The Widow and the Rock Star

by J. Thomas-Like

  Chapter 48

  “I’m so sorry.” Gabriel poured himself another cup of coffee and stood in the tiny kitchen with Pepper. “I had no idea she would wake up.”

  “It’s okay, Gabe. No harm done.” Pepper smiled lovingly, but she was trying her best not to laugh. Gabriel was always so eager to please, and it usually went awry, though not as loudly as it had a few moments ago. Pepper loved him all the more for it. They took their coffee to the living room and made themselves comfortable on the couch while they waited.

  Before they’d left California, Pepper had called Jake Rushmore to fill him in on Vivienne’s sudden disappearance. Properly sympathetic and contrite after having bitched Pepper out for calling at such an unholy hour, he’d actually gotten out of bed at 4 a.m. and hauled his ass over to the Ritz. Using his considerable influence to gain entrance to her room, Jake had retrieved Vivienne’s luggage and then passed it off to Pepper and Gabriel as their limo pulled up to the hotel. Pepper gave him her promise that she would keep in contact as soon as she knew what was going on herself.

  While Vivienne slept for two days, Pepper made it a point to finish all the laundry and put it away. Gabriel had brought Vivienne’s suitcases over from the hotel and spent time keeping vigil with Pepper. The first twenty-four hours were quiet as Vivienne slept the sleep of one truly exhausted from her ordeal. But as she moved into the next phase of her slumber, Pepper got worried. She watched as her best friend thrashed around in the throes of what surely were vicious nightmares. Whispering soothing words and stroking her back was all she could do to try and pacify Vivienne. Gabriel agreed to stay the second night, camping out in the spare bedroom while Pepper got up every hour to check on Viv. The fits had finally abated around three in the morning. Pepper was too exhausted to go back to Gabriel and had fallen asleep beside Vivienne.

  Pepper rubbed her eyes and sipped more coffee as Vivienne walked into the living room, carrying her own cup. She curled up in the only spot left on the couch.

  “You look good.” Pepper eyed her closely. “Your eyes are clear.”

  “I feel a lot better. I owe it all to you.” She drank some coffee. “Thanks for bringing up the clean clothes.”

  “Pffft, twarn’t nuttin’.” Pepper flipped her a salute.

  “It’s your turn.” Vivienne sipped her coffee. “Tell me everything. How did you get here so fast?”

  Pepper swiveled her head back at Gabriel and then to Vivienne.

  “Who has two thumbs and is dating a guy with his own private jet?” Pepper asked, turning her eyes up to the ceiling. “This girl. We met the night of the premiere Will took us to. He was the date I left for.”

  Vivienne sighed and smiled genuinely for the first time in days, Pepper felt sure.

  “That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “That was my doing,” Gabriel interrupted. “We were still in negotiations and Pepper was forbidden from saying anything to you so that your decision would not be influenced in any way.”

  “Bah! I already knew I was going with EJR,” Vivienne admitted.

  “We didn’t know that.” Pepper shook her head indignantly. “Our first date that night was about nine hours of conversation. It was a wonder I had a voice the next day because he barely said a word.” Pepper jacked her thumb at him. Gabriel grinned. “And the rest, as they say, is history. We’ve been dating since then.”

  Vivienne sat expectantly waiting for more, then thunked herself in the forehead with her fist.

  “Duh. I’ll get the details when Gabriel’s not around.” Pepper winked at her, and Gabriel looked up at the ceiling and around the room.

  “Besides, I’m more worried about you.” The concern was beginning to settle in Pepper’s eyes again. “You scared the hell out of me.”

  “I scared the hell out of me, too.”

  “You not only look better today, you’re acting more like yourself. Are you hungry? There’s leftover Chinese or I can fix you something to eat. I went to the store yesterday while you were sleeping and got a couple of things. You still need a hell of a lot more.” Pepper started to get up, but Gabriel held her back. He stood up and gave a little bow.

  “Allow me. If you have eggs, I can whip something up.”

  “There are eggs, bacon and more coffee. I also got some orange juice and bottled water, but that’s about it.” Pepper ticked off the shopping list on her fingers.

  “I shall return.” Gabriel wandered out to the kitchen to leave them alone.

  When he was out of earshot, Vivienne leaned closer to Pepper.

  “Well?”

  “He’s really the best,” Pepper sighed, her eyes softening and a natural smile crossing her face, instead of her usual, cynical smirk. “I couldn’t be happier.”

  “I’m so glad!”

  Pepper shrugged her shoulders, but they were quivering with excitement as she did so.

  “I don’t know where it’s going, but we’re happy where we are, and that’s all that counts.” She leaned back and slurped from her cup. “Seriously, though, I’m here for you.”

  “Well, don’t worry. You came right when I needed you, and I feel like my old self again already.”

  Pepper frowned.

  “Yeah, right. And what happens when I leave?”

  Vivienne blanched.

  “I don’t know, but I had a long talk with myself in the shower this morning. I can promise you I won’t go nuts like that again.”

  Setting her coffee cup on the side table, Pepper stared hard at Vivienne.

  “Viv, I don’t know how you could be so stupid. You lost your mother for Chrissake. How could you even think you could handle that all by yourself?”

  Vivienne shook her head.

  “I don’t know. I feel, felt, so guilty for not being here when she had the stroke. I should have been home, with her. She was in her seventies and I shouldn’t have left her alone.” Tears were dangerously close to falling from her eyes again. Pepper felt awash with pity as she watched Vivienne struggle to blink them back.

  “Vivvy, it was not your fault. Mom didn’t have the stroke because you weren’t here. You have to know that.”

  “But I don’t!” Vivienne cried. “She cleaned my house the day before she fucking died! How do I know she didn’t overdo it?”

  Pepper said nothing, just took the coffee cup out of her hands to set it on the coffee table. She pulled Vivienne into her arms and held on.

  “It’s not your fault, hun. It is not your fault.”

  Vivienne sobbed uncontrollably, clutching at Pepper.

  Gabriel entered the room with two plates in his hands, but Pepper waved him away, shaking her head. He nodded and slowly backed out.

  A half an hour later, Vivienne was spent and Pepper was wiping the tears off her face with a tissue.

  “Feel a little better?” she asked.

  “No.” Vivienne pouted. “I want my mom.”

  “I know you do. Hell, I want your mom, too.”

  That made Vivienne smile a little and Pepper’s heart soared.

  “You’ll adjust, hun. It’s going to take a long time, but you’ll get there.”

  “I know.” She didn’t sound convincing to Pepper. Not in the least.

  “Let’s go see what Gabe fixed for us to eat. I’m starved.” Pepper stood up and pulled Vivienne into a standing position. With their arms around one another’s waists, they went into the kitchen for breakfast.

  *****

  I wish I could have warned Pepper that things wouldn’t stay so calm or upbeat. I should have told her that I would spiral just as quickly as I flew, but my emotions swung one way and then the other too fast. We all ate breakfast at the table, banal chit chat filling the silences in between chewing. The rationality I’d found in the bathroom earlier disappeared.

  I watched Pepper and Gabriel touch each other. On the hand, the face, the shoulder, the knee. I don’t think they were even aware of it. Their intimacy should have made me feel happy for th
em and glad that Pepper finally had someone worthy of her love. Instead, it drove home that I would not have that kind of intimacy again. Had I been in my right mind, I could have thought of Will. But I didn’t. I only thought of my mom. She was my biggest supporter, shoulder to cry on, and font of inspiration since Bruce died. Pepper might be my best peer friend, but Mom had become my best friend in everyday life. The concept of no more Mom was making the eggs in my stomach churn. Nausea shot through me faster than the vomit, which would surely follow.

  I didn’t excuse myself, but ran to the bathroom, knocking my chair over in the process. Once again, I found myself emptying the contents of my guts into the toilet for nearly an hour. I was mortified that Gabriel could hear me, and it made me sicker. Pepper came in to hold my hair back and wipe a cool washcloth on my forehead, but her kindness only hurt more. It seemed like the nicer she was to me, the harder I cried and the more upset I got. When there was nothing left to vomit, and the heaving abated, Pepper helped me back to bed. I could hear her talking to Gabriel.

  “You okay, hun?” Pepper whispered from the doorway of my room.

  Of course I wasn’t okay. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered, the covers pulled up to my chin. I kept my eyes shut so I couldn’t see the sympathy on her face and the pity in her eyes.

  “Don’t be.” She perched on the edge of the bed. “It’s going to take time. I’m here.”

  *****

  Pepper closed the door with a gentle click. Gabriel stood at the end of the hallway waiting for her. Her pace quickened and she lunged at him, needing to feel his arms around her. She clutched him tightly and breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne, sending a prayer of thanks out to the universe for his presence.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that.” Her voice was muffled against his chest.

  “No worries, love.” He guided her into the living room and together they sat down on the couch. “Are you all right?”

  “Me? I’m fine. It’s my best friend coming apart at the seams.” Pepper’s bottom lip quivered the tiniest bit and she chomped down on it with her teeth to keep him from seeing. “I know everything will be okay, but it breaks my heart to see her in so much pain.”

  “It just takes time.” Gabriel stroked her hair and kissed her on the forehead.

  “Patience is not one of my virtues,” Pepper muttered. Snuggling against him, she allowed herself to enjoy the comfort and calm he offered. The knock on the door jangled her nerves and sent her straight back into a state of anxiety.

  “Are you expecting anyone?”

  “No.” Pepper jumped up and ran to the door. When she opened it, a delivery man stood holding a huge arrangements of flowers.

  “Vivienne Stark?” he asked.

  “Yes,” Pepper lied. She opened the screen door and took the flowers, surprised at the weight of them. Gabriel appeared directly behind her to take them out of her hands. He set them on the table while Pepper signed her acceptance.

  “Thank you.”

  Closing the door, she went to the table to search for the card in the flowers. Opening it, she smiled brightly. “Aw, look at this!” She held the card out for Gabriel to read.

  “I’m so sorry about your mom. Missing you and hoping to see you soon. Love, Will,” he read aloud. “It would seem he’s quite smitten with her.”

  “Yes, indeed.” Pepper leaned over to examine the flowers more closely. There were red, yellow and white roses, along with peach colored tulips, daisies, white lilies, and two or three other flowers she couldn’t identify. “These are gorgeous and they smell wonderful!” Pepper lifted the heavy, green glass vase and placed it in the middle of the dining room table. Gabriel took the empty cardboard box and put it on the floor. Putting her nose directly into a rose, Pepper inhaled deeply.

  “It’s a lovely arrangement,” Gabriel agreed. “Those are snap dragons.” He pointed to some orange and purple blossoms. “And the greenery is ruscus, very nice filler.”

  “Wow, movie mogul and a horticulturist. I’m a lucky gal,” Pepper laughed. She stood for another minute admiring the flowers, but her smile disintegrated. “We can’t let Vivienne see these.”

  “What? Why ever not?”

  “If she gets back on the edge, these will send her right on over.” Pepper frowned, no longer excited by the beautiful gift from Will.

  “You can’t be certain of that, Pepper. If she knows they’re from Will, it might be just the thing to perk up her spirits.”

  Pepper shook her head.

  “I don’t know. I think it might be too much of a risk.”

  “Tell you what,” Gabriel said as he reached for the vase. “Put them in the corner by the couch so that she won’t notice them straight off. Then, if she does, you can give her the card.”

  He walked the flowers over to the end table in the corner of the room, setting them carefully down beside the lamp so that they shared the space.

  “There. Not quite so noticeable now, yeah?”

  Pepper put her hands on her hips and tilted her head from side to side.

  “Okay. Not bad. I better call Will and let him know they got here.”

  “All right, love. I think I’ll go back to the hotel and get a little work done. My phone has been buzzing in my pocket for quite some time. Sure you’ll be all right?”

  “Yes, of course. Go on. I’ll call you later.”

  Pepper walked Gabriel out to the rental car and kissed him goodbye. When he’d driven off, she went back inside to find her phone. She plopped on the couch and crossed her legs while she listened to the ringing.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Will.”

  “How is she?” His voice was anxious and tense.

  “Up and down,” Pepper admitted, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I thought she was doing better this morning, but then she had a bit of a setback. She’s sleeping now.”

  “Has she gotten the flowers I sent?”

  “They just arrived. Absolutely gorgeous. Did you pick them out yourself?”

  “Yeah.”

  Pepper stifled a giggle at how pleased with himself he sounded.

  “Very nice job. She’ll love them.”

  “I really want to be there.”

  “I know. But she’s a basket case, Will. When she broke down a little while ago, I could tell she was embarrassed as hell that Gabe was here. I don’t think she could bear for you to see her like this.”

  “I love her, Pepper, I don’t give a shit.”

  The admission itself was a shock, but the exasperation in his voice hit Pepper like a slap in the face.

  “I realize that. But Vivienne hadn’t come to grips with her feelings for you, yet, before all this happened. She has enough to deal with without having those feelings thrown at her, too. Can you understand that?”

  Pepper waited for his response and didn’t like when it took so long to come.

  “Yeah, I get that,” Will finally said, his tone sad and resigned. “Tell me the truth. Do you think I still have a shot with her?”

  Pepper honestly didn’t know, but she wasn’t about to admit that to him.

  “Of course. But it will take some time. You’re going to have to be patient.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah, I hear ya. Believe me, I’m struggling as much as you are, just in a different way.” Pepper hated how stressed she sounded, especially when she was trying so hard to put him at ease. “I’ll keep in touch. Just sit tight and I promise as soon as I think it’s okay for a call, I’ll let you know. All right?”

  “Yes. Please. Text if you can’t call. Just keep me posted.”

  “I promise.”

  *****

  In my dream, I was standing in the hospital room beside Mom’s bed. She was sitting up and smiling, laughing at something. There was a dinner tray in front of her and I was trying to convince her to eat a little something. She was arguing with me that she’d rather eat bugs and ground glass before touching hospital food. I laughed with her and the feeling
of relief that she was alive was so overwhelming, I had to sit down on the edge of the bed.

  “I’m so glad you’re not dead,” I whispered to her. Mom cocked her head to the side and gave me a puzzled look. I mirrored her confusion.

  “What?”

  I waited for her to speak, but she just tilted her head to the side and looked at me with pity and sadness on her face.

  And then I woke up, sweat coating my face and neck, as though I were running a fever of a hundred and four. My breath was coming in fast pants. It was so real, the dream, if I could have, I would never have woken up. I would have stayed there forever with my mom.

  I covered my face with my hands and cried, a harsh hacking sound coming from my throat. What a cruel and senseless dream to let me believe Mom was still alive. What kind of a God or higher power would let me feel that relief and then snatch it away? I cursed the universe as I rocked back and forth in my bed, the skin on my cheeks slick with tears. I couldn’t take any more. I didn’t know how I was going to survive this.

  Chapter 49

  Sitting alone on the front porch, Pepper tore at blades of grass, scattering the remnants on the bottom step. She wasn’t sure how to handle Vivienne and the grief paralyzing her best friend. She knew all people grieved differently, but Pepper was as unfamiliar with death as a nun with a husband. There had been all kinds of tragedies and strife throughout her life, but Pepper had yet to deal with someone she truly loved dying. She’d cut all ties with her family when she left Michigan twenty-three years ago. She didn’t even know if her parents were still kicking around, or her brother and sister, much less any of the numerous other relatives. Frankly, she didn’t care. None of them had attempted to reach out to her in any way since her departure, so she figured they didn’t care any more than she did.

  Olivia Forest had been more of a mother to her just by sending a Christmas card every year, and Pepper was going to miss her desperately. Not nearly as much as her daughter would, but Pepper loved Olivia, too. Pepper knew she would have to tread carefully with her own mourning, making sure never to compare it to Vivienne’s. No matter how many cards came in the mail, her sadness would never equal a daughter’s.