The Devil Inside

by Ali Vali

  “You must not know her well at all, then,” he responded.

  They piled into one car but were escorted to the hospital by two other vehicles full of Cain’s men. Hayden’s silence grew with each block they traveled, and he held Hannah’s hand as she sat between him and Emma.

  Merrick opened the door after studying the street and walked them into the lobby. As they rode up in the elevator, Emma made eye contact with the top Casey guard. Understanding, Merrick escorted the children to the waiting room so Emma could go in alone. The fact that neither of them had called to relay the news would not be lost on Cain.

  She was sleeping when Emma entered, providing the perfect opportunity for her to study the face and body she missed so much. Growing up on a farm with no siblings hadn’t prepared her for sharing space with another person, especially in her bed. But with Cain she had never had any awkwardness or adjustments. She had moved in shortly after they had consummated their relationship, walking on what felt like thin ice, trying to do nothing that would make Cain regret her decision to invite her.

  Twelve Years Before in the Casey Home

  The last of the moving men tipped his hat in her direction and started toward the front door of Emma’s new residence. She didn’t have much furniture or many knickknacks, considering the frugal way she had existed in school, but Cain had hired a crew anyway, not wanting her to have to worry about anything.

  Emma walked around the master suite studying the various pictures, smiling when she found more than one of the two of them. In the closet she ran her hand along the row of suits and shirts that hung neatly alongside her own things and wondered if she and Cain would have a long adjustment period.

  Cain loved her—she was sure of it and had never doubted from the first time Cain had said it—but no woman had shared Cain’s life this way either. When she stepped out of the closet, the object of her thoughts was sitting on the bed smiling at her. Across Cain’s lap lay a bouquet of sunflowers, which seemed almost as out of place in the space as Emma felt.

  “I remember you telling me when you lived with your folks you grew these outside your bedroom window so you could enjoy them in the summer. I also remember how happy you looked when you told me that story.” Cain stood up and moved slowly to where Emma was standing. “These are for you, love.” She handed the flowers over. “I didn’t grow them, I’ll admit, but I hope they make you just as happy.”

  “You make me happy,” she said.

  “I can only hope that’s true too, because I don’t ever want you to leave here, and I want you to feel like this is your home. If you don’t, we’ll look for another one.”

  Emma put her flowers down and moved into Cain’s arms. “I don’t ever want to leave, and I think the house is as perfect as you are. There’s only one way to be sure, though.”

  “More flowers?” asked Cain teasingly.

  Emma shook her head and looked up into the twinkling blue eyes. “More of you.”

  From that day on, a crystal vase full of sunflowers stood on the nightstand on her side of the bed. They always made Emma feel special because, unlike most of the things in Cain’s life that she delegated to others, she always chose and bought the sunflowers herself. Over the years she became a fixture at least twice a week in the flower section at the French market.

  “You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, sweetling.”

  The raspy voice made Emma realize that during her musings she had taken a seat on the bed to be close to Cain. “Sorry,” she said as she started to move away.

  “Don’t go. I want to tell you something.” Cain’s movements were still a bit uncoordinated, but she managed to wrap her hand around Emma’s wrist.

  “I know I’m not your favorite person, but there’s also a limit to how much I can take in a day, and it’s been a hell of a day already.” Emma was intent on getting up, sure that in Cain’s weakened condition she could break the hold easily.

  “Please stay. I don’t want to pile it on, Emma. I want to apologize for my earlier outburst. Hayden’s responsible for his actions, no matter what you told him. I shouldn’t have jumped all over you like I did.”

  “Cain, I understand you were upset. You don’t have to apologize.” Emma relaxed and smiled because Cain hadn’t moved her hand even though it was apparent that she wasn’t going to get off the bed. “I should’ve waited until you were awake before I told Hayden about Hannah. It really isn’t my intention to replace you or diminish your place in his life.”

  “Come on, Emma. You’ve got me on my back and apologizing to you. I say you should go with it and enjoy.” Cain squeezed the delicate wrist under her fingers. “Now tell me what’s got you looking even more depressed than when you left.”

  “Actually, I have good news for you.”

  “Tell me what’s bothering you?”

  “Why would you care?” The question wasn’t sarcastic, and Emma didn’t mean it to be.

  “Does the why matter? Shouldn’t the fact that I care enough to ask mean something?”

  Emma dipped her head a little as if she expected a physical blow instead of an answer to her question. “I really don’t want to play twenty questions with you, so could you just answer me?”

  “I care because of who you are and what you mean to my life, Emma. I care because, despite our past and our future, you’re the mother of my children. And because you are, I care about your happiness.”

  Glassy green eyes from unshed tears peeked at Cain from behind a veil of pale blond hair. “Thank you. I’m sure admitting that was harder than taking a bullet for me.”

  Cain laughed, thinking Emma still knew her well. “So reward me for my show of compassion.”

  “I was thinking of sunflowers and better times. Silly, I know, but I was watching you sleep and it reminded me of those flowers. I grew them again when I left, well, for the first summer anyway. They made me cry so damn much I asked my father to rip them out.” The tears she had tried to fight rolled down her cheeks. Emma had grown accustomed to them, but they did something to Cain.

  “History can be a wicked mistress, can’t she, lass?” Cain patted the hand lying on the bed and relaxed her face into a smile. “She can twist our most precious memories into our worst sources of pain.”

  “I gave up so much, and I won’t ever get it back, will I?”

  “You’ve gotten a little of Hayden back, haven’t you?” Cain laughed at Emma’s shocked expression. “Come now, sweetling. You and Merrick might’ve gotten caught up in the excitement, but someone in the house was bound to call me. How’s he look?”

  “Like you in all the pictures I’ve seen when you were his age. He was scared, but I think fear of facing you won out over anything Bracato could’ve done to him. Do you think just this once you could go easy on him?”

  “Did he ask you to ask me that?”

  Emma quickly covered Cain’s hand with hers. “No, you know better. He would take a beating before he begged for leniency.”

  “Go get him, and don’t worry about a beating. Even if I felt up to it, that’s not my style.”

  The tease made Emma laugh, and the hand still under hers gave her a glimmer of hope for the future. “I’ll go get him.”

  The guards around the waiting room were trying their best to keep their eyes on the hall and not on the little girl sitting on Hayden’s lap giggling at the story he was telling her. Hannah had taken to her big brother in a way that surprised even the hardest of Cain’s men. It was the first time Emma had seen their teeth, their smiles were so big.

  “Hayden,” Emma interrupted him.

  “She’s awake?”

  Emma nodded. “It’s all right. I talked to her, and I think she’s too tired to be too mad.”

  “I wouldn’t lay even money on that.” Hayden left before his mother could complain about how a child his age shouldn’t know about gambling and odds. The walk down the short hallway seemed like an eternity to him. He knew in his heart Cain woul
dn’t be mad. He didn’t need confirmation from Emma about that. No, the woman lying in intensive care wouldn’t be mad; she’d be disappointed, and to him that was worse. Anger would almost be easier to deal with.

  They stared at each other in silence when Hayden reached the doorway of Cain’s room. Cain visually scoured his body, making sure he was as fine as Mook had told her. “Come in and close the door.” Her voice was rough from emotion.

  “I’m sorry.” Hayden stared at the now-closed door, his back to her.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “For disappointing you.”

  “Hayden, come here, please.” She held her hand up as high as she could manage, mentally cursing how weak she felt. “I’m not disappointed in you, son. Maybe I should be, but I’m so glad you’re all right and whole that I don’t care about the rest.”

  “But you wouldn’t have made the same mistake.”

  “I’m not perfect, my boy, no matter what my mother thought.”

  The joke got him to sit on the bed.

  “You made a mistake out of anger, which means you’re a lot like me. You’re still young, but with a few years under your belt you’ll come to realize anger and love are the two strongest emotions, and they’ll make you do strange things.”

  “I just got mad you didn’t tell me about Hannah.”

  Cain nodded, trying to find the right words to proceed. “Were you shocked to find out you had a sister?”

  Hayden cocked his head to the side a little, much like Cain did when someone asked her something she considered idiotic. “That’s not a serious question, is it?”

  “Yes, it’s a serious question. One I want an answer to.”

  “Of course I was shocked.” Hayden threw his hands in the air as if to accentuate his point.

  “Then imagine how I felt.”

  “But I thought—”

  “You didn’t have to think anything, son, because this was something I had to come to terms with on my own. But you can’t think I knew all along and didn’t tell you?”

  Cain watched as anger replaced the confusion in Hayden’s eyes. “She never told you?”

  “My relationship with your mother is a little different from yours, so let’s not confuse the issue here. What we’re talking about is my relationship with you and the trust that entails. But just so you know, I’m not angry with your mom over what happened. True, she walked to the precipice of a major decision, but in the end someone pushed her off that cliff more than she chose to jump of her own free will. Punishment for those standing behind her will come in time.”

  “You don’t blame her at all?”

  Cain looked past Hayden to the door that had opened slightly. If her answer was totally honest, Emma would never have a chance in the boy’s life; she knew him well enough to know. “No, I don’t.” The lie was a gift to the woman standing there listening.

  “Is everything all right?” asked Emma.

  Hayden turned and stared at her but stayed silent. He was young, but he wasn’t a fool. Loyalty was as important to Cain as love. When his mother deserted them both, she had cut deep. Those types of wounds were hard to recover from, and he accepted Cain’s fib for what it was—an invitation for him to know the woman who had left him behind, but hadn’t forgotten him.

  “We’re fine, but we’re not done,” said Cain to Emma. The door clicked closed. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine, I promise. He just kept me locked in a room the whole time.” His eyes never wavered from hers. “I think he weighed actually having me to what you’d do to him if he hurt me. You won out.”

  The laugh that rumbled up from Cain’s chest was cut short by the stabbing pain of the gunshot wound. “If you’ve already figured everything out, then what do you think I should do to you for landing in Bracato’s hands in the first place?”

  “You should show some of that vast capacity for forgiveness you’ve shown Emma?” As extra incentive Hayden held up his crossed fingers and smiled.

  “That’s one route, but I hope you figured out what the lesson here was?”

  The boy opened his mouth to answer, but Cain lifted a couple of fingers in an effort to silence him.

  “Anger, in and of itself, is a good thing, within reason, but it will be your greatest enemy if you don’t learn to control it. You let your anger for me and your mother control your actions, and it made you an easy target.” Cain was starting to get tired, and the pain in her chest was getting bad enough to make beads of sweat break out on her forehead, but this was important to her. “No matter what you do with your life, you’ll be my son and I’ll love you. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know and I’m sorry.”

  “Again, what are you sorry for?”

  “For disappointing you.”

  Hayden looked at the person who was the one constant in his life. Cain had given him the one thing he treasured most—her attention. She talked to him as if what he thought and felt mattered to her, and always had, even when Emma was there.

  How many afternoons could he remember running around the playground near their house and glancing toward the benches where the nannies would sit to oversee their charges. One minute he would notice only a sea of strange faces, and the next Cain would be there watching him.

  She had taught him how to swing a bat, how to deal with bullies, and how important education was. Because she had taken the time and had taken such pleasure in teaching him, he had never hesitated about what he would do with his future. Some people said they loved their children; Cain had proved her love every day.

  “Hayden, you found yourself in a dangerous situation and kept your head. That’s not a disappointment to me. You’re my kid and I love you, and when you leave my side and stand alone as your own man, you’ll be better than most because you’ll always think before you use your fists.”

  The soft hum of hospital equipment was the only sound in the room after Cain finished. She didn’t have the heart to send Hayden away, but she was getting tired.

  After considering what Cain had said, Hayden asked a very innocent question. In a way, though, it summed up what they had been through. “Is that what you’re afraid of for me?”

  Emma peered through the window at Cain’s face and noticed how the tight mask that concealed pain relaxed for a moment in a different sort of pain. She felt compelled to go in and see what they were discussing.

  “What do you mean?” Cain asked.

  “That I’ll use my fists and lose the people I care about like you did? You hit Danny, and Emma left. Was that because you didn’t control your temper?”

  “No, Hayden,” said Emma. “Cain didn’t fly into a rage without thought. Cain thought with her heart. Someone had hurt me, and she reacted out of love.” Emma gripped the rim of the door. More than once she had been in the position to listen in on a talk between Cain and Hayden, and again the tone and depth of Cain’s lessons awed her. However, today Cain was trying to eliminate from Hayden’s life the one thing that made her so unique. The uniqueness that had captured Emma’s heart from the beginning and would make her son a special man to someone someday—Cain’s passion.

  “Emma, let’s not fill his head with foolish notions.” Cain’s voice was barely a whisper.

  “I’m not. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you’re trying too hard to erase those things you see as lacking in yourself.”

  Hayden leaned back as Emma came closer and put her hand on Cain’s face.

  “I know you. What makes you so special is the fact that you’re willing to fight for those you love.” Cain’s skin felt a little too warm, and Emma could only guess that the moisture was a result of the pain she saw in the blue eyes. “I was wrong, not you. I know what you want for Hayden, and I want the same things for him.”

  The sharp reply was poised on Cain’s tongue, but she let it die away and gave in to the desire to close her eyes.

  Emma had won another small victory. “Hayden, could you go out and kee
p an eye on your sister for me?” she asked.

  A nurse met him at the door, pointing at the sign that read “Visiting Hours.”

  He put his hands up and shook his head. The moment had turned into something he figured both of them needed to get through without interruption.

  The caress of a cool hand towel made Cain stir from the light sleep she had given in to, but she didn’t open her eyes. As Emma ran a soft hand over Cain’s head, Cain recalled the time they were together and she had gotten the flu. The tender touch then had made her feel so loved, magnifying now the loss of what Emma meant to her. When Emma had walked out, the memory of her skin pressed against her would wake Cain in the night. Intellectually, Cain realized there was a simple solution if all she needed was a warm body lying next to her, but it was Emma her heart still craved.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  The voice stilled Emma’s hand and tightened her nipples to the point where she felt as if she needed to cover her chest to hide the effect from Cain. Her soft timbre reminded her of her nights in Cain’s bed.

  “I’m taking advantage of your weakened condition, so be quiet.”

  “You know something, shorty?”

  “The pain must be getting bad. Either that or you’re delusional if you think you’re going to get away with calling me that,” Emma teased back.

  “I’m beginning to think you’re enjoying having me here with no choice but to succumb to your wiles.”

  Emma placed the nurse’s call button closer to her hand and stopped what she was doing. “I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat, I already told you that, and if you want I can get someone else to do this. This isn’t about pushing you.”

  “I didn’t say I wanted you to stop.”

  The blue eyes opened and pinned Emma with a look she hadn’t seen in forever. Cain almost looked like she cared.

  “How about you and me make a deal until all this is over and we settle back into some semblance of a normal life?”