Fear You

by B. B. Reid

  “Ahhhh!” Mario screamed. When he recognized who had intruded on our meeting, his face paled from more than just pain. “Arthur.”

  “Mario… it’s been a long time.”

  “Big fucking mistake showing your face,” he threatened even as he clutched his arm. Blood gushed from the wound.

  “I believe I was invited.” Arthur smiled and looked past Mario. “I have to say, Keiran, your work is a little sloppy, but with a little training, you’ll be one of my best. Good job.”

  Mario looked back at me with accusation in his eyes. “You set me up!”

  “You should thank me. I did you a favor.” I threw his words from earlier back in his face with a smirk.

  “Speaking of favors… you held up your end, so I’ll hold up mine. Mario’s blood type is O negative. Kill him and his lungs are yours. I have a surgeon waiting on standby as we speak.

  Shit. This was not part of the plan. I was planning for at least one death today, but it couldn’t be by my hands. If I refused, Arthur would become suspicious. I wracked my brain until I found the best excuse.

  “We don’t know if it’s compatible. Keenan’s body could reject the lungs.”

  “I don’t give a shit about your brother. I only said I would get you a lung. Take it or leave it.” There was no way in hell I was putting a piece of this scumbag inside my brother and using his lungs only for them to fail and kill him anyway.

  Fuck pretending.

  “I am not going to help kill my brother.”

  Arthur’s expression became clouded as we stared each other down.

  “Maybe with the proper motivation, you’ll see things my way.” He turned to one of his men and said, “Bring her in.”

  My heart fell to stomach. I knew without seeing who her was. She was unconscious and flung over the shoulder of the man who brought her in. When she was dropped carelessly on the gym floor and started to stir, I started forward but was held back by every gun pointing at me.

  Mario’s outrageous laughter was the only sound in the building. “Did you think it was going to be that easy, kid?”

  The butt of a gun slammed into the back of his skull knocking him unconscious as he continued to bleed out.

  “I needed a little reassurance that this wasn’t a setup, but, after all, you did say I could have her.” He peered down at Lake, a lustful grin spreading wide. “She will make an excellent addition to my stable.”

  I took one last look at Monroe whose eyes were open but had not found me.

  “Do you remember what I told you, Arthur?” I watched the confidence fade from his eyes. “If you touched her again, I would kill you… even if I had to die with you.” The gun I used to kill my mother was in my hand before any of them could react.

  I would have to die today. I should have died a long time ago.

  “No!” I heard her scream just as both gym doors burst open and a collection of “Freeze” and “Put your weapons down” echoed.

  I knew what her intentions were the moment she jumped to her feet and ran over to me.

  “Lake, no!” I screamed.

  She threw up her arms around me as if to protect me, and I only had a split second to realize that one of Arthur’s men still had his aim on her head.

  I moved, but it was too late. The bullet hit.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” I whispered.

  Her expression had turned from fear to shock before her body dropped to the floor.

  * * *

  May 27th

  Dear Diary,

  They took him away today…

  Willow says I’m free.

  Freedom means possibilities of happiness.

  So why does freedom feel so empty?

  Is it wrong to miss him? Is it sick? Is it twisted?

  I think it’s all of those things and more.

  It’s painful.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Lake

  “Seeing you like this is hard. You don’t look the same. You don’t feel the same… and I have a feeling when you wake up, you won’t be the same.”

  I touched the hand lying casually on the bedsheet.

  “Is that true?”

  The silence was louder than the shrillest scream.

  “I only wished I could have saved you. I realize now there are more people who have hurt you than people you have hurt.”

  I laid my head in his lap, and for the first time, I didn’t feel shame for my tears. It had been nearly twenty-four hours since Keiran took a bullet for me.

  The fear I felt the last ten years was nothing compared to the utter desolation that brought me to my knees seconds before he fell. It didn’t seem real until his blood soaked through his shirt. I’d attempted to stop it, but it only covered my fingers.

  I didn’t feel Dash’s hands grab me, but when I felt the distance between me and my tormentor, my enemy, and my love, as it grew, I started to fight. All I could think was that he needed me. How he would die if I didn’t help. How I would die if he didn’t survive.

  Dash was forced to toss me over his shoulder to get me to safety. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but when Keiran was shot, a gunfight had erupted around us. I didn’t know who had died or who lived, including Keiran.

  Outside, Willow and Sheldon had been waiting to take me away. As Willow drove us away¸ I stared at his blood on my hands. I remember wondering how long it would be before I stopped seeing it there. Was that how he saw himself? Was it why he was so tortured?

  I fell asleep wondering about the eight-year-old boy who grew up in a nightmare.

  * * *

  “But, Mama, why do you have to go? Can’t only daddy go?”

  “Oh, no! My little girl doesn’t love me anymore!” He held his chest and dropped to his knee in front of me.

  “Oh, Daddy, don’t be silly. Of course, I love you.”

  “You like Mommy better than me?”

  “Well…”

  He looked as if he would cry, and I frowned when I thought I really hurt him. “Don’t cry, Daddy. Mommy’s a girl so I can play with her. Girl’s aren’t supposed to play with boys.”

  He laughed, kissed my cheek, and ruffled my hair, messing up the pigtails my mother had done that morning. “Just remember that, baby and Daddy will live a long time.”

  “Can’t you both stay? Oh! I know! I can come with you.” I picked up my book bag and started for the car.

  Daddy laughed and scooped me up, sandwiching me between him and Mommy.

  “Sweetheart, we would love to stay with you, but we have a very special trip, and it’s no place for you.”

  “Is it bad?”

  A look I didn’t understand passed between them before they both looked toward the pretty house that belonged to my aunt. She was my mother’s sister and really nice. I always wished for a little sister to play with, and every birthday, I wished even harder. Sometimes, they were too busy to play with me, and I got lonely.

  “Come on, Lake. It’s time for Mommy and Daddy to go.” I hung tighter around my daddy’s neck, not wanting them to leave.

  “Daddy, don’t leave,” I cried. He desperately tried to wipe away my tears, but they fell fast and hard. This wasn’t the first time they had left me, but this time felt different. It felt wrong.

  My aunt had to pry me away from them, and when she finally held me, I buried my head in her shoulder and wailed.

  Even through my cries, I could still hear my aunt whisper, “Be careful.”

  * * *

  One of my favorite memories was the way my dad would rub my hair and sing me out of a nightmare when I was a child. Sometimes, our memories were so vivid they would begin to look and feel real.

  Somewhere far away a male voice whispered and soothed, and I felt myself relax into sleep. I curled closer to the softness against my cheek and smiled from the comfort of him rubbing my hair. I missed this.

  “How long has she been asleep?”

  “I don’t know. I woke up about an hour ago and she was here.” I
frowned as the voices became clearer, and the familiarity was unlike how I remembered by father’s voice, but then… it had been a long time.

  So who was the other voice? It sounded familiar, too.

  “Are you sure you want to do this, man?”

  Quentin.

  “I can’t take the risk again. It was a mistake.”

  Keiran!

  My head shot up from the bed when I finally recognized who the voice belonged to.

  Keiran is awake.

  “Keiran?” He was sitting up against the pillows watching me. A day’s worth of stubble covered his lower face and his features looked worn.

  I moved forward to hug him, but the cold look that grew in his eyes stopped me. “Is… is everything okay?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You—you were shot. I wanted to be here when you woke up.”

  “I’m awake. You can leave now.”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat and asked the only question I could manage. “Why?”

  “Because you don’t belong here.”

  “But you’re here because of me.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself.”

  “I was there, Keiran. You saved me.”

  “No. You almost got me killed. I wouldn’t have been shot if you weren’t in the way.”

  My heart was grasping at straws as I tried to come to terms with what he was saying. I was smart enough to know it was all an attempt to protect me, but it didn’t lessen the pain.

  “Keiran, don’t do this. I know you want to protect me, but this isn’t the way.”

  “Protect you? I needed you out of the way. You suddenly decided to grow some self-respect and started talking to the cops. Lucky for me, you proved to be just like every… other… braindead female. All I had to do was show you a little attention, get you to spread your legs, and then you gave in.”

  “I wasn’t the only one who gave in, Keiran. You aren’t immune to me.”

  The door opened and John, Willow, Dash, Sheldon, and their parents all poured in.

  “Maybe not, but I am bored with you. Gosh… even your parents couldn’t get away soon enough. They practically committed suicide.”

  The final blow to my heart was exacting. I stumbled back while he continued to assault me with his icy stare. I looked for a break in his demeanor or a sign that this might be a ruse after all, but none came.

  “You sorry son of a bitch!” Willow growled. She started forward, but Dash quickly grabbed her up in a desperate attempt to restrain her.

  “You don’t ever disappoint, do you?” Sheldon sneered with hatred spewing from her gaze.

  He didn’t flinch. Not even a flicker of acknowledgment or remorse.

  When he lifted his chin and indicated for me to leave, I finally found my voice.

  “I spent my whole life afraid of you. You were the monster under the bed and the devil who stole my soul.”

  Everyone was silent as all eyes remained on us.

  They would all know. They would all see.

  Don’t think. Just feel.

  “From the moment I met you, you did everything you could to hurt me. You pushed me, you ridiculed me, you isolated me. You used me to fight a ghost instead of fighting your demons like a coward.”

  I balled my fists at my side in anger. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to see what it felt like to be hurt by someone who counted.

  “You’re weak, Keiran. And now you’re the one who is afraid.”

  Breathe.

  “We have history. A tragic love story that should never have began. But it did. And it started the summer I lost my parents, and then I found you instead. For ten years, I told myself they abandoned me. Deep down, I knew they were dead, but it all still felt the same. And I hated them for it.”

  Breathe.

  “I guess that’s something we have in common. We both learned how to hate before we knew how to love.”

  My eyes were glued to his although my vision had long since blurred as I allowed my tears to fall freely.

  I can do this.

  I repeated it to myself, but it became harder and harder to speak.

  “You aren’t the guy you think you are. You are so much worse. To make me fall in love with you and then run away—” I took another deep breath. “You wanted to destroy me, Keiran… Well, you have. You broke me just like they broke you.”

  I turned my back on him for the last time and took a deep breath. “I heard you… before you left. I heard you, and now I see that you were right. You don’t deserve to love me.”

  I walked out on the last person I would ever risk losing.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Keiran

  “You’re about as stupid as they come,” John scolded as soon as the door closed. Willow and Sheldon had already run after Lake. The Chambers chose to wait outside but not before shooting me a disapproving look.

  I sunk down in the bed to sulk. “I’m not in the mood. You guys should leave, too.”

  “Or what? You’ll break our hearts, too?”

  I rolled out of the hospital bed holding my chest. Luckily, the man who shot favored his aim to the right of my heart, but the steady throbbing came from my left and had nothing to do with the wound.

  “What’s wrong?” Dash asked. “Is it your wound?”

  “It’s all my wounds, man.”

  For once, the two of them decided to shut the fuck up. I sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the railing to keep from running after her.

  When I woke up and saw her lying there sleeping peacefully, all I could bring myself to feel was relief that she wasn’t hurt. She clung to me in her sleep as if she needed me. I was content to just sit and watch her sleep, but I needed to know she was safe.

  I called Quentin, who had been waiting outside. As it turns out, he was the one to kill the man who shot me while Dash pulled Lake to safety, both risking their own lives and their freedom for her… and for me.

  They had been there the entire time waiting in the sound room and recording every moment of the meeting. I hadn’t gathered all the evidence I had wanted, but there was enough to put them both away for a long time.

  The only hiccup was that Arthur was never meant to walk out of the gymnasium alive. He was too connected, and in a matter of days, he would be out of jail and free to come after us. Mario was supposed to kill Arthur and to be caught red-handed. The plan was doomed to fail from the start, but it was the only option. I was supposed to be the only one at risk. After planning everything out, I gave Quentin and Dash the strict instructions to keep filming. No matter what happened, I was not to be saved.

  It all changed when Lake was brought in. My only mission became to save her. I wanted to be the very person I grew up hating. I wanted to be her hero.

  A lot of fucking good that did me.

  I managed to keep her from harm only to hurt her again, but after finding out from Quentin that Arthur was still alive, I was left with no choice. The further I stayed away from her, the safer she’d be. I would protect her from a distance.

  Quentin tried to talk me out of it by pointing out that Lake was taken by Arthur when she had shown up at my house looking for me. Arthur had stopped by looking for a sign that I was setting him up. When she stumbled across them, he decided to take her as collateral instead. John had already been at the hospital with Keenan.

  The decision to leave her alone wasn’t easy. In a small space of time, I searched for another way to be with her and to keep her safe but came up short.

  Who the fuck was I kidding anyway? Marriage, children, and Sunday morning pancakes weren’t in the cards for me. Eventually, she would want more, and I would once again become the monster that tormented her in high school when I realized I was unable to give her what she needed.

  She didn’t need me.

  She needed security and someone good.

  I gave up on being good a long time ago.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Dash asked, repe
ating the question Quentin had asked. I looked up realizing I’d forgotten they were in the room.

  “I’m more than sure, and even if I wasn’t, it’s too late.”

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “Because I know hate when I see it.”

  It was the only thing left in her eyes for me when she walked out.

  * * *

  The detectives finally showed up later that day to begin their interrogation. At the end of it, I wasn’t being handcuffed to the bed, but I was warned they would keep in touch. Dash managed to get them the video of Mario confessing to killing Anya, Trevor, and Lake’s parents, and then Arthur killing Mario’s men. It all looked like a chance meeting that happened while taping my skills for basketball scouts, instead of intentionally setting anyone up to be murdered.

  After the detectives had left, I worked up the courage to visit Keenan, but when I got to his room, I was surprised by the sight of Sheldon at his bedside.

  Keenan was asleep, and from the way Sheldon held herself, I could tell she had no intention of waking him. I watched her silently cry over him for long moments before she finally noticed me.

  “Dash said they had to give him medication for the pain.”

  I nodded my head and watched her fall apart. I envied her ability to cry. To openly shed her sorrow, her pain, her fears. I don’t remember ever being able to cry. Not even for my brother, who was dying because of me.

  “He’s…d—dying.”

  “I know.” My plan to secure a lung for Keenan had failed, and I would live with the guilt and failure long after he was gone.

  “You know?” Her eyes turned cold as she glared at me. “Then why don’t you do something?”

  “I tried, Sheldon. I thought—”

  “But you didn’t think! You always did what you wanted to do because you were the big, bad, Keiran Masters. All he ever wanted was to love you, and you couldn’t even show him just a little affection. His parents didn’t care enough to just be there. And with you, he thought he had a chance, but you just wouldn’t—” Her voice caught, and I could see her tremble from across the room as she hung her head. When she finally met my eyes again, they were full of hatred. “It should have been you.”