Karma

by RJ Blain

  For better or worse, the FBI didn’t just hand out numbers to people unless there was a legitimate reason. “Shit.”

  “I think you have something to say to me.”

  Damn the man for being right. I slumped in the chair, closed my eyes, and mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s a start.”

  Jake was worse than a dog with a bone, chewing, chewing, chewing until he reached the marrow and ate up every last scrap. While I had mastered the art of the silent stare, he wouldn’t back down when he knew without doubt he was right. Sometimes he had the grace to say his piece and allow me to stew on it until I came to the conclusion he had been right all along.

  The rest of the time, he kept on chewing until I acknowledged the truth of his words.

  “You’re a son of a bitch, you know that?” I couldn’t open my eyes. If I did, the misery I’d been carrying around would bubble out. My unhappiness would probably manifest as tears.

  When I cracked and cried, it was ugly, ugly, ugly. My face would splotch, I’d inevitably throw up, and the unavoidable headache would flatten me for hours.

  No one needed to see that.

  “All right. All right. I’m a son of a bitch.” Jake pressed his thumb to my cheek and wiped, and to my horror, I realized my face was wet. “They really did a number on you, didn’t they?”

  I breathed until the trembling stopped and my eyes didn’t burn quite so much. Admitting the truth Daniels had so directly told me hurt. “I did it to me.”

  “There you go accepting all the blame again. You really need to stop doing that.”

  “It’s true. I could have done a lot more. I didn’t have to accept being a stupid sunken anchor. I should have requested a transfer to a different division.” I rubbed the back of my hand against my face, relieved there didn’t seem to be any more tears leaking out.

  Jake snorted and gave one of my ponytails a tug. “I really didn’t recognize you dressed like this.”

  “That was the idea,” I mumbled, grateful for the change of subject and too embarrassed to do anything other than go with his flow to safer waters.

  “You probably would make a fortune as a prostitute. If you’re looking for a side job, I do have cash in my wallet.”

  The safer waters were a lie, a very tempting lie. Jake had seen me naked, but it was a two-way street, and I had seen him, too. There was a very good looking man lurking under his crisp white shirt and dress slacks. I worked very hard to never, ever think about Jake like that.

  That road led to very dangerous places, places I should never explore with a partner. “You couldn’t afford me.” Somehow, I managed to sound confident when I wanted to run away and hide. With luck, my tears would have made a mess of my makeup, which in turn would cover the blush undoubtedly turning my cheeks red.

  When I did blush, there was zero chance of hiding it with my skin as pale as it was.

  “You might be surprised how much I’d be willing to pay,” Jake whispered in my ear. “Try me.”

  “F-fraternization,” I stammered.

  “Waiver.”

  “Fraternization!” I repeated, my voice rising an octave.

  “I read the waiver at least three times. You can’t kill people without just cause, you can’t commit any major felonies—prostitution is not a major felony—and you can’t compromise the government or any of its employees. Fraternization is an internal rule within the FBI. We could fraternize all night long, and we have a wonderful, wonderful piece of paper saying it’s a-okay. And anyway, the FBI has surprisingly lax rules when it comes to fraternization. There are plenty of married couples within the Bureau.” Jake made a pleased sound. “I’m liking that waiver more and more.”

  “Jake!”

  “What? Karma, have you ever looked in the mirror? Ever? Even once? Jesus, woman.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I was proud of myself; I didn’t shriek.

  “It means you’re a damned beautiful woman, that’s what.”

  There were moments in my life when I felt like I had slammed into a wall, coming to a full halt as reality hit me like a speeding truck. Receiving confirmation of my acceptance into CARD had been one of those moments.

  I spluttered, but my tongue twisted, and I couldn’t force out a word. The burn of my blush intensified. Finally, I gasped, “Jake!”

  “What?”

  “Shameless. You’re shameless.”

  “You haven’t started screaming or trying to kill me yet. That’s promising. As an added bonus, you’re not crying anymore, either.” Jake pulled on my ponytail a little harder, then I felt his hands working at the hairband. After a few muttered curses, he freed my hair before working on the second ponytail. “How long have you been a redhead?”

  “Since I went to New York. I used to wear contacts, too.”

  “To turn your eyes brown. I heard one of those assholes on your team took a potshot at you over it. He managed to piss off everyone in hearing distance, too, and then once word spread, the rest of the office was in a bit of a snit over it. Honestly, I’m a little tired of hearing about how you pulled out your contacts, stared at him with the fires of hell burning in your pretty amber eyes, and quit.”

  I cracked open an eye. Jake’s attention was focused on my hair, which he was playing with. He had a lock wrapped around one of his fingers, rubbing the strands together.

  Like all office gossip, someone had blown the entire thing out of proportion. “A bit of a snit?”

  “They were pissed. Lots of folks there seem to like you despite the fact you haven’t talked to hardly anyone. You do your job, you don’t complain about anything, and you don’t make things difficult for anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Thus, you’re the Patron Saint of Patience.” Jake huffed. “You should have kicked their pathetic asses. They weren’t watching your back, and you know it.”

  “I know.”

  “You’ll just have to deal with me watching your back. If you don’t get your act straightened out, I’m going to pistol whip your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week. I’ll keep doing it until you set that so-called team of ours straight. I’m not going to do it for you, but I’ll be right there with you the entire time. Got it?”

  I swallowed, knowing he was right. Some things I needed to do for myself. Respect had to be earned, but if my hard work hadn’t been enough, it never would be. Jake was right about too many things. I should have stood up for myself, refusing to accept being made the weak link, nothing more than a paper-shuffling anchor. “Got it.”

  “Good.” Jake untangled his hand from my hair. “You need a nice hot meal and a soak. I may have picked this hotel because it has rooms with jacuzzis. After everything you’ve been dealing with lately, I thought you could use a little bit of luxury.”

  If Jake was trying to make me cry, he was doing a good job of it. I gulped down a few breaths and blinked until my eyes didn’t sting quite so much. “You’re being too nice to me.”

  “That’s a pretty lame thing to complain about.”

  “Well, you are!”

  “I’m going to give you a choice, Karma Johnson. You can go take a nice hot soak and let me order you something good to eat. Then you’ll put some clothes on. Real clothes, not those slutty scraps of fabric imitating clothes. You can do so without complaint.”

  “Or what?” I demanded, rising to his challenge despite the fact a soak in a jacuzzi sounded pretty good.

  “I wasn’t really planning on giving you a choice,” he admitted cheerfully.

  I scowled. “And how exactly were you going to accomplish that?”

  “Handcuffs?”

  “Why are you asking me? That’s not supposed to be a question. Why did you phrase that as a question?”

  “It’s a very hopeful question? I’m pretty sure you would try your very best to kill me if I tried to handcuff you without your consent. I know exactly how dangerous you are.”

  Jake was doing a pretty good job of confusing me. “What the
hell are you talking about?”

  “The subtle approach doesn’t seem to be working.” Jake matched my scowl with one of his own. “You’re really going to make me say this, aren’t you? You’re going to make me say it, and I’ll be giving you a reason to try to pistol whip or kill me.”

  “Murdering my partner is listed on the waiver as something I’m not allowed to do.”

  Jake leaned forward, his cheek brushing against mine as he whispered in my ear, “Fine. Since you’re either being deliberately dense to drive me insane or you’re even more clueless than I thought, let me spell this out for you. Put on some real clothes, or I’m going to handcuff you and have my way with you. That outfit is killing me in all the right ways. I want you so much it hurts. Is that clear enough for you?”

  “Oh.” I’d heard every sexual joke about handcuffs in the book, and as a general rule, they annoyed me. In reality, handcuffs weren’t comfortable to wear. They were designed to be unpleasant. Something about the thought of Jake handling the handcuffs, however, had the blush on my cheeks spreading down my neck.

  I took a moment to consider my situation very carefully.

  Thanks to the waiver, fraternization was legal for us. Jake in a suit killed me in all the right ways when I was woman enough to admit the truth.

  When had been the last time I had wanted to sleep with someone? It had been too long. Had I still been in college? Probably. It certainly hadn’t been during my days in the FBI. I’d been used as bait one too many times, and my partner back then hadn’t been fast enough to save me—and hadn’t cared.

  Jake was one of the few men I didn’t flinch around; he made me feel safe.

  To make matters worse, Jake had definitely been the last man who had seen me naked. Then, I had been covered in blood and handcuffing a criminal who had tried to kill me.

  Had Jake always been attracted to me? Had I never noticed? I frowned.

  Despite his proclamation, I still felt safe. With Jake, no meant no.

  He wouldn’t touch me unless I wanted him to.

  Most men would have been impatient, but Jake simply kept leaning over me, his breath warming my throat while he waited. How often did a good man who was ready and willing to wait come around?

  Not often. I’d seen enough violent crimes, enough rapes, and enough murders to understand just how volatile people could get. I’d been on the receiving end, too, emerging with scars I hid from the world.

  While I had joked about taking the sexy high school approach on the phone with Daniels, I hadn’t considered Jake would actually find me that attractive in it. He was right; I was dense.

  “I think that was pretty clear,” I admitted, realizing I had left him standing there for at least a couple of minutes.

  Some things couldn’t be rushed too much.

  “Are you going to go change your clothes?”

  All field agents injured or traumatized in the line of duty saw a psychologist, and mine had wanted me to expand my boundaries, especially with men. Jake met every last one of his suggested criteria for overcoming my emotional traumas. He worked within law enforcement, he had a sterling record, and had the build of someone who could easily overpower me.

  If I could handle any form of intimacy with Jake, the wounded part of me I hid from everyone, even him, would heal. If I found the courage to test the waters, I could find out just how close of a partner he could be.

  I understood the risks I ran by even considering having sex with him; there were reasons for fraternization rules, and no one wanted to watch a partnership melt down because of sex. Would we work well together when morning came? I thought so.

  If Jake had been driven by sex, he would have made a move long before we had gone our separate ways. The thought of making love with him intensified my blush. Once upon a time, before I had joined the FBI, I had enjoyed sex, and his close proximity reminded me of that fact.

  If I wanted him, he was mine to take. My breath caught in my throat.

  Jake waited.

  I angled my head so I could whisper in his ear, “What are you going to do if I don’t, Thomas? Arrest me?”

  There were advantages to being short and flexible. I slid my way off the chair. The instant I hit the floor, I rolled through Jake’s legs and jumped onto my bed, turned to face him, and blew him a raspberry. “Catch me if you can, Officer.”

  Jake’s brows rose, and he reached into his back pocket to pull out his handcuffs. “You have the right to remain silent—if you can.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  I was going to have to review the FBI’s rules on fraternization very, very carefully.

  “Marry me.” I rubbed my wrists to restore circulation after spending a rather long time wearing my own handcuffs. While Jake had his own, he had stolen mine during my efforts to evade him. If anyone had told me running around a hotel room to avoid being handcuffed could be so much fun, I never would have believed them.

  Jake had narrowed my world to the thrill of the chase. When he had finally caught me, he left no room for anything other than passion stronger than anything I’d ever experienced. My psychologist had been right; finding the right man would make all the difference in the world for me.

  I hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time, and I sure as hell couldn’t remember when I had felt so damned relaxed.

  I glanced at my handcuffs, which Jake had set on the dresser within easy reach. Did Jake even believe in marriage? I hadn’t asked—hadn’t considered the possibility of wanting to spend my life with anyone.

  If I married Jake while the waiver was valid, what would it mean for our careers? How could I have been partners with him for so long without realizing he had every last quality I wanted in a man?

  Damn, I really was dense.

  Jake smirked at me and said, “Okay.”

  “Wait, what?” I froze, then realized what should have been a very, very private thought had popped out of my mouth.

  “Yes, I accept your proposal of marriage.” Jake whistled a merry tune and headed into the bathroom. “You need to soak or you’re going to be sore tomorrow. I’ll call for room service. I should have called for dinner first.”

  “It’s okay.” My stomach betrayed me by gurgling its demands for food. Jake leaned out of the bathroom and glared at me. “What? Is it possible to get room service this late?”

  “It better be, or we’re going to have to get dressed and find something open. Get your pretty ass into the jacuzzi and soak. We have an early day tomorrow.”

  I flopped my way off the bed onto the floor, landing on my stomach with a grunt. Drumming my fingers on the carpet, I considered whether or not I had enough energy to get up and walk. Crawling could work.

  I could doggy paddle for three fucking miles, but Jake had managed to tire out every last muscle in my body. “I’m done. I can’t move. You win.”

  From my prone position between the beds, I got a good look at Jake’s legs. Mine were definitely better, but he had been working out during his time in HRT, and I appreciated a man with muscular legs.

  He leaned over so he could stare at me. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “In all the right ways,” I reported. “Satisfied? Now could you please help me up?”

  Laughing, he crossed the room, bent over, and worked his arm beneath me, lifting me up by my waist and tucking me to his side. His laughter died away. “You don’t even weigh a hundred pounds.”

  I squeaked and grabbed hold of his arm so he wouldn’t drop me. “How the hell did you do that!”

  “I might spend some time at the gym to keep in shape. Unlike you, I also eat a suitable diet.”

  “Apparently.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “You probably don’t want to marry me,” I confessed, maintaining my death hold on his arm. I wasn’t that far from the ground, but the carpet didn’t look very welcoming, and I had already landed on it once. “We both know I’m married to work.”

  I was ready to file for a divorce
from it, too, although Jake’s reappearance in my life and career gave me some hope I’d be able to salvage the mess I had made.

  Jake chuckled. “Oddly enough, so am I. It’s perfect. We can be married to our work while married to each other. Anyway, it’s too late. I already accepted your proposal.”

  Maybe I hadn’t been the only one to snap since I had joined CARD. “You’re insane, aren’t you?”

  Jake set me on my feet long enough to get his arms under my back and knees. He picked me up again and unceremoniously dumped me in the jacuzzi. “My first act as an engaged man is to do my sacred duty of hunting food for my woman while she enjoys the nice hot bath I prepared.”

  I spluttered, wiping water and soap suds off my face. “I didn’t mean to say it out loud, damn it!”

  “I am not above taking advantage of your moment of weakness, especially when it works so well in my favor.” Jake strutted out of the bathroom, and a moment later, I heard him speaking to someone on the phone. When he returned, he was wearing his dark gray bathrobe and had his phone in his hand. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me now. Don’t worry, it’ll be business as usual with the addition of certain amusements when we’re forced to share a hotel room, a practice I already told Daniels was non-negotiable. That said, I’ll buy you a ring. You can use it to drive our co-workers insane as they try to discover the identity of the man lucky enough to win you.”

  Sometimes, ignoring Jake’s insanity worked best. “You told Daniels about the shower incident, didn’t you?”

  “It’s in both of our files, remember? However, I may have drawn his attention to that case. He was both horrified and impressed, then he started looking rather worried.”

  “That was a close call, one I never want to repeat.” I paddled my hands on the surface of the water, relaxing under the influence of the rumbling jets. Most of Jake’s attention was focused on his phone. “What are you doing?”

  “Looking up the logistics of acquiring a marriage license so I can marry you. I thought that was obvious.”