I'm a Fool to Kill You

by Robert Randisi

  I sat at the kitchen table and played solitaire by the light of the flashlight.

  At seven-thirty a.m. Ava came down. She was once again wearing her terrycloth robe. She ran her hands through her hair as she entered the room.

  ‘How old is that coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘Almost four hours.’

  ‘Good enough.’

  She waved me away as I started to get up, got a cup and poured herself some coffee. Then she joined me at the table. She smelled great.

  ‘Jerry’s sleeping peacefully,’ she said. ‘I passed his room.’

  ‘I’m gonna wake him at eight,’ I said. ‘I was gonna wake you at the same time.’

  ‘Then what?’

  ‘You guys get dressed, we go and rent a car and head for Vegas.’

  ‘And then what?’

  ‘Once I’m sure you’re safe,’ I said, ‘I’ll try to find out what happened during those missing forty hours.’

  ‘How are you going to do that?’ she asked. ‘Are you a detective?’

  ‘No, but I have a friend who is. He’s a private eye named Danny Bardini, lives and works in Vegas. I’ll put him on it. If anybody can find out what happened, it’s him.’

  That seemed to satisfy her for the moment.

  ‘Red Six on black seven,’ she said. ‘I’ll go get dressed. You want me to wake Jerry?’

  ‘No. I’ll do it. You gotta do it carefully with the big guy. He sleeps with his .45.’

  She stood up with her coffee cup.

  ‘Very happy to leave that to you, then,’ she said. ‘On top of everything else that’s gone wrong in my life, I don’t want to get shot.’

  I didn’t blame her.

  I crept into Jerry’s room, stood back from the bed and called out to him, trying to wake him as gently as I could.

  ‘Fresh coffee,’ I said to him.

  He jerked his head up, but didn’t go for his gun.

  ‘Hey, Mr G. That time already?’

  ‘Yep,’ I said. ‘We’ve got coffee, but that’s all. We’ll get something when we go out.’

  ‘OK.’ He sat up, put his feet on the floor.

  ‘Get showered and change into some of those nice clothes Ava bought you.’

  He made a face.

  ‘They ain’t my style,’ he confided, ‘but I didn’t wanna hurt her feelings.’

  ‘I don’t blame you,’ I said. ‘See you downstairs.’

  In the morning light we were able to move about the house more normally, but continued to stay away from the windows.

  Jerry came down and had some coffee. We were both sitting at the kitchen table when Ava entered, holding a gun.

  ‘Ava . . .’ I said, warily.

  ‘What do you think of this, Jerry?’ she asked, and handed it to him.

  It was a pearl handled automatic. That was all I knew. It looked tiny in Jerry’s hands.

  He ejected the clip, smelled the gun, worked the slide, put the clip back.

  ‘Could use a cleanin’, Miss Ava, but it should work.’ He handed it back to her. ‘Kinda small for my taste, but it’s a lady’s gun.’

  ‘And I’m a lady,’ she said. ‘It’s been here in the house for a long time, since Frank first bought it for me.’ She dropped it in her purse. ‘I think I’ll take it with me.’

  ‘That’s fine, Ava,’ I said, ‘but do me a favor, don’t take it out unless Jerry takes out his. OK?’

  ‘OK,’ she said, ‘I won’t show him mine until he shows me his.’

  I was shocked to see Jerry blush.

  THIRTY-NINE

  When Ava saw the address for the car lot we were going to she said, ‘That’s not a really good neighborhood. I’m glad I have you guys – and that I’m packin’ heat.’ She laughed.

  She directed Jerry as he drove the cab. We drove past burnt-out buildings and a collection of bums and derelicts who found us very interesting. There was also a lot of graffiti, some of which Jerry said wasn’t there just for decoration.

  ‘Gang signs,’ he said. ‘We better get done what we gotta get done, Mr G., and haul ass outta here.’

  ‘Agreed.’

  We pulled up in front of the lot. It looked more like a junk yard than anything else.

  ‘Have you got money?’ Ava asked me.

  ‘Some.’

  ‘Any idea how much this car’s going to be?’

  ‘I hope it’s reasonable,’ I said. ‘I’m looking to rent, not buy.’

  ‘Here,’ she said, and handed a sheaf of bills over the back of the seat. ‘Take this.’

  ‘How much is there?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I grabbed it from my dresser as a last thought. Thousands.’

  ‘I better go in with ya, Mr G.,’ Jerry said, eyeing the money.

  I was wearing a windbreaker with an inner pocket, so I stuffed the cash inside.

  ‘You have to stay out here with Ava, Jerry,’ I said.

  ‘Then take this with ya.’ Jerry held out his .45.

  ‘I haven’t gotten any better with that, Jerry,’ I said. ‘I’ll probably shoot my foot off.’

  ‘How about mine?’ Ava asked, digging into her purse.

  ‘I’ll shoot off my toe,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.’

  ‘Don’t worry, he says,’ I heard Ava mutter as I got out of the car.

  I went through the front gates, wondering if I was going to be chased by a couple of junkyard dogs. When none appeared I kept walking. There were aisles of discarded and junked automobile parts, with a hollowed out car carcass here and there. I reached the center of one row when a man stepped out from nowhere and stopped in front of me.

  ‘You lookin’ for somethin’?’ he asked.

  He was taller, thinner and about ten years younger than Louie the Dispatcher, and while Louie’s hair was thinning, the guy had a mop of unruly black hair. But I could see by his features and heavy stubble that he was Louie’s brother.

  ‘I’m lookin’ for Freddy.’

  ‘I’m Freddy,’ he said. ‘You Mr Vegas?’

  ‘That’s me.’

  ‘Come on through,’ he said. ‘Got a garage in the back.’

  I looked around, didn’t see anyone else, so I decided to follow him. We walked the rest of the aisle and came to a garage that looked like it had been made from corrugated metal. There were two large white doors that could swing out to open.

  As we approached, the garage doors did open and one man appeared at each one.

  Freddy kept walking, so I followed him into the garage. In the center was a vehicle completely covered by a tarp. Off to each side were similarly covered vehicles. The two men on the doors pulled them closed, and someone turned on overhead lights that bathed us in yellow. I made it four men.

  ‘My brother said you need a car with some kick,’ Freddy said.

  ‘I need a car that’ll get me where I’m goin’,’ I said. ‘It doesn’t have to break any speed records.’

  ‘This baby will do both,’ he said.

  He grabbed the end of the tarp and pulled it off. I was surprised to see a red Chrysler C-300. I remembered when the car was first introduced; Chrysler called it ‘America’s most powerful car.’ It only had two doors, but there was a back seat.

  ‘Whataya think?’ Freddy asked.

  ‘It’s a beautiful machine,’ I said. ‘But it’s not what I need.’

  ‘It’s what every man needs, man,’ Freddy said.

  The other three men closed in, standing with me in the middle. They were similar in age and build to each other – thirties to forties, with hard, round bellies pushing against their t-shirts. Freddy was the only one without that bowling ball belly, and he looked almost emaciated. There wasn’t a friendly face among them.

  ‘Let’s talk price.’

  ‘What are those?’ I asked, waving at the other covered cars.

  ‘They ain’t for you,’ he said. ‘Twenty-five hundred, and that’s a deal because my brother sentcha.’

  ‘I’
m lookin’ to rent, Freddy, not buy.’

  ‘Rent? How do I know where you’re goin’ or if you’ll bring it back?’

  ‘Well, I thought since your brother sent me—’

  ‘Fuck that, man,’ Freddy said. ‘I ain’t in business for my health.’

  ‘I don’t think we can do business, Freddy,’ I said.

  ‘You got cash on ya?’

  I didn’t answer.

  ‘Yeah, you got cash on ya.’

  I stayed quiet, but my pulse was racing. Shoulda went to Hertz, I thought. Shoulda taken Jerry’s gun, or even Ava’s.

  ‘Freddy—’

  ‘You’re on the run from somebody, man,’ Freddy said, cutting me off. ‘Maybe the cops, maybe not. You can’t be fussy. But if you don’t want my car we can just take your cash and dump you someplace for somebody to find.’

  ‘Or not,’ one of the other men said, and suddenly he had a crowbar in his hand. I turned. Another man had a wrench, and a third was holding a pry bar.

  When I looked back at Freddy, he was holding a gun, a long barreled revolver.

  ‘Just in case you’re heeled,’ he said.

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘That’s good,’ he said. ‘That might be the thing that lets you come out of this alive.’

  ‘Guys,’ I said, ‘there’s no need for this. What would your brother say, Freddy?’

  ‘My big brother’s an idiot,’ Freddy said. ‘Why do you think he’s a fuckin’ dispatcher?’

  And what are you, I thought, but I didn’t say it. Instead, I started looking for a place to run, or something to use as a weapon.

  ‘Let’s start with the cash, man,’ he said, ‘and then we’ll get to the pain.’

  I started to sweat.

  FORTY

  I’d been in some tight spots before, even been shot at a time or two, but it occurred to me that this time I could really get busted up.

  ‘Freddy, take it easy . . .’ I said.

  ‘Shut up, man!’ Freddy said. ‘Just take out the cash!’

  ‘I’d take his advice if I was you,’ Jerry said from behind Freddy.

  I had no idea where he had come from, but was more than relieved to see the big guy step out.

  ‘Take it easy.’

  Freddy froze, then turned. He saw Big Jerry standing there with that cannon in his hand.

  ‘Hey, man, what’s the idea?’ he said, as if he was accusing me of something. ‘We were just supposed to do business.’

  ‘Sounded to me like you were about to hurt our Eddie,’ Ava said, from behind me.

  I turned and saw her standing there, overdressed for her surroundings in a jacket and pants that cost more than most of the cars around us. She was standing hipshot, holding her gun out like she was posing for a movie still.

  ‘What the hell—’ Freddy said.

  ‘Hey!’ Jerry snapped. ‘That’s no way to talk to a lady.’

  He walked up to Freddy, who was still holding his gun, although loosely now. Still, Jerry grabbed his hand and, without removing the weapon, broke his wrist. We all heard the bone snap, and then Freddy screamed and the gun hit the dirt floor.

  ‘Jesus!’ one of the other men said.

  ‘Here comes the pain,’ Jerry said.

  The other three men exchanged a glance, then dropped their iron and ran for the door. Freddy sat on the ground, cradling his damaged wrist, whimpering.

  ‘Should I shoot ’em?’ Ava yelled.

  ‘Let ’em go!’ Jerry called back.

  ‘I don’t know how you two got in here,’ I said, ‘but I’m glad you did.’

  ‘Hey, Mr G.,’ Jerry said, ‘you had ’em right where you wanted ’ em.’

  ‘The hell I did,’ I said. ‘I was about to get my ass handed to me. I can’t thank you two enough.’

  ‘So the next time I offer you my gun . . .?’ Jerry said.

  ‘I’ll take it!’

  We pulled Freddy over to one side and tied him up, just to keep him out of the way. He cried when Jerry pulled his hands behind him, but Jerry ignored it.

  ‘What have we got here, Mr G.?’ he asked, then, looking at the Chrysler.

  ‘Forget it, Jerry,’ I said. ‘That’s too much car for what we want.’

  ‘Lemme just look under the hood,’ he pleaded.

  ‘We don’t have time,’ I said. ‘Let’s see what’s under these other tarps.’

  It must have been Chrysler day at Freddy’s Car Lot. We pulled the tarps off two more. One of them had been painted dark green, the other was covered with primer, ready to be painted.

  The green one was a 1960 model and if the key was in it, we’d found our car – if it had an engine.

  ‘Look under the hood of this one, Jerry,’ I said.

  ‘These cars have all been boosted, Mr G.,’ he said, raising the hood.

  ‘I’m sure this one’s had more done to it than a fresh paint job,’ I said.

  ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘The VIN number’s been changed. Nice job, too.’

  I looked inside and saw the keys in the ignition.

  ‘How’s the engine?’ I asked.

  ‘Ain’t been souped,’ he said, ‘but it’s had some work.’ He stood up straight and looked at me. ‘It’ll get us where we’re goin’.’

  ‘This is our ride, then.’

  Jerry looked over at Freddy.

  ‘Should we give him some money?’ Jerry asked.

  ‘Are you serious?’ Ava asked. ‘He was going to kill Eddie.’

  I remembered Ava saying my name in front of Freddy. That wasn’t good, but I didn’t mention it.

  ‘Here,’ I said, peeling a hundred dollar bill from the sheath of cash Ava had given me, ‘give him this for the emergency room.’

  Jerry took the bill, walked over to Freddy and shoved it into his mouth. Freddy looked up at Jerry, too afraid to spit it out.

  ‘Let’s go!’ I said.

  Ava helped me open the garage doors while Jerry got behind the wheel. He drove it through the doors and we got in. He continued through the lot to the entrance, where we moved our bags from the cab to the Chrysler.

  ‘We gonna leave the cab here?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘Larry works for Freddy’s brother, Louie. Let them work it out.’

  We got back in the car.

  ‘You looked pretty good in there, Ava,’ I said. ‘Like you were made for that part.’

  ‘That wasn’t acting,’ she said, ‘that was real life – and you know what? I liked it.’

  ‘Well, I gotta thank the two of you again. You saved my ass.’

  ‘And what a cute ass,’ Ava said.

  ‘Here,’ I said, holding the money out to her and ignoring the comment, ‘take your money back.’

  ‘Keep it,’ she said.

  ‘I’m not doin’ this for money, Ava.’

  ‘I know that, Eddie. Keep it for expenses. I don’t want Frank footing the bill for you helping me. Or the Sands. I pay my own way.’

  ‘Where we goin’, Mr G.?’ Jerry asked. ‘I’d like to get outta this neighborhood.’

  ‘Head for the highway, Big Jerry,’ I said, tucking the cash back into my pocket, ‘we’re goin’ to Vegas.’

  ‘Now you’re talkin’.’

  FORTY-ONE

  The main run from L.A. to Las Vegas was Highway 15 and that was where Jerry decided to let the car out.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘this thing runs pretty good.’

  ‘Just remember it’s got phony plates and an altered VIN,’ I said. ‘Don’t get stopped.’

  ‘Gotcha, Mr G.’

  The place to stop to eat during that journey always seemed to be Barstow. True to form, that’s where Jerry got hungry.

  ‘I could eat, too,’ Ava admitted.

  ‘OK,’ I said. ‘Get off at Barstow. Plenty of places to eat right by the highway.’

  ‘A diner’s good enough for me,’ Jerry said.

  ‘Me too,’ Ava agreed.

  ‘I still owe you guys for savi
ng my bacon,’ I said. ‘I’m gonna buy you lunch.’ I looked at Ava. ‘With your money, of course.’

  She laughed throatily and said, ‘Suits me.’ She looked better than she had in days. Holding a gun on some hoods seemed to agree with her.

  Right off the highway Jerry spotted a diner and pulled into the parking lot.

  ‘Hang on a minute, Mr G.,’ he said, as he put the car in park. ‘I wanna have a look around.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  He got out of the car and slammed the door.

  ‘Does he think we’re being followed?’ she asked. ‘Or that somebody got here ahead of us?’

  ‘Jerry’s just bein’ careful.’

  ‘But how could anybody have gotten here ahead of us?’ she asked. ‘We didn’t even know we were coming here.’

  ‘I know,’ I said, and then repeated, ‘Jerry’s just bein’ careful.’

  ‘I guess that’s wise.’

  We waited until Jerry took a turn around the parking lot and peered in the window of the diner, then returned to the car. He opened the back door for Ava.

  ‘It’s OK,’ he said.

  ‘Good,’ Ava said. ‘I’m starving. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten as much as I have with you guys.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘that’s what happens when you’re around Jerry.’

  We went into the diner and got a booth away from the window. Jerry sat on one side, Ava and I the other. The middle-aged waitress came over, gave us menus, stared at Ava for a few moments, then went off to get coffee.

  When she came back with a pot and three cups she filled them slowly, still staring at Ava.

  ‘Honey, I swear,’ she said, finally. ‘You look like that movie actress? What’s her name?’

  ‘I get that a lot,’ Ava said. ‘I don’t see it myself.’

  ‘Joan Crawford, right?’ I said to the waitress.

  ‘No, no, that’s not it,’ she said. ‘I’ll think of it before you leave, though. What’ll ya’ll have?’

  Jerry ordered two stacks of pancakes, an order of bacon, four pieces of toast and a large glass of orange juice. Ava and I both ordered burgers and fries.