In High Gear

by Gina Wilkins

  “How did they respond to that?”

  “Milo got mad that anyone would have the nerve to hassle a Grosso. Dad was ready to find whoever it was and pound him. As for Mom…”

  “What?” she prodded when he fell silent.

  “I don’t know. She seemed to be hurt that it had taken an anonymous e-mail to make me finally bare all. I don’t know why that makes it so much worse for her. Or for you,” he added in a mutter.

  “Because it makes us realize that you would never have told the truth without outside interference,” she said, exasperated that he couldn’t comprehend that simple explanation. “We wanted you to want to tell us rather than to feel as though you had to.”

  “Why would I want to tell either of you something like that?” he asked, sounding genuinely clueless. “It would have been so much easier for me, for everybody, to just forget about it and go on. If it hadn’t been for the risk that it would come out, anyway, I never would have said anything and no one would have been any worse for not knowing. Everybody probably would have been happier all around, actually.”

  She shook her head, silently acknowledging the futility of making him see this from a woman’s point of view. “That isn’t the point, Kent.”

  “Believe me, I’m getting that idea.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

  “No, Nana fed me more than enough. Thanks. Have you eaten?”

  “I had a salad earlier. It was all I wanted.”

  “It feels good to have our lives back to normal, doesn’t it?” he asked after another few moments.

  He really was a clueless male if he thought they could just put the past three weeks behind them and pretend none of it had ever happened, she thought, standing to put her tea cup in the sink.

  “It’s nice to have the blackmail behind us,” she conceded.

  He stood and followed her across the room, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Can I tell you again how much it meant to me to have you on my side? I’d hate to think that I would have had to deal with it all alone.”

  “I’m glad I could help.”

  “Tanya, I need to talk to you. Can we go into the living room?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  She turned and walked with him into the other room, wondering what on earth he had to say that seemed so important. Because she was so nervous, she tried to put it off. “So, are you going to tell anyone else about what happened at State U? Does Sophia know?”

  “Sophia’s got her own problems right now. I don’t think she’d be interested in mine. As for everyone else, I don’t know. The family wants me to keep it quiet.”

  “More secrets,” she murmured.

  “Sometimes it’s just easier to keep them than to try to explain them,” he said with a shrug.

  “Maybe.”

  But he wasn’t interested in talking any more about his college escapade. He sat beside her on the couch, taking her hand and looking into her eyes in a way that made her heart rate jump.

  “As I was saying in there,” he began, nodding toward the kitchen, “it meant a lot to me to have you by my side the past couple of weeks. To have you working with me to solve my problems. We make a great team, you and I.”

  Moistening her lips, she nodded warily.

  He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. This time her heart seemed to stop altogether.

  “I’ve been carrying this around for a while,” he confessed, holding the box loosely in one hand. “I was waiting for the perfect time to give it to you.”

  He didn’t seem to notice her slight wince.

  Opening the box, he revealed the tastefully sizeable ring inside. “Maybe this isn’t the most romantic setting or the ideal time to ask, but since it seems to be a day for getting things out of the way…no, skip that. It didn’t sound right. I’m not very good at this, probably because I’ve never done it before. But, anyway…will you marry me, Tanya?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SIX MONTHS AGO…three weeks ago…maybe even five minutes ago, Tanya would have had that ring out of its box and onto her left hand before he could blink twice. She would never have even doubted her answer. After all, she had been planning this moment since shortly after she’d met him.

  And yet now that it was here, she found herself sitting mutely, staring at the ring as if it had mesmerized her.

  “Tanya?” Kent asked uncertainly, after who-knew-how-long had passed. “Did you…are you thinking?”

  She dragged her gaze away from the ring, looking at him with her heart in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t. Not yet.”

  “You can’t—what? Think? Speak? Stand the sight of me?”

  “I can’t say yes.” She reached out to close the box, hiding the glittering ring from their sight. “Not yet. Not until we’ve worked out some things.”

  He blew an impatient breath through his nose. “I messed this up, didn’t I? I should have waited. You’re still annoyed because I’ve been so short with you lately. I’m sorry, I was under a lot of stress. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  “That’s not it. Exactly.”

  His patience was beginning to wear thin. “Then what is it? Exactly? This can’t be a major surprise to you. It’s not as if we haven’t talked about the future. About being married someday, maybe having a family.”

  “Then why didn’t you ask me before? You’ve been carrying the ring around, waiting for—what, exactly?”

  “Until I settled this blackmail thing,” he said, looking at her as if that should be obvious to her. “I couldn’t ask you with that hanging over me.”

  Her chest ached as she nodded. “That’s what I thought. I’m not saying we won’t have those things you described for our future, Kent. I want them as badly as you do. I just don’t think we’re ready yet.”

  Kent’s expression was a mixture of frustration and irritation—with maybe a little apprehension mixed in. “Why?”

  She covered his hand with both of hers, gazing up at him. “It isn’t because I don’t love you. I do. I’ve loved you almost from the first time I saw you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “I know. But…”

  “But?”

  She shook her head sadly. “But I’m not sure we really know each other all that well.”

  He drew his head back with a scowl. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  She swallowed. “Why didn’t you want me to go with you to your family’s house today, Kent?”

  He frowned. “I told you. I knew you had work to do. I didn’t want to keep you from it any longer.”

  Shaking her head again, she said, “Try again.”

  Sighing, he conceded, “Look, I knew it was going to be painful, and I didn’t want you to have to endure it. That’s all.”

  “You want me to be a part of your family, and yet you didn’t want me to see them in a light that wasn’t entirely favorable, is that it?”

  “No, of course not. Well, not really. I mean, you’ve seen them mad before.”

  “Not like this.”

  Grimacing, he shoved a hand through his hair. “I was embarrassed, all right? I hated having to tell you the truth about what happened, and I didn’t want you to watch me disappoint my family.”

  “And why was it so important to you that I not tell my parents? After all, you want to be part of my family, too.”

  “I didn’t want them to look at me and see a cheater,” he admitted in a low voice. “Heck, look at them. A district attorney. A socialite philanthropist. Three brilliant kids with Ivy League educations and not a scandal between them. A son who’s a doctor, another who’s an attorney. And you. The most honest, upstanding woman I’ve ever met.”

  His description shouldn’t have made her sad. But it did. “I keep telling you. I’m not perfect. And neither is my family. But you haven’t gotten to know them well enough to see that. Just like you haven’t let them get to know the real you. You’re always on y
our best behavior around them. Around me, for that matter. You show us the same heroic public face you’ve developed for your fans. But that’s not real. And I’ve only recently realized it.”

  “So finding out about what I did in college did change your image of me,” he said bitterly.

  “In a manner of speaking,” she agreed a little wistfully. “You weren’t the only one who’s been guilty of idealizing during the past couple of years. I guess I’ve been doing the same thing. I never dreamed you would have cheated on a college final. Or that you would lie to me about it years later.”

  His eyes flared. “That’s why I never wanted you to know. I’m not the same guy I was then, Tanya. I’ve changed. I didn’t want your view of me to be tainted by one old mistake.”

  “Was that it? Or did you not trust me to love you despite your very human flaws? Despite the things you had done that you weren’t proud of?”

  His fist clenched around the ring box. “You didn’t exactly stand by me when I told you about the cheating,” he muttered. “As I recall, you got mad at me and stormed away.”

  And she got annoyed all over again because he implied that she couldn’t be trusted to deal with unpleasantness as well as the perks of dating a famous driver. “That’s not all,” she continued after a moment. “You also seem to be going to some lengths not to let me see the reality of your family. Like today.”

  He snorted softly. “My family? The former federal agent who spent his weekends racing the very guys he was ordered to put behind bars during the week? The same driver who was accused of murdering a rival? Or my dad, stripped of a win and a championship for cheating, never able to prove he didn’t do it? Then rumored to be involved with running over the guy he blamed in cold blood? Have any scandals like that ever touched your family?”

  She held his gaze with her own, angry for the Grossos’ sake now. “Are you implying that my family is somehow better than yours?”

  That brought his chin up. “No, of course not. I love my clan, more than anything in the world. I think they’re the finest people on earth. I was just talking about the way other people tend to see them.”

  “I love your family, too. Every last one of them. I have never considered myself, or my family, better than them in any way. You should know that by now.”

  Looking only a little abashed, he muttered, “Yeah, but can you really blame me for wondering why you’d want to join them right in the middle of another potential scandal?”

  She gave a brief, humorless laugh. “You know the most ironic part of all this? If you had asked me in the middle of all that scandal, without trying to shield me from anything first, I would have said yes without even stopping to think about it. Potential scandal or not.”

  “And you accuse me of not making sense,” he said, shoving himself to his feet. “I can’t see that anything has changed in the past three weeks. We’re still the same people we were before.”

  “The ‘perfect couple,’ you mean? Racing’s golden boy and girl.” She shook her head. “That isn’t who we are. It certainly isn’t who I am. I have flaws. Quite a few of them, actually. I’m too critical. I have to work very hard not to be judgmental. I’m stubborn. And I hold a grudge a little too long. Did you even realize those things about me before?”

  He frowned. “Well, I—”

  “You didn’t. Because I didn’t let you see those things. And you didn’t want to see them. As for me, I didn’t realize that you were overly defensive, a bit secretive, and had quite a few trust issues.”

  “Thanks a lot.”

  “News flash, Kent,” she murmured, quoting her brother, “you ain’t perfect. I can see that now. And it doesn’t matter. I still love you.”

  Shaking his head, he said, “You’ll have to forgive me, but I guess I’m being a little slow tonight. Or maybe you just aren’t making any sense. Because I’m having a heck of a time figuring out what you’re trying to tell me.”

  “I’m sorry. I know I’m not expressing myself very well. I didn’t expect to get into this discussion this evening, so I wasn’t very well prepared.”

  She gazed up at him, trying to organize her thoughts. “I’m saying that we bought into the image the media created for us. We convinced ourselves that we were, indeed, the perfect couple. But a relationship based on that sort of misconception has no more chance of success than one built on Erica and Neil’s cynicism and greed. It’s much too unstable because it isn’t built on a solid, realistic foundation. It isn’t built on truth.”

  He stared at her, no reaction to her words on his face. Did he understand at all what she was trying to say? Did he—she swallowed hard—did he truly care enough to fight for their relationship, even though he might not agree with everything she was saying?

  “So what now?” he asked, his voice flat.

  She spread her hands in a little gesture of confusion. “I guess we just…wait. Go back to the way we were, only trying to be more honest with each other from now on. See each other, wrinkles and all. And when we’re ready, then maybe you’ll ask me again.”

  “And just how are we supposed to know when we’re ‘ready?’” he inquired a bit too politely.

  He really was angry, she thought sadly. She’d made a terrible mess of this. It was just that he’d caught her so off-guard with that unexpected proposal. And even that timing bothered her.

  Obviously it hadn’t been the ideal time for a proposal, not when they were both still reeling from the events of the weekend. If she were to guess, she would say his decision to ask her tonight was his way of trying to put all of that behind them, to get back to the way they’d been and hope that she would forget all about the things she’d uncovered about him during the crisis. Maybe she was wrong—but she didn’t think so. It sounded just like the way Kent’s mind worked.

  “I guess we’ll just…know,” she said lamely.

  “And will you clue me in when you have this great revelation? Or am I supposed to ‘just know,’ as well? Since we’re going to know everything about each other from now on, of course.”

  “Kent—”

  “You know what, Tanya? I think I’m going to leave now. I need to think about all the insightful things you had to say tonight.”

  She jumped to her feet, following him to the door. “I wish you wouldn’t leave like this. You’re obviously annoyed and—”

  He looked at her as he reached for the doorknob and she recoiled slightly. “I am not annoyed, Tanya. I’m pissed off. But I will say I admire your originality. That’s probably the most gloriously convoluted rejection any guy ever got for a marriage proposal. We’re too perfect for each other. Just amazing.”

  “Kent, darn it.”

  “I’m leaving now, before I give you a demonstration of just how imperfect I really can be.”

  He slammed the door behind him as he left.

  Groaning, Tanya covered her face with her hands. That had most definitely not gone perfectly, she thought sickly. She wasn’t sure she had made any sense at all. Kent certainly didn’t seem to think so.

  She wished she could have explained a bit better that she wasn’t really turning down his marriage proposal. She was simply postponing her answer until the time was right. But maybe he just hadn’t been in the mood to listen to her rationale tonight. He was just mad that everything hadn’t gone the way he’d wanted it to.

  As she sank wearily onto the couch, her heart heavy in her chest, she only hoped she would have another chance to tell him that she still very much wanted to marry him. And that she prayed there would be a time when they both knew it was the right thing to do.

  THERE WAS LITTLE JOY in the Maximus Motor Sports camp for the next week. Everyone was so fiercely focused on the job that they hardly even smiled at each other—a far cry from the usual jovial atmosphere. Neil and Kent were stiffly polite to each other as they went through testing and meetings during the extra week off between races. Tobey ran between them, doing his best to keep everything on an even keel. Even wit
hout a race that weekend, there was more than enough to do to keep them all busy.

  If anyone noticed that Kent was suffering, it wasn’t pointed out. He went out of his way to avoid talking about his personal life, and he kept himself much too busy to spend much time with his family, who would have been harder to fool than his coworkers. As for his friends, he avoided them, too, hiding out in his apartment when he wasn’t working.

  He was miserable without Tanya. Had he been guaranteed right then that he would win the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series championship that season, it wouldn’t have made him feel any better without her to help him celebrate. He wanted to see her waiting for him in the next Victory Lane, wanted to have her beside him in his luxury motor home. In every part of his life. He wanted to be there to support her in her career. To admire her work and encourage her in her challenges.

  Eventually, of course, there came a time when he couldn’t avoid his family any longer. His mother tracked him down after being put off for as long as she could stand.

  “What on earth is going on with you, Kent?” she demanded, cornering him in his apartment with a surprise visit when she had known he would be there. “Why are you avoiding the family? Your friends? People are starting to talk.”

  “People always talk, Mom,” he said caustically. “Gossip makes the racing world go round, doesn’t it?”

  “Pretty much. But there’s nothing new about that. It’s been going on since before you were even born. So what’s eating you? Is this about you getting kicked out of State U all those years ago? Are you worried that the information is going to be made public?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t really care. I’ve already decided that if it does, I’ll deal with it. Tanya—” He found that it hurt to say the name, almost as if something sharp had stuck him in the chest as it left his mouth. “Tanya said I could turn it into one of those crossroads-of-life stories. You know, how I could have gone bad, but dedicating myself to racing kept me on the straight and narrow from then on. She said the public always has a soft spot for sin-and-repentance stories.”