by Jade West
“Online,” I whisper. “I met him online. I ran through the darkness and he caught me. I had a fantasy and he brought it to life. He made it real, and now I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.”
“So you came looking for him?” he asks, and I see it. He can’t hide the glint in his eye.
“I couldn’t think of a better option.”
He smiles at that. “In that case I’d suggest you go looking for him back where you found him.”
“He’s deactivated his profile,” I say, deadpan.
He shrugs. “Maybe he’ll turn back up.”
“You think?” I ask.
He nods, just a little. “Worth a shot, right?”
I watch mute as he climbs into his truck. I’m still standing there as he turns on the ignition.
He puts down the window and leans out on his elbow. I see the ink snaking up his arms and wonder how far it goes.
All the way.
I imagine it goes all the way.
“Must’ve made quite an impression, this stranger,” he says.
“You could say that.” My smile feels ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. I step closer, as close as I dare. I could reach out and touch him. I wish I was brave enough. “He’s all I can think about.”
He smiles back at that. “Should be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.”
“I’m counting on it,” I tell him.
His eyes eat me up but I hold mine firm. The darkness there takes my breath. My demons wave at his, and I swear they wave back.
I feel the ghost of a shiver up my spine.
My whole body wants him to wrestle me into his truck and drive me away.
“Goodbye, Cinderella,” he says and my heart stutters.
My shoes. He remembers I lost my shoes.
It’s still stuttering when he puts the truck in gear and drives away. The truck rumbles, loud. His elbow is still resting on the open window as he pulls onto the street and disappears from view.
If I wasn’t a puddle of everything, I’d drive after him.
If I wasn’t shaking like a leaf, I’d try to tail him all the way to forever.
But I’m both.
It takes every last scrap of composure I’ve got left just to drive my car off the forecourt.
Phoenix
I’m done fighting.
I drive home without going back to the warehouse. I take the scenic route up the hills only to make sure she isn’t following me.
If she was, I’d head her off long before I ever got there. I’d coax her into the middle of nowhere and punish-fuck her for her boldness until she screamed.
I’m at least partially disappointed her Mini doesn’t appear in my rearview, but that’s okay.
We’re well off fucking script all round, but that’s okay too.
It’ll have to be.
I barely acknowledge Serena when I step through the door at home. Cameron heads on over and I scoop him up for a bear hug, just like usual.
“Good day, champ?” I ask and he nods.
Serena’s made lunch for the both of them. Potato salad with mayo. She holds up the bowl and I nod.
I take a seat at the table and pat the place next to me for Cam. He climbs up without protest, doesn’t even look for his high chair. That’s got to be progress. Got to mean something.
I’m clutching at straws, but I don’t care. Not right now.
I’m still fucking angry, but it feels easier not to show it. Everything feels easier right now.
Serena spoons me out a bowlful and slips into the chair opposite. She looks at her food and not at me.
I thank her and she nods.
I hold back from helping Cam with his cutlery, and sure enough he does it for himself.
“It’s nice to be back,” Serena offers finally.
I don’t have a response for that, so I say nothing.
“I’ve enjoyed the day with Cam,” she continues. “We had a good day, didn’t we?” she prompts and he smiles.
It’s a good move on her part. I can’t argue with a smile from my boy and she knows it.
“What are your plans?” I ask and she shrugs.
“I want to come back, Leo. Please let me stay.”
I sigh. Smile to myself. Smile at how crazy my world is.
And then I breathe.
I just fucking breathe.
Open-toed sandals and a red summer dress. Her beautiful confusion.
Her shaking fingers.
The want in her eyes.
“Stay for dinner,” I say to my sister. “Cam wants you around. Right, champ?”
He nods. Grins.
I just wish he’d fucking say something.
“And you?” she asks. “Do you want me around, too?”
Too much, too soon. I feel my eyes darken on hers.
She holds up a hand. “Sorry, my bad.”
But it’s mine.
It’s all mine.
I eat my potato salad and keep my mouth shut. I tell her it’s delicious and clear up the bowls.
And then I head upstairs to let my demons run free.
Abigail
I race upstairs to my apartment. I curse my laptop for taking so long to start up.
I log in with bated breath, but there’s nothing there.
Just the same old greyed out profile staring back at me.
Crap.
Holy motherfucking crap.
I try it again, logging out and back in just to see if it makes any difference.
It doesn’t.
I drop onto my sofa and keep the window open on screen.
He’s got to be there. Got to be.
But he isn’t.
And then, in a heartbeat, he is.
Oh my poor heart, how it thumps.
In a flash his greyed out profile comes back to life. His picture appears right where it should be. Phoenix Burning online.
I stare at the little green circle as my soul expands and soars free.
My fingers have a life of their own, but his message pings through first.
You’re pretty reckless, hunting down a monster in a strange town. You’d better hope the monster doesn’t creep up on your tail.
He has no idea how much I want him creeping up on me. No idea how fucking crazy I am for another round in the darkness.
I press enter and send him my message, niceties be fucked.
I need to see you again. Please.
I watch the icon as he types.
Be careful what you wish for. This beast isn’t tame. It’s wild. Dangerous.
It fucking bites.
I remember his teeth on me. The way he nipped my neck. The tickle of his beard. His breath.
How much I wanted him.
I wish for everything, I type. Scare me. Chase me. Hunt me down. I don’t care.
I keep on typing before he has a chance to respond.
You brought me to life again. Being with you gave me hope when I had none. I can’t go back.
My heart is racing, mouth dry. I feel like an addict going cold turkey, desperate for a fix.
His message pings. I can barely look.
This is crazy. Dangerous.
Out of hand already.
I can’t argue with that. I don’t even try.
Please. Just tell me where to go.
I cross my fingers and toes. I cross my legs too, clamping my thighs closed just to feel the squeeze against my pulsing clit.
His reply takes an age, and it feels different now. I can picture him now. His brooding darkness, the gorgeous bulk of him.
Be ready at midnight. I’ll tell you where to go.
If you change your mind, just stay offline.
It you’ve any sense, you’ll change your mind.
I haven’t any sense. I’ve come to terms with that already. I’m at peace with these reckless decisions and the rocky road I’m travelling.
I just hope he is, too.
My reply is easy. Obvious.
I’ll be
ready at midnight.
He’s already offline when I hit enter.
Phoenix
I’d have told Serena she was welcome to stay over regardless of whether or not I had somewhere to be tonight. I’m not such a prick that I’m only offering for my own ends.
She sorts out Cam’s bed time, and he’s happy for it. She reads him his story as I listen from the landing outside.
It’s the one about the ducks and the caterpillar. I know the words by heart.
I’m desperate to hold her tight and make things up. The words are stuck in my throat, begging to come out and thank her for everything she’s done for us. To ask her to come home.
This is her home now.
But it’s not that fucking simple. If only it was.
Her words are still ricocheting around my soul. Those festering questions that hang in dusty corners, they’re all right there, spoken aloud between us.
Things can’t just go back to the way they were before.
She looks uncharacteristically meek as she steps out to join me.
“He’s fast asleep,” she whispers and closes his door gently.
“I could do with heading out for a while,” I say as we head downstairs. “But I can stay in. I don’t want to impose.”
She falls over herself to tell me it’s ok. Her eyes are curious but happy. Asking silent questions that I’m not ready to answer and maybe never will be.
I’m not sure meeting a stranger online for brutal sex in dark alleyways classes as potential relationship material.
Relationship.
Even the word brings me out in a cold sweat.
“Go,” Serena says. “Take a break. Enjoy yourself. I’ll take care of Cam. I’m just happy to be back home.” She pauses. “Even if it’s just for a night.”
I have no answer to that.
I wish I could cut through my own baggage enough to tell her I’m happy too.
I wish I could forget that she had that sonofabitch in my house behind my back.
Like she’s the first woman to have Jake here behind my back.
I shunt that little gem of bitterness right back into the depths.
And then I grab my jacket.
Sixteen
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.
Edgar Allan Poe
Phoenix
Hereford isn’t familiar turf. I rely on satnav to reach the address I found listed for Abigail Rachel Summers on the electoral roll, and then I lap the block a few times to get my bearings.
Her apartment building is a rickety period place, just a stone’s throw from the town centre. I park up in an unloading bay around the corner and scope it out on foot. The communal entrance shows six apartments listed. Six apartments, three floors. The view through the glass door is just enough to see the numbers on the the bottom two apartment doors.
Number one is on the left. Two on the right.
It’s easy to assume they continue up in the same pattern.
Hers is number four.
One floor up on the right hand side.
I step back and look up at the window. Twilight makes it easy to tell the light is on, but I see nothing to confirm my suspicion it’s her place. The walls look plain through the window. No trinkets on the sill.
I hang back, staring right up there from across the street.
So close. She’s so fucking close. I want to see her. Catch a glimpse of her.
I want to taste her, impale that sweet little cunt again and again.
I have no rein on the beast in my belly as it throbs and stirs. My dick is already straining in my jeans, my pulse already quickening.
Part of me considers heading up there and beating her door down before midnight is anywhere near.
It’s tempting, but no. I save that idea for another day.
Another day.
I’m already thinking about this crazy arrangement as if it has some kind of longevity.
It should freak me the fuck out, but it doesn’t.
I focus back on the night ahead of me. Of us. Tonight is all about the hunt. The chase. The thrill of the pulse in my ears as my boots pound the ground after her. Grabbing her in the dark, muffling her screams. My dick twitches in sweet anticipation.
I call up a map on my phone, examining how the streets branch out from here. To the left is the main bulk of civilisation. Streetlights and clubs and cameras. To the right is the cathedral. Cobbled lanes and shady grounds. Beyond that looks to be parkland. I zoom in closer and realise it’s a sprawl of playing fields.
The river runs next to them.
The river path ends up on the outskirts. I follow it with my finger and zoom where the streets have thinned out. A pub on the corner. A few houses nearby from the looks. Not a lot else.
My senses prickle. This is perfect.
I’m back in my truck in a heartbeat, destination set. Sure enough, the streets thin out as I drive. The pub is still open when I get there but won’t be for long. The car park is deserted.
I park up in the spot closest to the river and grab a torch. The path is just where I expect. A gap in the fence leads right down to the water. It’s dark here. Treacherous. Perfect.
I’ll herd her right the way through the shadows, straight to my waiting truck. She’ll have no fucking idea until it’s too late. I’ll just have to grab her at the right spot.
I do a 360.
Right… here. I make a mental note of it. Of the tree looming overhead. The dull streetlamp positioned over the pub fencing.
Yeah, I’ll recognise it, sure enough. I’ll grab her right before the entrance to the car park.
And then she’ll meet the monster for real.
I head back to the truck for my final preparations. I take Cameron’s safety seat from the backseat and store it out of view in the trunk. I check what work supplies I have to hand while I’m in there.
The tow rope seems both drastic and tempting, but I like it. I coil it on the passenger seat for easy reach.
I lock the truck and set off on foot. I check for any junctions in the river path on the way back, any potential spots I could lose her. There aren’t any worth worrying about. This route is straight, a rat run of shadows and uneven ground. She’ll be too busy keeping her footing to worry about veering off course.
Perfect.
Twilight has turned to darkness long before I’ve made it back to her apartment block. The glow of the city is ominous across the meadows. Bitter orange and dirty enough to be sinister.
The water ripples and splashes in the blackness down below. The banks are high and thick with undergrowth. A group of kids with bikes hang out at one spot, but they’re already clearing off for the night as I pass by.
I clear a couple of empty drink cans from the path and snap away the occasional branch that hangs down too low.
I feel empowered as I reach the cathedral grounds. She’ll be able to run. Fast. Largely unhindered. Run straight into the trap and she’ll never even know it’s coming.
My balls tighten. My muscles already wired and ready for the chase.
I make sure my boots are fastened tight before I call up my login screen on my mobile, and then I wait.
I watch.
I think about her.
I think of all the things I’m going to do to her sweet little body once she’s too exhausted to run another step.
I know it’s her apartment for sure when a shadow passes across her window. I see the shape of her against the wall inside. Back and forth. Over and over.
Pacing.
She’s pacing.
And my heart is racing.
She’s waiting. Readying herself.
Feeling the fear.
It’s a beautiful observation.
The last fifteen minutes crawl by, but that’s good. I’m lost in the rhythm of her pacing, riding the tremors of anticipation. I can’t wait to sink my dick into that tight little cunt all over again.
I log in at midnight and she�
�s already signed in.
She stops pacing. Her shadow darts away.
I don’t bother with small talk.
You will leave your apartment. You will be barefoot.
You will head for the cathedral. You will walk slowly through the grounds until you reach the river path.
When you are scared, you will run.
One simple question pings back at me.
Barefoot?
I smile to myself.
Yes, Cinderella. Barefoot.
I wonder if she’s smiling too.
Now? she asks.
I back into the shadows. My eyes firmly on her apartment entrance.
Now.
Abigail
Now.
I’m dithery as I shove my phone in my handbag. I shove my keys in after it.
I’m dressed in a baby blue summer dress, which I know is stupid at this time of night, but it seemed a good option when I tried it on. It shwooshes as I run and looks so pretty as I twirl. I want to look pretty for him, even though we’ll be in darkness and he probably doesn’t give a shit either way.
My belly flutters as I realise just how much I want to look pretty for him.
My knickers are skimpy and white. My bra is white lace and pokes up over the neckline of my dress.
I don’t bother with a jacket. I somehow suspect I’ll work up quite a sweat.
No shoes.
I take a breath as I head down the stairs, and pause for just a second before stepping onto the street, the pavement cold under my feet. I know exactly the route he means. The view towards the cathedral looks clear.
I wonder where he is. If he can see me. Of course he can. He’s in the shadows, somewhere near.
The thought makes me shiver.
A beat and I walk with purpose, eyes wide and head up, flinching at every shadowy doorway, even though there’s nothing there.
Church Street is narrow and dimly lit. I keep right in the middle between the buildings, focused on nothing other than saving my breath for what’s ahead.
I’m going to need it, and I know it.
I slip through the bollards into the cathedral grounds, and my soul lights up in the darkness. It’s magical. Beautiful.
The cathedral is a beacon of wonder. Lit up in a grandeur I’ve never really appreciated until now. Imposing and petrifying and brilliant all at the same time, looking over me as I stand barefoot in the middle of the night, just waiting to… sin. A crazy bitch sinner.
