“Derek,” I whisper.
His head lifts, eyes filled with yearning, and both of us are struggling for breath. “Tell me something real,” he says.
I can taste him on my lips and his cologne is all around us. “I really don’t want to wake up from this dream.”
“You’re not dreaming.”
My hand touches his face. “Tell me something real then.”
Derek’s lips touch mine in the sweetest of kisses. It’s almost as though he’s woken up from the dream himself. “I really want you, Teagan. But not like this. Not here, not yet, but I want all of you, and that’s the most real thing in the world. Now, let’s have our lunch date.”
“And you say I switch topics easily,” I joke.
He releases a heavy sigh. “If we keep talking about all the things I want to happen between us, the word slow isn’t going to apply to our relationship. So, let’s eat and follow your rules”—his smile grows and mischief dances in his eyes—“for now.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Teagan
Present
“Are you still dating Dr. Hartz?” Chastity asks as we sit at my parents’ table.
I’ve done a pretty good job the last week keeping things under wraps. We had our date, spent pretty much each night on the phone talking about all the things we’ve missed, and met once on the beach just because.
“Dr. Hartz?” My mother says while her fork drops, clanging against the plate. “You’re dating Derek?”
“I’ve been on one date.” I leave out the other things because, technically, it’s one date.
“Right, but I heard you guys on the phone again, and Everly said she heard her father telling his parents that it’s going well.”
I used to love my daughter. I really did.
“Can we talk about this later?”
My mother’s head turns to me. “Why can’t you talk now?”
Because I don’t want you to hear this, duh. “It’s between Chastity and me.”
“And you don’t want me to hear this.”
That was freaky. I wonder if she can hear all my thoughts. Maybe that’s why she hates me so much. She knows I’ve killed her a hundred ways…with my mind.
“No, Mom, that’s not it—completely. I think my daughter”—I say with a pointed stare—“and I need to have this conversation in private.”
“Would you like your father and me to step out?”
“Huh?” my father asks, oblivious to the conversation.
I have always envied that about him. He can tune my mother and me out like no one else. We’d have full-blown arguments and he wouldn’t move a muscle. He’d sit in his chair, ignoring us both.
“Just eat, Dad.”
“Okay.”
Chastity giggles once and then looks back to me. “All I wanted to know was if you guys were dating still.”
“What does it matter?”
“You’re my mother…I’m curious.”
She’s baiting us both and I know that as soon as my mother is on the hook, I’ll be reeled right in. Damn kid knows all my weaknesses.
“You know, I’m not sure what it is right now since we’re just enjoying being friends again.” And making out a lot. “So, once I have something to report, you will all be the first to know.”
Chastity gives me a sarcastic smile. “Great.”
Then something she said before hits me. “Wait. You and Everly talk?”
“Well, it would be hard to do the social media project if we didn’t.”
Yes, but they’re talking about more than the project. “I didn’t know that Dr. Hartz and I were part of your presentation.”
She crosses her arms and leans back. “It’s kind of hard not to talk about the fact that our parents are dating.”
I raise my brow and then take a bite of my cake.
“Well,” Mom draws the attention back to her. “I’ll say that if you are dating, which it sounds like you are, it’s encouraging that you’re not going to die alone in that store. Besides, he’s a doctor and was always a good man.”
“I’m glad you approve, Mom.”
“I wouldn’t go that far…”
Yes, why would we ever want to actually go that far? Approval is aberrant to her. “My point is, we’re going slow and taking our time.”
Chastity snorts. “That’s not what Everly said.”
“What does that mean?”
As much as I’d like to avoid this discussion right now, it’s clear Chastity is intent on keeping it going.
She slams her hand down on the table. “It means that I went from being made fun of for the way I looked, dressed, that my father didn’t want me and my mother was supposedly a whore, to now being the girl whose mom is going after a man who just lost his wife!” The anger in her eyes roots me to my chair. “I hate this town! I’ve always hated it, but you always made it better. Now, you’re making it worse!”
I sit here, unsure of what just happened.
“What are they saying?”
“Oh, nothing other than my slut mother has to go after a man whose wife died not even six months ago. That you couldn’t help yourself because no one in this town who knows you would want to date you so you went after a guy who hasn’t seen you in years.”
“Now that’s just absurd!” My mother huffs. “These girls are being ridiculous. No one says that.”
“No, Mom, that’s what many people in this town say.” I turn to Chastity. “I’m sorry that you feel this way, but I’m not going to live my life based on what other people say.”
“Not even if you’re ruining my life?”
I fight back the urge to roll my eyes because she’s thirteen and everything is the end of the world at that age. “I’m living my life, Chas, not ruining yours.”
“Yes you are!” Chastity gets to her feet and rushes out of the room.
My mother touches my hand. “She’ll calm down, Teagan.”
My heart breaks because I’m hurting the one person who matters most. The thing that I was most afraid of is coming to fruition. My relationship with Derek is ruining the closeness I have with Chastity, and that can’t ever happen.
I won’t allow any man—or any person, for that matter—to be the source of her pain. And it’s clear that is exactly what’s happening.
“I have to end this.” I choke on the words as my chest tightens.
“End it? Because your daughter doesn’t want you to date someone?”
I look up and nod. “She’s my world, Mom. She needs to know I have her back even when no one else does. I’m not going to be the cause of her anguish.”
I never want to hurt her.
“You’re going to walk away from a man that you’ve had feelings for because his daughter is making things difficult for Chastity? Of course she is. She’s angry, hurting, and mourning the loss of her mother. That doesn’t mean she has the right to dictate how her father lives his life. I know you think I don’t love you.” She shakes her head a bit. “I know I’m not the mother you wish I could be. There are many mistakes I’ve made, but neither of those kids know what it’s like to raise a child. If you make this choice, no matter what the reason, what does it accomplish?”
I don’t know, but I can’t let her think I don’t care. “I need to talk to her.”
My mom nods with her lips in a thin line. “Talk to Derek too. I would bet he’s not willing to walk away from you over two kids in middle school.”
Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right choice.
I rush out the door and find Chastity sitting on the step. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says with zero enthusiasm.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She and I sat on this very step many times when she was an infant. It was my way out of that house where I felt like I was suffocating. Now, it seems she’s found the same purpose for it.
“I didn’t think it bothered me until today.”
“That she was making fun
of you?”
Chastity shrugs. “I like Dr. Hartz and you dating him, but God she makes it hard for me. It’s bad enough that I have to be around Everly at school and whenever she is at the clinic, but having her talk about you like that…I hate it.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know.”
“She’s such a horrible person. She’s always nasty and talking about people. I think she finds joy in other people being miserable. And then, she’s just as big of a bitch to her ‘friends,’” she says, making the air quotes with her fingers. “I don’t get it. It makes me happy that I don’t have all those stupid people around me. It makes no sense.”
I nod, knowing all too well how she feels. The thing is, I don’t think she really cares about Everly and her friends. It’s more like Everly and integrating her into our lives.
“It doesn’t, but that isn’t what you’re upset about, is it?”
“Mom.” Chasity shifts so we’re eye to eye. “If you marry him, I would have to live with her.”
“Back up, Chas.”
“No, I’m serious. You think I’m dumb and that I don’t know, but I’ve heard you talk about him before. You cried once to Aunt Nina about a guy named Derek.”
So much for thinking I was quiet about that. “He was my best friend when I was in high school.” Maybe telling her will help her understand. “We were the most unlikely friends. He was sort of nerdy but not the smart kind and I was…”
“Yes, we know, you were the queen.”
I laugh because she loves to make fun of it. “I was.”
“Lame.”
“It is.”
“So, you became friends and he…”
“We were just that. He was always there for me and when I got pregnant with you, he was who got me through it all.” Not the tape or blackmail because that came after she was born. But through the whole pregnancy, Derek was there. He came to visit me each weekend, helped take care of me when I was trying to keep afloat, and then held me as I cried when Keith treated me so poorly.
She chews on her bottom lip, which is her tell that she’s mulling it over. “Why have I never heard of him then?”
“Because, he got married to Everly’s mom and she apparently didn’t like me.”
Chastity gasps in mock horror. “Who knew? One person didn’t love you!”
I slap her arm. “Watch it.”
“I’m kidding.”
“I’ve waited a very long time to find someone who held a candle to Derek.”
“Even after he left you?” she asks. “You still thought he was great after he cut you out of his life?”
This is the part that’s hard to explain. Yes, Derek chose someone else over me, but then isn’t that the way it should’ve been? His wife asked him to make a choice for their family, which he did.
I don’t know that my life would be any better had he been in it. But there’s not a doubt in my mind that he would’ve been a huge part of Chastity’s life and given her something I can’t…a man to look up to.
“Derek made his choice and I’ve made choices too. I’ve longed for someone to make me feel the way he does. With him, I’m not the homecoming queen, the naive young girl who got pregnant, the woman who works at her parents’ antique store, or the loser. I’m Teagan. I see myself in his eyes, and I always have.”
“I don’t understand why, of all the people in the world, it has to be her father. Can’t you find anyone else who will see how awesome you are?”
I smile at her compliment. Then the words come out so easily it has to be true. “It will only ever be him.”
Chasity looks away, shaking her head. “I won’t ask you what I planned to.”
“You wanted me to end things?”
She nods.
“I’m glad you won’t because I don’t ever want to disappoint you. But walking away from him might have just killed me.”
As much as I would like to believe for her I could, I don’t know that I’d have been strong enough to do it. Derek is the man that I want. He’s who I’ve been waiting for. We both have spent so much time apart, and if he had never returned, I would have survived just fine. Now though, I know what it’s like to be in his arms, kiss him, and have him here again.
I know what comfort he brings when I’m having a bad day and I can call him. I know what silly lunch dates and text messages are. I’ve gotten the opportunity to experience what we were too stupid to look for before.
“Just don’t ask me to be nice to her if this works out.”
I smile, wrap my arm around her shoulder, and pull her close. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
* * *
Tonight is going to be another real date for us. Only this time, we’re staying in. Chastity is sleeping over at a friend’s house and Derek is on his way here.
I’m nervous.
We won’t be in public and I have no one to rush home for. I would be anxious about him seeing my home, but I saw the house of dolls and he can’t say a damn thing now. I plan to use that any chance I get.
I hear the car door shut and I rush to greet him.
When I open it my heart begins to race. He looks so good when he’s not even trying. He’s wearing a pair of jeans that fit him in all the right places, his polo shirt is tight enough for me to see the muscles in his arms. God, he’s freaking hot.
“Hi,” I say with a smile.
“Well, this is nice.”
“What?”
He takes a step forward, and kisses me. “You meeting me at the door.”
“I like that you like me meeting you. Come in.”
We head up the stairs to the tiny apartment that I both love and hate. It’s small, which I hate, but I’ve busted my ass to make this place look the best possible. We may be poor, but we fake being rich very well.
“This place is so you, Tea. Seriously, it’s exactly like I pictured it.”
I look around at the cool gray-colored slate floor and the rich-looking ivory curtains that go from the ceiling to the floor to make it appear bigger. Everything in this place is secondhand, but Chas and I spent time repurposing the furniture. The kitchen table was an old barn door that I sanded down and then added legs to. It cost me ten dollars total. The chairs, dressers, end tables, are all thrift store that I painted or upholstered where I could.
I’m proud of this place.
“I’m going to take that as a good thing.”
He wraps his arms around my waist. “It is.”
“Good.” My fingers play with the collar of his shirt. “I missed you.”
“I saw you yesterday.”
“Yes, but that was just to pick up Everly.”
Which was very interesting to say the least. The girls had to work on their project, since it’s due next week and apparently, they have to do it here. They’re doing something with the power of social media and using the antique store as the subject. It makes no sense to me, but according to Chastity, people of my age group don’t get it.
I guess they’re taking photos of something and posting it on three sites to see which has the greater impact.
They seemed to be getting along, and I stayed out of the way as much as I could.
“I know you said she behaved, but did she really?”
It’s clear Everly doesn’t particularly like me, which is her choice. I can’t imagine I would like anyone my father dated if my mother died.
“She was fine. I stay out of her way when I can, since I know she hates me.”
He sighs and releases me. “I don’t know what to do with her.” Derek’s back is to me, but I can hear the confliction in his voice. It’s so hard sometimes with kids. When they’re little, it’s almost as though you can convince them you’ve got it all figured out. Now, not so much.
“She’ll get over it—or not—but it’ll be what it is.”
I know Chastity wants me to be happy and will accept what our relationship will become. We have a bond and even though the idea of having Everly in her
life is her equivalent of hell, she’ll do it for me.
“I don’t want it to be what it is, baby.” My heart races at the term of endearment. It’s the first time he’s called me anything other than Teagan or Tea. “I want it to be better. I want her to accept you.”
“She doesn’t know me, Derek. She can’t like me if she doesn’t see that I’m not all the things she has made up in her mind.”
He runs his hand down his face. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
I smile and walk up to him. He looks so upset by all of this and it warms my heart. I love that he cares so much and wants this to work. I know I want the same. Everly getting to know me isn’t on him—it’s on me. “When she comes over tomorrow, I won’t hide. I’ll talk to her in a way that won’t seem like I’m trying. Let me fix whatever is broken between the two of us.”
Derek nods and then lifts his hand to my face. “I don’t know what I did in this life to deserve you. It’s only been a few weeks and I can’t fathom how I lived without you.”
My eyes well up with tears because I feel the same. “I’ve missed you too.”
He brings his mouth to mine, kissing me slowly. Each beat of my heart feels like it’s for him. I don’t know how it ever worked before. Just by being near me, he’s fixed all the things that were broken.
Derek is the balm to my wounds. He’s the air that fills my lungs in a way I didn’t know I was missing. It’s as though, everything I felt is being validated. I never really knew before if we were right together. But I hoped.
My fingers slide through his hair, holding his mouth to mine, hoping that I convey all I feel within my heart to him. He has to feel all that I am, right? My body can’t possibly contain all of the love I feel for him.
His mouth grows hungrier and I’m now gripping his neck. I need more. I want everything from him. My fingers drift to his shoulders and then around his back, pulling him closer.
Derek’s hands move to my ass, and then hook under my thighs, lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on. He moves us so my back is to the wall. I can feel everything and yet not enough.
All I Ask Page 20
