I'm a Fool to Kill You

by Robert Randisi

  ‘I’ve got Ava stashed away someplace safe—’ I started.

  ‘She needs to be stashed?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, we think so.’

  ‘We?’

  ‘Me, Jerry and Ava.’

  ‘Ah, Jerry,’ he said. ‘I shoulda figured he’d be involved, too. OK, go ahead. Sorry I interrupted.’

  ‘Well, the simple fact of the matter is, I’ve got her hidden away someplace safe and she doesn’t want Frank to know where that is.’

  Dean sat back on the sofa, sipped his ginger ale and said, ‘Oh.’

  I put my drink down on the bar.

  ‘Dean, Ava doesn’t want her troubles to spill over on Frank.’

  ‘What exactly are her troubles, Eddie?’

  I explained about the lost hours, about the cab driver getting beat up by somebody who thought he was me, about being followed.

  ‘She’s afraid she’s done something . . . bad, something that would bring her terrible publicity . . . or worse, something she couldn’t live with. If there is bad publicity it might affect Frank. She doesn’t want that.’

  ‘Can’t say I blame her.’

  ‘I don’t want to lie to Frank,’ I said.

  ‘So you want me to lie to him?’

  ‘No, sir,’ I said. ‘I want you to tell Frank the truth, and get him to accept it.’

  Dean crossed his leg, drank some more ginger ale and considered my request.

  ‘I tell you what I’ll do, Pally,’ he said, finally. ‘You tell Frank the truth, and then I’ll try to get him to accept it.’

  I picked up my drink, finished it, put the glass down and said, ‘I guess that’s fair.’

  FORTY-SIX

  Earlier in the year I’d been flying back and forth from Vegas to Tahoe because Marilyn was there, staying in one of the Cal-Neva lodges. Frank had developed the Cal-Neva into a year round resort that the likes of Dean and Sammy and Nat King Cole and others had started playing on a regular basis.

  The Sands had a helicopter at its disposal for the use of its high-stakes clientele, and as had been the case earlier in the year, that’s what Dean and I used to fly to Tahoe to see Frank.

  Frank had told us to meet him in the Lakeview Dining Room for a late dinner. We got there first and were seated close to the window. The moon was reflecting off the water and made me wish I was there with a lady instead of Dino.

  Dean was staring out the window and said, ‘Makes me wish I was here with Jeannie and not you – no offense, Eddie.’

  ‘None taken.’

  I had a bourbon in front of me and Dean a ginger ale when Frank walked into the room. He was glad-handed from the door to our table.

  ‘Ain’t this place great?’ he asked, as he sat across from us. ‘Dino, you shouldn’t have sold your interest.’

  Dean had sold his small interest in the Cal-Neva because he didn’t want to be in business with the boys. Frank knew that. Dean didn’t respond to Frank’s remark.

  ‘Ah, never mind,’ he said. ‘It’s good to see you guys. Lemme get a drink and then we can talk.’

  He turned, flagged down a waiter and ordered a glass of Jack Daniels. I was drinking Jim Beam.

  ‘Need some gas,’ Frank said to us. To Frank his Jack Daniels was always ‘gasoline’.

  ‘OK, what brings you two jokers here? Eddie, you’re supposed to be lookin’ out for Ava.’

  ‘That’s why I’m here, Frank,’ I said. ‘To give you a progress report.’

  ‘Good man! Let’s have it.’

  I told Frank everything that had happened since I started looking for Ava, even though he knew some of it. I started at the beginning so I’d have time to work my way up to what I really had to tell him.

  Of course, I didn’t tell him everything, just what he needed to know.

  When I was done he said, ‘This don’t sound too good. I’m glad I had Jerry come out to help you. I don’t want you gettin’ pounded on account of this, Eddie.’

  ‘I’m doin’ my best not to, Frank.’

  ‘Jesus,’ he said, laughing, ‘I wish I coulda seen Ava holding a gun on those four Clydes. That woulda been a hoot.’

  The waiter came with his drink and Frank took a long sip before asking the question I was dreading.

  ‘OK, Eddie, so where’s Ava now?’

  ‘She’s safe, Frank.’

  ‘Whataya mean, she’s safe?’ He looked directly at me and the expression on his face wasn’t friendly. Frank had a rep for having a bad temper and I’d only seen it once or twice, but I didn’t want to see it again. ‘Where is she?’

  ‘Frank,’ I said, ‘Ava doesn’t want you to know where she is.’

  He put his glass down so hard some bourbon slopped on to the table.

  ‘Whataya talkin’ about, Eddie? She came lookin’ for me for help, remember?’

  ‘She did that without thinking, Frank,’ I said. ‘Now that she’s had time she doesn’t want you involved. Just in case there’s some bad publicity.’

  ‘Bad publicity?’ Frank said. ‘What other kind do I get?’ He looked at Dino. ‘Dag, get a load of this guy.’ ‘Dag’ was Frank’s nickname for Dean, stemming from ‘Dago.’ Nobody else ever called him that.

  ‘I don’t think it’s such a bad idea, Frank,’ Dean said, looking down at his cigarette.

  ‘What? Not you, too.’

  ‘Hear Eddie out, Frank,’ Dean suggested, quietly.

  I had seen Dean’s brand of ‘quiet cool’ calm Frank down before, and it was having that effect now.

  ‘OK, kid,’ he said to me, making a show of sitting back in his chair, ‘pitch.’

  As I started talking I was aware that my mouth was going a mile a minute. I had to make a good case for this or it just wasn’t going to work.

  ‘You wanted me to help Ava, Frank. That’s what I’m doin’. I’ve got Danny Bardini on it and we’re gonna find out what happened during those forty hours. If it’s something bad and she needs a lawyer, you’re the first guy we’re gonna call. But if it’s not somethin’ you can help with, then Ava doesn’t want any mud gettin’ slung on to you.’ I took a quick breath and went on before he could speak. ‘If you want me to help Ava I’ve got to do it her way. You know what’ll happen if I don’t.’

  He stared at me for a few seconds, then grinned and said, ‘Yeah, she’ll go off like a Roman candle.’

  ‘You got it!’

  He looked at Dean.

  ‘So you go along with this?’

  ‘I do,’ Dean said. ‘You asked Eddie to handle it, and you know you can trust him. Let him do what he does.’

  Frank looked at me, pointed his index finger and said, ‘You got a lotta balls.’

  ‘Well . . .’

  ‘But you were also smart enough to bring the right back up,’ he finished. ‘So OK, don’t tell me where she is. I’m gonna assume since you’re here, Jerry’s with her?’

  ‘That’s right, Frank.’

  ‘I do trust you, Eddie,’ he said, ‘and I trust Big Jerry, but you’re the one I’m gonna hold responsible if anythin’ happens to Ava. Got it?’

  I swallowed and said, ‘I got it, Frank.’

  ‘All right,’ he said, ‘so we got that settled. Now how about we get some steaks, huh?’

  FORTY-SEVEN

  Dean and I got back to Vegas late. After drinking all night with Frank, Dean had to get me from the airport to the Sands. He pushed me into the limo and sat back.

  ‘You did it, kid,’ he said.

  ‘Me? You did it. All you hadda do was say “hear him out Frank,” in that cool way you talk, and that was it. How do you do that? Get him to listen to you?’

  ‘Oh, he doesn’t always listen to me, but Frank knows I have his best interest at heart.’

  ‘When don’t he listen to you?’

  ‘Like when I advised him to dump his holdings in the Cal-Neva,’ he said. ‘I still think it’s gonna come back and bite his ass. Also, the whole JFK thing. I knew he was gonna end up gettin’ hurt. There’s more
. You wanna hear it?’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’m too drunk and I’ll forget it all by mornin’. But I getcha, Dean. I getcha.’

  ‘You’re gonna have to keep a tight rein on Frank yourself from now on. I gotta get back home. I got some meetings, and dates to play. And I wanna spend some time with my family.’

  ‘I’ll take care of ’im,’ I slurred. ‘’s’no problem, Pally.’

  At least I wasn’t drunk enough to try calling him ‘Dag.’

  It was almost midnight when we got back to the Sands. Way past Dean’s bedtime, so he went right to his suite after I thanked him for his help.

  ‘Don’t mention it, Pally. You gonna be all right?’

  ‘Oh sure,’ I said. ‘The fresh air helped me, and I’m gonna go and have some coffee in the Garden Room.’

  ‘I’m headin’ home in the mornin’,’ he said. ‘You’ve got my number.’

  ‘Yup. I’ve got it. Thanks.’

  Sometimes I still had to pinch myself that I had Dean Martin’s home phone number.

  I went to the Garden Room, sat in a booth and had several cups of coffee. I knew Entratter wasn’t in his office now, and I could have called his suite, but I decided to wait until the next day.

  I was almost done with my coffee when I saw Tony LaBella walk into the room. Tony was an old time crooner, an early influence of Frank’s, as a matter of fact, who had fallen on hard times of late. Jack Entratter booked him into the Silver Queen lounge whenever Tony needed work. I thought the guy could still sing, myself, but I was surprised to see him up this late. He was approaching sixty, and usually asleep at this time. I waved to him and he came over.

  ‘What’s doin’, Tony?’ I asked. ‘Kinda late for you, ain’t it?’

  ‘Couldn’t sleep, Eddie,’ he said. ‘Mind if I sit?’

  ‘Sure, go ahead. You want some coffee?’

  The waitress came over when she saw Tony join me. He looked at her and said, ‘Tea, please, with honey.’ He looked at me. ‘Good for the throat.’

  ‘You feelin’ OK?’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ he said, ‘just a little insomnia.’

  ‘I didn’t know you suffered from that.’

  He rubbed his hands over his face. His hair was thinning, once brown, now mostly grey, his face a map of well-earned lines.

  ‘Only when unwanted memories come flooding back in the dark,’ he said. ‘Then I need some tea, some light . . .’

  ‘And somebody to talk with?’

  He smiled and said, ‘That wouldn’t hurt.’

  ‘What the hell,’ I said. ‘I could use a little more coffee.’

  I stayed with Tony for about half an hour, letting him talk about whatever he wanted. He talked about a hideaway he had in Lake Mead, went on about past hit songs for a while, then started to talk about the future.

  ‘I’d really like to get myself a hit, and I think I’ve got the song,’ he said.

  ‘Oh? Which one?’

  ‘Frank’s song, the one he wrote for Ava after they broke up,’ he said. ‘I’m A Fool To Want You.’

  ‘That’s a great song.’

  ‘Yeah, it is. I’m gonna ask him, but I’m building up the nerve.’

  ‘Hey, Tony,’ I said, ‘you know Frank looks up to you, right?’

  ‘Well . . .’

  ‘He always says he based his early style on you and Bing.’

  ‘That’s nice to hear . . .’

  ‘No bullshit, Tony,’ I said. ‘I really think you should ask him.’

  ‘Hey, thanks Eddie,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna do it.’

  I checked my watch.

  ‘I gotta go,’ I said. ‘It was great talking to you.’

  ‘Thanks again, Eddie.’

  We shook hands and I walked out, hoping he would call Frank in the morning and ask him.

  FORTY-EIGHT

  Since my house only had one bedroom, and Ava was using that – with Jerry on the couch – I spent the night in a room at the Sands. I woke up with only a slight hangover, called the house and told Jerry to get Ava ready to go out for breakfast.

  ‘Where we goin’?’ he asked. ‘The Horseshoe?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I want Ava to meet Danny before he starts working.’

  ‘Great pancakes there.’

  ‘I remember,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you both there in an hour. And tell Ava it’s time for her dark glasses.’

  ‘You got it, Mr G.’

  As I headed for the door he said, ‘Hey, Mr G.!’

  I turned.

  ‘The radio says Liston KO’d Patterson in the first round.’

  ‘That get you even with Ava?’

  ‘Almost.’

  Before I went to the Horseshoe I stopped by Entratter’s office to fill him in. It was early and his girl wasn’t there, which suited me.

  He had a mug of coffee in his hand when I walked in.

  ‘Had to get this from the Garden Room,’ he complained. ‘I don’t know where that girl of mine is.’

  ‘I gotta go, Jack. I just wanted to let you know that Frank’s on board.’

  He looked surprised.

  ‘He went along with it?’

  ‘Dean and I were able to convince him.’

  ‘Well . . . good for you. Now what?’

  ‘I’m introducing Ava to Danny and he’s gonna start workin’ on those missing hours.’

  ‘You better not leave that guy alone with her,’ Jack said.

  ‘You know, if I did I wonder who’d be in more danger?’ I asked.

  ‘You got a point there,’ Jack said. ‘How about you?’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘Are you safe from Ava’s feminine wiles?’

  I hesitated, then said, ‘What man is, Jack? I’m doin’ the best I can.’

  ‘Yeah, OK. Oh, there she is,’ he said, spotting his secretary. ‘If she thinks she’s gonna sneak in on me she’s mistaken.’

  ‘Let me get out of here before you tear into her,’ I said. ‘She’ll find a way to blame me.’

  ‘Yeah, why does she hate you?’ he asked. ‘What’s that about?’

  ‘Beats me, but I don’t have the time to find out. I’ll see you later.’

  Benny Binion had the best coffee shop in Vegas in the bowels of the Horseshoe. I got there first, ordered coffee and waited. Danny was next. His office was nearby. He slid into the booth next to me.

  ‘I wanted to make sure I was here when she walks in,’ he said.

  ‘You gonna rein in your libido and be serious?’ I asked.

  ‘Is she?’ he asked, with a wry grin.

  ‘I guess we’re gonna see, aren’t we?’

  ‘You don’t look so good,’ he said, ‘and I know that look. Who were you up late drinkin’ with?’

  ‘I was drinkin’ in Tahoe with Frank, and then up late havin’ coffee with Tony LaBella.’

  ‘He ain’t dead?’

  ‘He’s only sixty, and he’s playin’ the lounge at the Sands.’

  ‘He had a helluva voice once.’

  ‘Yeah . . . it’s still pretty good.’

  I couldn’t remember much of what we talked about. I thought I recalled Tony telling me something about a cabin he had by Lake Mead, where he sometimes stayed between shows. I remember thinking he must not have been so hard up if he had a place in that area. Just because he’d been out of the limelight for a while apparently didn’t mean he was broke.

  At that point Jerry came down the stairs. Ava was behind him, hidden from view. Jerry looked quickly around the room, making sure everything was OK for Ava to enter. Satisfied, he turned, said something to her and let her enter ahead of him. She was wearing the dark glasses and a scarf but, thankfully, no blonde wig. She was also wearing a loose sweater, but tight fitting jeans and flat shoes. She wasn’t Ava Gardner, the screen Goddess, but the men in the room still watched her walk to our booth.

  ‘Good morning, Eddie,’ she said, in that sultry voice of her. ‘Who’s your handsome friend?’

  ‘Have a
seat, Ava, and I’ll introduce you.’

  Jerry stood by the booth. Ava sat then slid over to make room for him.

  ‘No way, Miss Ava,’ he said. ‘I ain’t built for booths. I’ll sit at the counter. Hey Gumshoe.’

  ‘Hey Gunsel.’

  Jerry grunted and went to the counter, where he’d order at least a dozen pancakes – to start.

  Ava slid to the center of her seat and removed her dark glasses. I knew Danny was feeling at least what I was, like a slug to the stomach. Ava took your breath away.

  ‘Ava, this is Danny Bardini. He’s the best private eye I know.’

  ‘Yeah, but ask him how many he knows,’ Danny said. He put his hand out and Ava slid hers into it. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Gardner.’

  ‘Ava, please, Danny,’ she said. ‘It’s nice to meet you too.’ She looked at me. ‘Did you see Frank?’

  ‘I did,’ I said. ‘He’s goin’ along with us.’

  ‘What did he sa—’

  ‘Let’s order,’ I said, waving at the waitress, ‘and then I’ll tell you all about it.’

  FORTY-NINE

  Over breakfast I filled both Danny and Ava in on my meeting with Frank.

  ‘Sounds to me like Dean swung it for ya,’ Danny said.

  ‘Dean can usually calm Frank down,’ Ava said. ‘Well, this makes me feel better. Now what?’

  ‘Danny’s gonna start workin’,’ I said. ‘You need to tell him everything you can remember, from Spain to New York to L.A. and anything else.’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Right now.’

  She continued to work on her omelet while she talked. I ate my scrambled eggs, but Danny couldn’t take his eyes off Ava’s face the whole time and his eggs were getting cold. The only time he did look away from her was to make some notes in a little book he carried.

  ‘OK,’ Danny said, taking a bite of his toast, ‘is that it?’

  ‘I know it’s not much,’ she said, ‘but it’s all I can remember.’

  Danny looked at me. She hadn’t given him any more than she’d told me. It seemed to me Danny was going to have to start in New York, where she woke up with blood on her.

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘I guess I have all I’m gonna get. Time to get to work.’