Bock bock,
Sleepy Oops, I mean Tenders
“There’s such a thing as Chicken Moon?” Hanazuki wondered aloud.
“What is it? A moon full of chickens?” Dazz asked.
“I’d like to go to there,” Doughy said.
“How would Tenders even get to Chicken Moon?” Hanazuki asked.
“No idea,” Dazz said, “but we need to get ahold of Tenders before he departs the moon, if he’s even capable of departing the moon.”
“I’ll happily depart the moon for chicken wings,” Doughy offered. “I mean for Chicken Moon. To find Tenders, and not eat his wings. I wouldn’t even bring BBQ sauce.”
“No one’s asking you to leave the moon,” Hanazuki told him. “We just need Sleepy awake.”
Red raised his ear like he was on it, but then all he did was slap the holographic projection.
“Uh, Red?” Hanazuki said. “That’s not exactly gonna jolt Sleepy from his slumber.”
She was right. All it did was jolt Sleepy to his back with his legs up in the air. Then he began to snore louder than a Mazzadril with a sinus infection while the hologram disappeared.
“No, no, NO! Now what?!” Hanazuki asked. “We need to know what’s going on.”
“I CAN HELP!” Kiyoshi called out, suddenly running toward them with a bowl of black treasure fruit. He arrived, a heaving mess. “As soon as I found out that Tenders was missing, I went over to the three black Treasure Trees on your moon to read their fruit for clues as to where he might be. But from the first tree, I learned that one day, I’ll need braces. From the second tree, I learned that Sleepy Unicorn was sleeping. Finally, from the third tree, I learned something relevant!”
“You could have skipped all that and gotten straight to the relevant part,” Hanazuki said.
“Oh. Right,” Kiyoshi said. “Well, I saw that Chicken Moon is where Chicken Plant’s chicks go when they sprout a feather and float off into the galaxy. That’s also where Chicken Brain lives. And also, that’s where Tenders is now.”
“Tenders is on Chicken Moon NOW?!” Hanazuki asked. “How’d he even get there?”
“Not sure, but I brought the fruit bowl for this very purpose. Hold on.” Kiyoshi peered into the bowl of black treasure fruit. He gulped.
“Well?” Hanazuki pressed.
“Kiazuki,” Kiyoshi croaked. “That’s how Tenders got to Chicken Moon.”
“Tell me EVERYTHING.”
“OK, OK.” He squinted at the fruit, gathering more clues. “Did you know that Chicken Plant was born on Chicken Moon?”
“She was? But she’s rooted here!”
“Yeah, but apparently, she was first rooted on Chicken Moon. She was the first of her kind, and back then, Chicken Brain didn’t know what to do with her. He thought she was a freak, so he sent her here.” His eyes widened as he soaked up more clues from the fruit. “After that, there was a Chicken Plant Rights Revolution that was successful in giving Chicken Plants equal rights to unrooted chickens. Now Chicken Plants who are born on Chicken Moon are accepted and understood.”
“That’s beautiful,” Doughy said, wiping a tear from his eye.
Kiyoshi kept his gaze on the fruit. “Even though Chicken Plants are rooted in the moon earth, they can be uprooted and re-rooted elsewhere, especially when they’re young and their roots aren’t so deep.”
“Hold uuuuup,” Dazzlessence sang. “So just like a youngster, Chicken Plant was uprooted from Chicken Moon and sent to Hanazuki’s moon to be re-rooted, and Tenders was uprooted by Kiazuki and has probably been re-rooted on Chicken Moon, at least temporarily?”
Kiyoshi shrugged. “I think?”
“RA YA FLO FLY?” Red asked.
“Chicken plants can’t float or fly like chickens,” Kiyoshi told him, “but they can be carried by other chickens or travel by spacesurfer.”
“So that’s how she did it,” Hanazuki said.
Kiyoshi half-nodded. “Yeah, I imagine Kiazuki took the spacesurfer to Chicken Moon.”
Without so much as a beat, Hanazuki leaped through the closest Mouth Portal. “KIAZUKI, YOU’RE TOAST!”
CHAPTER SEVEN
CASE CRACKED
“THERE SHE IS!” Hanazuki pointed up at Kiazuki and Zikoro. They were hovering in their spacesurfer, trying to make a landing.
“Hanazuki, move,” Kiazuki blared through the spacesurfer’s speaker.
“GRUH GRAH ZOO,” Red shouted back, just now arriving.
“Great,” Hanazuki mumbled. Then to Kiazuki, “I’m not moving until I get an explanation.”
“I can’t explain anything from up here!”
“Then I guess we’ve got a problem!”
Kiazuki shifted the lever and landed twenty feet away, crushing four scraggly bushes. She and Zikoro hopped out of the spacesurfer and clawed their way to the parking spot. “What is your problem, Hanazuki?”
“What is your problem?” Hanazuki fired back. “You can’t just chicknap Tenders and drop him off at another moon without his mother’s permission!”
“Uh, chicknap?”
Red demonstrated by abducting Zikoro. He muffled Zikoro’s screams by pressing his ear over his mouth and then dragged him behind a tree.
“Yes, I know the definition of chicknap, thank you very much,” Kiazuki said. “Didn’t you get my note?”
“What note?” Hanazuki asked.
“The note I left in Chicken Plant’s nest.”
“Um.” Hanazuki felt her skin get clammy. She wasn’t sure if she was nervous or annoyed or confused. Well, she was definitely confused. “Wait, go back.”
“Ugh, why write a note if nobody reads the note?!” Kiazuki plopped down on a patch of moongrass. “I wasn’t trying to be sketchy. I was trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing?”
“Yup. Just said that. Look, remember when during Tenders’s birthday party you found me on the Dark Side of the Moon?”
“Yeah . . .”
“Well, I wasn’t scheming with Basal Ganglia—you’re right, he’s crazy—but I did seek his counsel to help Tenders get in touch with his siblings. Turns out, they’re all together on this bizarro moon called Chicken Moon. Basal knows all about it because he’s in a fantasy moonball league with Chicken Brain. He gave me spacesurfer directions, and I just had to go.”
“What’s fantasy moonball?”
“That’s literally the least important thing I just said.” Kiazuki clapped at Red. “Mr. Feistypants, can you please release Zikoro?”
Red released him. They bowed as if it were the end of a performance.
“So, anyway,” Kiazuki said, “I told Tenders to write a letter to his siblings. He got help from Sleepy, who space-spammed the thing off. Then I helped Tenders uproot.”
“Let’s talk about the uprooting part,” Hanazuki said. “Was it painful?”
“I don’t think so,” Kiazuki said. “Tenders wrapped his wings around my neck, and I basically plucked him from the moon earth. I imagine it was like ripping off a Band-Aid. Hurts for a second, but then it’s over.” She leaned back on her elbows and crossed her legs. “Anyway, I left a note behind, and then we had a really nice ride over to Chicken Moon.”
“I don’t understand,” Hanazuki said. “Why, Kiazuki? Why would you do any of this?”
Kiazuki took a moment, then picked at the moongrass. “Moon creatures can be misunderstood,” she said softly. “Take Zikoro, for instance.”
Hanazuki glanced at Zikoro. He was chasing Red around a blue Treasure Tree, his fangs out. When he caught up to Red, he attacked him with slobbery kisses.
“Zikoro seems scary, but he’s just annoying,” Kiazuki said. “Also, he’s separated from the rest of the Zikoros, and that’s sad. I thought it would be nice for Tenders to meet his brothers and sisters. Maybe the tween chicks seem scary, but they’re also just annoying.”
“They’re not just annoying,” Hanazuki argued.
“Well, maybe since Tenders is so tender,
he’ll be a good role model for them.”
“That, or they’ll destroy him.”
“UGH! Why are you being like this?!” Kiazuki tossed a fistful of moongrass at Hanazuki. “Look, Tenders deserves the chance to meet his siblings and form his own opinion about them. If he’d only heard about them, he’d be totally scared!”
“Kiazuki, he should be scared. We feel fear for a reason!”
“Oh, yeah? What’s the reason?”
“The chicks are literal monsters.”
“That’s what you thought about Tenders, and look how he turned out!” Kiazuki stood, slapping the moongrass from her skirt. “Also, you’re welcome. I just did Chicken Plant a huge favor.”
“Favor?” Hanazuki repeated. “You took away her son!”
“Psh-yeah. News flash: She hates mothering. She’s literally the worst mother. No way did she want another Chicken Plant rooted next to her for life!”
Hanazuki felt her head spin. “If you’d paid attention at the party, you’d know that Chicken Plant really did want Tenders by her side, but you were too busy ‘not scheming’ with Basal Ganglia!”
“OH, HEY-YO, LADIES,” Maroshi greeted them, gliding toward them on his surfboard. “Look at us making waves.”
“Not now, Maroshi,” Kiazuki said.
“We’re in the middle of something,” Hanazuki said.
Maroshi kicked up his surfboard and ran a hand through his blue hair. “Yeaaaaah, you’re gonna wanna hear this. It’s kind of a big, brutal deal.”
Kiazuki and Hanazuki looked at him with nervous anticipation.
“While I was off surfing the galaxy, I spotted a whole clutch of chickeroos—including Tenders—mad floating.”
“Mad floating?” Hanazuki asked.
“The ‘mad’ part’s just an expression. They could have been mad. Or chill. I was too far out to catch their temps. I just mean that they were hardcore floating.”
“Hardcore floating where?” Hanazuki asked.
Maroshi licked the tip of his finger and held it up in the air. “Here.”
In a panic, Hanazuki and Kiazuki looked up at the sky. No chickens. Only Little Dreamer, dressed in a turkey onesie. He dropped a treasure shaped like a moon into Hanazuki’s hands. She held it and it pulsed red.
“Well, that’s ironic,” Kiazuki joked.
“THIS ISN’T FUNNY, KIAZUKI!” Hanazuki shouted at her, getting up in her face. “Do you have ANY IDEA what you’ve done?!”
“What I’VE done?” Kiazuki shouted back. Their noses were practically rubbing. “I DIDN’T TELL THE CHICKS TO COME BACK!”
Red Hemka got between them, pushing Kiazuki away with one ear and Hanazuki away with the other. Then, when his ears stretched to capacity, a note that had apparently been tucked inside his ear slipped to the ground.
Hanazuki froze. “Don’t tell me that’s—”
“Yup,” Kiazuki said. “I wasn’t lying.”
Hanazuki snatched the note from the ground and read it aloud:
Dear Chicken Plant,
Good-byes are rough, and you’re a grouch. So, Tenders and I opted for the midnight steal to Chicken Moon. While he visits his brothers and sisters, we hope you’ll appreciate the alone time. You’re very welcome.
I luv u mama and moon friends!,
Kiazuki (+ Tenders)
Her insides on fire, Hanazuki stormed over to Red. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did you STEAL Kiazuki’s note from Chicken Plant’s nest?!”
Red shook his ears, speechless.
“TELL THE TRUTH.”
Red shrugged. He cocked his head. Then he flared his nostrils.
“You withheld evidence about Tenders’s whereabouts this WHOLE TIME?” Her heart was pounding a million beats per second. “So. Did you enjoy messing things up every step of the way? Did you want to put Tenders’s well-being in danger? Did you have fun worrying me sick trying to figure it all out when you had the answer in your ear?!”
Red narrowed his eyes. He bared his teeth. “BUH DUH GUH.” He pointed at Hanazuki with his ears. Then at himself. He covered his face. He hopped up and down, and shouted, “BAH! BAH! BAH!”
Hanazuki looked up at the sky and tried to breathe. Maybe Red was trying to explain himself. Maybe he was just throwing a fit. She didn’t care. She was too distracted by the floating clutch of tween chicks suddenly appearing in the distant sky. “You know what?” she said to Red. “Just stay away from me while I actually solve this problem.”
Red let it rip. “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Hanazuki stormed off, punching some low-riding marshmallow clouds. She was going to need an army to defeat the tween chicks, and she’d just lost her Moonflower sister to recklessness and Red to betrayal. Now what?
She was going to need a moon miracle.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE CLUTCH IS ALL HERE!
“LINK UP, MOON CREATURES,” Hanazuki commanded. “THIS IS WAR!”
Hanazuki, Dazzlessence Jones, Sleepy Unicorn, Doughy Bunington, nine Hemka, Kiyoshi, Maroshi, and Chicken Plant fixed themselves in a line—arms, ears, and wings linked—in defense against the tween clutch of chicks floating menacingly toward them.
“PUT YOUR WINGS UP,” Dazzlessence sang up at them.
“Bock, bock, bock, bock?” they bocked in reply.
“I REPEAT,” Dazz sang, flashing his badge, “PUT YOUR WINGS UP.”
They obeyed. But now that their wings were pulled in, they could no longer float. They dropped through the galaxy, full-speed, and landed on the moon earth—thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud!—a ten-chick pileup.
Hanazuki stepped forward. “If this is a CHICKEN COUP, we will NOT STAND FOR IT.”
“Do you mean a chicken coop?” a funky-looking but familiar chick asked, sticking his head out from the middle of the chicken pile.
An athletic-looking chick wearing shin guards stood at the top of the pile like an Olympian. “Coops are great for team sports,” he said, stretching a wing across his chest.
“Huh?” Hanazuki said. “No, not a coop. A coup.”
“Doves coo,” said a nerdy chick with horn-rimmed glasses held together at the bridge of his nose with tape. “They take a gulp of air, their chest expands, and the haunting sound comes out their nostrils!”
“I can make a haunting sound,” said an emo chick with a feather swooped over his right eye. “LooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLooLoo.”
Hanazuki eyed the chicks with suspicion. They were so cute! And silly! And weird! Was it all a front? Were they trying to melt her heart? Soften her army? So that they could destroy the moon? What was going on?!
“ENOUGH,” Hanazuki finally said, curtailing the emo chick’s birdcall. “I see right through you. I SEE RIGHT THROUGH ALL OF YOU!”
The chicks looked down at their bellies, trying to see through their feathers.
“Um, not literally,” Hanazuki clarified. She turned to the emo chick. “Explain that birdcall. A message to your army back home?”
“We don’t have armies,” said a hippie chick. “We have wingies.”
“Because we don’t have arms,” explained a tiny chick. “We have wings.”
“OK,” Hanazuki said. The chicks were climbing out from the pile, clapping the moon dust from their feathers, hugging each other, and feeding on dried worms from bags. There was, seemingly, not a bad bone in their bodies, except for the bad boy chick in a leather jacket. Well, if he weren’t sporting an EQUAL CHICKEN RIGHTS pin, and sharing his worms, and also sharing his jacket. Ahhhh! Even the bad boy chick was good! How was she supposed to stand up to their cuteness?!
Hanazuki looked back at the line of moon creatures to get their take on all of this, but they’d disbanded. They were in a clump, sighing and smiling at the chicks as if they were the stars of the most adorable zoo exhibit in the mooniverse. Everybody’s gone soft, Hanazuki worried. She would have to act alone. “Good afternoon, chicks of Chicken Moon,” she said with as much authority as she coul
d muster. “I am Hanazuki, the protector of this moon.”
“Good afternoon, Hanazuki,” the chicks chirped in unison.
With such obedience, they just had to be trying to throw her off, but thrown she would not be! “YOU SHALL NOT DESTROY MY MOON!” she shouted at them.
The chicks just stared at her.
“Hello?” Hanazuki said, prompting them to respond.
“Hello, I’m Salad,” said the nerdy chick.
“I’m Burger,” said the sporty chick.
“I’m Chicklet,” said the tiny chick.
“I’m Nuggets,” said a pudgy chick.
“I’m Parmigiana,” said a feather-gelled chick.
“I’m Drumstick,” said the hippie chick.
“I’m Skewer,” said the bad boy chick.
“I’m Duck,” said the emo chick.
“And I’m Junior,” said the funky, familiar chick. “Hello.”
Hanazuki gasped. “Junior as in Junior, the chick who scared off a Mazzadril?”
“That’s me,” he said, smiling with an overbite so overbitten, his bottom beak and top beak were entirely crossed.
Hanazuki’s heart began to melt. She threw her arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you so much! Look at how much you’ve grown!”
“Thank you,” said Junior.
“OH MY MOON GODS,” Chicken Plant squawked from behind the huddle of moon creatures. “WHAT ABOUT TENDERS? REMEMBER HIM? MY CHICK PLANT WHO WAS CHICKNAPPED? FOCUS, H.”
“Who’s that?” Junior asked, pushing his neck out to see around Hanazuki.
“Nochicken,” Hanazuki lied. She couldn’t distract the chicks now. “Listen up, birdies. First order of business: Release Tenders. If you do as I say, no chick will get hurt.”
“Hurt?” asked Chicklet, shrinking from the size of a chestnut to a peanut.
“Sorry, that’s not—” Hanazuki cut herself off. “Obviously no chick is getting hurt. I just mean that if Tenders isn’t released, there will be trouble.”
Hanazuki: An Egg to Crack Page 5
