My Only Reason (A Love is Love Book Book 1)

by Leigh Lennon

  20

  Crush

  Five days have passed since I first made love to Ryder. And since then, every single evening, I’m at his house, or he’s at mine. We’ve not spent the night together, not on the weekdays, since the paparazzi can catch wind of me leaving his house early.

  And going to bed by myself when all I want are his arms wrapped around my body has gotten old quick.

  But the week goes by fast, and before we know it, we’re in the air to our first game in Kansas City. But being around Ry without being able to touch his hand or winking at him has been its own type of hell.

  We’re sitting a seat apart toward the back of the plane. He’s studying the calls of certain plays, and I’m trying like hell not to get caught studying him.

  A deep voice breaks my concentration, so I lift my head to curse out the reason for the intrusion. I’m faced with Dallas, who I’m sure as shit knows about my intentions with Ryder. And if I didn’t know any better, he may have had eyes for my guy. And that in and of itself fills me with a rage I don’t know how to contain.

  “Hey, man, do you mind?” Dallas points at the seats, which are flipped around so a whole slew of men can gather for team meetings.

  He looks around, behind him, and then places his elbows to his knees, leaning in close to me. Ry still is deep into his playbook, and I don’t know if he realizes that Dallas is here, or he doesn’t care.

  “Listen, Crush, I know something is going on here.” He points at Ry, then at me, and by the little smirk I catch on Ry’s face, he’s listening. “I get it, just because I’m in the same boat.”

  My anger rages at the understanding that he’s admitting to liking my guy. “No, not with Ry, but with, you know—guys in general.” His voice is a church whisper. “And I knew you two had something before either one of you would admit it. All I’m saying is I know what it’s like loving another man, and if I can help in any way, just let me know.”

  It dawns on me what he’s just admitted on a plane, full of our team. “Wait, you’re…?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  I thought I’d imagined it, and part of me always sort of had known.

  “And I’m working on a plan to come out and live the life I choose for myself. But I’m here for you two, whatever you need,” Dallas offers.

  He takes his leave, and my mouth is left open. “Watch out, big country, you're about to catch a fly,” Ry quips.

  “Pressurized air, pretty boy, no bugs, so I’m not worried about that, but fuck…”

  “He’s a good guy and an ally. And no reason to be jealous.”

  We’re quiet in our teases, but it’s just enough, and I lean over to whisper. “Your ass is mine tonight, pretty boy.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He adjusts in his fucking purple paisley suit, and I know what he’s trying to hide. “You can’t say those types of things to me,” he says when he sets the playbook down, but I’ve accomplished what I set out to do, and that’s reminding him who he belongs to.

  There are five of us in the elevators to the floor of our hotel, and he holds his key fob out, with the room number on it. All of us are on the same floor, but I’m in room 2714, and he’s in 2798. The disappointment is real because the walk after I fuck him could get us caught.

  Dallas, who happens to be next to us, starts to complain. “I asked for a fucking view, I know this hotel, and it’s the same room they’ve always given me.”

  “Oh, stop being such a fucking baby,” one of our offensive lineman quips. “As long as there’s A/C, I don’t care. Remember when we played in Charlotte, and the air conditioning was out?”

  “Ugh,” I chime in. “It was the worst.”

  “Hey, Ry, would you be willing to switch with me? Your room is a corner unit, and it has the best view of the stadium.”

  “Um, yeah, man. I guess it’s not a big deal,” Ry acts all aloof as if he doesn’t care, and fuck, Dallas’s stock has risen in my eyes. “Here you go.”

  Looking at his key fob, I see it’s the room right next to mine.

  “And they’ve always given this man a hard time about being a diva. You’re ahead of him now, Phillips.” The same O-lineman teases, giving him a slug on the arm.

  The elevator reaches the top of the hotel, the same floor we always stay at when we play in Kansas City.

  “Thanks, Ry,” Dallas calls after us, with all the other guys following them toward their rooms, leaving us to walk to the other side of the hotel.

  “I have a crush on Dallas now,” I jest.

  “Yeah, me, too. I guess we could always make it a threesome,” Ry quips, and he pushes the card key into the door, swinging his gaze to me, and my angry burning eyes scald him. “I’m teasing you, babe. But let me get settled, and I’ll sneak over in a few minutes.”

  I lower my voice, pushing into my own room. “Don’t be long.” And I force myself through the door, though I want to follow him, reminding him who he belongs to. But I don’t because all I focus on is readying myself for a night we won’t forget.

  Twenty minutes later, my phone beeps with a text, and I pounce on it right away.

  Pretty Boy: I’m heading over. Can you open the door?

  Everything is set up, because I want to experiment. I swing it open and don’t have to wait when he saunters in the room, having changed from his loud suit to a pair of track pants and a simple white crew neck.

  “What do you want to do about supper?” In his casual tone, he’s not expecting me to attack him the second he’s over the threshold.

  “Nope.” My tone is low and raspy, and I don’t recognize it at first. “I have something else in mind to sustain my ravenous appetite.” My arms incase his body, pulling his taut muscles tight against my chest.

  He drums his fingers against my back, biting down a smile. “Oh, yeah, and what’s that?”

  I push him, and though I’m taller and bigger, he’s not small, and he allows it. I keep on going until I have his back against the vanity, and it’s the perfect height for what I plan to do.

  I swing him around, pushing his body down onto the countertop, and in one fluid motion, his pants and boxers are off him. I start at his back, splattering kisses around from side to side, all the while able to stroke his cock.

  “Fuck, I didn’t know I was hungry until I got over here.” The deep timbre of his voice sets my already needy body on fire, and I’m frenzied for him. I can multitask, so with the hand still on his cock, I drop it to his balls and fondle them, and then because I’ve prepared, the cap of the lube is open, and I’m able to squeeze some out onto my other hand.

  I don’t give him everything I know he can handle or wants when I slide one finger inside. I push in far enough to give him pleasure but also cause him to crave more. “Give it to me, big country—more,” Ry whispers.

  “Yeah, I know,” I tease, all the while our eyes stay locked on one another through the mirror in front of us.

  “I love making you needy for more, pretty boy.”

  He grumbles but whimpers at the same time, and his little pout is so fucking adorable. I never thought it’d turn me on like it does. And fuck, does it ever turn me on.

  “You’re a beautiful jackass, you know this, right?” His pitch is both a tease and a flirt.

  “Yeah, I know, baby.” But I give him what he desires when I slide two fingers into him.

  “Um, babe, I need you inside me,” Ry almost begs.

  “But we don’t always get what we want, do we?” I’m tormenting him, and because of this, it makes me harder against my athletic shorts.

  He presses his lips together in a scowl and breaks out in hysterics. At this point, I reward him with three fingers, my assault on his balls making his head fall back against me. He shifts toward me, and I’m able to catch his mouth with mine.

  Ry pulls back, and our direct eye contact furthers my basic want for this man. Releasing his balls, I grab the lube again and squeeze a generous portion onto my hands. I strok
e my cock, adding some to his tightness.

  “One day, pretty boy, I want to feel you inside me.” When his head pops up, I know this grabs his attention. “You like that idea, don’t you, baby.” I kiss the tip of his ear.

  “Yeah, Crush. Fuck, yeah. You don’t have to ask me twice.”

  I push him back against the counter of the vanity, placing a few sweet kisses on his back. Because what I’m about to do isn’t going to be sweet. “I’m too needy for you to be gentle, Ry.”

  “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me hard. Fuck me so deep that I can forever feel you inside me.”

  His words undo me, and I almost can’t think when I push inside so hard, his groan grounds me back to the present. “Oh, fuck, baby, I love you so much.” His hand connects with my own, and they are pushed hard against the counter, pounding his ass, pushing so deep inside. I know when his eyes roll back in his head, I’m hitting his sweet spot.

  I pull almost all the way out, then increase my pace when I drive inside him again. I’m able to remove my hand from the counter, stroking his cock, as I slow my speed.

  “You’re killing me, Christopher. I think I’ll be dead by the end of this.” His words are breathy.

  “Then I’ll die with you, Ry.” I let go of his dick as I speed up my pace again. “Fuck, I’m close, baby, so fucking close.”

  With one more push, I claim his ass yet again, and I continue to mark him so deep every time we make love.

  My arms surround him, pushing down to his cock. I intend to make him come, but my job is already completed when I find his sticky cum already coating his dick.

  “Fuck me like this anytime, big country,” he says and I swing him around and capture his face.

  “Yeah, I love the open invitation.” I hold him close to me; the thought of physically letting him go hurts.

  We shower and order takeout for dinner. His clean body is pushed against mine, rubbing my leg, watching the local Kansas City news, but my mind is on Ry. “You okay, baby?” I lean down toward his ear to nip at it.

  “Yeah, babe, I’m so fucking high on you. I don’t ever want to come down from it.”

  His words unravel every emotion I have when it comes to him. I nip at his ear again. “Hell, Ry, you keep talking like this, I’ll wear your ass out again.”

  He twists his face to mine. “It’s not the worst idea you’ve had,” he admits.

  “Yeah, but we should abstain to keep our strength.”

  Ry pushes forward to his knees and sets his bottom right in front of me, sitting with crossed legs. “As long as you promise we’ll repeat all of this animalistic sex. And you’ll fuck me in this way at least once a week.”

  “Yeah, I think all of this can be arranged, pretty boy,” I quip, pulling at his hands to interlace our fingers. “How are you feeling about your first game with the team?”

  “I’m good. Nervous, of course, but you and I make a great team in more ways than one.” His wink makes my heart thud because we’re more than just sex.

  “Yeah, Ry, we sure as fuck do.” I squeeze his fingers.

  “Have you heard from the princess since we’ve been here?” He’s more nervous about the game than he’ll admit, and this is his way to deflect, but I allow it because gushing on about my daughter isn’t hard.

  “Yeah, she called me when you were taking forever in your room. She was telling me about her day at the zoo. Alison’s parents are in town and have her for the weekend. And although Al’s mom is a bit bitchy, she’s good to Brooklyn. They’d bought her a large giraffe at the zoo, bigger than she is.”

  “Why didn’t they come to her birthday party?” Ry asks.

  I shrug. “They feel that it’s only fair when my parents are in town to let them have all the attention. They’re pretty reasonable, plus they don’t like Al around me. Her dad loves me, and he hates what his daughter has done. Their relationship has suffered. And quite honestly, I don’t think he can stand being around her.”

  He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It’s quite sad, don’t you think—her life. The man she was dating deserted her last week. Her dad can’t stand to be around her, and you’ve not said anything about her friends. And Brooklyn is starting to see her for the woman she is. I mean, what a sad, sad, sad life.”

  I let out a small but disgusted snort. “Yeah, I never looked at it from that point of view. But I won’t feel sorry for her as if she’s not dug her own grave.”

  “Oh, she’s made her own fucking bed and should certainly deal with the cockroaches infesting it.”

  Ry’s image makes me howl at Alison’s expense. “What a great description, baby.”

  “Yeah, I aim to please.” And with a knock on the door, our little bitch conference about Al is interrupted, which is good because after our little fucking session, I’m famished.

  21

  Crush

  My ritual has never changed. I sit and listen for thirty minutes to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin to clear my mind before the team huddle. I tip my head, and my eyes connect with Ryder’s. He’s listening to something with noise-canceling headphones to block out the commotion in the locker room. He gives a little head jut, and I return it. But he closes his eyes, and I know him well enough—he’s going through all the plays in his head. It’s what he’s done since college.

  In his mind, football is just as much of a head game as a physical play. The national championship game showed us this when Ry played after the loss of his grandpappy.

  He’s not wrong. I have a ritual too, but it’s different. I don’t envision plays in my mind. For me, it’s about clearing everything out of my head. I always talk to Brooklyn the morning of the game, and after she gives me a rundown of her entire day, I can push every little thing so far from my mind as I can. Even the fuckfest from last night doesn’t remain in my mind.

  This is everything I’ve done from the beginning, and I start my breathing techniques. I’ve gotten shit from the men on my team for years, claiming I remind them of a woman going through labor.

  A little razzing never bothers me. I cleanse my mind from all my life holds to just me and the football, me and my men, and leading them to victory. And like always, Coach gives me a pat on the shoulders. “Ready for this, Colton?” Yeah, I’m superstitious, but this works for me, and I don’t fuck with the process.

  “Yeah, Coach, let’s go make all of Kansas City cry.”

  There’s one minute left in the fourth quarter, and Ryder’s caught every ball I’ve thrown today. “You got one more in you, Hanley?” Dallas and Ry, and our running back Solomon, have been the only ones I can count on today. All three have made a touchdown, but this still doesn’t help when the other team has made three touchdowns and a two-point conversion. And we’re down by one fucking point.

  We’re in field goal range, but there’s too much time on the clock giving the other team a chance at a comeback to beat us.

  “Fuck, yeah, Crush, you know me, I’m up for anything!” he yells in the huddle. “Okay, let’s get a touchdown.” We break and line in formation, and Dallas is on the O-line. The big motherfucker isn’t quite as big as my lineman, but he’s a huge-ass man and reminds me a little of a Rob Gronkowski.

  Ry is on the other side, and I have another option with Dallas as they block Ryder. The center hikes the ball to me, and I drop back a couple of yards, waiting for Ry to get in position, and he fakes a defensive lineman and drops back ten yards from the end zone. I bring my arm back, tossing it toward him with ease. He jumps in the air, and his catch is too fucking graceful. He runs to his second touchdown of the day before anyone catches him.

  Everyone sprints into the end zone, congratulating him, and the diva he is, along with Dallas and Solomon, do yet another practiced celebration, and from the sidelines, I imagine how we’ll celebrate tonight.

  We’re on separate parts of the plane on our way back to Nashville. We never stay overnight, not unless it’s a late game. And I know it’s going to be late by the time we get to one of our homes
, but I can’t be without him, not after the way we connected both on and off the field.

  Dallas makes his big ass body comfortable next to me. “That was something of fucking magic out there, Crush. You two are amazing together.”

  I understand what others will overhear, but his meaning is more profound, and I agree with a silent head nod. “By the way,” he continues, “I had the best fucking view of the stadium last night. I think it’s what made my game.”

  I offer him a bemused smile. “Glad Ry was able to accommodate you.” Dropping my voice to a whisper, I continue, “And thanks, by the way.” He returns a mock salute as his reply. “So, are you ever going to share your story with me?” I ask, thinking I’d get a fuck off response.

  “One day, probably very soon, the whole world will know.” He pushes to his feet, giving me a friendly pat on my shoulder.

  A whish of air passes by, and when I look up, the object of my affection is near me. I’ve been giving him space because I’m already used to pulling him into an embrace, but when he stands above me, I’m very happy to see his bright smile.

  “We were something of wonder out there,” Ry says and is voice is his normal timbre. I move over, giving him some space between us. “So, your house or mine?” He drops his pitch to barely audible, and it sends shivers down my spine.

  I rub the scruff of my beard. “You want to take this risk?” I ask, and my answer is fuck yes. In my mind, we’re at my house where I can wake up next to him. I don’t like being away from him at night. Even last night, he snuck back to his room at one a.m. to avoid prying eyes in the morning.

  “Well, we don’t have practice tomorrow morning. We can drop my car off at my house. But, Crush, I’m not the one that has the most to lose. Everyone knows about me, so if you aren’t comfortable, then I get it, and I’ll understand.”