Learning to Breathe

by J. C. McClean

  “Oh.” I was a little taken aback. “Um nothing at the minute.”

  “Well, Samuel’s having a party and I wondered if you wanted to go with me?” He asked hesitantly before adding “Just as friends like.”

  I sighed heavily. “Um, I’ll have to check that my mother hasn’t made plans already. I’ll let you know, okay?”

  There was a moment’s silence before Danny finally said. “Yeah, that’s fine. Talk to you later.”

  “Okay, bye.” I said before hanging up.

  Now, what was I going to do about New Year’s?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  New Year’s Eve arrived and I had somehow found myself roped into attending Samuel’s party. I had insisted to my mother that I didn’t want to leave her alone but when she told me she had already made plans to go out with her workmates, I had no choice but to go.

  So now, Harriet had invaded my room to help me get ready. She was already looking gorgeous in a tight purple body-con dress and sky-scraper heels with her blonde hair pulled up into a messy ponytail and quiff.

  She was now currently rifling through various hangers of dresses that she had brought – apparently jeans wouldn’t be acceptable on this occasion – and looking at me critically.

  “Here, try this one,” she threw a bright blue lace dress at me and ushered me to the bathroom.

  I quickly changed into it and opened the door to find that Harriet had disappeared into my bedroom again. I peeped my head around the door and found her rummaging through my shoes.

  “Hey! What’re you doing?” I asked loudly, startling her.

  She quickly turned to face me. “Just seeing what shoes you have since we aren’t the same size unfortunately. Have you ever worn these?”

  She held out a pair of black heels and it was as if she had punched me in the chest – I hadn’t looked at them in nearly a year – not since the funeral.

  I managed to compose myself and told her. “O-only once.”

  Harriet threw me a questioning look but didn’t say anything about how terrified I had looked two seconds ago, instead she smiled.

  “Well then, they’ll go perfect with that dress!”

  I nodded and obediently slipped them onto my feet. Harriet grinned. “Perfect … now onto hair and make-up.”

  An hour later and I was ready to go. Harriet had left my hair down and styled it into soft waves but had gone for the dramatic effect when it came to my make-up. She had made my eyes look all smoky and then glossed my lips with a soft pink colour. All in all, I didn’t look too bad.

  I thanked Harriet and she quickly left since Samuel had phoned her to bring over more ice. I was now just waiting on Danny to pick me up. My mother had left half an hour ago, so I was sitting in the living room on my own – trying to deal with my mixed-up thoughts.

  I kept thinking about how happy Danny had sounded when I told him I was going tonight, then there was Harriet with her ongoing comments about how Danny and I would make a perfect couple and to top it all off, my own mother had been teasing me about a midnight kiss.

  I shook my head in an effort to clear it just as the doorbell rang. After grabbing a jacket, I headed to the door and found Danny looking extremely handsome in a deep blue shirt and dark jeans.

  His whole face lit up as he looked me up and down before throwing me his killer lopsided smile. “Hey, you look amazing!”

  I blushed. “Thanks, you look good yourself.”

  He waved off my compliment. “So, you ready to go?”

  I nodded, locked the door and we made our way over to his car.

  We arrived at Samuel’s house just after 10.30pm to find the place packed with people.

  “Drink?” Danny asked as we weaved our way around the living room.

  “Just a Diet Coke thanks.” I told him with a small smile.

  He grinned. “Don’t want a repeat of last time then?”

  I shook my head. “Definitely not.”

  He laughed and told me to wait for him while he quickly squeezed through crowds of people into the kitchen. I took a look around the room and recognised a few faces from school but the rest of the people were complete strangers.

  Danny arrived back two minutes later and handed me my drink.

  “So, did you have a nice Christmas?” he asked before taking a sip of his own Diet Coke.

  I nodded. “Yeah, it was quiet but relaxing. What about you?”

  He shrugged. “Can’t complain. So, are you looking forward to go-karting next week?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, it should be fun.” I took a sip of my drink and Danny suddenly smiled as he noticed that I was wearing the charm bracelet he had bought me.

  “You liked it then?” he asked with a grin.

  “Yeah, it’s beautiful. I had to laugh at the little swimsuit charm.” I told him with a smile.

  “Yeah, I thought it was appropriate.” Danny smiled before asking tentatively, “What did you think of the ‘D’?”

  I looked at his face thoughtfully, scrutinising his expression before I answered – it looked like he was nervous of what I would say.

  “Well what did you think?” I asked curiously.

  He glanced away. “Oh um, I just thought it was cool because it symbolises both of our names.”

  I nodded and smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Plus, it’ll always remind me of our horrendous lessons together.” I added with a smirk.

  Danny looked at me intently, a half smile playing on his lips. “They’re not over yet so you’re gonna have to suffer just a little bit longer.”

  “Oh, how will I ever survive?” I replied sarcastically.

  Danny grinned. “Hey, your teacher’s a lifeguard … I think you’ll be okay.” He winked at me and I had to laugh.

  “Always the smart ass!” I quipped. “And sometimes just an ass.” I added with a wink of my own.

  Danny chuckled. “Touché Gilmore, touché. Now let’s get something to eat.”

  Pretty soon, it was one minute to midnight and Samuel had doled out a glass of champagne to everyone (Danny excluded of course) so that we could toast to the New Year in style.

  I swirled the champagne around in my glass as the countdown began. Everywhere I looked, people were starting to seek out someone to welcome in the New Year with and it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

  I stole a quick glance at Danny and found that he was standing on the opposite side of the room, talking to some random guy. I breathed in a sigh of relief and waited for the countdown to finally stop.

  “10 … 9 … 8 … 7 …” I heard everyone start to shout.

  I took another glance at Danny – he was still talking to the guy thankfully.

  “6 … 5 … 4 …” everyone continued to yell as I looked at the floor, praying for it to end already.

  “3 … 2 … 1!”

  Suddenly I felt someone gently tilt my head up and then all I could feel was soft gentle lips on mine as shouts of “Happy New Year!” echoed around the room.

  I opened my eyes to find Danny smiling sheepishly at me. I necked my champagne and stared at him, lost for words.

  What the hell had just happened?

  An hour later and I was starting to dread my ride home with Danny. Neither of us had spoken since the kiss and I had a feeling that things would be incredibly awkward in the car. After it had happened, I had walked away from him without saying a word and he hadn’t been very vocal either.

  It’s not like it had been that big of a deal since it was just one little kiss. And it was for New Year’s – everybody knows that a New Year’s kiss means nothing … right?

  Nevertheless, I was feeling very confused about it all but I figured that when Danny gave me a ride home, we could clear the air. Everything would be fine – I was sure of it.

  Two seconds later and Danny approached me. “Hey, you ready to go?” he asked me with a hint of uncertainty.

  I nodded. “Yeah, let me just grab my coat.” I quickly rushed off to find my jacket
and then met Danny at his car.

  “So,” I began as I sat in the passenger seat and tried to warm up – it was freezing outside. “About earlier, things aren’t gonna get weird between us, are they?”

  Danny frowned at me. “No, why would they be?”

  “Um, well it’s just – um, you kissed me and I dunno …” I trailed off, unsure of how to proceed since I had started to sound like a bumbling idiot.

  Danny nodded in acknowledgement. “Ah right, the kiss. Look, you don’t have to worry – it’ll never happen again. It was New Year’s, everybody was kissing someone and I’m really sorry for overstepping the boundaries of our friendship. Friends?”

  He glanced at me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  I nodded. “Um sure – of course we’re still friends. As you said it was just a New Year’s kiss – it was nothing.” I said more to myself than Danny.

  “Right.” Danny agreed, as he pulled up outside my house. “Well then, I guess I’ll see you later. Goodnight.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed distractedly as I got out of the car. “Goodnight.”

  And as I watched Danny drive off, I felt incredibly confused. I couldn’t forget the look Danny had given me when he had asked if we were still friends … it was almost as if he knew that my brain hadn’t been focusing since he’d kissed me … and I couldn’t help but think that that had been his plan all along.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Oh my God, he totally kissed you and you’re not going to do anything about it?” Harriet asked me, slightly mystified.

  I shrugged. “Like I keep telling you – it was nothing.”

  It had been four days since ‘the kiss’ and after careful consideration, I had finally decided to put it behind me. Harriet, on the other hand, kept trying to make a big deal out of it. We were currently sitting in her kitchen and she had insisted on grilling me about all the details.

  “But how could it mean nothing? Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t even feel the tiniest bit of a spark?” Harriet looked at me sceptically.

  “That’s right.” I nodded emphatically. “I didn’t feel a thing! Now can we please talk about something else?”

  Harriet rolled her eyes. “Yeah right – you just keep telling yourself that.”

  I sighed heavily. “Whatever, look I gotta go. I’m meeting Danny after lunch to do this go-karting thing.”

  “Ooh!” Harriet exclaimed. “For someone who’s not interested in him, you seem to be spending an awful lot of time with Danny.”

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. “We’re just friends. Protest all you want but it’s the truth.”

  Harriet sighed. “Fine, I’ll drop it. Go have fun.”

  I nodded and left Harriet’s house to go and get ready.

  After I had grabbed a quick lunch and changed into old clothes, I borrowed my mother’s car and drove to pick up Danny. He came out right on time, smiling widely at me.

  “I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” He told me with a grin.

  I nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

  I then quickly turned up the radio slightly as Leona Lewis’s ‘Collide’ began to play and turned to Danny.

  “I hope you don’t mind but I love this song!”

  Danny shrugged but threw me a vaguely puzzled look which I decided to ignore. I knew he probably thought I was being weird but the truth was I just didn’t feel like talking.

  A short while later and I pulled up outside of ‘Karl’s Karts’ and we both entered the building to get suited up. After giving our names and signing some paperwork, the owner – Karl – gave us our helmets and boiler suits. Mine was a rather fetching red number while Danny’s was blue.

  We then went outside to get a quick demonstration of how the go-karts worked before trying out a practice lap. After a bad start and a few laps of the circuit, I started to get the hang of the whole go-karting thing and was actually starting to have fun. It also looked like Danny was enjoying himself too, judging by his triumphant fist-pumping when he beat me.

  However, when the real race started, my competitive alter ego reared its ugly head. Danny and I traded smart remarks and silly insults before each race and I found that I was really starting to enjoy myself.

  After four races, our time was up but since Danny and I were tied for first, Karl let us do one more lap to decide the winner. We both indulged in a little more fight talk before we took off around the circuit. Danny was leading by a hair but I quickly caught up to him so that we were neck and neck.

  We both tried to nudge each other off the track but neither of us lost control. It was then, when we were about three meters from the finish that a bug decided to slam into the visor on my helmet. It didn’t impair my vision but it did distract me for a second thus giving Danny a chance to take the lead and win.

  We both drove into the pit and the got out of karts to get our time sheets. It turned out, even though Danny had won in the end, I had been the fastest out of the two of us and this pleased me immensely.

  “Ho ho,” I teased. “A little bit slow there Danny-boy – were you trying to race me or were you just enjoying the scenery?”

  Danny rolled his eyes. “Laugh all you want but I still beat you in the end and I’ve got the trophy to prove it!”

  I wacked him playfully on the arm. “Yeah, only ‘cause a bug distracted me at the last second.”

  “Yeah yeah,” Danny teased. “Excuses, excuses.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Come on, let’s go before your head gets so big that you won’t fit in the car.”

  Once we pulled up at Danny’s house, I turned to face him – there was something that I had wanted to say the whole journey home.

  “Do you have any other plans for the rest of the day?” I rushed out rather quickly before I chickened out.

  Danny looked at me curiously. “No … why?”

  “Um, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I told him hastily.

  “Okay …” he said slowly. “Who?”

  I smiled at him. “My mother.”

  Danny looked surprised. “Really?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, she’s been bugging me for ages about meeting the person who’s been helping me learn how to swim.”

  “Okay then, let’s go.”

  I grinned at him and then proceeded to drive over to my house. Once I’d pulled into our driveway, Danny got out and opened my door for me.

  “Wow!” I exclaimed in surprise. “What’s happened to you?”

  Danny gave me a sly grin. “Your mother’s looking out the window – I had to show her that I’m the perfect gentleman!”

  I slapped his arm playfully. “Sorry to disappoint you Danny-boy but she’ll see right through your little charm act … just like I did.”

  “And you’re sure about that?” Danny asked with a smirk.

  I nodded. “Yeah – why?”

  “Oh nothing, I guess I’ll just have to resort to my winning smile then.” He flashed me a cheeky grin as I laughed and led him into the house.

  It was then two hours later before my mother finally let Danny go home. She had been very taken with him – a fact that Danny proceeded to boast about on the entire journey back to his house.

  “So,” Danny began, after he had finished gloating. “When do you wanna start your lessons again?”

  I shrugged. “First day we go back to school?”

  He nodded. “Sounds good to me. See you Monday.”

  I nodded. “See you then.”

  I then smiled and drove off, wondering how much my mother was going to gush about Danny when I arrived back home – I was guessing a lot.

  When I returned home, my mother didn’t pester me too much about Danny which I found surprising. Although, when she started to hint that our friendship just might be something more, I excused myself from the room, citing that I had to get an early night.

  However, every time I tried to fall asleep, I found myself plagued with images from my nightmares. Eventually tho
ugh, I managed to drift off sometime after 3am but it was far from restful.

  My lungs felt like they were on fire. I could taste the salty water but there was nothing I could do to stop it from rushing into my lungs. I was choking while I screamed out for help and I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I could feel strong arms around me and hear someone comforting me.

  “Darcie, you’re going to be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise …”

  I woke with a start.

  It was Monday morning – the first day back to school and I just had to start it with haunting thoughts about my nightmare. I hadn’t been plagued by one in a while but now it seemed to have returned with a vengeance.

  What a great start to the day!

  I eventually managed to get up and saw that my mother had already left for work before I jumped in the shower in an attempt to wash away the last traces of the dream. It didn’t work as well as it normally would have since it was still playing in the back of mind when I arrived at school an hour later.

  I was just grabbing the last of my books from my locker when Danny approached me, causing me to drop my copy of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. He quickly retrieved it and handed it to me with a concerned look on his face.

  “Hey Gilmore, you okay? You look kinda tired.”

  I nodded distractedly. “Yeah, I’m fine – um … how are you? Are we still on for this afternoon?”

  Danny nodded. “Yeah, I’ll meet you in the pool after you’re done with the Youth Club.”

  He then threw me a curious look as I dropped another book and added, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Huh? Oh, I’m fine – really.” I told him firmly, plastering a fake smile on my face.

  He frowned at me. “Look, you know we can skip today’s lesson – if you’re not feeling up to it.”