Let's Not & Say We Did (The Love Game Book 5)

by Elizabeth Hayley

Wait? Renee chose to come?

  “I was. You’re the one giving me a hard time,” Renee argued.

  Grandma Irene rolled her eyes, but the arrival of our server kept her from replying.

  Once we’d ordered drinks and been read the specials, we were left alone again.

  Irene, probably in an attempt to move to safer topics, turned her attention to Taylor. “So tell me, Taylor, what do you do?”

  Taylor looked a little startled at having been addressed, but she recovered quickly. “Oh, um, I’m finishing my last semester of school.”

  “What’s your major?”

  “Criminal justice.”

  Renee scoffed again. “What does someone do with a degree in that?”

  Taylor stared at Renee, her gaze unwavering. “Go to law school.”

  That shut Renee up pretty quickly.

  “What law school are you going to?” Kari asked, her voice carrying genuine interest.

  Taylor smiled at her. “I’m not sure yet. I have applications ready to go to a few schools, but I need to wait to get my LSAT scores before sending them out. Since I don’t plan on starting until next fall, I still have a bit of time.”

  That caught my attention, and I felt like the worst boyfriend ever for not asking about it sooner. “Shouldn’t you be getting your results soon?”

  She hesitated, not enough so that anyone else would’ve noticed, but I definitely did. “Yeah. Any day now.”

  I narrowed my eyes slightly to show my confusion, but Taylor averted hers and picked up the water glass the server had filled. Figuring this wasn’t the time to get into it, I let it go. For the moment.

  “That’s exciting,” Hudson said, her smile genuine.

  “If I pass it will be,” Taylor replied with a self-deprecating laugh.

  I reached over and gave her thigh a squeeze. “You will.” And I believed it. While I knew she’d had a lot on her plate these past few months, I also knew she was wickedly smart. And if she didn’t pass this time, she could always take them again. Though having a potential murder investigation hanging over us probably wouldn’t help her concentration.

  But it would be okay. I’d deal with all of that once we were back home. And while I could never push what had happened from my mind, I tried to push it to the back. It gnawed at me, knowing that I was finally getting to know my biological family, despite the fact that the impression they were getting of me would be shot to shit once I went to the police and confessed everything.

  I’d be exactly what Cal and probably Renee thought I was. Even worse, maybe. They’d probably feel vindicated in their dislike of me once the news broke, but I hoped I at least made enough of an impression on Irene, Kari, and Hudson that they wouldn’t think I was a monster.

  And maybe I shouldn’t even care about what they thought. Maybe their opinions didn’t deserve to matter to me at all. But on some level, they did, and there was nothing I could do to alter that fact.

  Taylor gave me a grateful smile before our attention was once again stolen by the server delivering our drinks. Then he took our orders before retreating again.

  We all sat in silence for a second before Hudson broke it. “How much longer do you have before you finish school, Ransom?”

  I sat back and tried to clear my brain of my maudlin thoughts and focus on the present. “One more semester.” Despite my best attempts, I couldn’t stop the errant thought that that semester might never get completed if I went to prison.

  “That’s amazing,” Kari gushed. “I’m…I’m not sure I have a right to feel this way, but…I’m proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. It had to have been incredibly hard, but you never gave up.”

  She might have been right. Maybe she didn’t have a right to be proud, considering the lack of any role she’d played in my success. But all the same, her words hit somewhere deep inside me and soothed a hurt that had probably been aching for most of my life.

  “Thank you,” I said, my voice rough with emotion I tried like hell to conceal.

  Taylor’s hand found mine under the table and twined them together.

  “Please,” Renee said. “We all know he isn’t capable of getting through college, let alone a master’s program, on his own. Probably paid someone to do his work.”

  I felt blindsided by the words from a woman who didn’t know the first thing about me. Sure, the kid she’d known hadn’t had an easy time of it. Between my ADHD and dyslexia, school was a disaster. But I was nine years old the last time she saw me. She had no idea how hard I’d worked to overcome all my troubles to make sure I had a shot at a better future.

  “You don’t know anything about what I’m capable of.”

  She rolled her eyes in dismissal as she took a gulp of the vodka on the rocks she’d ordered.

  “What exactly is your problem?” Taylor said, her voice loud enough to attract the attention of those at nearby tables.

  Renee set her glass down and bored her eyes into Taylor. “Be careful who you’re speaking to like that, little girl.”

  “Or you’ll do…what?” Taylor asked.

  “Aunt Renee, please,” Hudson pleaded quietly as I whispered in Taylor’s ear that it was okay.

  “The hell it is,” she replied.

  “See! This! This is my problem,” Renee practically yelled, interrupting my attempts to calm Taylor. “Everyone is all of the sudden Team Ransom. He went off and found himself a new family, and we’re supposed to just welcome him back into this one like some kind of prodigal son. He was nothing but trouble when he was a kid and probably isn’t any better now, but we’re all supposed to just forget that he was a thorn in all our sides, causing social services to be all up in our business for years. Now you all want to act like he’s some messiah.”

  She stood, causing her chair to topple backward. “I’ve had to listen to Kari and Hudson drone on about the wonderful Ransom for the past few months, like he’s something special. Well, it must’ve been nice for you”—she pointed at me—“to be getting a fancy college degree and living your life while everyone back here acts like you walk on water. Meanwhile, I’ve been taking care of everybody, raising kids that aren’t mine, and spending money I don’t have. But you’re the hero of this situation? It’s bullshit. You were a good-for-nothing kid, and you’re probably a good-for-nothing man.”

  I let each of her words collect within me until I too rose from my chair, though it felt more as if I’d levitated, my anger rising like a wave beneath me. The words that were on the tip of my tongue would be enough to drown us all if I let them.

  My mom finally spoke up, saying, “That’s enough, Renee. You have no right to—”

  I lifted a hand to silence her. While it was appreciated, I hadn’t needed her to fight my battles in a long time.

  “So that’s what it is, Renee?” I said. “You think you’re the hero? Why? Because you swooped in to save your niece while sending your nephew to foster care? Because you justified that decision by whispering poison in everyone’s ears, much like the shit you’re saying now?”

  Some of her bravado faded, but that didn’t slow me down. She wasn’t the only one with things to get off her chest, and I was damn well going to be heard.

  “Enlighten us,” I continued. “Is it because I proved you wrong? Is it because you feel guilty that I was clearly capable of more than you ever gave me credit for? Or is it the glaring evidence that all it takes to be successful in life is to get the hell away from you?”

  Taylor stood beside me and hugged my arm. Whether it was in support or to keep me from flying over the table at Renee, I wasn’t sure, but I appreciated it all the same.

  “You can sit there with your self-righteous opinions of who I am and what I’m capable of. You can try to justify how you treated me with these myths you’ve fabricated about the kind of man I am. But the reality is, you don’t have the slightest clue about me or my life because you chose not to know. And that’s what kills you. No offense to anyone, but I’m the most successfu
l and functional person at this table, and you had no part in it. And that’s what bothers you the most, isn’t it? You have to live with all the guilt and without any of the credit.”

  She scoffed. “I don’t feel any guilt. You weren’t my son. I didn’t owe you anything.”

  I used my legs to scoot my chair back and stepped away from the table, Taylor close beside me. “You’re right. You didn’t. You don’t. But you feel it anyway, don’t you? You have to. Otherwise you wouldn’t have come here to tell me how much I don’t belong. You need me gone because I’m a reminder of all sorts of bad feelings and worse actions.”

  Looking down at Taylor, I unwrapped her hands from my bicep so I could tangle my fingers with hers. “You didn’t need to cause a scene just to make it clear I’m not a part of this family. I’ve always known I didn’t belong. You made that clear to me from the time I was old enough to understand words.”

  I made brief eye contact with the other people at the table. People who were family but also…weren’t. “I’m not sorry I came here and saw all of you. It helped me put some things to rest. But that’s all this was. An ending…not a beginning. And while I’m not saying I won’t answer your calls if they come, this”—I gestured to all of them—“except for Hudson, isn’t my family. And I won’t be dragged down by your bullshit drama and petty opinions anymore. You don’t deserve to have that kind of impact on my life.”

  Almost everyone at the table was quiet as they looked anywhere but at me. The only one who met my eyes was Hudson, and I sent her a small smile. “I’ll call you soon.” I didn’t want her to think any of that had been directed at her. A relationship with my sister was one of the only good things I’d gotten out of this clusterfuck, other than closure.

  She smiled. “I can’t wait.”

  I returned the smile before leading Taylor away from the table and the dysfunction I was born into. And as we wove our way through the room full of gawkers who weren’t even pretending to mind their own business, I couldn’t even find it in myself to be embarrassed. I was too busy being able to finally take a deep breath as the final constraints of a past I hadn’t chosen fell away.

  T A Y L O R

  We were quiet as we buckled our seat belts and pulled onto the road. Ransom had set the GPS for Melissa and Matt’s, and we were both content for a little while to sit back and listen to the robotic voice navigate us through Georgia.

  But I was only able stay quiet for so long. “Wouldn’t it be awesome if the GPS voice was someone like Samuel L. Jackson? ‘Turn here, motherfucker!’”

  I smiled when I heard his chuckle beside me. Part of me wanted to keep cracking jokes, but I also didn’t want to avoid the bitchy elephant in the room.

  “So, your aunt is an interesting character.”

  Ransom snorted. “That’s one way of saying it.”

  “You were totally badass though. Like a linguistic Superman. Take those truth bombs, Ratchet Renee.”

  He glanced over at me. “Did you just say ‘ratchet’?”

  “If the adjective fits,” I replied with a shrug.

  He ran a hand through his hair before setting it on my thigh. “I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable.”

  “As if. I love a good scene. I’m just sorry I didn’t have a more starring role in it.”

  He laughed again, and I was thankful he was in a place where he could get some humor out of it.

  The things his aunt had said had been…gutting. Her intention had been to hurt him, and while I wasn’t sure what a person would get out of inflicting pain on someone she barely knew, I hoped we’d foiled any pleasure she’d tried to elicit from the encounter.

  “The next public airing of grievances can be all yours,” he said.

  I beamed at him. “You’re so good to me.” I caressed his hand for a moment before continuing. “Are you really okay, though?”

  He sighed and seemed to really think about my words before responding. “Yeah. I am. Don’t get me wrong, that was…brutal. But as I stood there looking at them, it dawned on me that, with the exception of Blink, I truly didn’t give a shit what they thought of me. It was…freeing.”

  “I’m glad. You have so many people who love you. Screw everyone else.”

  His lips curled up slightly. “People love me, huh? Interested in giving me names of some of these people?”

  Ugh, of course he went there.

  Not that I hadn’t included myself in the statement. I’d probably been at least partway in love with Ransom since he came running when I’d had that panic attack over Brad. Maybe even before then. But this wasn’t the way I’d envisioned saying the words. Especially since I’d pictured him saying them first. I gently slapped his arm.

  “Don’t fish. It’s unattractive.”

  “I’m not looking for compliments, just clarification.”

  I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest as I fake pouted. “I’m not having this discussion while you’re driving.” At the very least, I was going to have his sole focus when we had this conversation.

  “Want me to pull over?”

  I couldn’t help but crack up at that. “Oh my God, stop torturing me.”

  His smile said he wasn’t upset about me dodging the conversation. We’d have it. Just…later.

  “Though if you want to pull over to go through a drive-thru, I’d be down with that,” I said, thinking that it might be a good idea to grab something for dinner since we’d left before it had a chance to begin.

  “Your wish is my command.”

  And the crazy thing was, I knew he meant it. In all things. And wasn’t that a frightening power to wield?

  Chapter Sixteen

  R A N S O M

  Melissa and Matt had insisted that Taylor and I stay with them a second night instead of heading to the hotel. Then we could spend the day with them Sunday and take a flight back early Monday morning. At first I’d been a little hesitant, though I wasn’t sure why. This had been my home, even if it had only been for a few years.

  But since we’d arrived here late last night, we hadn’t spent much time in it. We’d gone to sleep almost as soon as we’d gotten in, and this morning we’d gone to breakfast with Hudson.

  I couldn’t help but feel guilty about how accommodating they were being, letting us sleep here and loaning us Matt’s SUV, but they seemed more than happy to help.

  It was a little after eight when Taylor and I returned to Matt and Melissa’s, exhausted from having to socialize all day.

  Melissa nearly jumped off the couch to meet us at the back door as we kicked off our shoes. “How did it go? Tell me everything. Or nothing. Whatever you’d prefer.” She waved her hands in the air like she was trying to dismiss her own comment.

  “It’s fine. Things went all right. They’re…an interesting bunch.”

  Matt walked in a few moments later under the guise of looking for a snack in the fridge, even though he closed it without removing anything. “How’d Kari seem?”

  It surprised me that Matt had been the one to ask about her first. Melissa was usually the one to ask about her.

  “The best I’ve ever seen her, actually.” I slid into a chair at the kitchen table, exhausted from the emotions of the day but not quite ready to retreat to my room like an introverted teenager.

  Taylor sat in a chair beside me and gave me a warm smile. She’d been so supportive today—and really every day since we’d started dating. Other than Matt, Melissa, and Emily, Taylor was the only person in my life I felt had my back completely and unconditionally. I mean, who else would volunteer to go to an awkward-as-fuck family reunion as a way of escaping a murder investigation? She really was one of a kind.

  “That’s a relief,” Matt said, and I wondered who it was a relief for.

  I assumed he meant it was a relief for me, but I was sure he was also glad that the reunion and Kari’s condition hadn’t made things more difficult for me.

  “You never know with Kari,” he added.

  “Mat
t,” Melissa scolded with only a word.

  “Just sayin’.”

  I could tell by Melissa’s stare that she didn’t think his comment needed to be shared. Mainly because it went without saying. Kari was unpredictable. She always had been, and that would probably always be the case.

  Even if she’d changed for the better permanently, she’d spent most of her time as a mother bouncing from being completely unreliable to suffocatingly invested at her best. I had few memories from my early childhood of Kari being clean, and those memories were jam-packed with fort-building using cushions from our old couch and impromptu dance parties while Kari sang along to whatever came on the radio.

  And while any kid would be happy to get that kind of attention and spend those moments with their mom, as an adult I recognized it for what it was: Kari’s attempt at cramming pleasant maternal interactions into a small amount of time because she knew she’d inevitably fuck up again. And when she did, those memories were all the three of us would be left with.

  And those moments made the cliff we’d all eventually fall from steeper—made the impact at the bottom that much more painful each time. Because while I had known we could only dangle at the edge for so long before we tumbled off, that knowledge didn’t stop it from hurting.

  Kari always had the potential to do better than she did. And Hudson and I were frequently reminded of that. It made me wonder if we would’ve been better off with a mother who’d simply given up completely instead of popping in and out of our lives.

  Even now, I still couldn’t be sure who she kept trying for: us or herself.

  Melissa sat down at the table with us, and Matt brought over some bowls, spoons, and a half-gallon of chocolate marshmallow ice cream, which had always been one of my favorites.

  “They’re probably stuffed from the reunion,” Melissa told him.

  Matt raised an eyebrow at her like she was crazy. “There’s always room for ice cream.”

  “I can’t disagree,” I said, grabbing a bowl and helping myself to a few scoops.