bedroom. Shh, shh!”

  They looked about for some place to hide.

  Andy headed for the hall closet where the linens were kept and managed to pull the door shut between himself and the hallway. Robby headed into Ivy’s office, where he slipped under the guest bed.

  Robby stayed as still as he could, listening for movement and not hearing much. He finally caught the sound of something hitting the floor downstairs and grimaced, wondering if they should have stayed down there.

  But finally there came a squeak on the uncarpeted steps to the second level. The tread was too loud to suit Ivy’s diminutive physique. This could be it!

  He held his breath as he heard movement in the hall. Once it passed by, he peeked out from under the bed. He could see Andy peering out from the hall closet. He gestured for quiet and then pointed toward the bedroom door.

  After a few minutes, Robby came out from under the bed very stealthily, and once in the hall, Andy joined him. They tiptoed to the open bedroom door and one on either side, they peered in.

  It was Roger, Robby’s uncle! He was in his usual outfit, tan slacks and a tan windbreaker over his blue cambric work shirt. He was leaning over the bed table, as if he were looking to see if anything had fallen behind it. Mr. Duck was on the bed and stared directly at the two boys in the door. But Roger didn’t notice, so he didn’t see the boys coming into the room.

  “What are you doing, Uncle Roger?” Robby said, not hushing his voice at all.

  The older man jerked up abruptly and spun around. “Oh, Robby, it’s you!” He glanced at Andy, “Oh, and your friend, um, what was his name?”

  “What are you doing here, Uncle Roger?” Robby asked.

  Roger looked around the room. He had a cloth shopping bag around one wrist. He glanced at it, then put it behind his back. “I… I… uh… was just bringing back something of Ivy’s I borrowed.”

  Andy reached out a hand toward the bag. “Give it to me. I’ll see to it she gets it.”

  Roger’s face went red. He shook his head. “You don’t need to do that for me.”

  “Still,” Robby said, reaching out his hand as well.

  Roger stood rooted to the spot. He looked first at Robby and then Andy, then dropped his chin to his chest. He held out the bag.

  Robby took it and looked inside. He reached in and pulled out an old bit of costume jewelry he remembered his Aunt Ivy kept in the jewelry box on the dresser. He held it up so Andy could look at it.

  “Why, Roger, did you borrow this for some sort of dress-up party? Maybe you’re into drag?” Robby smirked.

  They heard the sound of the front door opening downstairs. Andy looked at Robby and nodded.

  “Aunt Ivy, Robby and I are in here,” he called.

  When Ivy joined them, she stood staring at the trio. “My Lord!” she said. “Roger!”

  Robby showed her the necklace and reached into the bag to pull out a little crystal box and some other things. “He said he borrowed them from you and was returning them.”

  Ivy took the necklace and stared openmouthed at Robby and then Roger. “Roger, you know that’s not true. You… you stole them.”

  Roger glanced up at her, his face white. “You remember, don’t you? I was going to have them appraised.”

  “Bullshit!” Ivy said, surprising everyone. “You stole them. Why, Roger? Why?”

  SOMETIME LATER the two boys, Roger, and Ivy were in the kitchen while she brewed tea. Roger made his confession at last.

  “I’ve… I’ve been having money problems,” he admitted, not meeting Ivy’s gaze. “I’d take a few things at a time to have them appraised. Nothing was worth much more than fifty dollars,” he lamented. “I decided to wait until I had enough items to make it worth my while. I was coming back to take all the more expensive things to sell.”

  He shook his head, looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Ivy. I just figured you had so much, you would never even miss a thing.”

  “Roger, you could have just asked to borrow money. You know that, don’t you, dear?” Ivy said, sounding sad.

  Roger just stood, hanging his head.

  They talked for a while longer over cups of tea. Robby noticed Roger appraising his own cup and gave the man a dirty look. He was surprised when Ivy forgave him, and he watched Roger slink out the kitchen door with his proverbial tail between his legs.

  “So you aren’t going to have him arrested?” Andy asked as Ivy poured more tea from the old teapot into his cup.

  Robby answered for Ivy. “No, it’s all in the family. He won’t do it again. And we won’t tell anyone.”

  Ivy added, “I think he learned his lesson, and since his wife took off, he’s been a little, well, off.” She looked at each of the boys in turn. “I can’t thank you enough for uncovering his antics. I was really worried there for a while, first that there really was a burglar, and then that I was going nuts. Now I know it was really nothing.”

  Robby grinned at Andy, happy the mystery was finally solved.

  Ivy pulled out her chair, sat, and picked up her teacup. “Well, one thing’s for sure.”

  Robby looked up at her, waiting. “What’s that, Aunt Ivy?”

  Ivy grinned. “I own a lot of real junk!” All three of them broke into laughter.

  ANDY FINALLY told Robby he needed to go home to get ready before it was time to drive to Olympia for the Quiz Kids competition. They bid Ivy good-bye and waited outside the door until they heard her turn the dead bolt. They got into Robby’s car and headed for Andy’s condo.

  “I do have to ask you one thing…,” Andy said nervously.

  Robby glanced over at him. “What’s that?’

  Andy seemed a little hesitant. “Well, I was just wondering. Why weren’t you afraid that the robber was someone you don’t know who could be, like, dangerous?”

  Robby laughed. “Now you ask me? Weren’t you afraid?”

  Andy looked abashed but didn’t reply.

  Robby responded, “I thought I told you, but maybe I didn’t….
I was pretty sure it was a family member—Roger, or maybe one of the kids. I thought Roger was acting kind of suspicious. And how would anyone else know about Ivy’s treasures or have a key?”

  Andy let out a burst of air. “Well, I’m glad. I was caught up in it all, and I’m glad I’m all in one piece afterward.”

  “Me too!” Robby said firmly.

  At the condo Robby promised to let Andy know when he would be coming by to pick him up.

  Chapter 15

  ROBBY PICKED up his cell phone about fifteen minutes before he would arrive at Andy’s condo and punched his number. The phone rang and went to voice mail. He shut off his phone and tried a text. After five minutes he gave up. He called again and got voice mail again. He shook his head.

  “Mom, Claire!” he called. “I have to go now. I have to pick up Andy.”

  When he got to the Kahns’ condo, Andy’s father answered the door. He had a newspaper in his hand and looked at Robby like he was crazy. “But you already picked Andy up!” he said.

  Robby stared at him. Lamely he said, “No, I didn’t.”

  “Well, that’s odd. Ruth! Gabe!” he called to his family. When they appeared he asked, “Didn’t Andy say Robby was here and he had to go?”

  Gabe shrugged, but Ruth said, “Yes. He picked up his satchel of books and his coat and took off out the door.”

  “And there was someone outside? Did he get in their car?”

  “I think so. I heard a car engine and heard the car leave. I didn’t watch them,” Ruth said. Her face had become strained with worry.

  “Well, what could have happened? Could someone else have picked him up?” Mr. Kahn looked at Robby.

  An awful feeling was growing in Robby’s stomach. He remembered what Andy had said about Smartass continuing to harass him. What if he had kidnapped Andy? It was absurd, but what else could it be?

  “Let me try calling him again.”

  He took his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and pressed Andy’s number with his thumb. He held the receiver to his ear and waited. To his surprise the phone was answered. “Andy?” he said.

  “No, not Andrea, you fag. We’ve got her, and wait until you see what we’ll do to her.” The call disconnected.

  Robby tried to get them back on the line, but just then his phone died. “Damn, I left the charger at home.” He stared at the phone in his hand, then told the Kahns, “That was Smartass, I think. Bradley Dunbar is his real name. The guy you called the cops and principal on. He and his friends have Andy.”

  “Oh, my little girl,” Ruth said. Robby realized that in the stress of this situation, she had completely forgotten that Andy was her little boy now. She put her hand to her mouth and started crying.

  Mr. Kahn announced, “Gabe, stay with your mother. Robby and I will go look for your brother.”

  Robby volunteered, “I’ll take my car. We can cover more area that way.” Mr. Kahn agreed, and they left, leaving a weeping Ruth in the house with a helpless Gabe in case Andy came home.

  Andy’s dad said, “Robby, I’ll go look around the school, but you should go look at the parks and necking places. They might know how dark they are and take him there to scare him.”

  It hit Robby that he didn’t know if Andy’s mom was going to call the police. He decided to call home and tell his mother and Claire what was happening. He picked up his phone and started to punch numbers, but he remembered his phone was dead. “Shit!” he shouted and threw the phone on the car floor. He would have to turn around and go home to tell them.

  He tore into the parking lot of the complex and didn’t even try to park in a registered spot. He saw his mother and Claire coming out of the building and dashed to them.

  “Smartass and his friends kidnapped Andy! I don’t know where they would take him.”

  His mother was unable to respond in any coherent way, but Claire said, “Omigod. My phone has been missing all day. Last night Kathy Gianaris came over. Our backpacks look the same. I figured she grabbed mine. My keys and phone were in it. I was going to get them from her Monday.”

  “Doesn’t she hang out with Grease?” Robby asked. Her sick look told him the answer was yes.

  “Robby, aren’t you getting carried away? How do you know that this Ass fellow took Andy?” His mother was, as usual, dismissing him.

  He shouted at her, “Because the asshole told me he had him.”

  “Oh,” his mom said. “Where would he take him?”

  Robby bit his lower lip and thought fast. “I wish I had that GPS thingy on my phone so we could tell where Claire’s phone is. If Kathy has it and she’s with Grease and Smartass, it could show us where they have Andy.”

  Their mother cleared her throat. “Well, actually, I have that. I have both your phones on it so I know where you are.” She looked like she was prepared to be screamed at or hit.

  Instead both Robby and Claire grabbed her and kissed her. “Thank God!” Robby said.

  He snatched his mother’s phone from her hand as she drew it out of her purse.

  “Call my phone,” Claire commanded.

  He punched the buttons for Claire’s number, but halfway through his mother said, “Just do star-02.”

  He looked at his mother and asked, both sarcastically and somewhat hopefully, “I suppose I’m star-01?”

  “No, that’s 9-1-1,” she replied.

  “I should’ve guessed,” he said. He hit star-02. The phone on the other end rang several times, then was answered. “Yeah, whaddya want?”

  “What does it say?” Claire was bouncing on her toes.

  “Let me see,” he said. Robby looked at the tiny screen and chose the app for the GPS. It showed a small map. He looked at it, trying to identify the location. Just as the person on the other end hung up, he saw what he needed to know. “The high school! Or somewhere near it.”

  Claire ran to the car and got into the driver’s seat. The keys were still in the ignition. “Let’s go!”

  “But I have to call Ivy. She’s expecting us to come pick her up to take her to Olympia. And shouldn’t we call the police first?” their mother asked, her voice shaking with nerves. “I tell you what. I’ll stay here and call from our home phone. You go, and the police will meet you there.” She turned and headed for the apartment vestibule.

  Robby hopped into the car, still holding his mother’s cell phone. Claire had already stepped on the gas, and he almost didn’t make it into the seat. He pulled the door closed as the car sped away.

  At the high school, Claire drove into the parking lot and parked haphazardly in the principal’s spot. She leaped out of the car. “Where should we look?”

  Robby had no idea. He got out of the car and glanced around. “I guess we should just check around the outside. The school is locked. They can’t have gotten in.”

  Claire ran to the building and tried the door anyway. “Nope, you’re right. Let’s go to the sports field.”

  As she and Robby came around the building and into the space behind it, they could see a small group of students walking away from one end of the football field. “There they are!” Claire called.

  It was too late for Smartass and his friends to scatter. Or maybe they just wanted a confrontation. Robby saw the tallest of the kids hanging back, while the others were urging him to leave with them. As he approached he saw, as he suspected, that the tall kid was Bradley Dunbar himself. And there, not far from Bradley, was another figure. Robby’s heart almost stopped. It was Andy! He was tied to the single vertical part of the goalpost, and he was completely naked.

  The other kids with Smartass hung back, seemingly not wanting to leave but not wanting to get caught. Robby heard his sister spit, “Kathy! You bitch!” He thought he recognized the girl who was running back in the direction of the school building.

  “Smartass, let’s go!” said the boy known as Smack.

  “It’s too late for that now,” Robby said. “I see you and Grease too, and one of the girls.”

  “Tha
t’s Sophie DeNardo,” Claire informed him.

  “No, it’s not,” said Smartass. “It’s your pretty little girlfriend, Andrea. Can you see it? She’s got a pussy!”

  Robby raced to Andy and tried to see how to untie him. As Bradley claimed, Andy had a girl’s genitals, and without the binder, his breasts showed. He took off his jacket and tried to cover Andy from the waist down.

  “Just get me untied, you jerk,” Andy said.

  “I’m trying,” Robby said, struggling with the knots in the plasticized rope Smartass had used. He managed to get one of the knots loose.

  Claire was screaming at the boys and Sophie. “You pigs! How could you do a thing like this? Don’t you know this is a crime? A felony? It’s kidnapping, and you can go to prison for that.”

  Smartass sneered, “Andy’s a freak. And my dad is a lawyer. We’ll get a slap on the wrist.”

  “I’m eighteen,” called Smack. “And you are too now, Smartass.”

  “Me too,” said Grease. “I’d be tried as an adult.”

  As he struggled with another knot, Andy squirming to untie the same one, Robby said, “You all are.”

  “Call my mom and dad,” begged Andy.

  “My phone is dead.”

  “But Mom’s isn’t. What’s your number?” Claire had their mother’s phone in her hand.

  Andy gave their home phone number, and Claire called it. They could hear her hurriedly speaking into the phone.

  By the time the knot came loose, all the kids but Smartass had run away. Andy shook his arms to knock the ropes off. “Where are my clothes?”

  Bradley raised one arm and shook the wad of clothing he had in that hand. “I have them.”

  Andy roared and charged him. He stepped away, but Andy changed course and knocked him to the ground. In an instant Andy was on him, punching him in the face.