Never Knew Until You

by L E Royal

  Her heart twisted painfully. She didn’t want to let Kristina go, but logically, it was the right choice, the rational choice. After so many bad decisions, maybe for once, she should try being rational.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  She knew to Marion, her answer was as good as a yes.

  WALKING BACK TO campus, she tried so hard not to think about Kristina, about the things she saw in her dark eyes when Kristina thought she wasn’t looking, the softness of the hands in her hair when she thought she was asleep.

  Her phone buzzed, and she tugged it out of her pocket, half expecting it to be Marion telling her she’d set her up on a date already.

  Her stomach flipped guiltily.

  Just landed. New York is beautiful, it would be more beautiful with you.

  Just like that, the thought that Lucy could ever hold a candle to her was long gone. Kristina was on a business trip. Parker hadn’t expected to hear from her until next week, but just that simple, one-line message lifted her up and broke her apart.

  It was so obvious even she couldn’t ignore it.

  She was falling for Kristina.

  THEY LINGERED ON her doorstep, awkward. Parker pushed her keys into the lock and turned back to say good night. Lucy stepped forward, and Parker stepped into her. She’d gone this far, and now she was comfortable to let herself explore this. Emotionally, she wasn’t Kristina. The kiss was flat, messy, and made it clear that physically, sexually, she wasn’t either.

  Lucy pulled away with a laugh.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve thought you were just gorgeous forever and could never understand why you were with a prick like Miller, but that was…”

  Parker laughed out loud.

  “Not the best for you either?”

  Lucy shook her head.

  “You’re not in love with her, are you?”

  Heat jumped in Parker’s chest, a flare of panic.

  “Amanda, I mean, still?”

  She exhaled with a laugh.

  “No…God no… Hell no!”

  She liked Lucy, with her kind blue eyes and crooked smile; she was charming and sweet, but she just wasn’t her.

  “But there is someone?”

  God, I feel like a horrible person.

  “Lucy… I’m sorry. It’s complicated. I really did want to see where things led tonight.”

  “It’s all right.” She shoved her hands in her pockets with a shrug and a grin. “I guess I was always just meant to admire you from the nurses’ station. Anything more simply isn’t supposed to be.” She took a step back off the porch. “I hope it works out though, whoever it’s complicated with. She’s a hell of a lucky woman.”

  Parker watched until Lucy was in the car and then stepped into the house. Something heavy sat in her chest, and it hurt. Retrieving her phone, she plopped down onto the stairs in the dark.

  I’m in love with Kristina. God, I’m in love, again… The staccato rhythm of her heart, the giddy little butterflies, and the burn of anxiety in her gut, they were all familiar, and all things she thought she’d outgrown long ago.

  Screw it.

  She opened up Kristina’s message, and she typed.

  I went on a date tonight. She was funny and kind. We didn’t have sex, so you can relax. It should have been good, but it wasn’t.

  She hit Send and took a deep breath.

  Because she wasn’t you. Sweet dreams, honey. Fly safe tomorrow and come back to me.

  By the time she was in bed, plugging her phone in to charge overnight, ready to sleep, there was still no reply.

  Chapter Fourteen

  SHE KNOCKED ON Kristina’s familiar front door. The sun was setting behind her, and she’d received the text from her at the airport asking to meet almost as soon as she landed.

  Butterflies swirled in her stomach, and she knocked again. When nobody answered, she tried the door on instinct. The handle moved and it creaked open.

  “Kristina?”

  She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, the first hints of worry trickling into her stomach, turning the butterflies it touched to dust.

  She called for Kristina again, relieved that as she walked down the hall, she heard her voice somewhere at the end. Tucking her hair back behind her ear, smoothing her hands over the tight jeans around her thighs, Parker stepped into the kitchen.

  Kristina was pacing, one arm around her middle, the other holding her cell to her ear, a language spilling from her lips so quickly it took Parker a minute to recognize it as Spanish.

  Kristina’s dark eyes snapped to her, and she smiled, suddenly nervous. Am I intruding?

  “Listen, I have to call you back.”

  The voice on the other end of the line was still talking—Parker heard them calling what sounded like “Kris”—when she ended the call and tossed the cell onto the counter.

  “Parker.”

  She strode toward her, black jeans and high boots, a deep-red sweater that fell down just low enough to show her sculpted collarbone and a sliver of black bra strap.

  “Mistress…”

  Parker bit her lip as she delivered the greeting, enjoying the instant response it gained. With Kristina momentarily knocked off balance, she took the opening and ran with it.

  “So, your friends call you Kris?”

  Recovering, Kristina shook her head. “No, he’s a dick. He calls me that because he knows I hate it.”

  “I see.” Parker reached up to catch Kristina’s chin, stepping into her space and using the height advantage for all it was worth. She didn’t know how she’d suddenly acquired the upper hand, but she planned to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.

  “So what do your friends call you, Miss Diaz?”

  She leaned down to brush her lips against Kristina’s full ones, though the action wasn’t a kiss.

  “Kristina, Boss, I know one beautiful woman who calls me Mistress… That’s all.”

  Parker kissed her softly, nipping at her bottom lip before she pulled away.

  “Once upon a time, when I was a kid, my friends called me Krissie.”

  She wasn’t sure who was more surprised by the information being shared, her or Kristina, but she instantly liked the nickname.

  Pulling back, she studied Kristina’s face.

  “Would you hate if I called you that, from time to time?”

  Kristina swallowed hard, and her expression shifted, and Parker knew her time leading the game was coming to an end.

  “No, I don’t think I would, but I’d prefer you call me Mistress…”

  This time it was Kristina who leaned in to initiate the kiss, her tongue that pushed into Parker’s mouth, seeking, claiming. Just as she was melting, ready to peel herself out of her clothes and let Kristina have her right there on the kitchen floor, Kristina pulled back.

  “You went on a date.”

  Parker’s breath caught, her tongue darting out across her kiss-swollen lips.

  “I did.”

  Why do I feel so guilty?

  “How was it?”

  Kristina’s voice was dark and demanding, and Parker knew she already knew the answer. If she wanted to hear her say it, she would. Forcing her gaze up to Kristina’s face, she took a deep breath.

  “She wasn’t you.”

  The tension in the room was thick, heavy. Kristina looked frozen, scared, and so uncertain that Parker reached up to smooth back her hair and then gave her an out.

  “I’d rather go to IHOP.”

  They both laughed.

  “I think you have a crush on that poor unsuspecting waitress, Miss Freeman.”

  Just like that, Kristina was back.

  Parker kicked off her shoes and shed her jacket, slowly, confidently, letting it fall to the floor before she looked back to Kristina. Though her actions oozed sex, her admission was shy, softer.

  “I think I have a crush on you.”

  A beat passed between them, and then they were inching forward, closing the distance, slow, tentative.
Parker watched Kristina’s eyes fall closed, felt the uncertainty in the gentle press of her lips, the tremble in her fingers when they slid soft up her waist.

  That kiss was sweet and slow, and so heartbreakingly honest. Parker’s body reacted as strong as it always did, but she didn’t want to fuck her; she wanted to lay her down and worship her.

  “Parker…” Kristina pulled back just barely, their foreheads resting against each other, their breaths the only sound in the quiet of the kitchen.

  “I know, honey…”

  Parker swallowed down the emotion thick in her throat.

  “Take me to bed, Mistress?”

  Kristina hovered, one hand still in Parker’s hair, her lips parted, and she was sure she was going to say something; she could see it in her eyes, see the moment she lost her nerve and it died. She licked her lips instead.

  “As you wish, sweetheart.”

  Somewhere along the way it had become a race. Parker skidded into the bedroom on her socked feet, Kristina one pace behind her, laughing.

  “Is this the part where I get to claim my prize?”

  Parker turned back to her, but Kristina was already advancing.

  “I think this is the part where you repent for your sins.”

  Her stomach flipped. Kristina’s tan fingers closed around her throat and pushed her back onto the bed, and then they were kissing, rough and messy. Parker reached up to feel the weight of Kristina’s breasts in her hands, squeezing them firmly. Fingers in her hair tugged her head back. They were both panting.

  “You went on a date.”

  Parker laughed. She couldn’t help it.

  “I thought you don’t do jealousy.”

  Kristina swallowed hard.

  “So did I.”

  Something passed between them, and hot as she was, wet, excited, and freaking intoxicated to be back with Kristina, to be laughing, Parker didn’t want to let it kill their moment.

  “So what, are you going to spank me again?”

  She let the challenge echo in her eyes. Kristina’s nostrils flared.

  “No, that would be unoriginal now you asked, and while I was away I had plenty of time to think of what to do with my bad girl, when I got home.”

  God, I should not like that as much as I do.

  “I’m going to fuck you, in a way I’ve always wanted to. Unless you’re not comfortable and would prefer another spanking.”

  She was disappointed when Kristina climbed off her, disappeared into the closet, and reappeared with something in her hands.

  “Sit up.”

  She pushed herself up, leaning close to Kristina when she sat down beside her.

  “How do you feel about toys?”

  She studied the purple thing in Kristina’s hand, trying to figure out how it worked.

  “Here. Hold it.”

  She put her hand out obediently and gripped the thing when it hit her palm. It was soft, a little squishy, one side was longer, and she could imagine where that went. The bulb on the other end was more troublesome.

  “I, um, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with anything in my…” She poked the bulb awkwardly.

  Kristina moved closer, catching her chin, amusement shining in her eyes as she forced Parker to meet them.

  “Say it.”

  Parker licked her lips, her cheeks flaming. Tears pricked her eyes unexpectedly, as she realized with a jolt this could be the thing that made them incompatible.

  “Hey.”

  Kristina took the toy from her hands and tossed it on the bed, then pulled her into a hug, all the amusement gone.

  “What is it?”

  Gentle hands stroked her hair, and Parker let herself be held.

  “I’ve never done…anything like…anal. I could try. I just…” She swallowed.

  “Parker.” Kristina tugged her back, holding her around the top of her arms. “It’s a strapless dildo. The short side goes in me; the other side is what I’d like to fuck you with, in the same place I always fuck you.”

  Parker felt her pulse in her face, mortified, and Kristina was laughing. She shoved her away.

  “No…sweetheart, no. You’re just adorable.”

  “I hate you.”

  She tried to look everywhere, anywhere but at Kristina.

  “I was so worried if I said I didn’t know you’d think we weren’t compatible.”

  She heard her take a breath.

  “Parker, I don’t ever want you to worry about telling me something makes you uncomfortable. That will never change our compatibility.”

  She tried to be relieved at Kristina’s assurance, but she was still just embarrassed.

  “Look at me…”

  She couldn’t.

  “Look at me, right now.” Taking a deep breath, she turned, surprised when Kristina kissed her.

  “We’re compatible. More compatible than I’ve ever experienced with anyone.” Kristina settled a hand over her breast, rubbing, squeezing pleasantly. “You’re beautiful, and sexy, and you make me work for it. You don’t care about the money, and things with you are just wonderfully, disarmingly easy. It’s not something you have to worry about, okay?”

  Licking her lips, a few tears drying on her cheeks, Parker nodded.

  “You hiding how you feel or not being honest with me will hurt things faster than you ever being uncomfortable with something and saying so will. Understand?”

  She nodded again, falling easily when Kristina pushed her back. Lips kissed her cheek, then settled against her ear.

  “If you ever feel ready, I’d like to fuck you, baby, everywhere.” Heat shot straight to her core; the words left her nervous, excited, and questioning. “But for tonight, I want to fuck you with that toy, if you’d like?”

  The thought was hot, but worry still lingered.

  “It’s kind of big.”

  Kristina was looking down at her with so much care and so much hunger it made her head spin.

  “I’ll work you up to it, baby, if you want to.”

  She did.

  She nodded.

  With a wicked grin, Kristina disappeared down her body, kissing and licking and tugging at her clothes. Parker felt her socks being tugged off, the rough slide of denim down her legs, followed by the whisper of silk.

  “Did I mention I missed you?”

  She didn’t have time to reply, before a tongue slicked hard across her, Kristina’s hair soft against her thighs, and her head was back, eyes closed.

  Slim fingers gripped her legs and ran up over her hips, then nails raked back down. Somewhere under the haze of pleasure, she imagined how she must look, naked from the waist down, head back, eyes closed, mouth open, panting out her need. Where once she might have been embarrassed by the image, now somehow, it only turned her on more. She let her mind wander, opening her eyes to look down at Kristina between her legs. As if she could feel the gaze, Kristina snapped her eyes up to her, and her body jumped as she was sucked hard; then Kristina wiped her mouth, and gave her a wicked smile.

  “Take off your shirt?”

  Parker nodded, surprised by the question, saddened by the loss as Kristina disappeared into the bathroom.

  Sitting up was uncomfortable. Her body just wanted to lie there and revel. Kristina worked on the buttons on her shirt with shaky fingers—she had to stop wearing buttons around Kristina—and finally, they were done and she was tugging the material off her shoulder and struggling out of her bra.

  When she looked up, Kristina was standing in the doorway to her bathroom. Parker’s gaze dropped immediately to the toy sticking out from between her legs obscenely. Looking back up to her beautiful face, eyes dark, she couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I’m so glad this is funny to you, sweetheart.”

  The mattress dipped, and she didn’t think Kristina was glad at all. Parker took a deep breath, still struggling with a horrible case of the giggles, as Kristina pulled her legs apart, and then Kristina was hovering over her and all the levity left the roo
m.

  Kristina moved her slim hips, and the length of the toy pressed against her.

  “Not laughing anymore?”

  Biting her lip, Parker shook her head. Is this going to hurt?

  “Words.”

  “No, Mistress.”

  Kristina was magnetic, and Parker found she couldn’t look away. Her hair was tussled, hanging in soft waves over her shoulder. She slicked her tongue across her bottom lip, leaving it damp, shining, and her eyes were lit with desire. She really wanted to do this.

  The toy was rubbing back and forth between them, over her, and it moved slicker, easier against Parker, bumping her pleasantly.

  “Are you nervous, baby?”

  The care in Kristina’s tone caught her off guard.

  She had to clear her throat to find her voice.

  “A little.” She could already see the question in Kristina’s eyes, and she answered automatically. “I want to. Just slow, okay?”

  Panic flared in her chest when Kristina rolled off her and settled instead beside her. She pulled her close, tugging one leg up over her hip. The toy bumped her again, and Parker understood.

  “Kiss me?” Kristina said.

  She pressed her lips against Kristina’s, letting Kristina pull her closer until they were flush together, legs tangled, the tip of the toy sinking into her.

  Kristina’s fingers settled over her, rubbing her, and the tinge of pain became pleasure, sending a moan spilling from between her lips.

  “Is that okay?”

  Kristina was looking at her, their heads on the same pillow, so close Parker could count the tiny freckles on her nose.

  “Ye-ahhh….” The word became a moan as Kristina moved her slim hips forward, pushing it into her more. Kristina’s pleasure was visible on her face, and Parker wondered how this felt for her. Maybe one day they could try this in reverse. The thought was oddly pleasant, and she relaxed into it, into the soft rocking of Kristina’s hips building a steady rhythm inside her.

  “Did you…” She couldn’t finish the question.

  “Only half.”

  That made sense. Then Kristina was kissing her, and nothing made sense. Her body burned at the intrusion between her legs, but the careful fingers that grazed her made it bearable. Kristina rocked into her, and Parker let herself get lost in touching her, kissing her, in the lips on her neck and the body flush against her own, until she was tightening, building, and she was rocking with Kristina too.