“I like trouble,” said Skewer, popping the collar of his leather jacket.
“Fine, then the opposite,” Hanazuki said. “If Tenders isn’t released, there will be no trouble.”
“I prefer no trouble,” said Salad. “I like a clean record.”
“That’a chick,” Dazz sang.
“Peace, love, freedom, now!” cheered Drumstick, setting fire to his Grateful Egg boxers. “Smell no, we won’t go!”
Hanazuki blew a whistle dangling from her neck, cuing the Hemka. They extinguished the burning boxers with a bucket of goop. “HEY!” she shouted at the chicks. “NO SMELLY UNDERWEAR SACRIFICES. NO MORE COMPROMISES. HAND OVER TENDERS. NOW!”
“SURPRIIIIIIISE!” From the middle of the huddle of chicks, Tenders popped up, tossing a wingful of dried worms in the air like confetti. “It’s me! Tenders! I’m back and ready to snack!”
Chicken Plant went ballistic, screaming, “MY SON! Squawk. MY TENDERS! Squawk. TENDERS, MY SON!”
“Mama?” Tenders asked, his eyes filling with tears. “Mama, I missed you!”
“That’s Mama?” Junior asked, tossing Tenders on his back and pushing his way through the moon creatures toward her. The rest of the chicks followed, shoving and flapping with excitement. They circled her and serenaded her, “Mama, mama, maaaaaama! It’s been so long! We’ve grown so strong! We’ve missed everything about you! Mama is our mama. Mama, mama, maaaaaama! We are home!”
“Who taught you to sing?” Chicken Plant asked, cringing. “That chick needs to be checked.”
“Chicken Brain,” answered Salad.
“Him?” Chicken Plant said. “Oh, most definitely checked.”
“You’re so funny! Mamma mia!” said Parmigiana, going in for a peck on each cheek.
“Mama, watch,” said Chicklet the tiny chick. He somersaulted, then lifted his wings in the air for a grand finish. “Did you see me? Did you?”
“Your dirt bath? Unfortunately, yes.”
“Now watch this,” said Burger, doing a back wingspring.
“Mildly impressive,” Chicken Plant said.
“Mama, do you like tie-dye?” asked Drumstick, holding out a bandana. “I made you this headband.”
“Headwear makes my feathers flat.”
“Tie-dye her a sock,” suggested Nuggets.
“I don’t have feet,” Chicken Plant said.
“Exactly,” said Duck.
The sighing, smiling moon creatures began to laugh. Hanazuki began to laugh, too. The chicks really were so cute! And silly! And weird! It wasn’t a front! They were true heart-melters, army-softeners, distractors here to—Um . . . wait. What were they here for?
Hanazuki called out, “If you hear me, clap once.” Some chicks clapped their wings. It sounded like rustling feathers. It was good enough. “So, chicks who clearly come in peace—”
“Peace NOW, freedom NOW!” chanted Drumstick.
“Yup, that’s a peace chant,” Hanazuki said, and then got back to it. “Chicks, please explain why you have journeyed all the way here.”
Junior, who seemed to be the chick in charge, raised his wing.
“Yes, Junior,” Hanazuki said, calling on him.
“When Tenders came to Chicken Moon, he described Mama so differently from how we all remembered her—”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chicken Plant squawked, her wings on her hips.
“Oh, n-n-nothing,” Junior stuttered. “I just mean that us chicks only spent the first few minutes of our lives on your moon, and so our memories are sorta fuzzy. It’s hard for us to remember much of anything—we’re chickens!—let alone the earliest moments of our lives!”
“Apology half-accepted. Good effort.”
“Anyway,” Junior said, “us chicks thought it would be a grand idea to visit.”
“So that’s why you’re here?” Hanazuki asked. “To visit?”
“That,” Junior said, “and to bring Mama back with us to Chicken Moon.”
The chicks erupted in cheers. “WE WANT A MAMA CHICK! WE WANT A MAMA CHICK!”
Stressed and overwhelmed, Chicken Plant looked like she might snap from her stalk.
Hanazuki yelled over the chicks, “THAT’S SWEET, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST TAKE CHICKEN PLANT BACK WITH YOU! YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?”
Junior cut the chanting with a swoosh of his wing and asked, “Why not? Tenders came to Chicken Moon, and he’s a Chick Plant.”
“Exactly,” Hanazuki said. “Tenders is a Chick Plant. Not a Chicken Plant. Chicken Plant’s roots are deep in the moon earth. We can’t just uproot her!”
Tenders coiled his roots like a phone charger and tucked them in his wing. “What do you think about all this, Mama?”
Chicken Plant’s eyes welled up. “No thanks. I’m good.”
“But you’re crying,” Tenders said.
“I’m not crying. YOU’RE crying.”
“Of course I’m crying. I want you to come be our mother and you said no.”
“Hold up,” Chicken Plant said. “You’re going back with them? You’re leaving me AGAIN?”
“I have to. Chicken Moon is where I belong.” Tenders swept his wing at his chick bros, and they nodded in agreement. “It’s where you belong, too, Mama.”
By now, Chicken Plant was sobbing. “Hey, you heard Hanazuki. My roots! Whaddya want from me?” She feathered her face. “‘Chicken Moon is where I belong!’ Blech! That’s a bunch of bologna!”
“Bologna is right.” Suddenly, Kiazuki was on the scene. She and Red Hemka broke through the circle of moon creatures to the circle of chicks. “Hi, there!” she greeted them. “I’m Kiazuki. I saw you all from a distance when I dropped off Tenders. Good to see you again.”
They chick-sandwiched her with a hug.
“Wow! See?” Kiazuki said to Hanazuki, amazed. “These chicks aren’t demons! They’re totally misunderstood! My plan was brilliant. You’re welcome.”
“Maybe,” Hanazuki said.
“Maybe what? Look at Tenders. Look at how happy he is. He’s practically exploding with joy.”
“I think that’s snot.” Hanazuki wiped it away with the bottom of her skirt. “Anyway, the chicks want to bring Chicken Plant back with them to Chicken Moon, but that’s really hard. Maybe impossible. She’s way too rooted.”
“OK, so someone else can go in her place.”
“Like who?”
Kiazuki rolled her eyes. “Here we go again. This isn’t my moon. I shouldn’t have to solve EVERY problem that floats your way.”
“Wait,” Hanazuki said, suddenly struck with the moon’s most incredible idea. “What if . . . what if you went to Chicken Moon to be the chicks’ mother? It would be temporary—a day or two max! They’d get a taste of motherhood, and you’d get a taste for caring for a healthy moon of your own!”
Kiazuki gave her a blank stare.
“Is that a yes?” Hanazuki asked.
“That’s a no,” Kiazuki said. “These little guys are sweet and all, but I’m feeling burnt out on the good deeds. I do so many of them. One after another after another after—”
“Do you, though?”
“I’m gonna sit this one out, thanks.” Kiazuki started to walk away, but the chicks were dead set on Hanazuki’s plan. Chanting over and over, “MOTHER KIAZUKI! MOTHER KIAZUKI! AT LAST WE HAVE A MOTHER,” they lifted and tossed her in the air! (Well, two inches tops. Even Burger, the most athletic of the chicks, was only a foot tall.)
“Um, I already said no!” Kiazuki said. “Let me down!”
Then, out of nowhere, Red Hemka started shouting at the top of his feisty lungs, “BEE BAH! ZAH-ZAH! ME ME!”
The chicks lowered Kiazuki to the ground and gave Red their attention. Everyone did. He was so loud it was hard not to.
“ME MA! ME MA! GRUH-ZUH NO! ME YAH! ME MA!”
“Let me get this straight,” Hanazuki said. “You want to go to Chicken Moon to be the chicks’ mother?”
He nodded. “YA! YA! YOO YA! MA! MA MA!”
Hana
zuki sighed. “C’mon, Red. There’s no way I can put you in charge of anyone, let alone these chicks. Don’t you remember? You put Tenders in danger!”
“DANJUH NO.”
“Well, what could have been danger,” Hanazuki clarified. “You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you stole Kiazuki’s note.”
ME MA! ME MA! ME MA!”
“No,” Hanazuki said firmly. “You can’t go to Chicken Moon, and that’s final.”
“ME MA NO WEYE?”
“Because you betrayed me!”
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Hanazuki’s Moodblossom started pulsing red. She spotted Little Dreamer zigzagging above her and dug into her pocket for his gifted treasures. She wanted to throw them all! Hard! But just when she had the treasures in her fist, ready to fire, she heard Chicken Plant screech, “FINE. I’LL GO. I’LL GO BACK TO CHICKEN MOON.”
Hanazuki did a double take, her frustration dissolving to confusion. “But—but—what about your deep roots?”
“Oh, please,” Chicken Plant said. “Don’t be so dramatic. My roots are here, but way back when, they were on Chicken Moon. It’s time I return for a visit. It’s time I make Chicken Brain feel like a real Chicken Brain for getting rid of me. It’s time I show every chicken the face of the Chicken Plants Rights Revolution 2.0!”
“Well, wow!” Hanazuki said. “I’m super proud of you. This is—this is GREAT!”
“Uproot me already. Just keep my stalk and body intact.”
The chicks began freaking out with excitement, chanting, “BOCK! BOCK! BOCK! BOCK! MAMA CHICKEN PLANT IS RETURNING! IT’S BEEN SO LONG! WE’VE GROWN SO STRONG! MAMA, MAMA, MAAAAAAMA IS COMING HOME!” They swarmed her, trying to lift her from the moon earth.
“I said ‘intact,’ chickbrains,” Chicken Plant said. “You break mama from her stalk and the deal’s off the nest.”
The chicks stopped pulling. Instead, they petted her. Though gentle and compassionate, it was largely ineffective.
“All right, all right, step back, chicks,” Dazzlessence sang, flashing his badge again—this time with more confidence. “Hey, Sleeeeeepy, are you up?” He paused, staring at Sleepy Unicorn lying on his belly, his eyes closed and his mouth drooling. “Sleepy?” Nothing. “SLEEPY, WAKE UP NOW!”
“Good morning,” Sleepy said, his eyes fluttering open. “Or is it evening?”
“Don’t matter.” Dazzlessence swung his arm around Sleepy’s shoulders. “Do you think you can unroot Chicken Plant with your magic?”
“Root veggies.”
“No. Unroot Chicken Plant.”
“Yams and yucca.”
“Huh?”
“ZZZZZZ.”
“NOOOOOOOO!” Dazz shook Sleepy Unicorn awake and positioned him in front of Chicken Plant. “Stay with me, brother. Aim here—where the roots are under the moon earth—and FIRE THAT LIGHTNING MAGIC!”
“OK, I’ll try my best.” Sleepy aimed at the roots and fired, blowing up dust and exposing one wiry root.
“One root down, a thousand to go!” Dazz sang.
Chicken Plant squawked her head off. “STOP! YOU WANT MY FEATHERS TO CATCH ON FIRE? IS THAT WHAT YOU ALL WANT?”
Mortified, the chicks shook their heads.
“Can I go back to sleep now?” Sleepy asked.
“Um, hold on.”
“ZZZZZZZ.”
Enough is enough, Hanazuki thought. She went to throw down her red-pulsing treasures, but Red snagged them and hopped off. No, he didn’t! Her blood began to boil. “HEY! RED! COME BACK RIGHT THIS INSTANT WITH MY TREASURES!”
Red stopped to juggle the three treasures. Hanazuki caught up to him. She went to swipe the treasures from the air, but Red was too fast. He clutched them against his belly and hopped away on top of the chicks’ heads, using them like river stones.
“Bock! Bock! Bock! Bock!” they bocked.
“You don’t get to steal the note AND steal my treasures,” Hanazuki huffed, sprinting after Red. He stopped, then dangled the treasures above the moon earth right beside Chicken Plant. “DON’T YOU DARE, RED! YOU KNOW THAT’S A TERRIBLE PLACE FOR TREES.”
Hanazuki threw herself at Red, but it was too late. He dropped the treasures so close to Chicken Plant that they were touching the edge of her nest.
“Well, this is gonna be a wild ride,” Chicken Plant said dryly. Just then, three big beautiful feisty red Treasure Trees sprouted around her, ramming her roots out from beneath the moon earth. She wavered back and forth until her stalk uprooted. Then, she fell into the feathery wings of her chicks. “Well, that worked.”
While the chicks celebrated and readied Chicken Plant for travel, Hanazuki walked up to Red, blinking in shock. “Wait. Did you do that on purpose?”
Red nodded.
“Like you weren’t trying to be annoying, just trying to help?”
Red nodded again, then threw his ears up. “FYE LEE!”
“Finally what?” Hanazuki asked.
“GRUH GREE SO JUH JAH MEEEEEE!”
“No way. You were trying to help me the whole time?”
Red nodded like crazy.
It was hard for Hanazuki to believe. She would have known if Red were trying to help, right? She took a deep, confused breath, and moments from the last several hours flashed through her head: Red charading. Red retrieving donuts for Doughy. Red morphing into a devil to scare Basal. Red slapping Sleepy Unicorn’s holograph projection to jolt him awake. And now this. Planting feisty red Treasure Trees to help uproot Chicken Plant.
“Red,” Hanazuki said softly, a wave of guilt rippling through her body. “I—I was being such a jerk.” She wanted to cry, thinking about it all. How could she have been so blind? Red was suddenly by her side, squeezing her with love. Before she knew it, tears were rolling down her face, and an apology was flying out from her mouth. “I’m sorry I doubted your intentions. I’m sorry I kept brushing you off. I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge you as part of the detective squad!”
Red hugged her tighter. “ZEE ZOOBOO!”
Hanazuki rubbed her eyes dry. “I’m glad you’re not going all the way to Chicken Moon. Even if you do annoy me sometimes. Or, like, a lot of times. I’d miss you too much.” She paused, then scrunched her face, suddenly puzzled. “Hold up. I still don’t get why you stole the note. What was that all about?”
Red’s ears fell to the ground. “ME LUV. YU LUV. ME HAZZAH. ME! ME!”
“Because you love me? Because you wanted to spend more time with me?”
He stood tall and mimed placing a badge of honor around his neck, then tapped her wrist.
Suddenly, his charades were clear as day. “Because you wanted to show me what a good leader you are. Because you thought if the Tenders mystery stayed a mystery, then you’d have more time to prove yourself.”
Red nodded slowly.
“But prove yourself how?”
“CHEE CHA REED ZU LEE.” He shaded his eyes like he was searching for something. “NO MA HEE NAH.” He pointed to Hanazuki, then to himself. “SUXEE DAT GETH ER.”
Hanazuki translated. “You didn’t know what the note said—you couldn’t read it—and you didn’t want to ask for my help. You wanted to help me crack the case. You weren’t trying to make me fail. You were trying to make me succeed, and you hoped that we’d succeed together.”
Red smiled.
“Wow—I’m impressed I got all that!” She laughed. “Well, just so you know, I admire your leadership. Even if it does lead to trouble. Trouble keeps things interesting!”
“Truth,” Kiazuki said.
“‘Interesting,’” Junior said. “Like the way I look.”
“Sure!” Hanazuki glanced at the chicks. Their wings were spread and they were readying Chicken Plant for flight. “I’ll miss you, CP,” Hanazuki told her, laying a kiss on her cheek.
Chicken Plant pecked at her, but not in the kiss way. “What do you gotta miss me for?” she retorted. “I’ll mama the chick out of these guys for a week, two
weeks max. Then I’ll be back.”
The chicks giggled.
“Was that funny? It wasn’t supposed to be.” Chicken Plant raised a wing. “Let me just make one more thing clear. This isn’t me embracing motherhood. This is a revenge trip.” She looked at her chicks looking at her, and her voice cracked. “Sort of a revenge trip. Because you’re my kids, and you don’t live on the same planet as me. Not that I care. I mean, I’m angry at Chicken Brain, duh. The whole situation’s unfair. And that’s what I’m rising up against. Unfairness!” She flapped her wings, flustered. “OK, what are we waiting for? LET’S GO, CHICKS!”
The chicks kissed and hugged and flapped each other on the back. They didn’t seem to care what Chicken Plant said she was going back for. They knew it was for them, and no matter what, she would always be their mama.
All of the chicks gathered around Chicken Plant and Tenders, ready to help them fly off the moon.
“ONE, TWO, THREE, FLY!” Junior and Tenders said together, and then, whoosh, with a flap of their wings, they were all floating off into the galaxy.
CHAPTER NINE
A MAMA HEN AND HER DENLESS DEN
“This spot is perfect!” Hanazuki said, holding Chicken Plant’s stalk above a shaded yet spacious plot of moon earth.
“I agree,” Sleepy said. “There are no red Treasure Trees popping her personal bubble, but they’re also not too far in case she gets hungry for fruit.”
“GROO FROO ZEE-FOO,” said Red Hemka, waving Hanazuki to the left.
“What do you think, Chicken Plant?” Hanazuki asked, following Red’s instructions. “A little to the left? A little to the right? More in the shade? Farther from the tree?”
“Oh, my moon god. Just root me already.”
“Will do.” Hanazuki and Red Hemka untangled Chicken Plant’s roots and fanned them out around the base of her stalk.
“You ready for me?” Sleepy asked. He pointed his horn at the roots and scrunched his face in concentration. “Four gulps of yellow goop, and I’m feeling en-er-gized!”
“That’s great,” Hanazuki said. “We definitely need lots of your energy. Chicken Plant, are you ready?”
“Too much talking. Not enough doing.”
Hanazuki pointed at Sleepy. “ONE, TWO, FIRE AWAY!”
Hanazuki: An Egg to Crack Page 6
