Flicker (Defying Death Book 1)

by Courtney Houston

  “We should get back. Seline will start to worry.” I headed for the ladder, one foot in front of the other. Just walking away from her took more strength than I knew I had.

  Catalina’s soft hand closed over mine, halting me. “Wait, I-I…”

  Her stutters turned to sobs as she clutched my hand even tighter. Holding onto it like it was her lifeline. I was such an asshole to do this to her.

  “We need to leave. Now,” I ordered, a little more forcefully than I intended.

  “I saw something, when I fell,” she said, finally seeming to pull herself together. “I don’t know how long I was out, but there were these flashes of things.”

  Time to make her hate me again. Embracing the self-disgust in my stomach, I turned around to face my angel.

  “Your clumsy ass fell off a roof and I almost couldn’t catch you. I’m not surprised. It was probably that ‘your whole life flashes in front of your eyes’ thing people always talk about.”

  “No, it wasn’t things I’ve already seen,” she said, shaking her head. Tears rolled freely down her beautiful face.

  She was kneeling in front of me, my hand still clutched in hers. With a gentle yet firm tug, I pulled away from her, causing her to fall onto her hands in front of me. Her curtain of dark hair spilled to frame her face. She didn’t move to right herself. Instead, she stayed staring at the rooftop.

  “Who are you?” She echoed the very first thing she’d ever said to me. Despite her fallen position, her voice was strong. She raised her face to me. “I saw you.”

  “What can I say, I’m a handsome guy.” I shrugged it off. “You wouldn’t be the first woman to dream of me.”

  I turned my back on her once more and made for my exit.

  Catalina cut me off, her fingers gripping the front of my shirt. Her blue eyes pleaded with mine, her hands on my chest twisting at my heart.

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m crazy. Tell me that I didn’t see you the night I fell. Tell me that it’s all in my head,” she practically yelled, punctuating her words with kitten-like punches on my chest.

  Of course, Catalina wasn’t going to make this easy. No, she was not only going to make me break the little bit of insight she had gained, but also myself. I took her face in my hands and looked directly into heaven—my own personal hell, purgatory.

  For a moment, I considered what would happen if I told her the truth. Oh, how sweet it would be to not have to break her spirits day after day. To kiss her and finally taste those lips I haven’t stopped thinking about. Then, I remembered—no matter how sweet it would be, I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t.

  “You. Are. Crazy.” I said it slowly, hoping it would sink in. “You didn’t see any of that. It’s all in your concussion-ridden head.”

  Mission accomplished. The fire in her eyes iced over, and her hands dropped from my jacket. She nodded and pulled away.

  It’s for the best, I had to keep reminding myself.

  “Do you want to know how I know you’re lying?” she asked, leveling her gaze on me. I simply arched my eyebrows in response. She rose onto her tiptoes, until we were almost face-to-face. “Like this.”

  Her lips touched mine, gently at first, and when mine reacted immediately, she wrapped her arms around my neck to pull me closer. I kissed her back without reservation. I let her awaken a part of me I had desperately tried to keep buried. With that small act, I let go. I was home.

  Lina 21

  Telor kissed me back in a way that made it impossible for me to doubt myself. He held my face to his and kissed me—really kissed me, like I had never been kissed before. I responded to his kiss with a fervor I never knew existed in me. His hands moved to my waist and slid up my back. My arms wrapped around his neck as I pulled myself as close to him as I could get. Tangling my hands in his hair, I grazed his bottom lip with my teeth. A small moan escaped from his throat, and I swear I felt the briefest smile on his lips. Just for a moment.

  He pulled away and gently wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

  “Cariad, tell me you're okay again,” he begged.

  “I’m okay,” I said, taking his hands in mine and holding them to my face. The shaking in my fingers probably belied the reassurance I was aiming for. “I’m okay.”

  “You’re trembling,” he whispered.

  “I’m just cold,” I lied.

  “You’re a liar. And a bad one,” he said. “I thought I’d lost you. It would be poetic, really, to get this far and fail.”

  “Telor, I think we need to talk,” I said, hesitantly. I didn’t want to ruin this, but I needed some answers. “I need some things explained to me.”

  “I know, Cariad, I know,” he sighed.

  We drove back to the museum in relative silence. I was too shaken to say anything, and Telor seemed to be too deep in thought. I finally stopped shaking, but I had Telor’s hand in a death grip, using it as my anchor. As we pulled up into the van’s spot at the museum, he finally spoke.

  “Catalina, I know you have questions, and I’m more than willing to answer any and all of them…” He paused and took a deep breath. “But right now, I need you to go into that museum and pretend that I’m sick. Tell Seline I went home to sleep it off.”

  “Why?” I asked. Something was going on with us. There was something deeper than desire drawing me to him, and him to me. He couldn’t leave now. “Are you leaving?”

  “I need to go talk to someone,” he said, seeming as conflicted as I was. “Meet me here later, eight o’clock.”

  “Stay, please.” I grabbed his hand as he reached for the door. If he left now, I wouldn’t have anything to prove to myself that today had been real. “Don’t leave.”

  “I’ll come back, Cariad,” he promised, and then he was gone. Again.

  Telor 22

  Moving my lead-like legs away from her was an accomplishment. Catalina stayed in the van for about ten minutes before she pulled herself together enough to go inside. She hesitated on the sidewalk, looking in the direction I’d headed. As if she was considering running after me. If she had, I wouldn’t have had the strength to send her away. I was glad she chose to follow my directions and stay at work. I needed to get this figured out, and I couldn’t do that with her around. Hell, I could barely drive with her sitting next to me.

  In the underground parking garage, I scanned my keycard and entered the elevator to my new apartment—compliments of Denny. He had taken great care in picking it out, as well as furnishing it. It was stocked with food, furniture, and clothing for Lina and me. Denny, the slippery bastard, obviously knew things I had yet to find out. Getting a hold of him, rather than his Weavers, was proving a bigger hassle than I originally expected.

  Passing the liquor cabinet on the way to my room, I resisted the urge to have just one drink. Instead, I grabbed the simple silver cell phone off the kitchen counter and dialed the only number in it. I called it last night and left a message, but this time, someone answered.

  “Guide,” a baritone voice boomed from the other side.

  “Where is he?” I demanded, my patience already wearing a little thin. “She remembers. I need to talk to him now.”

  “He’s busy,” he said. “But don’t worry, Guide, he has someone watching your pretty little thing during the night. No need to worry.”

  The line went dead before the string of profanities on my tongue could hit the air. This back and forth that we were playing was getting old. I needed answers. Not just for me anymore, but for Catalina, also. Frustration getting the best of me, I sent my fist flying toward the stainless steel refrigerator door. I was pretty sure I heard at least one knuckle crunch.

  “Up yours,” I grunted at the fridge due to its offending activity of existing.

  I opened the freezer, grabbed a handful of ice, and stuffed it into a towel from under the sink. I walked back into the living room, passing the bar again. I picked up the small bottle of tequila, rolled it around in
my hand, and flung it into the kitchen. The sound of glass shattering satisfied me. I congratulated myself on my self-control. Before, when I was alive, I’d have been on my second glass already, possibly third. Now? Now I wanted to, but the part of me that never wanted Catalina to see that version of me was stronger. Satisfied or not, I grabbed a towel and cleaned up my mess one-handed.

  “Ah, shit,” I muttered as I pulled my hand from the ice. It was already black and blue.

  Chancing a slight bend of my fingers, I regretted it almost instantly. Maybe I could just fix it up myself. Lucky for me, there was a drug store right next to my apartment building. It was nothing fancy, but it would get the job done.

  It would help if I knew what I was looking for. All the braces and bandages looked the same to me. Did I need a finger splint? Did they make home casts?

  “Ouch. Does the other guy at least look worse?” a female voice said from behind me.

  Jilsey. She was honestly one of the last people I expected to see. And there was just something not quite right about her. Call it a sixth sense, if you will.

  “Do you mind if I take a look?” Jilsey asked, holding out her hand for mine.

  “Sure, I punched the fridge. Do you think anything is broken?” I said. “I’m Telor, by the way.”

  “Jilsey,” she offered. “Nothing looks broken, but you sure bruised the hell out of it.”

  She grabbed a soft brace from the shelf and handed it to me.

  “This should work as long as you don’t overuse the hand. Keep ice on it, fifteen minutes on, fifteen minutes off. You’ll be fine.”

  I thanked her, and she left the store without anything. If the situation weren’t already weird, this would have done it. What was it about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on? Was she always this friendly with strangers in drug stores? I pondered it all on the way home, easily sliding the brace onto my hand and noting how quickly it made a difference.

  Lina 23

  Either Seline didn’t notice my strange demeanor, or she chose not to comment on it. As I started the walk home, the reality of the situation started to sink in. Telor was really there with me when I fell. I really heard him and the familiarity I felt around him was real. That realization still didn’t answer the biggest question of who and what he was.

  By some miracle, I made it home in one piece, even though I barely remembered moving, let alone looking before I crossed the streets. Jilsey and Gavin’s cars were both there. Which was odd. I figured after last night, Gavin would stay with Scott for another couple of days, to give us some distance. Pausing outside the door, I took a deep breath and counted to ten. My hands were shaking slightly, and my breathing was erratic, no matter how much I tried to calm it. Get your shit together, Lina. One more deep breath and I opened the door.

  Their voices were low, and they seemed to be in some type of heated discussion. I shut the door loudly, letting them know that I was home. Jilsey, I could handle right now—actually, I could really use her, but Gavin was another story. Hoping to just slip by them and to my room, I hustled past the kitchen.

  “Lina!” Jilsey said. “We’re making dinner. Come help us.”

  “I was actually going to go take a shower,” I said, inching closer to the stairs. “Maybe read for a little while.”

  “Please?” she asked, her smile wavering slightly. I caved, walking into the kitchen before I remembered that Gavin was there, also.

  He was sitting at the island, his eyes focused on chopping zucchini. Not even acknowledging I was there, he continued chopping. Jilsey set a bowl of raw green beans in front of me to snap. Ignoring the tense atmosphere in the room, I completed my task. Maybe this was an intervention of some sort. Or Jilsey’s half-assed attempt to get Gavin and me back together.

  No one said anything, the only noise being the sound of knives on cutting boards and the simmer of the pan. Jilsey placed our food in front of us, and we ate in silence. Gavin and Jils kept throwing each other worried looks and glancing in my direction.

  “How was your day?” Jilsey asked, overly enthusiastic.

  “Interesting,” I muttered to my plate.

  “Really? Tell us about it,” she said, way too excited to hear about my usually boring days.

  “I don’t want to.” I was over this whole weird dinner.

  “Hey, Catalina?” Gavin said, setting his fork down and shifting in his seat so he could face me better. Jilsey set her fork down as well and smiled attentively at me. I raised my eyebrows at him. He broke out the whole name, so whatever he was about to say was likely not good. “We need to tell you something.”

  “Is everything okay?” I asked. They were both sitting here in front of me, so whatever it was couldn’t be too bad.

  “Of course, honey. Everything is fine,” Jilsey said. Gavin shot her an annoyed look, and she mouthed ‘sorry’ at him.

  “Your mother called today. The station, that is,” Gavin said.

  “Why did she call the station instead of my cell phone?” I asked, feigning indifference. If this wasn’t the perfect recipe to ruin my otherwise good day, I don’t know what was. My mother and I didn’t really have a ‘calling to check in’ type of relationship and hadn’t for a long time.

  “You changed your cell number a year ago, honey,” Jils answered.

  “Oh, that’s right,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and plastering a small smile on my face. “So, how drunk was she?”

  “I’m not entirely sure she was drunk,” Gavin said. “She was calling to check on you after your accident. She’s worried. Maybe you should call her, you know, just to let her know you’re okay?”

  “There are so many things wrong with that statement, I’m not sure where to start,” I sneered between my teeth. Anger was a pretty rare thing for me but was becoming more and more common of an occurrence as of late. Taking advantage of their momentary shock, I lit into them. “First of all, which one of you called her?”

  Neither of them fessed up. I looked between them trying to find a tell as to which one did it. Jilsey was an open book for the most part; Gavin, on the other hand, was able to almost completely wipe all emotion from his face when he needed to. Like now. Since Jils didn’t look very guilty, I assumed it was Gavin. Which made more sense, Jilsey wasn’t one to rock the boat.

  “I’m going to assume it was you,” I said, pointing at him. “You had no, I repeat, no right to do that. Secondly, she couldn’t be too awfully worried about me if she waited to call weeks after my accident. And finally, you are both high off your asses if you think I’m going to call her back.”

  I stood abruptly and slammed my chair into the island, causing it to tip backward and fall to the floor. I ignored the urge I had to pick it up and apologize to them for yelling. I stomped to the kitchen doorway and turned back to them.

  “From now on, when she calls, don’t tell me. Just take a message and toss it in the trash. Or remind her that she had her chance to be a parent, and she fucked it up.”

  Once in my room, I fought the tears that threatened my eyes. I changed quickly and grabbed a large tote from my closest. I needed some space from both of them. I shoved my toiletries and a change of clothes inside the bag. I’d get a hotel room for the night and reassess in the morning. Gavin had basically done the same thing the night before; he wasn’t the only one who could make a point.

  I headed back downstairs and straight for the door. Gavin was waiting in the foyer, his arms crossed over his chest. Not only did I not want to argue with him, there wasn’t time. I had to meet Telor and I was already running behind.

  “Lina, you’re not going anywhere until we talk about this,” he said. He was blocking the door, too.

  “God, Gavin, I don’t have time for this. Please move,” I said, grabbing my hair at the roots and suppressing a scream. He didn’t move. So, I tried to push him out of the way. I might as well be trying to move a mountain. “Move!” I yelled.

  “What on earth has gotten into you?” he asked, his face con
veying his worry.

  “Gavin Elliot Hollow, move,” I said as calmly as I could. He reached out to touch me, and I slapped his hand away. I was being unreasonable, and I knew it. But, right now, I needed out of this house, and I needed Telor. Gavin was in the way of that. “Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

  “Let her go, Gavin,” Jilsey said from the living room doorway. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet during this exchange. “She’ll talk when she’s ready. She’ll be fine.”

  Gavin looked torn. He wanted to let me leave because he could see how upset I was getting, but he also wanted to get this all out in the open. Finally, he stepped to the side.

  I only got the door open about an inch before he stopped it, asking, “Where are you going?”

  Only thinking of getting out of here and to Telor, I said the only thing I could think of to get him to let me leave without anymore questions. “None of your fucking business.”

  Shock registered on Jilsey’s face about the same time hurt showed on Gavin’s. I didn’t have time to worry about the consequences of what had just went down. Practically flying back to the museum, I barely made it into the doors before the waterworks started.

  Frustrated tears streamed down my face as I made a beeline for the elevator, struggling to hold them in just a little longer. Making it halfway down the hallway, I heard voices coming from the Black and White Photo Gallery. Cautiously, I inched my way toward the door, careful not to make any noise.

  “I’m aware of that. I’ve gone through it over and over. I keep coming up blank,” Telor said. “But I’m not really in the position to be rocking the boat by asking questions as to why Guides are hanging out around her.”

  No one responded. Awesome. We could be crazy together. Then he laughed a good hearty laugh, and it sounded magnificent. I wished I could replay that, just to remember it was real. Despite the absurdity of this, I couldn’t help but smile a little. Then again, I was not a good judge of what was and was not absurd at the moment.