Against the Wall

by Alexa Land

  “Both the hair and the shirts are just how I like them.”

  “Reminiscent of the seventies?” His hair reached his elbows.

  “Classic.” He took a bite of salad, then asked, “So your stepdad’s still sober then, I take it?”

  “Yeah, coming up on a year. Harold’s all about making amends now. He and Mom keep showing up at school events, as if it’s the third grade recital or some shit, and they’re always inviting me to dinner. Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “You’re not ready to forgive him,” he guessed, and I shrugged. My stepfather had been an alcoholic as far back as I could remember, certainly ever since he married my mom when I was five. I was skeptical that he was a changed man all of a sudden. I also wasn’t ready to overlook the fact that he’d made my life and my mom’s miserable for the better part of two decades.

  Later on, Zan and I somehow decided to watch Jurassic Park, joking and laughing throughout it. I loved it when he was like this, so carefree and upbeat. It was all going so well and he was so exceptionally happy that I didn’t bring up the subject of finding someone to replace me again. I didn’t want to throw off his good mood.

  That conversation had to happen, though. My dad couldn’t function on his own, and June was going to be here before we knew it. I worried about what was going to happen to him, more than I worried about what was going to happen to me.

  Chapter Five

  My dad had a point about the faculty of Sutherlin College. Some were great, but the rest were pretentious douche monkeys. It was all I could do to sit through a lecture on themes and symbolism in post-modern eastern European sculpture without banging my head on the desk repeatedly.

  At least Skye was waiting for me with a big smile on his face when the class finally ended. “That’s a really subtle t-shirt,” he said before giving me a hug.

  “I know, but I couldn’t fit any more words on it.” I’d used a thick, black Sharpie to completely cover the white shirt with every swear word I could think of. I wasn’t a fan of that last uptight professor and enjoyed rattling his cage.

  To complete the look, I’d even slapped on a little black guyliner. Until recently, I’d been cultivating a bit of a rock and roll persona to go with Art School Christian, but aside from today, I’d sort of lapsed into Boring T-shirt and Jeans Christian. I just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to go full-on rock star somehow.

  “You going to wear that on the cruise?”

  “I wish, but I’ll bet there are all kinds of rules for acceptable conduct on those things.”

  “Probably. We sail in four days, aren’t you excited?” he asked.

  “Excited isn’t exactly the word I’d go for here.”

  “Come on, it’ll be great!”

  I asked him, “What are you basing that statement on?”

  “Well, I’ve never been to Hawaii, for one thing. That’ll be fun. And Trevor’s getting married! I’m so happy for him and Vincent.”

  “I just hope the surprise wedding doesn’t freak them out.”

  “It won’t,” Skye said. “I’ve been to a wedding planned by Nana before and it was magical. She’s going to make it amazing for Trevor and her grandson, they’re both going to love it.” I wished I had his optimism.

  We went to the student union for lunch. Skye got a sandwich and I got the biggest coffee they sold. I almost got two of them. Once we’d found a table, my friend said, “Dare and I are considering getting married here next summer.” He gestured at the campus sculpture garden outside the windows. Two huge pieces dominated the landscape, a pair of men reaching desperately for each other. Skye had completed them during our junior year. “I’m just worried that it’s too much about me and not about us. What do you think?”

  “I think Romeo and Julian might be a bit too distraught to RSVP to the wedding.” That was our nickname for that particular pair of sculptures, which looked like unseen forces were pulling them apart. “The Three Lords A-leaping would be livelier party guests. If you found a nice outdoor setting for them, you could get married there. Those sculptures are definitely about both you and your fiancé.” He hadn’t actually named his trio of ballet dancers that, I was just being goofy.

  “You have a point.” Skye leaned forward and said, “Speaking of the wedding, I have something to ask you. I want you and my brother to be my best men. I’d been assuming you would be, but then it occurred to me that I never actually went through the formalities. So I’m asking you officially, will you?”

  “Of course! I’d be honored.”

  He hesitated, then said, “Even if the wedding’s in July?”

  “I thought you two were looking at early June, right after we graduate.”

  “We were, but I just found out yesterday that my mom’s pregnant and the baby is due at the end of June.”

  “She...wow.”

  “I know. She’s forty-five and this wasn’t exactly planned, but her doctor says the baby’s healthy. Mom’s having trouble with her blood pressure though and is on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. It should all be fine as long as she takes it easy.”

  I looked down at my hands, which were wrapped around the coffee cup, as Skye continued, “I know you’re planning to move away when we graduate, but I hope you can come back for the ceremony. I really want you at my wedding, Christian.”

  I whispered, “It’s just...it’s not possible, Skye. Not if it’s in July.”

  “Where will you be then?” When I didn’t answer, he said, “Come on, Christian. Talk to me. I’ve always tried to respect your privacy, but I really don’t understand why you keep so many secrets.”

  “I have my reasons.”

  He reached across the table and cupped my hands, the coffee still sandwiched between them. I looked up at him as he said, “I love you, Christian, so I’m not going to push, even though it’s obvious that something’s tearing you up inside and that just kills me. I’m just going to say this: if there’s any way I can help with whatever you’re going through, I really hope you’ll let me.”

  “You do help, every single day. Your friendship has been the most amazing gift and I’m so grateful for it, Skye.”

  “I feel the same way about you.”

  He let the subject drop after that, even though it was far from resolved. The idea of missing my best friend’s wedding was heartbreaking, but July was impossible. I was glad I hadn’t gotten anything to eat for lunch, because I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of hurting him like that.

  When he finished his sandwich, I walked him to his on-campus studio, where he was working on a painting for the cross-disciplinary requirement we needed in order to graduate. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do for mine. I didn’t care, either.

  *****

  I ended up blowing off the rest of my classes and went home and took a nap instead. It seemed like a better use of my time. The ringing of my phone startled me awake after a few hours. It was dark in my apartment and I knocked it off my nightstand, then tumbled out of bed after it. Chance’s name was on the screen and I answered it with, “Hey.”

  He was crying softly and after a few moments he managed, “I’m sorry, Christian. I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

  I leapt to my feet and turned on the lights, immediately going into high alert. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

  “I’m at the Roosevelt. Oh God, there’s so much blood.”

  A prickle of fear ran down my spine. “What room are you in?”

  “Four-twelve.”

  “Do you need an ambulance?”

  “Please don’t call one.”

  Shit. “I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

  “Thank you.” The line went dead.

  I stuffed my feet into my boots as I shoved the phone in my pocket, then pulled on my coat as I ran out of my apartment. There’s so much blood...he didn’t say it was his, though. What was I about to walk into?

  I broke every traffic law on the way to the hotel where Chance and I had
met, then ditched the car in a loading zone and ran to the fourth floor. I was winded as I knocked on the door to room four-twelve. It took Chance a while to answer. Finally the door opened a crack and a blue eye peered out, just a couple feet above ground-level. When he saw it was me, he dragged himself out of the way and laid down on the filthy rug to catch his breath as I pushed the door open.

  “Oh shit,” I whispered, crouching down beside him. His thin, naked body was battered, and his face was so bloody. “Is it okay if I lift you?”

  When he nodded, I scooped him into my arms. He was really light. After I gingerly moved him to the mattress and covered him with the blanket, I got a damp towel from the bathroom, climbed up on the bed and carefully tried to wipe away some of the blood.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

  “For what?”

  “For bringing all this drama into your life.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  After a pause he told me, “I’m not infected.”

  “What?”

  “You’re getting my blood all over you, so you might have been worried. I don’t have any diseases.” Talking seemed to take a lot out of him and his eyes slid shut.

  “I wasn’t worried. Do you know where all this blood is coming from?”

  “I hit my head.” He raised a shaking hand to lightly touch a spot right above his forehead. “That’s when the bleeding started.”

  I pushed his hair aside and found the spot, then put pressure on the wound with the towel. “As soon as I stop the bleeding, I’m taking you to the hospital, Chance. I’ll pay for it. You might be seriously injured.”

  “No. No hospitals.”

  “Please don’t argue.”

  “I mean it. No hospitals.”

  I sighed quietly as I pulled the blanket up a bit higher. “What happened here?” I asked after a while.

  Chance’s voice sounded hollow as he recited, “My trick told me to strip and once I was naked he just started punching me. After I fell and hit my head on the nightstand, he kicked the hell out of me before he got on top of me and fucked me. Then threw some money at me and left.” There was a used condom on the rug along with a few crumpled bills. A lump formed in my throat.

  Eventually the bleeding stopped and I carried him to the bathroom to clean him up a bit. “Is my face bruised?” he asked as I sat on the edge of the tub with him on my lap and ran a damp wash cloth over his cheeks. He looked up at me with so much sadness in his eyes. “I tried to shield it. I want to go on that cruise so bad, but everyone will stare at me if I’m all beat up.”

  That made me feel like an asshole. I’d been rolling my eyes at the idea of going on a cruise geared toward kids, but this poor guy was really looking forward to it. “It’s okay, Chance,” I told him. “Your face isn’t bruised.” He seemed relieved.

  I carried him back to the bed and helped him get dressed. I hadn’t cleaned him up all that well, but the bathroom in this place was completely disgusting so I decided to finish up at my apartment. The sooner we got out of this hell hole, the better.

  His movements were slow, it was obvious he was in pain. When we’d gotten his boots and jacket on, I helped him up and started to lift him but he told me he’d walk. I began to guide him to the door with an arm around his shoulders, but then he said, “Wait.” He limped around the bed and stooped to pick up the crumpled bills, which he stuffed in his pocket. That just broke my heart all over again.

  It took us a while to get downstairs. Fortunately, the Jeep hadn’t been towed. We drove to my apartment and I dropped Chance off with a key so he could let himself in. But when I returned from parking the car, he was sitting on the steps in front of the building, waiting for me.

  Once we got upstairs, I drew him a bath and brought him some ibuprofen. While he was soaking, I washed up in the kitchen sink and changed into clean sweats, then found some for him. When all of that was done, I led him to my bedroom and curled up with him under the covers, cradling him gently. He hadn’t said anything for the last hour. I could tell he was trying so hard to keep himself from crying.

  When he finally spoke, what he said was, “Do you want to fuck me, Christian?” His voice was small and almost child-like. I said no softly as I held him a little closer. He asked, “Why not?”

  “Because friends don’t do that.”

  “But I don’t have anything else to give you.”

  “Who says you need to give me anything?”

  “You’ve done so much for me,” he said. “I’d still be on the floor in that hotel room if you hadn’t helped me, and I don’t have any other way to repay you.”

  “I don’t expect repayment, Chance. This is just what friends do, we help each other.”

  He was quiet for another minute before whispering, “Thank you.”

  I kept holding him after he fell asleep. I’d already wanted to do all I could for Chance before today, but now I was absolutely determined to help him turn his life around. There was so much I needed to do, both for my dad and this sweet, fragile person that had let me be his friend, and there was so little time. I pressed my eyes shut and held him tighter.

  Chapter Six

  Chance stayed with me for the next few days, until it was time to make our way to the airport. We’d gone to his apartment and he’d packed all his camera equipment and a small suitcase of clothes, fretting that he didn’t own anything nice enough for a cruise. I packed more than enough for both of us and told him he could use whatever he needed.

  He’d never been on a plane before and was a bundle of nerves at SFO, so I decided to get us both drunk while we waited for our flight. After we’d been in the airport bar about half an hour, a pair of handsome Italian guys came up to us. “You look familiar,” the one in a white polo shirt said. “Are you here because a crazy little old lady is making you go on a Dotsy cruise?”

  “Yup.” I extended my hand and introduced myself and Chance.

  “I’m Gianni Dombruso and this is my cousin Nico. My brother Vincent is getting hitched on the cruise, though apparently this is news to him.”

  They joined us for drinks, and we found out we were on the same flight. “Nana went on ahead yesterday,” Nico said. “I’m pretty sure she did that in order to stage a mutiny and take over the cruise ship before we could stop her.” He was a conservatively dressed guy of about twenty-six with glasses and tidy dark hair. His cousin Gianni looked slightly younger and came across as a wealthy playboy. His slightly long hair was cut to perfection, his clothes were flawless, and his watch cost as much as a car.

  “We’re both living with Nana temporarily,” Gianni told us. “Which means we spend half our time talking her down from one crazy scheme after another.”

  “And yet you didn’t talk her out of the Dotsy cruise,” I said with a smile.

  Nico grinned at that. “There was no talking her out of this one. She locked on to it like a shark with a friggin’ laser beam.”

  “And Vincent and Trevor seriously have no idea she’s throwing them a surprise wedding?”

  “Oh, I think they know something’s up,” Gianni told us. “My brother’s not stupid.”

  “You must be talking about Vincent,” A deep voice behind us said. “You always call me a dumbshit.”

  “Only as a term of endearment, bro. Christian and Chance, do you know my brother Dante and his husband Charlie?” Gianni asked as he got up and gave the newcomers back-slapping hugs. Greetings and introductions were exchanged as we made room at our little table and ordered another round.

  I studied the brothers as we enjoyed a couple drinks. Dante was tall, dark, and ruggedly handsome, about six-four and totally ripped. He actually looked a lot like his brother Vincent. Gianni was also movie star gorgeous but in a different way than his brothers. He was beautiful as opposed to rugged with a paler complexion, lighter eyes, and a leaner build. I wondered what Nana had fed those boys when they were growing up, because they’d all turned out pretty extraordinary.

  Chan
ce wasn’t saying much and I gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “Are you two a couple?” Charlie asked. He and his husband seemed to never actually stop touching. Right now their joined hands were resting on Charlie’s thigh.

  “Oh no,” Chance answered. “We’re just friends. Christian here is pining for a sexy hottie he met last week.”

  “I wouldn’t say pining, exactly.” Liar. I’d forced myself to stay away from Shea the last few days, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts from straying to him again and again and again.

  “Oh, there’s pining! Any more pine and we could build a freaking log cabin.” Chance flashed me a tipsy smile. “Not that you’re willing to do anything about this guy.”

  “Why not?” Charlie asked.

  “He thinks he has reasons,” Chance answered for me. “But he’s wrong. He should be all over that guy like orange on a Cheeto.”

  I grinned at that, then changed the subject by saying, “Our flight’s boarding soon. We should move this party to the gate.”

  Chance tossed back the last of his fourth Jack and Coke, then clapped his hands together and leapt to his feet. “Okay, I’m drunk and ready. Let’s do this thing!”

  “He’s never flown before,” I explained as we gathered our belongings.

  “Nope, but I can do this! So we’ll be hurtling through the sky, tens of thousands of feet in the air, in an aging metal tube that might possibly have been repaired by drunken lunatics. It’s all good!” Chance flashed me a big smile and headed toward the gate.

  “Super comforting,” I called after him.

  When we boarded, I gave him the window seat. He bounced up and down a little with nervous energy once we started taxiing and as we sped down the runway he began a steady chant of, “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” finally culminating in a scream and then a whoop of delight when the plane left the ground. That got him plenty of looks from the passengers around us and smiles from the nearby Dombruso contingent.

  Chance turned to me and said, “I don’t know why I was scared. This is awesome!”