by Laura Wylde
“The meeting has been set up. There isn’t anything I can do to change that now.”
“Dean, that isn’t what I asked you. I want to know what your opinion is.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I wasn’t really sure; my head was all over the place. I forced myself to really look at Reese, to think about her presence here in Panthera, to consider what it meant to have her here as well as Kayla, to really examine how I felt about the night she spent with my pack…with everyone but me.
Logic didn’t come into it. Rationality didn’t matter. Emotions and sensations were everything right now, and all I wanted was her. I rose to my feet and edged closer to her, drinking in her scent once more. The image of the others all over her, inside of her, touching her, tasting her…it sent my head spinning. I could hardly think straight.
“You haven’t answered me yet, Dean,” Reese rasped, her words thick with lust. “What do you think?”
All I could think about was her, so I cupped my fingers underneath her chin gently and dipped my mouth towards hers. My lips tingled with need, lust zig zagged through me, and I just wanted to taste her a little bit. Plus, I wanted to gauge Reese’s reaction. She said she thought that we could have a connection, that we could have a friendship, but I knew that she meant more. She wanted more and I did too. Or so I hoped…
I was good at research, but not relationships. I wanted that to change.
“What’s happening here?” Reese gasped, her breath tickling all over my mouth. “Are you sure about this?”
I didn’t need to answer her, not with my words anyway. I could do it with actions. So, I crashed my lips to hers and I kissed her. My first ever kiss and my God it was phenomenal. How could I have lived a life of logic when this was out in the world? Why did I push Reese away the moment she arrived here, when I should have been kissing her all the time? I did feel something, even if I didn’t want to accept it, and it was this.
As the kiss deepened and her tongue massaged mine, the foundation of my life vanished. I was solely connected to her, nothing else, she was the only thing holding me to the planet. She was my everything.
As we pulled apart, Reese looked startled but pleasantly surprised. “Why the change of heart?”
“I don’t know how to answer that, the only thing I can say is you. You have changed me. All of me. My opinions, my thoughts of what is right and wrong, I don’t know how to explain it…”
She traced her finger down my cheek softly, smiling at me gently as she did. “That’s how I feel about all of you as well. I didn’t expect to come to Panthera and to find people who changed me so much.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief, safe in the knowledge that we were in this together. All of us.
“I am sorry if I have hurt you,” I continued, needing to get all of this out. “I never meant that.”
“No, I know.” She nodded slowly. “I get it. I understand how confusing it is. I’m just glad that we managed to talk about it. Communication is key in all of this, I think. While we’re all getting to understand this, talking is what we need to do. That’s why…well, that’s why I came here to speak to you.”
“While we’re being honest…” God, was I really going to say this aloud? “You mated with the others?”
“I did. I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t the complete package. Not without you there.”
I sucked in a breath, really taking this to heart. She had to mean that, she wasn’t the sort of person to say that if it wasn’t the truth. She missed me. I thought I was a person who was barely noticeable, who blended into the walls, but Reese saw me. She noticed me and she wanted me around. That was brilliant. It made me smile.
“I would like to be there next time. I think it would be better if we were all together.”
“Yes, I think so too.” She squeezed my hand softly. “We’re all meant to be together.”
She really understood it, that was important too. She got the panther mating ways, which was great. She understood it deeply as well, to the pit of her core. She loved it, she wanted to explore it more. Reese was perfect. I gazed into her eyes, knowing that our connection went deeper than like, at least for me. It was a lot more like love. The dangerous sort of free falling love which had a soft, safe landing as well.
“We will have to talk. All of us, won’t we?” I said quietly. “We need to have communication as a pack.”
“That would be a good idea. Perhaps today. The sooner, the better. Looking at what Kayla and her pack has, I think that we could get that too.” Her hand rubbed gently over her belly. “All of it.”
“If we’re going to have it all,” I felt compelled to say. “Then I think it’s best you know about all of our misgivings. I don’t know if the other men will tell you how they feel, but I can. Now that I have started to talk to you, I feel more relaxed with being honest.” I smiled at that revelation. “You need to know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“Should I be worried?” She giggled awkwardly. “Is there some big secret that I don’t know?”
“Oh no, nothing like that.” I shook my head hard. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. It’s just…well, I’m not the only one who has my misgivings. I’m not the only one with insecurities. I might have my own fair share; I might not feel like I’m good enough, like I’m not fully a member of the pack, but the others do too. Like Garret, with his scars. He has the deep seated belief that he is also not good enough for anyone. That he lost his looks in the war and now no one will ever see him as a full man again.” He never said that to me, but I had a perceptive nature. Being quieter allowed me to understand things that no one else could. “And Trevor thinks that because he has another child, he will not be able to find someone who truly wants him, he will assume that you will grow bored of him. That when you have your own child, you won’t want to be around him, that he is excess to the pack.”
“Wow, I never would have thought…” Reese panted. Her hand to her chest. “I would never think that way. I can’t believe they think that way. Of course that isn’t the truth. I’m not like that at all…”
“And then there is Jakar,” I interjected, not quite done yet. “He fears not being in his brother’s position of power, that it makes him less of a man. He wonders if it bothers you, if you would rather it be Javier with you.”
Reese sucked in a breath and shook her head. “Dean, that isn’t me. That isn’t what I’m like. I have strong feelings for everyone here. I don’t see you in that way, I see you as amazing humans…and animals too, obviously. Not that I have seen any of your four in animal form.”
“Do you want to fix that?” I jumped in quickly. “I could show you me as a panther.”
She hesitated for a second, trying to work out if this would change her opinion of me, but then she nodded. “Yes, Dean, I would love that. Thank you very much.”
It was going to bring us closer, I was sure of it. This was going to be me and Reese spending some real time together. I had been vulnerable, and it was okay. It had worked out just fine. That was a great sign for the future.
Reese
The insecurities of the guys circled my head as I walked with Dean. I couldn’t believe what I had been told by him. Poor Trevor, of course I wouldn’t make any judgements because he had a child. I loved Sean, I thought that he was doing an amazing job with him. If I was going to mate with Trevor, then it meant taking on Sean as well. I was very happy to do that, I adored that little boy. We had a good connection already.
Then there was Garret. His scars came from past battles, but I honestly didn’t notice them as we spent time together. He was so handsome, they were a part of him, the limp was nothing to me either. His personality over shadowed anything anyway. I was attracted to that side of him, as much as I was to his looks. I couldn’t believe he felt so terribly about himself. I hoped that during our time together, I could help him get over that.
Jakar too. Who would have ever thought that he felt that way? He seemed so cool a
nd in control. He had a real power to him. It was a massive shock to know that underneath his macho exterior, there was more. With the others, I knew that there was more. With Dean especially. But with Jakar, it was a shock.
Dean reached out and interlaced his fingers through mine. He seemed to know exactly what I needed, like he had an extra perceptiveness to his nature. I gripped his fingers tight and smiled happily at him. I was so glad that I’d gone to speak to him today. It was incredible. The anxiety I had had in the pit of my stomach was long gone.
“We will go to the outskirts of the city,” Dean told me quietly. “And I will shift there. But not for too long because everyone will be awake soon and then we have lots that we need to do.”
I nodded, knowing that the conversation was going to change things, hopefully for the better. With the whole pack together, with me, it was going to be perfect. Even more perfect than the last time. With Dean giving up the idea of mating with the jaguars, or at least pushing it to the side for the time being, they would all have something to agree on at last. The meeting would still have to happen if they were on the way, but that would end in a different way and we could all go on with our happily ever after…or so I hoped anyway.
“Right, here.” Dean nodded sharply. “This will do. If you’re still comfortable with that.”
I nodded, unable to speak. I’d seen a panther shift before, but none of the guys that I was mating with. It just hadn’t yet happened. I wasn’t sure if they had done that on purpose because they thought I might be afraid of them, but I didn’t think I would. I was nervous and excited to see who Dean would become.
He looked at me intently for a few moments, before he began to shudder. Instantly, he changed. Not fully, but the shape of his body, his angles weren’t quite the same. I watched in awe, breathless and happy, while Dean trembled and bolted forwards, falling onto his hands and knees, dark black fur sprouting from him as he did. He was like a contortionist, a circus performer, but with a real graceful beauty. I was mesmerized by how gorgeous he looked as he changed, how much I wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel him now.
Once he was fully panther, we stared at one another. In his eyes, I could still see the very serious Dean whom I knew well, and was starting to get to understand a lot better, but his body was beastly. Beautifully monstrous. He was stunning. My heart balled up in my throat, hot tears burning behind my eyes as I fell for him all over again.
Dean took a tentative step towards me, the question in his eyes, and he nudged my hand gently with his soft wet nose. I gasped as I brushed my hand over his fur, loving the silky way that he felt. I ran my hand down towards his back and even wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him. A moan flew passed my lips as I held him.
It was a wonderful, beautiful moment, that imprinted deeply on me. I knew that this was something which would last in my memory forever. I would never forget how Dean, as a panther, felt in my arms.
Eventually, voices burst into the background. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew that Dean wanted to be back in human form before anyone saw him, so with huge regret I stepped away from him and allowed him to change. I watched him return to human form. For some reason, this felt more like a private matter. But the whole process was just as beautiful. Dean in human form was just as wonderfully amazing. I adored his face, his body, his smile, everything about him was just incredible. My heart raced faster, my mouth ran bone dry, and I felt flutters all over me. For Dean, and for the rest of the pack. All of them meant everything to me.
I love him, I thought to myself, not really in shock. I love all of them, I’m sure of it. I’m head over heels in love.
That was scary, I was going to need a lot of courage to get through telling all of them that. Even if they felt the same way about me, it was going to terrify me to get it all out there. I suppose I was not used to being vulnerable, and I was going to have to be very vulnerable and raw at that moment.
“Shall we go?” Dean asked me with a caution to his tone. “Find the others? It seems like the city is stirring now.”
“Yes.” As he reached out his hand to me, I took it willingly. “Let’s do it. Let’s get this done.”
I felt all messy as we walked through the city towards where the other guys would be. I wondered how they’d feel to see me like this with Dean. Would they view him as the missing puzzle piece, finally bringing us all together, and making us whole like I did? Or were there still underlying problems that needed addressing first? Who knew?
It didn’t take me long to find out, because Jakar was on my door step, glancing around like he was looking for me. As his eyes spotted me, his face lit up, but then it furrowed in confusion as he spotted were my hand was. That was the moment that the nerves full took over and my brain became a fuzzy mess.
“Uh oh,” I murmured to Dean. “Is it me, or does Jakar look mad?”
“I don’t think he’s angry. I think he’s just trying to figure out what he missed.”
Jakar called out Garret and Trevor’s names, and soon they joined him outside too. Immediately, Garret grinned in his happy, easy going way. I should have known that he’d be easy to win over, and to be honest, Trevor didn’t look too mad either. I hoped and prayed they would be able to persuade Jakar to be happy too.
“Hello,” I said quietly, warily, as we reached the rest of the pack. “I…went to find Dean.”
“Hmm,” Jakar shot back. “And it seems like you found him.”
“Yes, I did, and we had a long talk about everything that has happened between us. All of us. He has…”
“I’ve realized the error of my ways,” Dean jumped in, taking the reins for me, thank goodness because I wasn’t totally sure what I wanted to say here, nor how to explain it. “I was wrong, about many things. About refusing to have humans here and going to the jaguars. I was only trying to do what was right for the pack and what would be best for our genetics, like all of my research shows.” His eyes flickered to the ground. “And I think that I started to push harder for that when Reese turned up because I didn’t want to admit the truth. That she was making me see things differently and doubt all of my own decisions. I’ve had feelings for her for a long time, and that scared me because I’ve held onto the notion that it isn’t right. But who’s to say what’s ‘right’? There are no rules for this.” Finally, he began to look at everyone in turn. “I know that you have all fallen for her too. So, I would like…if it’s okay with you guys, I would like it if we could start afresh and really find a way to make this work.”
Garret nodded instantly and Trevor had a smile on his face. Both guys were in agreement, knowing that this was the best way for all of us. For them to be a pack, for us to all be in this together, it was safest and happiest. But Jakar had a funny look on his face. He looked like he didn’t quite know what he wanted to do.
“Dean has treated you badly in the past. I’m not ready to forget that. And he’s brought the jaguars to us, knowing that we don’t want to go down that road, knowing that we might end up in danger, because of his research.”
“I have just explained all of that to you,” Dean tried, but all it took was one firm of Jakar’s head to silence him.
“I just want to be sure this is the way for all of us to be happy, that’s all.”
I nodded at him enthusiastically, sensing that sentiment was directed more at me than anyone else. “I will be so much happier if we’re all together. I know this is the only way for it to truly work. You might assume that I don’t fully understand the panther customs, but I’m getting there. I understand more every day.”
Jakar kept his eyes fixed on mine for a few moments. I could tell that he was trying to understand just how serious I was about this. I kept his gaze, smiling at him the whole time, with my fingers interlocked with Dean’s. He wasn’t going to be excluded anymore. He wasn’t going to be left out. He was an integral part of the pack and soon the others would see that. They would feel exactly the way I felt when he wasn’t around.
/> “I want to stay,” I finally admitted quietly. “Forever. I don’t want to leave. I feel like…like this is my home now, and I don’t want to go. I won’t ever be as happy as I am here…if you’ll all have me, that is.”
“It means you’ll have to be here to face the jaguars when they come,” Jakar warned.
“I know that, but I want to help you with it. Whatever comes your way, I want to be a part of it.”
“It’ll be dangerous. We will have to keep you hidden because we don’t know how they’ll react to you being here.”
“But I would rather stand behind you and help,” I offered, but Jakar wasn’t having any of it.
“The only way you can help is by keeping yourself safe. We don’t all want to be worried about you on top of everything else. This could result in a real nightmare. There are no guarantees.”
I had to squash the leader in me, the person who always thought that she knew best. I needed to do what they wanted, even if it didn’t feel right. This was their world, and I was still learning my place in it.
“Yes,” Dean finally agreed with him quietly. “Jakar is right. I don’t think that the jaguars will take the news well. They aren’t exactly known for living harmoniously with humans. When I went to them, I convinced myself that over time they might have changed, their lives and views might be different now, and since they’re all over the world, they may live differently in each pack…but now I’m worried about what I have unleashed. I’m afraid for you, Reese.” His head hung low, I could see the sadness rolling off him. “I should never have acted on my research, I should have listened to what everyone else was trying to tell me, and now…now there is you. There’s Kayla with the baby. She must hate my guts right now as well. I’ve caused chaos.”
“Hey, Dean.” Surprisingly, it was Jakar to rest his hand reassuringly on his shoulder. “All we need to do is get through this meeting. There isn’t any point in worrying about which way it will go yet. We don’t have any idea, do we? I have been strong in voicing my opinions about it, but that doesn’t make me right.”
