Never Knew Until You

by L E Royal

  “You know this is just sex, right, sweetheart?”

  The words were careful, but it was easy to grasp the meaning behind them.

  “I do.” Parker kept her tone even. “But we’ve gone out to eat together before, and you’re clearly exhausted and you’ve lost weight. Is it selfish that I want you healthy, Mistress?”

  Kristina crossed the room and crawled back onto the bed and kissed her. It was chaste, and she felt Kristina smiling against her lips; then the kiss turned deeper, slow, and Parker couldn’t help but wonder if Kristina knew this was just sex too.

  Reluctantly, Parker kissed her once more and pulled away.

  “Finish getting dressed and I’ll make you a sandwich for the road?”

  Kristina leaned in and kissed her once more.

  “You’re so good to me, Miss Freeman. That sounds nice, as long as you see me out the door.”

  Parker nodded her agreement, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the comforter to hunt for her pajamas.

  “Parker…” Kristina’s voice was low and delicious when she interrupted her search. “Don’t put anything on.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “DON’T FREAK OUT.”

  Parker leaned forward again, peering up at Kristina’s house, wondering what was taking her so long.

  “You’re freaking me out with all this ‘don’t freak out’… What’s going on?”

  Marion sighed down the phone.

  “So I was at work today…”

  Parker hummed, drumming her fingers on the wheel, her eyes on the front door.

  “Where exactly are you?” Marion asked.

  Oops.

  “Sorry, I’m at Kristina’s, waiting to pick her up.”

  “Oh, going on a date?”

  Parker tried to keep her feelings out of her voice. “No, she’s having some work done at her place tomorrow, or something, so she’s staying the night.”

  Tired of it idling, she turned off the engine.

  “Okay, good. So I’m just going to come out and say it. The whole library benefit thing next week on campus, I think Amanda is going to be there.”

  “What?” She hissed the word. “Why would she even…”

  “The hospital is making a show of donating, and they’ve been selling tickets this week. I talked to Ashley in phleb, and she told me Carol said Amanda bought two.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Head back against the seat, Parker groaned. A flash of movement caught her eye, and she looked up to see Kristina’s front door open, surprised when a woman stepped out onto the doorstep with her.

  Kristina had a small duffel in her hands, and she looked as uncomfortable as Parker had ever seen her.

  “Hello? You still there?”

  “Yeah, sorry… Listen, I’ll have to call you back, okay?”

  Parker watched the pair as they walked down the path. Kristina looked stiff, wary, her face painted in grim lines.

  “Okay, fine, but just ask her.”

  “Wait, ask who what?”

  A few strides away from the car, the woman pulled Kristina in for a hug. Parker tried to ignore the flare of annoyance in her chest. She was gorgeous, maybe a few years Kristina’s senior, with carefully straightened hair and heavily made-up eyes. She looked like a model, and Parker felt plain, and old, in comparison.

  “Kristina, ask her to go to the benefit with you, to stick it to Amanda.”

  Her stomach lurched, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the mention of her ex-wife, or the woman who was now sliding down into her ostentatious red convertible. Parker grimaced as gravel sprayed her windshield as the car pulled out of the driveway.

  “Okay, M, gotta go, love you. Kiss Roland for me.”

  She ended the call as Kristina tugged open the passenger door. The smile on her face didn’t reach her eyes.

  “Hey, sweetheart.”

  For the first time, the endearment sounded hollow. Parker told herself to relax, though alarm bells were screaming in her mind.

  “Hi. How are you?”

  She didn’t wait for Kristina to kiss her as she sometimes did lately, or even expect a real answer. She pulled out down the driveway, the large metal gates closing behind them as she headed back to the street.

  Kristina was looking out of the window, too quiet.

  “I’m glad things are still settling down at work. Did you get whatever the holdup was on Wednesday figured out?”

  The question worked like she’d hoped it might, and Kristina dived into talking about delayed shipments and incompetent staff, and the air in the car was suddenly less thick.

  Parker nodded in the right places, taking her eyes off the road to watch her, leaning back in the seat now, running her fingers through her dark hair, pulling it back from her face.

  “So who was that?”

  She felt the shift in atmosphere like it was physical.

  “Is that really any of your business?”

  Though she’d known Kristina would be defensive, sensed that something was up with her visitor, she hadn’t expected such a harsh reaction.

  Returning her eyes to the road, she gunned the engine when the light changed. First Amanda, now this. She had hoped for a better start to the weekend.

  “No, I guess it’s not.”

  The drive back to her place was stony, silent, and when she unbuckled her seat belt, Kristina didn’t move.

  “Would you prefer if I went home?”

  The question didn’t seem sullen, just tired.

  Would I? Parker knew she was pissed about the Amanda situation, that her ex was obviously inserting herself into her life again—was she letting that color how she felt about Kristina?

  “No…I’m sorry.” She could be the bigger person. “I just had a bad day. I apologize.”

  For a second, she thought, hoped, Kristina was going to apologize too, but a long beat passed between them, and then, with a nod, she opened the passenger door.

  They were barely inside before Kristina paused on the stairs.

  “Mind if I take a shower?”

  The request confused Parker, but she recovered quickly.

  “Sure, you know where it is. Help yourself to whatever you need, okay?”

  Kristina was already climbing the stairs again.

  “Kristina…” Those dark eyes found her from the top. “Is the water off at your place because of the work or…?”

  Parker watched her swallow, then nod, then disappear down the hall.

  Kristina was acting weird. Who the hell was that woman?

  The two cups of coffee she’d taken her time with making were stone cold on the counter, and Parker could still hear the water running upstairs. Giving up on standing there in the kitchen, organizing her spice rack for the fourth time and turning it all over in her head—Amanda, Kristina, the unknown woman—she headed upstairs.

  The only sound from her bathroom was the spray hitting the tub, the door cracked. She hovered by it, and then decided.

  Things had been better lately. Kristina’s company was over the worst of whatever crisis had kept her so busy, and they’d just been getting back to their easy rhythm. This weekend was something Parker had looked forward to, and she was eager to pull it back from the rapid decline it had taken. With her clothes on the floor, she pushed open the bathroom door.

  A month ago there was no way she would have been brave enough to do this. Though her heart beat hard, she was proud she dared.

  “Kristina?”

  She tapped on the glass pane of the shower, before she slid it back and poked her head around. Kristina turned sideways, almost hiding herself, and the action shook Parker to her core.

  “Mind if I come in?”

  Parker saw her piecing herself together, twisting a smile onto her lips, letting her hands fall slack by her sides, shoulders back to proudly display her body as she usually did.

  “Not at all.”

  Kristina looked young, her dark hair turned ebony, slicked back by the wat
er, her face clean of makeup. Something in Parker’s chest tugged at the sight, because she was still disarmingly beautiful.

  As she inched closer, the fine hair on her arms raised in the cool of the stall. Kristina watched, and the moment was still heavy, something still hanging between them, naked as they were in front of each other.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  Kristina’s bottom lip was between her teeth, and Parker felt her consider it, before finally, she nodded. Everything in her wanted to step up to her, sweet and slow, tug her body against her and kiss her soft, careful. Licking her lips, she forced herself not to linger, not to push Kristina any further when she was clearly already shaken.

  As if they belonged to a stranger, she watched her own pale fingers run up Kristina’s tan chest, over her collarbone, and up around the back of her neck to tug her in. The hot spray rained down over them, and Kristina was quiet under her mouth, pliable in a way she rarely was.

  Parker didn’t know who closed the distance, but they pressed together, her own skin growing wet, her hair soaking flat down her back under the water. Kristina’s hands settled around her wrists, their lips slid together, tongues brushing close, and Parker had no idea if those hands were there to keep her close or ready to push her away.

  She waited for Kristina to balk, to push her back or spin them around and shove her against the wall. She waited for the fingers on her wrists to get rough, to twist in her hair, move firm against her body, but they never did. Everything between them was spilling, deep and slow and slipping into a territory that was only vaguely familiar, and last time they’d been here, Kristina had run.

  Stepping back, Parker searched her dark eyes. Kristina just looked back at her, rivulets of water rolling down her slim neck, over her shoulders.

  “Can I ask who that was at your house?”

  Parker saw her steel herself.

  “That was Mal.”

  It took her a second to recognize the name of the woman who’d been Kristina’s Dominant.

  “She was your—”

  Kristina nodded before she could finish.

  “I guess you don’t want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head, and Parker conceded with a kiss, ready to comfort her in the only way she knew how, through a language she’d known before they’d met, but over the last few months, Kristina had made her fluent in. She wondered if Kristina knew sex could be more than a game, more than a weapon.

  “Parker.”

  She was surprised when gentle hands on her biceps tugged her away.

  “What was wrong with you? Earlier, you seemed tense.”

  Right. We’re sharing. She swallowed. The last thing she wanted to think about right now was Amanda, but it only seemed fair.

  “Remember the library benefit your buddy the dean came to talk to me about? Well, Marion told me Amanda’s going to be there, probably with her girlfriend, so…”

  Would Kristina think it was shallow, pathetic that she cared?

  “If it upsets you, maybe you shouldn’t go?”

  It was a good solution and she wished it was so easy.

  “I have to. The library will largely benefit my department and the dean is expecting all the professors to attend.”

  Eager for something else to do, Parker reached around her for the shampoo.

  “What are you afraid of?”

  Kristina caught the bottle before she could turn it up and dump some of the liquid into her hand.

  Her mouth felt suddenly dry.

  “I’m…” She had to search herself for a second before she could grasp the honest answer. “I’m afraid of how it’s going to look, her with her new, young, girlfriend who she cheated on me openly with for years, and me alone, again. I’m afraid it’s going to be humiliating, and the worst part is this is an event for my workplace, that’s important for my career. I can’t think why she’d decide to come if not to rub things in my face.”

  Kristina was watching her. She tried to take the shampoo back, but Kristina held it firm.

  “I could go with you.”

  Marion is freaking psychic.

  “You want to go with me to the benefit, as my girlfriend, to save me from total humiliation in front of my bitch ex-wife?”

  Kristina took a deep breath and nodded, tipping her head back and letting the shower soak her hair again.

  “To pretend to be your girlfriend, yes. I can do that for you, sweetheart. If you want.”

  Parker should be grateful, happy even that she had a solution. Kristina was young, she was gorgeous, and the dean already thought they were together anyway, yet disappointment settled heavy in her stomach instead.

  She forced herself to smile.

  “Okay.”

  KRISTINA’S WEALTH STILL caught her off guard. Somewhere over the last few months she had become just Kristina, with her yoga pants and the ability to see Parker completely undone with barely more than a sentence.

  When Parker stepped out of the fancy dark car, with an honest-to-God driver holding the door open for them, she was definitely reminded that Kristina was well off.

  “Ready?”

  Kristina was eye level with her in ridiculously high heels, stunning in a floor-length black dress. If not for the way those dark eyes watched her appreciatively, the look on her face when she’d opened the door earlier that night, Parker might feel plain beside her.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  She tried to ignore the way her heart stuttered as Kristina took her hand and led her through the double doors into the hall where the benefit was being held.

  The sheer size of the event struck her. There had to be three hundred people in the large space, at least. Tables and chairs took up one half of the room, two bars in the other and a stage up front. Combing through bodies, Parker searched for anyone she knew.

  “Wow. They are disgustingly cute.”

  She followed Kristina’s line of sight and couldn’t help but laugh at Marion, beautiful in a red dress, LiLing twirling her slowly to the barely audible music, dapper in a fitted pantsuit, her hair piled high on her head in an elegant twist.

  “Yep, they’re pretty much like that all the time.”

  If Kristina heard the envy in her voice, she didn’t comment.

  “Kristina Diaz.”

  An older man Parker didn’t recognize approached them and introduced his wife.

  “Maurice, it’s so nice to see you. This is my partner, Professor Parker Freeman.”

  Parker didn’t know how many times her heart could take hearing Kristina introduce her like that tonight.

  The woman in question tugged her close and pressed a kiss to her cheek that made her blush.

  “Sweetheart, why don’t you go say hi to Marion? I’ll be over in just a minute.”

  Kristina gave her an out and, thankful, Parker took it.

  With one last long look at the stunning creature who was her pretend date for the night, she left to weave through bodies. A couple of faces registered as familiar, and she said a few quick hellos, before finally, she made it to her friends.

  “Wow… Look at you!” LiLing greeted her with a hug.

  “Where is she?” Marion pulled her in next. “If she stood you up…”

  “Easy, mama bear, she’s here. She didn’t stand me up. She did pick me up in some fancy car with a driver and champagne.” Parker couldn’t help but feel a little giddy as she relayed that particular development.

  Marion squealed predictably. “So I finally get to meet her on a night when I’m not having to take drastic action for you two idiots and suck face with you?”

  Parker nodded.

  “I don’t even want to know.”

  Parker reached up and adjusted LiLing’s collar, eyes apologetic. “Your wife very graciously assaulted my mouth, all for the greater good of course.”

  LiLing laughed—the woman was a freaking saint. Parker glanced to Marion, a smile on her lips, surprised her best friend’s face had turned hard.

&
nbsp; “Look at you…”

  Parker spun around. She would know that voice anywhere.

  “Amanda…” She paused, letting her eyes fall to the woman at her side. “Emily.”

  She tried to collect herself, her heartbeat erratic, the color draining out of her cheeks as her ex-wife’s eyes swept over her. She found her voice, all her courage, anger from their last meeting long gone now. “What a surprise to see you here.”

  She could be cordial.

  “Yes, and not much of a surprise to see you here, I suppose. Still the eternal plus one for Mrs. and Mrs. Hua?” Amanda asked.

  Parker swallowed hard, hate burning in her throat. Before she could grit out a reply, Amanda continued speaking.

  “You look good, Parker. Are you running again?”

  She sensed Marion take a breath and knew the woman was about to explode.

  “There you are, sweetheart…” Kristina was suddenly in her space, stepping up to her and kissing her full on the mouth, her lips lingering for a few seconds longer than was strictly appropriate.

  “Oh, excuse me.” Kristina stepped back, the picture of etiquette as she pretended to notice Amanda. Parker couldn’t help but watch Emily’s eyes on Kristina.

  “Amanda, this is Kristina Diaz.”

  She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. She didn’t have to.

  “Amanda, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Parker’s partner.” Her tone was polite but icy, and it was clear Kristina was no stranger to politics. “And this must be Emily.” The hint of condescension in her voice was absolute gold. Any other time Parker might have laughed, but she knew Amanda well enough to recognize her hackles rising.

  “Kristina…” Amanda’s voice was low, mocking. “Isn’t it a little past your bedtime?”

  Parker opened her mouth, but Kristina was faster, one hand on her waist, tugging her close as she turned to her.

  “What do you think, sweetheart? We did have an awfully late night last night. Well, I guess it was more like this morning by the time there was any actual sleeping. But I think I can hold out a bit longer; how about you?”

  Her dark eyes were shining, that hand on Parker’s hip was holding her soft, possessive, and all of it was so surreal. She had to clear her throat before she could agree she was good. Kristina turned back to Amanda, totally unfazed.