by Linda Ford
His heart was too full to allow him to sit and he walked back and forth in the space between the couch and the fireplace. “He spoke a whole sentence. He prayed out loud.” The words caught in his throat and he couldn’t go on.
Annie left the couch and came to his side. She took his hand and faced him. “He’s going to be okay. Better than okay. I believe he will be stronger for what he’s had to overcome.”
“It’s all thanks to you.” He cupped his hand over her head as a wave of tenderness washed through him. “You’ve shown him it’s okay to trust people.”
“So have you. He knows he can trust you.” He knew she had avoided being with him the last number of evenings, perhaps not wanting to cross the boundaries they had set but his gratitude toward her needed expression. He pulled her close, pressed his thumb to her bottom lip.
She closed her eyes and lifted her face to him. A clear invitation and he brought his lips to hers, kissing her with a heart so full of emotion that he could barely breathe.
She sighed and brought her hands to the back of his head. Giving as much as receiving the kiss.
He reluctantly ended the kiss and when she made no move toward leaving his arms, he pressed her head to his shoulder and his cheek to her hair. She stayed there, her arms about his waist.
“Pa should arrive any day,” she murmured. “A week from now we should be getting married.”
She spoke those words in a way that caused him to know she looked forward to the day. Just when he thought his heart could hold no more, it flooded with joy unspeakable.
*
Annie took her time making her way to Uncle George’s store. Would they be married Christmas day? She skipped once. Wouldn’t that be special? And Grandfather’s friend, the judge and his wife, planned to visit so there would be someone to marry them.
She had left Evan playing with Jeannie at Sadie and Logan’s house so she could purchase a special gift for him. Uncle George had a Noah’s ark along with pairs of many animals for sale. She’d told him she wanted to purchase it and was on her way to pick it up. Wouldn’t Evan be pleased? And it was something Jeannie could play with when she came to visit him.
She rounded the corner on Mineral Avenue. Just as she passed the assay office someone jumped in front of her.
“Annie, I’ve been hoping to see you.”
She knew that voice. She fell back three steps and stared at a familiar face. “Rudy. Where did you come from? What are you doing here?”
He grinned. So self-confident. So brash. The very qualities that had attracted her in the first place.
“I’ve come to spend Christmas with my sister.” He leaned close as if sharing a secret. “And to see my favorite gal.”
She sniffed. “And who would that be, pray tell.”
“Now don’t get all annoyed at me.” He pretended to look repentant. “You should have known I would come back.”
“I knew no such thing.”
He nodded. “Yes, you did. My sister says you don’t have a beau. I know you were waiting for me.”
Why of all the nerve. How presumptuous and self-important could he be? Had he always been so annoying? She knew he had. How could she have been so blind?
“Why don’t you accompany me to Miss Daisy’s Eatery? I’m sure she’ll have a special treat for us.”
What he meant was she would have something for him. As if the whole town had been holding its breath waiting in hope for his return.
“I’m sorry. I have other plans.” She tried to get past him.
“Let me change your plans.” He grabbed her arms and pulled her close, leaning toward her. Intending to kiss her.
Anger scalded through her and she fought not to slap him right there in the middle of the street. But she didn’t want to attract any more attention than she might already have done. She pushed away his arms and glanced about, saw no one watching and knew a moment of relief. She faced him, so full of indignation it was all she could do to speak calmly. What had she ever seen in this man? He was nothing but a blowhard buffoon.
“Rudy, I’m afraid your sister is mistaken. I am making plans to soon marry. I am no longer interested in you.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re angry at me.”
“I’m saying that because I’m in love with someone else.” The words were out before she could filter them. She pushed past Rudy and continued on her way to the store though she hardly remembered what she meant to do.
Love was not part of their agreement and certainly not what she wanted.
She must continue to deny it, must hide it.
*
Hugh had made a call to an elderly widow woman two blocks from the main street. She was feeling discouraged and welcomed his visit. He’d prayed with her and he felt her spirits had lifted by the time he left.
He strode toward Mineral Avenue headed toward the Marshall store. He’d seen a pretty notebook with a flowered cover that he wanted to purchase as a Christmas gift for Annie. Might it also be a wedding gift? Her father would return any day now and give his blessing for their marriage.
He wouldn’t let himself think Mr. Marshall might object or forbid it. He and Annie were perfectly suited to one another.
He neared the corner and ground to a halt. Annie stood on the sidewalk not more than fifty feet away with a young man…a tall, slender man with a smile that would likely have any number of young ladies falling at his feet. Was this Rudy?
As if hearing his question and wanting to answer it, the man pulled her into his arms right there in front of anyone who cared to watch. Like they couldn’t wait to pick up where they’d left off.
Hugh ground around, a bitter taste in his mouth. Somehow he reached home and hurried inside. Evan wasn’t there. He didn’t worry about the boy. No matter what else was on her mind, he could trust Annie to take care of his son.
Grandfather snoozed in his chair and Hugh slipped by to the office where he sank to his chair, planted his elbows on the desk and buried his face in his upturned palms. Oh, God, what am I to do? I want to marry her but I can’t keep her against her will. Nor do I want to hold her to a promise she regrets.
Why do you want her?
The question trumpeted through his thoughts and he glanced around. No one else was in the room. His own mind demanded the answer.
A knock came to the outer door before he could sort through his tumbling thoughts.
Half glad for the interruption he went to open the door. “Miss Higgins.” He hadn’t expected she’d come calling again.
“May I speak to you a moment?”
He glanced over his shoulder. It would be inappropriate to invite her to step inside. “Do you mind if we stand here?”
Her cheeks flared with color. “Certainly. It is best if we do.”
“I didn’t expect to see you,” he said by way of encouragement when she didn’t state her reason for the visit.
She clasped her gloved hands together and lifted her head. “I’m afraid I presented myself in rather a poor light last time I was here. You see, I had decided that as a preacher you would want certain standards, perhaps had expectations above and beyond what would be expected of a normal housekeeper. In my determination to prove I could live up to those standards, I had created a rather rigid and unrealistic picture of how I should conduct myself. I apologize and ask that you give me another chance.”
This woman was not the same one who had come to his door a few days ago. She looked kind and comforting.
It was the perfect solution but he did not welcome it as such.
“I appreciate your apology and your offer. I might be interested in accepting the latter but first I have some other commitments I must deal with.” Namely, Annie. A stab of pain caused his knees to quiver and he grabbed the door post to steady himself. “Can I get back to you later?”
“That would be fine. Goodbye.” She made her way down the walk to the street.
He stared after her until she rounded the corner the
n fled indoors. Oh, Father God, what am I to do? He knew the answer but it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.
Every breath was torture as he waited for Annie to return.
The door opened. Happy clattered across the floor. Annie spoke to her grandfather. Cupboards banged as she put things away.
He couldn’t move, couldn’t make his limbs obey the order to go to the kitchen and ask her to speak privately with him. He didn’t know how long he would have sat there, waiting with a heart of stone.
“Hugh?”
He looked up at Annie’s voice.
She stepped into the room. “Are you okay?”
“Would you come in and close the door?”
“Okaaaaay.”
He didn’t blame her for sounding wary. No doubt his face warned her of impending changes. He wouldn’t say doom because it was likely the best thing he could offer her. “I saw you with a young man this afternoon. Am I to understand young Rudy is back in town?”
She ducked her head making it impossible to see her eyes or read her expression. “He is.”
“You can assure him he is not too late.”
Her head came up. She squinted at him as if she had difficulty seeing him. “I don’t understand.”
He had hoped this would go simply and quickly. Before he could change his mind. “You were obviously happy to see him.”
Her gaze riveted his. He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. The most he could hope for was to hide the pain pressing at the backs of his eyeballs.
“Perhaps you should tell me exactly what you think you saw.” How did she manage to make him feel guilty as if he’d purposely spied on her or followed her?
“I saw the two of you hugging right in the middle of town. I think you were about to kiss.” How could each word stab through him with unrelenting pain?
She shook her head and clasped her hands at her waist. A bottomless sigh came from her lungs. “That is not what you saw.”
“I beg your pardon. I know I wasn’t mistaken.”
“Perhaps not in what you saw but you are mistaken in how you interpret it.”
Was she telling him that a hug shared with a man meant nothing? Was that all their hugs and kisses were? Nothing. Not to be taken seriously. Of no matter. He couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t let her see the pain that threatened to suck out his very soul. He settled his gaze on the motto hanging by the door. “Bless all who enter this home. Grant safety and healing to those who depart and peace to those who remain.” He read the words over and over without making sense of them. He knew the blessing well enough and knew he must live by the words he claimed to believe.
“Annie, I would not hold you here against your will. Nor would I expect you to keep a promise when you know it’s been a mistake. You are free to leave.”
She jammed her fists to her hips and he flinched knowing the gesture meant she was angry. “Hugh Arness, you did not see me kissing him. He wanted to kiss me but I wouldn’t let him.”
“I respect you for being so noble but I free you from our agreement. You must follow your heart.”
She glowered at him. “Did you ever consider I am following my heart?”
He shook his head, trying to make sense of what she said. He failed.
“You are just like my brothers.”
“I suppose that’s a compliment.” He sounded as doubtful as he felt.
“Not this time. Hugh, I am staying and in so doing I am following my heart. Can I be any clearer?”
“You don’t want love.”
“That’s what I thought. I was wrong though.”
He stared, his mouth gaping. He heard her words. Knew what each word meant but strung together like that, they made no sense.
“Annie?”
“Hugh.”
“Is love possible?”
She smiled, enjoying his uncertainty. “Is it what you want?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted but never had.”
“Then I would say you deserve it.”
He couldn’t stop shaking his head. “I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve—” He couldn’t bring himself to say he didn’t deserve her. The hope of having her was too great to fathom, too horrific to think it wasn’t possible.
She moved closer, a gentle smile upon her lips. “Hugh Arness, you are a gift from God to all of us here at Bella Creek. You are a godsend for Evan.”
His eyes begged for more but he couldn’t help it.
She closed the distance between them. “Most of all you are exactly what this frightened, lonely, fearful girl needs.” She touched his chin with her cool fingers.
He swallowed hard. “Are you really saying what I think you are saying?” He could not bring himself to speak the words that meant the world to him. Too often his hopes had been dashed by rejection.
She pressed a palm to each side of his face. “Hugh, I love you. Yes, I said I didn’t want love but you made it impossible for me to keep that decision.”
He trailed his fingers along her cheeks, down to her chin. “I don’t deserve your love.”
“I trust my heart to you knowing it will forever more be safe.” Her eyes overflowed with sweetness.
“Annie Marshall, how could you love me?”
“How could I not?”
At that moment he believed her with everything within him.
“The question is whether or not you love me.” Her eyes begged for his confession.
He wrapped his arms about her without crushing her to his chest. He wanted to see her face as he told her the truth. “Annie, I loved you from the first moment I saw you the first Sunday I preached my first sermon in Bella Creek. I saw how you treated your brothers, your father and grandfather. I saw how you greeted friends and neighbors. Always with kindness, gentleness and affection. My love grew when you came here demanding to marry me. I loved you even more when you were so tender and understanding with Evan. And when you kissed me before the fireplace I thought my love would explode like sparks from one of those logs.”
“You certainly hid it well.”
“I couldn’t believe you could love me.”
She pressed her fingertips to his lips. “I know you heard many unkind things from your mother and perhaps even from your wife but I promise I will never say that you aren’t good enough even when I get angry. Because you are better than good, you are everything I could ever dream of.” She trailed her fingers from his mouth leaving his lips strangely hungry. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Pretty clear.”
“How could I make myself any clearer?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a kiss would help.”
She chuckled and pulled his head down to claim his lips, her arms warm about his neck, holding him close.
He breathed in the pure sweet scent of her. He lifted his head. “I will never grow tired of kissing you, holding you, encouraging you.”
“Nor will I of you.”
They kissed again. He leaned back against the desk and kept her in his arms. “So when, fair lady, did you know you loved me?”
“You know, I think it might have been the first Sunday of the first time you preached here. Though I didn’t know it was love. After all, I was still insisting I didn’t want love.”
He thought of how she’d lost her mother to death. “Annie, I can’t promise that bad things won’t come into our lives. I can’t guess how long either of us will live. I can’t say you won’t be hurt by loving me.”
“But you can promise to love me ’til death part us. I’ll trust God for the rest. I can thank you for teaching me that.” He held her close as she told how his words had encouraged her that Sunday she’d slipped in with Evan hanging on to her hand for dear life.
“I have only one regret,” she murmured.
“Already?” He tried to sound teasing but managed to hint at his worry.
“Not about us, silly. My regret is Pa is not back yet and we promised to wait until he came to get married. What
if he’s delayed? He has to cross the mountains in winter weather. Not that I would want him to do anything foolish like hurry home without regard for the weather.”
“We’ll trust God and honor our promise.”
A little later they returned to the kitchen where supper waited on the stove.
“About time. I thought I was going to have to make my way to Daisy’s to get some food.” Grandfather gave them a jaundiced look then his eyes widened. He laughed loudly and slapped his leg. “I see you’ve come to your senses. About time, too, I’d say.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Annie protested though the look she gave Hugh suggested a bit of knowing guilt.
“I think you two were the last to realize you were madly in love. I was beginning to think I might have to write it in big plain letters across the table before you realized it.” He grinned at each of them. “Glad to see you managed to figure it out without too much help from me.”
“Not that he’ll remember it that way when he tells others,” Annie whispered to Hugh, her voice just loud enough for her grandfather to hear. “Nope. He’ll make it sound like he was entirely responsible.”
Grandfather chuckled. “I like a good story but I never say anything that isn’t true.”
Annie rolled her eyes.
It wasn’t until Evan went to bed and Grandfather fell asleep in his chair, saying he wouldn’t go to bed until they did, that Hugh got a chance to hold Annie again and tell her how much he loved her.
He knew he would never grow weary of hearing her say how much she loved him.
Epilogue
Christmas Day
Annie rushed from her bedroom to prepare a special breakfast for Hugh, Evan and Grandfather. She paused in the living room to admire the tree where they had hung the ornaments they’d made and tied bows of colorful yarn. The manger scene sat beneath the branches surrounded by wrapped gifts.
Evan, with Happy at his side, trotted down the hall, his eyes dancing with excitement. “Presents?” His voice seldom rose above a whisper.
“Yes. For us. We’ll open them as soon as we’ve had breakfast.”
