by Linda Ford
“Me too.” She leaned back to look up at him. “These are happy tears.”
“Oh. Good.” He pulled a clean handkerchief out of his pocket and gently dried her cheeks and wiped the silvery drops from her lashes.
She watched him, her eyes dark and full of promise.
His fingers trailed down her cheek and lingered on her chin. “You have made such a difference in Evan’s life.” He lost himself in the depths of her look. He couldn’t say who made the first move but again drawn by his heart, he lowered his head and claimed her lips, tasting the sweetness of dessert and the anticipation of better things to come.
He pulled back. “Thank you.” Let her decide if he meant for helping Evan or for the kiss. If she asked he wouldn’t have been able to answer.
They sat side by side, his arm about her shoulders and stared into the fire. The dancing flames mesmerized him so he couldn’t think.
The logs burned down. She sighed. “It’s time for bed.” She got to her feet. “Good night. Sleep well.”
It wasn’t until she had gone into her bedroom that he realized he had neglected to say the words he’d planned.
What had he meant to tell her? He vaguely recalled but why did it seem unimportant now?
Chapter Thirteen
Annie tried to explain away another kiss. Why was she being so foolhardy? The more she cared, the more chance of being hurt. She must guard against that. Nevertheless, she rose Saturday morning with a smile on her lips. And why not? The sun was shining, the air was fresh, Evan ran about like an ordinary boy, Grandfather moved easier and Hugh—
Hugh. She could not decide what to say about Hugh so pushed the name aside. Only it didn’t go away. He seemed stuck dead center in her thoughts.
It meant nothing.
With a start she realized she had pressed her fingertips to her lips. She jerked them away and hurried to the kitchen to start the day. She had much to do. Make raisin pies, prepare a roast…
Her thoughts drifted off in a different direction. Perhaps after supper she could get everyone gathered around the table to work on the figures for the Christmas story. The dough ornaments had turned out rather well. All they needed was yarn or ribbons to hang them and she meant to make that a family activity. There were gifts to prepare. Months ago, she’d started making things for her family. The Marshall family. Now she needed to make gifts for the Arness family.
Would she be Mrs. Arness by Christmas?
The coffee sputtered and Grandfather hobbled into the room, Hugh, Evan and Happy at his heels. Annie pulled her thoughts back to the here and now, determined she would concentrate on the present moment.
She poured cups of coffee for the men, carefully avoiding meeting Hugh’s eyes. She didn’t know what she might see and didn’t want to know. Coward, she scolded herself as she returned to the stove. Ma and Pa would be disappointed to know she was running from a problem. They’d raised her to confront difficult tasks and overcome her fears.
She did not like having to admit that there was one fear she refused to confront. Her fear of loss. How was she to face it when it was so threatening?
With no answer to her own question, she threw herself into the activities of the day, finding it easier to think clearly when Hugh retired to his office to work on his sermon.
What would he preach on? Would she be able to hear him?
She eyed Evan. How would he handle going out in public? One way to find out.
“I need to go to the store,” she announced. She needed to purchase some fabric to make Evan a new shirt and some yarn to knit mittens for him. “Evan, would you like to come with me and pick out a candy stick?”
The boy’s eyes widened with eager anticipation of the candy then realizing that she’d asked him to accompany her, he shrank back, wrapping his arms about Happy’s neck.
“We won’t be long.” She held out his coat, hoping, praying he would agree to accompany her.
Grandfather watched, his expression encouraging. “There are a dozen different flavors of candy stick,” he said. “I always wonder how I can take just one.” Grandfather kept talking softly as Annie waited, giving Evan plenty of time and space to make up his mind.
Finally he rose and slipped his arms into the sleeves. She buttoned the coat and gave him a woolen hat and woolen mitts to put on as, feeling rather pleased at Evan’s agreement, she hurried into her own outerwear.
They reached the door.
“Happy, stay.” The pup sat back with a whine.
Evan pulled on her hand and looked at the dog.
“No, he can’t go. Dogs can’t go in the store and Happy isn’t well enough trained yet to be left outdoors to wait. He might run into the street and get hurt.” She opened the door.
Evan hung back.
“You can pick out candy sticks for your papa and for Grandfather too,” she said.
He nodded, squeezing her hand as hard as his little fingers could and they went outside and began the journey to the store. Thankfully it wasn’t far because Evan started to quiver within ten steps. By the time they reached the intersection of the two main streets of Bella Creek, she wondered if he’d forgotten to breathe. In an attempt to ease his fear, she told him about Kate and Isabelle coming to town with the doctor earlier in the year. She didn’t explain that they had come to replace the doctor who had left after a devastating fire in Bella Creek. She went on to explain how Dawson had fallen in love with the beautiful Isabelle and then Conner had fallen in love with the practical Kate. “And Aunt Sadie was the teacher. She and Logan rescued three children and ended up falling in love and becoming parents to the children.”
She stared at the schoolhouse. Logan and Sadie had been thrown together because of the children. Until then, they had little interest in each other. She wondered if she remembered correctly that they had tried to avoid each other on several social occasions prior to the arrival of the children.
Had the children been the catalyst to them falling in love? Or were their feelings ripe and ready all the time and simply needed a reason to ignore their caution and reserve?
Was looking after Evan doing the same thing for her?
She shook her head. How could she think such things? Yes, she and Hugh had kissed. Twice. She hadn’t minded it one bit. Truth be told, she found it rather pleasant. That didn’t mean either one of them was ready for love.
She hurried onward to the store, determined to ignore such foolishness. No one was in the store but her uncle George and he greeted them warmly. “How is Grandfather?”
“Doing better now the weather has changed. You should come and see for yourself.”
“I’ll do that. Now what can I do for you and this handsome young man?”
Evan shrank back. A faint whimper came from him.
Please, God, don’t let this drive him back into his hard little shell. “Evan would like a candy stick for himself, Grandfather and his papa. I need three yards of that fabric.” She pointed it out having seen it before. “And that yarn.” While Uncle George prepared her purchases, she led Evan to the colorful array of candy jars on one end of the counter.
“Which would you like?”
His shoulders were high and tight. His expression tense.
She placed her hand gently on his shoulder, the tension beneath her palm making her want to pull him into her arms and comfort him. But he’d not let any of them do more than touch him and she didn’t want to push him too hard.
“See how many flavors there are to choose from? Maybe Uncle George will have a treat for Happy as well.”
At the mention of his pup, Evan’s eyes focused and he looked at the candy. He pointed out a red one for him, a golden one for Grandfather and a green one for Hugh.
Knowing that he remembered the flavors she’d brought home, she could barely restrain herself from hugging him.
Uncle George brought a bone from the back and wrapped it for Evan to take home to Happy.
They took their purchases and left the store.
Two ladies stood on the sidewalk as they exited.
“Good morning, Miss Marshall.”
Feeling Evan stiffen and hearing his faint whimper, Annie greeted them but hurried away without stopping to visit.
At home Evan gave Grandfather his candy and Happy his bone. The pup was ecstatic and bounded back to the mat where he attacked the bone with a great deal of vigor.
When Hugh joined them for dinner, Evan handed him the candy stick.
Hugh thanked him.
She waited until after the meal to indicate Hugh should go to the living room with her.
“He went to the store with me and picked out the candy himself.”
Hugh blinked. Opened his mouth and closed it again.
She grinned, enjoying his surprise. Might her success earn her another kiss? Now where had that thought come from?
“He went to the store?”
“He was very brave.” She described Evan’s journey and behavior. Told about the two ladies on the street. “I don’t think he’s up to seeing a bunch of people yet.”
“I’m more than pleased with this step. Thank you.” Hugh squeezed her shoulder.
Heaven help her, she couldn’t keep from leaning into his palm, lifting her face and wishing—
No.
She straightened. “Well, I must get back to work as I’m sure you must as well.” And she practically raced to the kitchen. Her nerves felt raw. When she heard the office door close behind him, she began to relax.
The afternoon sped by as she prepared food. About four o’clock, Hugh came from his office. She expected he wanted coffee and served him some with freshly baked ginger cookies. He ate the cookies and drank his coffee but when he finished, he didn’t return to his office. Her movements grew more and more jerky as he stayed and stayed. Did he have something in mind?
“How did those doughy things we rolled and cut for tree ornaments turn out?”
She tried to think if he meant to make conversation or wanted to work on the decorations? Did it mean he wanted to spend time with her? The idea sent a spiral of longing through her before she could slam the door on such thoughts. Somehow, she managed to pull a rational question from her brain. “Are you done in your office?”
“I believe I am and thought you might like to do some more Christmas preparation.”
Evan jumped up and went to his father’s side. There was no mistaking the eagerness in his face.
She could hardly say no to either of them and brought the tray of ornaments from the pantry.
Hugh chuckled. “I imagined misshapen unidentifiable objects but these aren’t half bad.”
“Half bad?” She pretended offense. “They look very nice, don’t they, Evan?”
Evan looked from one to the other.
Annie watched him. Would he recognize teasing?
Then he nodded, his eyes sparkling.
She could have hugged him. Could have hugged everyone. He was a bright boy making wonderful progress.
They spent the next hour working on the Christmas ornaments and the figures for the Christmas story. It was a pleasant time creating together as a family and achieved all Annie hoped it would.
And more. It made her want to share more special moments with Hugh and Evan. It made her long to feel a part of their future. Of course, once she and Hugh married she would be a permanent part of this family. That wasn’t what she meant and she wasn’t about to examine what more she wanted.
Even the thought of marriage to him no longer felt like a practical arrangement and her cheeks burned as she thought of kissing him again and having the right to do so whenever she felt like it.
Her imagination was getting out of hand.
After supper, she retreated to her room when Hugh took Evan to bed. She did not want to sit before the fire with him.
Not with her wayward thoughts.
*
Hugh seemed distracted the next morning, which left Annie able to keep her mind from going to unwanted areas. He had little to say over breakfast and then went to his room to change.
“What do you think about taking Evan to church this morning?” he asked when he returned.
She shook her head. “I don’t know if he’s ready.”
“I expect you’re right.” He turned to Grandfather. “I’ll be back to get you after the church is warmed up.” He touched Evan on the head and with a quick smile for Annie, departed.
She wandered about the rooms which she had dusted thoroughly yesterday, pausing to adjust the position of a book on the living room shelf, repositioning the heavy green drapes at the front window. As she’d worked yesterday she wondered how much changing she would be allowed to do after she became Mrs. Arness.
She hugged herself and stared out the window. Was there any reason to delay discussing making their arrangement permanent? She tried not to think of what Mrs. Shearer had said about her maiden sister coming to visit. Annie knew the woman would be totally unsuitable. After all, Mrs. Shearer was known to have a harsh, critical tongue.
Her shoulders sank. It wasn’t fair to judge the poor woman by her sister’s behavior.
Hugh came in and hurried to Grandfather’s side. Only when he turned did he see Annie at the window. “You’ll be okay?”
It pleasured her some that he cared to ask. “Yes, of course.”
“I’ll see you after the service then.”
She nodded and watched until they were out of sight.
Evan came from the kitchen and pressed to her side. “It’s just you and me.” A needless observation but the place felt empty.
Evan nodded and stared out the window.
If only she could read his little mind. However, she couldn’t. Sighing softly, she faced the room. What was she to do? The sound of a wagon drew her attention back to the window and she watched families arriving by wagon or buggy and cowboys riding up on their horses.
She felt very alone.
She ached to see her friends and family. To take part in the singing. To hear Hugh. She eyed Evan. If they slipped in late and left before the final benediction, would he be okay? She knelt before him. “Evan, I would like to go to church. I’d like to hear your papa preach. I know you’re afraid of all those strangers but would you go if we didn’t stop to talk to any of them?”
He studied her several seconds, his dark, studious gaze so reminiscent of Hugh’s that she wanted to hug him. One of these days soon, she would risk it for his sake as well as hers.
He nodded.
“Wonderful. Let’s get ready.” She brushed his hair, smoothed her own and got them both into their coats.
Hand in hand, his grasp tight, they followed in Hugh and Grandfather’s footsteps. The congregation was standing and singing when she slipped into the vestibule. A couple of people turned and smiled at her but most didn’t notice their entrance. She edged into the back pew, Evan pressed to her side.
Hugh saw her. Their eyes connected over the distance but it was too far for her to be able to tell what he thought. His smile flashed and then he turned his gaze back to the others.
“Please be seated,” he said. He paused and Annie held her breath, wondering why. Did he have an important, earth-shattering announcement to make? She gripped the edge of the pew with her hands.
He continued. “I struggled to know what I should talk about today,” he said.
Annie realized they’d arrived at the end of the song service. Perhaps for the best. She could hear the sermon then slip away before Evan got restless. What was she thinking? The boy could sit immobile by the hour. It was not something she thought was an asset.
Hugh continued. “As you all no doubt know by now, I have found my son. Praise God for that. He is so precious to me. I will never let him go. It made me realize just a fraction of how much God gave in sending His Son to earth. And then I realized something. It was wrong to live in fear.” He looked about the congregation. His gaze lit on Annie and as far as she knew there were only the two of them. “It is wrong for me to f
ear losing him. I need to trust God to protect him. It is wrong of me to fear making a mistake. Fear is not trust.” His gaze had swept the audience and returned to her. “‘Perfect love casts out fear.’”
The silence in her head thundered. Perfect love. Fear cast out. She didn’t know if it was possible. Even if it was, was she prepared to trust like that?
“Let me read a passage from Jeremiah chapter seventeen. ‘Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.’”
She realized he’d announced the final hymn and she practically dragged Evan from the church, stumbling in her haste to reach the manse. Or was it because her eyes were clouded with tears that she couldn’t see the ground and find safe footing?
Why did her heart reach for something his words had promised when she couldn’t even say what it was?
As they stepped into the house, she swiped at her tears and helped Evan out of his coat.
She had herself firmly in control when Grandfather returned on Dawson’s arm.
“Annie,” Dawson said. “We’d like you to come out to the ranch for dinner. Grandfather has already said he’d come.” Dawson’s voice didn’t suggest invitation so much as an order.
She bristled though she would not let him see it. When would her brothers ever realize she didn’t need to be looked after?
Dawson waited, his expression stubborn.
A sigh rushed up her throat and she somehow managed to keep it inside. If he’d asked nicely, she would have gladly agreed except for one thing.
She glanced at Evan.
Dawson followed her gaze. “Hugh and the boy too, of course.”
“I don’t know. He’s not been out much yet.”
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to go home, be surrounded by her large loving family. Most of all, she wanted to talk to her mother. A pain as sharp as a knife stab grabbed her stomach and she barely stilled a moan. She had no mother to turn to. Nor even a father. Yes, she could talk to any of the others but still she felt the absence of her parents.
“I’ll have to ask Hugh.”
Dawson nodded. “You can come with or without him.” He made it sound like an ultimatum and she was about to object when someone knocked and Annie opened the door to admit Isabelle and Mattie.
