by Marisa Logan
“To the happy couple!” I toasted the couple, and we all drank our drinks. After taking the last shot, Jessica stumbled a bit, but was able to catch herself on the bar. I told her to sit down for a moment, but she refused, insisting she was fine and had tripped on her dress.
Jessica told Steve to take her out to dance, but I could see that he was still upset about everything she said. I pulled her aside and said, “Sweetie it looks like he’s getting pretty worn out from the events of the day. Why don’t you go see if some of your friends want to dance and give him a rest. I’ll keep him company.”
She nodded and mumbled something about Steve being an asshole for not wanting to dance. I shook my head and stared at her for a moment. I didn’t understand how she could be such a bitch to him, especially on their wedding day.
I walked back over to Steve and asked how he was doing, and he nonchalantly shrugged and said, “Great, why wouldn’t I be? I’m married to a great woman who loves me.”
Most people would have been fooled, but I could see right through his mask. “Are you sure? I know she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but saying she’s happier about drinking than anything else today must have hurt.”
Steve’s mask slipped for a moment, but he regained his composure. “I promise I’m fine, I know she didn’t mean anything by it. It was a big day and she's been stressed.”
I knew he was blowing it off, and was upset, but I didn’t push the issue. I didn’t want to upset him more. I just wanted him to be happy today. I told him I needed to go use the restroom, but that he shouldn't go anywhere because when I came back we’re going to hang out and chat.
I walked about 15 feet and turn back to look at Steve. He was turned towards the corner of the bar so nobody could see him, but he was clearly trying to keep it together. Part of me wanted to run over to him, throw my arms around his neck and profess my love to him.
The the other part of me wanted to find Jessica and shake some sense into her. I turned away, afraid that if I looked any longer I’d do one of those two thing, and both of them would destroy at least one person I love.
Chapter 2
I walked towards the exit of the ballroom, looking around for Jessica to make sure she looked like she’s doing okay. After all she and Steve seem pretty upset with each other.
I saw her dancing and smiling, appearing to have a great time. It made me happy to see, thinking that maybe they just needed some time to blow off some steam. After all, they really did have a huge day today.
A couple started walking off the dance floor and I saw why Jessica looked so happy. I saw my friend, on the day she married the man she supposedly loves, grinding and gyrating with a random wedding guest. This wasn’t an innocent dance. The man was clearly very handsome, and interested in more than just dancing with the disgruntled bride. As much as I usually love her, I hate her right now.
After using the bathroom, I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. What I saw pulled me back to reality. Everyone tells me I’m beautiful. Men were always trying to pick me up at bars and coffee shops. But the only man I've ever wanted will never want me. How could I compare to Jessica? I compared my features to Jessica's in my head.
My eyes are big and brown, and although I saw the allure, Jessica has the most gorgeous green eyes. My short blonde hair complimented my round face, but her long curly strawberry blonde hair around her long slender face made her look like she could have been a model, if she wasn’t a spoiled brat.
Her hair wasn’t the only thing that looked like a model, her toned body, and perky breasts do that for her.
I looked at my own body, and even though I’m not ashamed of it, my curvy body doesn't compare. I shook my head in disappointment, thinking, even if Jessica hadn’t snagged him, if she's his type, I never had a chance.
Once I put everything in perspective, I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. I broke down crying, unable to see how I’d ever find love and be happy.
I’d been working so hard lately, living my life, telling myself I’m happy and that whenever I meet “the one”, that will be when I’ll worry about love.
Seeing Steve again, being around him and Jessica, watching them interact, I realized again that this was the man I was waiting for but will never have.
After a few minutes, I was able to pull myself together and fix my makeup. I left the bathroom, and as I was walking back to the ballroom I saw Jessica walking towards the hotel elevator, dragging the same guy I saw her dancing with behind her, giggling all the way.
I grabbed her arms and pulled her aside, mouthing an apology to the guy she was with.
“What do you think you’re doing here Jessica? I’ve seen you do some terrible things to men before, but this is the worst. It’s your wedding night. Where are you going with that man? Don't you love Steve? Have you ever loved anyone but yourself?”
Jessica shook my hand off her arm. “If you feel so bad for him, you should try being with him. All he does is complain about my drinking, and tell me to stop spending money. He treats me like a child. I don’t even know why I married him. I was having so much fun being single, and for the last 2 years I’ve been chained to Steve, hardly able to have fun. I didn’t even realize it was happening, but slowly he’s been trying to domesticate me. I’m not a god damned pet! I’m an adult that can make her own decisions. He knew going into this relationship I wanted someone who would take care of me. Well you know what, fuck it! This is my wedding night, and I’ll do what I want. And right now what, or at least who, I want is standing 10 feet away.”
Awestruck, I slowly shook my head in disbelief, “Jessica, you know I’m your friend, and I’ve always kept your secrets, but you’re married now. Steve is amazing, and he deserves better than this.”
Jessica looked at me and smiled. “I can’t believe I never noticed. You love him and think you can make him happier than me. Well, I don’t even care. If you think he’s so amazing, then go and tell him, but he’ll never be interested in you. Look at you and look at me. He’s out of your league Christina. If you can get Steve to be with you, do it. I don’t want him anymore anyway. I want to live the single life again. Living it up one day at a time without any long term plans or worries. I want to make my life about having fun.”
I grabbed both her arms, and turned her so we were standing squarely in front of each other. I looked directly at her and said, “I do love Steve, as a friend, just like I love you. That’s not what this is about. What you’re doing to him is wrong, and you need to know that. I don’t want to see him get hurt, just like I wouldn’t want you to get hurt if the tables were turned.”
She pushed me away. “Tell him what you saw here. Tell him what I said and what I’m doing. Be the heroine of the day. Whatever you do, don’t try to guilt bait me into feeling bad for doing what I want to do.”
I stared at her in shock as she walked off, and hit the elevator button as she threw herself at the man waiting for her.
I sat down on a chair and put my head against the wall trying to figure out what to do. She couldn't have meant most of what she said, could she? No she couldn’t have, she’s just panicking, and that's not unheard of on such a life changing day.
What if she did mean it though? How can I keep something like that to myself? It would crush Steve to know she said all that and had such doubts. If she actually meant it and went through with it Steve would be crushed.
Then the thought popped into my head that maybe I really could be with him and make him happy if she left him.
I decided that all I could do is be the best friend I could be to both of them and see what happens.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to let Steve out of my life again. If Jessica left him, maybe Steve and I could make a life together.
Chapter 3
I walked back into the ballroom, still in shock by what just happened, and looked over to the bar. I saw Steve sitting in the corner, still trying to hold it together.
I walked over to
him and put one hand on his shoulder and stroked his hair gently with the other. After a few minutes he got control back and turned around. His eyes were puffy and his face was blotched, and when I looked into his gorgeous blue eyes, my heart broke for him.
"Let's have a drink Steve, it looks like you need it. Tell me what's going on."
“She drinks so much, and she’s so nasty when she’s drunk. We get into huge fights about it regularly, and once she gets angry she storms out. That’s how I know trouble will really begin. Once we get to that point she's usually is gone for hours, sometimes for a day or 2, and spends hundreds of dollars. I guess it’s partly my fault, she always was needy and spoiled. It was nice to feel needed, so I enabled her, but we’re adults now. I always figured that eventually she'd grow out of it and want to settle down, you know what I mean? Start a family, get a house, start a career, and just grow up in general. You know how she is though. Do you think I’ve spent years fooling myself?”
I shook my head, told him that I didn't think he was fooling himself as much as hoping that she would eventually change.
“When she wasn’t showing any interest in changing her ways, I thought that maybe proposing would shock her into growing up. I thought maybe if she realized I’m in this for the long haul she would change, but that didn’t work. Now we're married and she still doesn’t seem like she wants anything except to have fun all the time. I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. It was silly for me to think that trying to move our relationship forward would suddenly make her into the person I always hoped she'd become. I’m so sorry for dumping this all on you, this is meant to be a celebration and I’m being such a downer.”
“Please don’t apologize. I want to be here for you, just like I’ll be there for her when she wants to talk. I have to ask you a question though. Why did you marry her? If you kept having problems, some part of you must have known that there would be a boiling point.”
He thought and then said, “I guess I just loved the idea of being with her so much that I forced myself to ignore the facts. She is gorgeous and she knows it. She isn’t the type I used to go for. I always thought of women like her to be out of my league, so when she took an interest in me, I was hypnotized. Does that make any sense to you, or do I just seem shallow now?”
“You don’t seem shallow, everyone wants to be with someone they find attractive. The problem with a girl like Jessica is that she knows she's gorgeous and can get men to do anything she wants. That’s not the type of woman you want to be with because they will always try to keep you wrapped around their finger. They'll always look for a way to take advantage of the situation. She's knows how to manipulate guys that show interest, but most of them were looking for sex, so they didn’t care. She was never a happy person. She put on a happy face and tried to have fun. You really need to sit her down and have a discussion about all of this if you want to have a happy marriage with her. I knows it’s a cliche, but communication really is going the be the most important thing here.”
“I suppose you’re right, there’s just so much to think about. I feel like my head is going to explode. Once I work out all my feelings I’ll be ready to bring it up with her. Unless I really know how I feel about everything, I feel like it will just cause more problems if I bring the topic up. By the way, do you have any idea where she went? I saw her leave right before you came back in.”
I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth about what I saw. It would be such a violation of the trust of my best friend. At the same time, she was throwing away what I would give anything for. She told me to tell him, but I still think she was in a panic and didn’t mean what she was saying.
“I saw her heading for the elevator, maybe she was feeling ill from the drinking.”
We looked at each other for a few moments, him deciding what to do about the situation, me taking in his features.
He’d changed so much since I last saw him. His short black hair contrasted his skin so beautifully, and his gorgeous blue eyes had become so soft.
I touched his soft tan cheek without thinking about it and looked into his eyes.
“I’m so sorry Steve, I really am. I wish there was something I could do to help you.”
He smiled at me, turning his face further into my hand, saying, “There is something you can do for me.” I panicked for a moment, until he put his hand out in front of me. “May I have this dance?”
I broke into a huge smile, completely involuntarily, and accepted. He pulled me out to the dance floor and we started dancing. Song after song, Steve spun me, dipped me, and lead me around the dance floor.
Then the music stopped, and a slow song began. I didn’t know what to expect. Was it appropriate for him to dance with me like this? Steve made the decision easy when he pulled me in, and I suddenly didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to enjoy the night.
I felt like Cinderella at the ball, and my prince charming was holding me. He placed his hands around my waist as I slid my hands through his arms and slid them up his back. I held him tight and put my head on his chest. I felt him rest his cheek on top of my head and I felt so comfortable and safe.
“Where is your date for tonight,” he asked me.
I waited a moment before answering him. “I didn’t know who to bring. I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t have many male friends. You’re pretty much my only one. I thought about asking you, but it seemed like you already had a date for the night. Maybe you can be my date in the next wedding I’m in.”
I looked up at him and smiled, giggling a bit. I didn’t know how he'd react, but to my relief I saw him smile back.
“I love that even after all this time, we can talk to each other like no time has passed. You are an amazing woman. Thanks for being able to make me happy despite what's happened tonight.”
After the song, we went back to the bar and Steve ordered us a couple of drinks.
“This will probably be my last one, I’m getting sleepy. You must be tired too, you’ve had a big day. What are the chances you can walk me back to my room? Maybe you can check on Jess on your way back.”
I watched his entire demeanor change, his brow furrowing. The smile I’ve been enjoying morphed into a frown.
“I’d rather not talk to, nor about Jessica right now. I'm starting to second guess my decision to marry her. I feel like she doesn’t love me, like it wouldn’t even phase her if I left. Hey maybe you should come on the honeymoon cruise with me instead. I’m sure we would have a great time together.”
Steve and I share a laugh, and I told him if he was serious, I didn’t think I’d be able to say no.
“That’s the difference between you two. When I’m with her I feel like I need to work so hard to please her, but with you everything just feels so natural.”
Then, without any warning I started to tear up. I tried to hide it and pretended I was rubbing my eyes, but when he saw tears fall he knew something else was going on.
“What’s the matter, did I say something wrong?”
I shook my head and asked him to excuse me, and I ran towards the ballroom exit. I heard him yell from behind me, “Christina, please come back. I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want our night to end like this.”
I heard him start after me, but after a couple of steps he stopped. Part of me wanted him to keep chasing me, but I knew it’d be better if he didn’t.
I ran back into the bathroom and leaned against the sink. It took a few minutes for me to regain my composure. I looked back at the mirror and stared at myself for a few minutes. No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t know how to stay neutral in this situation.
Once I got control back and calmed down I walked back out into the hall straight to the elevator. When I got there, I saw everyone filing out of the ballroom. I looked at the clock and saw that it was about one in the morning. The bridal party all got put up in the hotel for the night by Steve and Jessica, so a few people were walking towards me.
> I gave them all a smile and asked them if they had a nice time. The elevator showed up, and we all chit-chatted about how beautiful the ceremony was and how fun the reception was. I wished at least one other person had some idea of what was going on, if for no other reason than so I have someone to talk to about it.
I felt a burden on my chest that I just wanted to unload, but had no idea how to. One by one the elevator emptied out until it was only me. When the elevator finally came to a stop on my floor, I took a deep breath and went into the hallway, promising myself that I would put the events that transpired tonight out of my head.
Chapter 4
I looked around the hallway at the doors as I walked. I didn’t know why, but I’d always found it calming to look at the numbers and wonder who and what was behind the door.
Did room 1334 have a couple that hired a babysitter to stay overnight so they could have a date night? Does room 1337 have a journalist that traveled here for a big story? Maybe room 1339, right next to mine, has a soldier who is in the hotel waiting to ship out the next day.
I walk the last few feet towards my room, hating myself for getting so intimate with my best friend’s new husband, but also hating myself for running away from what could have been the best night of my life.
I stared at the number for a moment.
What kind of person is in room 1341? If you'd asked me that morning, I would have said "it's a woman who is happy going to college and deciding what to do in the future." If you asked as I stood there then, I would have said "a woman who is in love with a man she shouldn’t love. A woman who is a bad friend. A woman who has made wrong turns for years and is trying to figure out how to salvage her life." What would someone else say about the woman staying in room 1341 if they knew the situation?
I heard a door open behind me, and when I turned Jessica was standing there. She noticed that I’d been crying and walked over to give me a huge hug.
