Against the Wall

by Alexa Land

  She grabbed Chance and me in a big hug and kissed our cheeks before saying, “You’re good boys. I can’t wait to see what you come up with for Maui!” She then flipped off her family and held her head high as she marched away.

  “That’s who I want to be when I’m eighty,” Chance said as we headed to our cabin. “Nana’s got it all figured out.”

  “She really does.”

  The ship’s horn blew, announcing all-aboard as we made our way down the corridor. In our stateroom, Chance fished in his backpack and found his copy of the DVD (produced on the spot by the adventure company that had organized the excursion, for an extra fee, of course). He popped it into his laptop and we chuckled as we watched Nana’s and then his leaps off the bridge, fast-forwarding through the people in between. When my jump was on the screen, Chance exclaimed, “Look at you! Cool as ice.”

  “I figured it was a lot like jumping off a high dive.”

  “Backwards.”

  I gestured at his laptop and said, “This reminds me. How did the wedding photos come out?”

  He smiled shyly. “I think they’re pretty good. Want to take a look?” When I nodded, he played a slide show he’d put together. He’d not only gotten many gorgeous shots of Trevor and Vincent, both as a couple and as a family with their son, he’d also captured wonderful details, from the waterfalls to the cake to close-ups of the flowers in the leis we’d worn.

  The last segment of the slide show consisted of candid portraits of many of the wedding guests, including some great pictures of Nana, laughing and dancing. When a shot of Shea and me in profile came up, Chance hit pause and said, “Says a lot, don’t you think?”

  I remembered that moment, but hadn’t seen Chance snap the picture. I’d been just about to kiss Shea, our faces inches apart, the fingertips of my left hand resting on his cheek as I looked into his eyes. We both had the same expression, one of pure wonder.

  I cleared my throat, pushing down my emotions and trying to pull myself out of the moment on the screen, and told him, “Your pictures are incredible. You should be so proud.”

  “Really? You think they’re okay?”

  “They’re brilliant. You’re brilliant. I love the way you look at the world, you find so much beauty in it.”

  “It’s not always easy,” he said softly. “But I try to do exactly that. Even when everything’s grey, I try to find something beautiful to remind me why I got up that morning. The wedding made it easy because it was all incredibly gorgeous. The couple was so in love, and everyone was happy. I’d never been to a wedding before. I actually did research online beforehand so I’d know what I was expected to get pictures of and then it all just unfolded around me. It was such a great experience.”

  “And you have another one in just a few days.”

  He smiled happily. “I can’t wait.”

  I got up and stretched my arms over my head as I said, “Trevor and Vincent are going to be thrilled with those photos. Nana, too.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Oh, I’m right.” I picked up my phone to look at the time. I’d accidentally left it behind and saw that Shea had texted me a couple hours ago. He’d taken a selfie while holding two big, oval leaves between his lips, one curling upward, the other curling down, forming a bill. He’d written: A duck picture for you. We’re even now. By the way, my cousins and I hiked two and a half hours each way to get to the waterfall, and the one yesterday was far more impressive. Also, I keep checking my watch and wondering why it’s not 4:30 yet.

  I grinned at that and pocketed my phone, then said, “I need to stop by the gift shop and then I’m meeting Shea. Want to join us?”

  “No thanks, I still have a lot of photos to edit.”

  “Alright. Text me when you’re ready to head down to dinner.”

  “Will do.”

  *****

  I spotted Shea before he saw me. I was a few minutes early and apparently he’d been even earlier. He sat at a table in a sunny public space that was equal parts game room, lounge, and bar. His cousin Brian was with him, along with Brian’s fiancé Hunter.

  When Shea looked up and saw me crossing the room to him, his face lit up and a flood of warmth filled my chest. He stood up and when I reached him, I put down the bag I was carrying and gathered him in an embrace. The moment he was in my arms, I did that odd sigh of relief again. I realized that all day I’d been waiting for this, the moment when I could hold him again.

  I couldn’t just stand there clinging to him though, so I made myself let go after a few moments and greeted Hunter and Brian. “How’s it going, guys?”

  “It’s going great! We hear you’ve really been embracing the Dotsy spirit,” Hunter said with a big smile as he swept a strand of shoulder-length blond hair out of his blue eyes. It was easy to see why he’d been one of the most famous porn stars in the industry for a while. He was strikingly attractive, lithe and delicate. His fiancé was also a good-looking guy and Hunter’s physical opposite, big and muscular with dark hair. A former Marine, Brian had lost both legs below the knee in Afghanistan, and got around on a pair of prostheses.

  I shot a look at Shea. “You showed them the duck picture, didn’t you?”

  “Inadvertently.” I raised an eyebrow at him and he said, “Well, it is the wallpaper on my phone.” I grinned and asked the couple, “What does Nana have planned for your wedding ceremony?”

  “No idea,” Brian said. “All we know is when we’re supposed to meet her on the last night of the cruise. We’re looking forward to seeing what she cooked up.”

  “Always best to just go with it where Nana’s concerned,” I said.

  Hunter pushed his chair back and said, “So true. Well, we’ll leave you to your date. Have fun, guys.”

  “You can stay if you want,” I told them. “I’m going to teach Shea how to draw and you’re welcome to be a part of the lesson.”

  Shea smiled at me. “Really? That’s what you have planned?”

  “Yup. I even bought us supplies. All they had in the gift shop was stuff for kids, but it’ll do.” I reached for the shopping bag and unpacked a set of Dotsy Dog pencils and a little plastic pencil sharpener, along with two spiral-bound sketch pads with several Dotsy cartoon characters on the cover.

  “Thanks,” Brian said, “but I can’t draw to save my life.”

  After the couple took off, Shea told me, “I can’t draw either. You’re just going to wind up frustrated if you try to teach me.”

  “Like I said before, it’s a learned skill. I had a great teacher in high school who really broke it down for me. She taught me that drawing is ninety percent observation. Let me show you what I mean.” I pulled a pencil from its little plastic sleeve and sharpened it, then gave it to Shea. “Draw your hand for me, the one not holding the pencil.”

  “I’m telling you, this is going to be bad.”

  “Good. Then you’ll gain lots of confidence as you watch yourself grow.”

  He looked skeptical, but folded back the cover of his sketch pad and quickly drew a hand the way most people would, a simple representation with straight fingers. Then he sighed and said, “Told you it’d be bad.”

  I smiled at him and said, “You did exactly what I expected you to do. Now let me show you the magic.” I slid my chair around so I was sitting right beside him. “You drew without really looking, because your brain already has a symbol to go with the word ‘hand’ and you drew that. Now I want you to look at your subject. Really look at it. Start here,” I said, running a fingertip up the back of his left hand, which rested on the tabletop. “Draw this line, paying attention to the angle it forms.” I traced a path over his knuckle. “Follow it, really look at the way your hand arches, right here.”

  His pencil followed along as he took in what I was saying. “Keep following the line over your finger. The back of your hand is fairly straight, but look at the way it subtly curves at this part.” I caressed the lower half of his index finger. “Just keep really l
ooking. Don’t let yourself use your mental shorthand for what you think something looks like. Really see it.”

  We proceeded like that for several minutes. Shea absently chewed his lower lip as he followed along. He looked so adorable that I wanted to lean in and chew it for him, but I concentrated on the lesson instead.

  After we’d gone over his whole hand like that, slowly, meticulously, I sat back and smiled at him. “Look at what you just did, Shea.”

  He lifted his pencil and blinked at the page. The drawing he’d made was light years ahead of his first attempt. “Oh wow.” He looked up at me. “Why doesn’t everyone teach drawing like this?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He studied his drawing and his face lit up with a smile. “This is kind of okay, right?”

  “It’s much better than okay, Shea, it’s terrific. And, it’s proof that you really can draw.”

  He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe how much you taught me in only half an hour. You made it seem so simple, too.”

  “It is simple,” I told him. “Art, like life, is really just a matter of how you choose to look at things.”

  That earned me another smile. “Well said.”

  “Thank you. Ready for the next lesson? This is just the basic foundation, there are so many places to go from here. And of course you’ll keep practicing and practicing until it all becomes second-nature.”

  “Let’s do it later.”

  “Good idea, you should rest a bit. That was a major break-through, best to let it sink in.”

  “That’s not why I want to wait,” he told me, a devilish sparkle in his eyes as a sexy little half-smile curved his lips. My libido stirred immediately. He lowered his voice and said, “You had some devious ideas about misusing the public spaces on this ship. Care to put them into practice?”

  I smiled at him as I began packing everything back into the shopping bag. “Absolutely. I know right where I want to start, too.”

  Deck ten contained an extensive adults-only area, for people who wanted a break from the hectic kid-packed parts of the ship. It included a swimming pool, coffee house, lounge and restaurant. I led Shea around the pool, then ducked into a little alcove with him. At night, this space housed the rolling cabinets that held towels for the guests. During the day, the cabinets were out on the deck. There was no door to the alcove, but it formed an L-shape, so once we ducked around the corner, we were out of sight of the pool area.

  I dropped the shopping bag, pushed Shea against the wall and kissed him hungrily as he grabbed me and pulled me against him, sliding his tongue in my mouth. He was already hard, which made me grin. I spun him to face the wall, then quickly got his pants and boxers down. I’d had the foresight to put a little tube of lotion in my pocket (thank you Dotsy for leaving a lube substitute in our staterooms) along with a travel pack of wet wipes. After unzipping my pants and slicking my hard cock, I worked some lotion into him, then reached around and stroked his thick cock as I pushed into him.

  I fucked him almost frantically, trying so hard not to moan or slap against his ass. With my free arm, I clung to him, hugging him across his chest. He turned his head and kissed me, and I whispered against his lips, “Oh God, Shea.” He kissed me again, his hands splayed out on the wall, rocking his hips in rhythm with my thrusts.

  In just a few minutes, a little mewl slipped from him as he came. His ass tightened around my cock, milking it as he orgasmed, which made me shoot deep inside him, fighting the urge to yell. I thrust into him again and again, wildly, desperately, until I’d completely emptied myself into him.

  As we caught our breath, I kissed him again. Shea reached around and caressed my cheek, and I kissed his hand before carefully easing out of him. He pulled his pants up and whispered, “Let’s clean up in my cabin.”

  I zipped up and straightened my clothes, then cleaned my hands and the wall he’d splattered, using the wipes I’d brought. Once he was dressed, I grabbed the shopping bag and led the way back to the pool deck, tossing the wipes in a trashcan. We drew a few looks from people. They probably hadn’t heard anything, but it was a little weird to be coming from a storage nook. A woman in her forties sunning herself asked as we walked past, “Did you two just, you know?”

  “Absolutely,” I told her and Shea blushed. The woman smiled at us and raised her hand, which I high-fived. It was awesome when people surprised you in a good way.

  When we reached Shea’s cabin, I went straight to the bed and pulled him down on top of me. We made out for a long time before I undressed him and fucked him again, slowly this time. When we’d both cum again, he drew me into his arms and held me, caressing my hair as I nestled against his chest. He said softly, “I think you’re a pretty remarkable guy, Christian.”

  “But then, you don’t know me very well,” I joked.

  “I know plenty. This moment right now, for example, speaks volumes.”

  “What does it tell you, besides the fact that I’m clingy after sex?”

  “You try so hard to be strong. I have no idea what you’re struggling with, but I know it’s big. I see it in your eyes sometimes when you think no one’s looking. You pretend you’re okay. But at times like this you let your guard down and show how much you need other people, and I think that’s really kind of beautiful.”

  It served me right for getting involved with a cop. They were remarkably observant. I sat up and trying to brush off his eerily accurate assessment by saying lightly, “Or, like I said, cumming makes me clingy.” He smiled at me sympathetically as I added, “It’s probably close to dinnertime, I’d better get going. If you want, we can do another drawing lesson tomorrow.”

  “I’d like that.” When I’d gathered my things, Shea followed me to the door and said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “You didn’t.”

  He reached up and brushed my hair back as he said gently, “I’m just going to say one more thing and then I’ll let it drop. If you ever feel like talking about whatever’s going on with you, I’m here. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

  I reached out and touched his chest, forcing myself not to draw him into my arms again. Even though the longing was intense, I made myself step back from him. It didn’t help that he was completely naked and so stunningly gorgeous that it made my heart ache.

  I kept my voice steady as I said, “Thanks, Shea. So, I’ll text you tomorrow and we’ll find a time for another art lesson if you want.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Great. Well, have a good evening with your family.”

  “Will do. Thanks for teaching me to draw today.”

  “My pleasure.”

  I turned to go, and he said, “Any time you feel like using the spare key card to my cabin, tonight for example, feel free.”

  I glanced at him and he offered me a shy, lopsided grin. All I could do was smile before retreating. If I’d stayed even five more seconds, I would have pulled him back to the bed and quite possibly never left.

  Once I was out in the long passageway and his door had closed behind me, I leaned against the wall and pressed my eyes shut. My desire for Shea was overwhelming. I’d never been that attracted to someone, but I had to pull back a bit. If it was already this intense after just a handful of dates, what the hell would be left of me a few months down the road when I said goodbye to him?

  “Hey. You okay?”

  I opened my eyes to find Chance staring at me. “Yeah, fine,” I said automatically. “What’re you up to?”

  “I was with Skye and Dare, we decided to shoot a few engagement photos in that pretty atrium on the top deck,” Chance said, gesturing upwards with his camera. “What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit,” he said. “You’re standing out here in the hallway with an agonized expression, hugging your shoes like a teddy bear. That’s not nothing.”

  “I’m out here because I thought you were in our room and I just n
eeded a minute to myself.”

  “You must have come from Shea’s cabin, right?” I nodded and he asked, “Did you two break up or something?”

  “We’re not together, so it would be impossible to break up,” I told him.

  He sighed and swiped his key card. “I don’t get it. I can’t even look directly at the two of you when you’re together, because the heat could melt my eyeballs. Why would you hold yourself back from something like that?”

  “I’m not going to talk about this,” I said. “But I am going to clean up and then I’m going to go downstairs and get really fucking drunk. I’ll be ready in ten minutes and you can join me, as long as you promise to drop the subject.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Fine. But you have issues, dude.”

  As if I didn’t know that.

  Chapter Eleven

  The ship docked on Maui for two nights, first on one side of the island, then the other, before sailing on for a day at the big island of Hawaii. After that it swung around and started back up the chain of islands, stopping in Lanai. The final day and night of the cruise would be spent in Kauai before looping back down to Oahu.

  Chance’s adventure sports frenzy had continued throughout the cruise. Skye and Dare took part in a few of our outings and Nana joined us for absolutely everything, from kayaking to mountain biking to pub crawls. Her grandsons Gianni and Nico participated primarily in the drinking. We also saw Trevor and Vincent occasionally, usually as they were headed to or from some sort of family adventure with their son. They’d taken Joshie to see the active volcano on the big island, and he was still raving about it.

  And then there was Shea. I met him daily for drawing lessons, but then we’d go our separate ways. I was trying so hard not to get too attached. I had to. It was a question of self-preservation.

  But every night, I’d completely fail.

  I’d go to bed, telling myself to stay put. Sometimes I’d last as long as an hour, listening to Chance’s steady breathing in the darkness. But I was acutely aware that Shea was right on the other side of the wall, and every night, at some point the pull would become too great.