I shake my head and start to move. “This could harm her, though. You made a parenting choice when you’re not her parent.”
He rubs his forehead and moves toward me. “I made a choice as a man who loves you and cares very deeply for that girl. She’s not my daughter, and I know that, but she was ready to do it all on her own, and I couldn’t let that happen. Was not telling you wrong? Yes. I should’ve told you, but I’m also trying to win her over.”
“Winning her over doesn’t mean you conspire against me. Do you see that Keith is the worst part of my life?”
“Of course I do.”
“Well, then imagine when Everly and I had our talk the other day that she told me all about knowing our past. Imagine her telling me that you were in love with me during your marriage. Imagine how you’d feel if I kept that from you.”
He closes his eyes and releases a heavy breath. “I don’t know what to say, Tea. I assure you that I didn’t want to walk in there with her any more than you wanted her to be there. The last person I wanted to see was him, and then to see her face after she saw him, broke my fucking heart.”
I didn’t even get a chance to think about the actual part where Chastity saw him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I had this brave girl beside me, and she walked into that funeral home with her back straight. She was so much like you, ready to show everyone how fantastic she is, and then we get there and he doesn’t even see it. He doesn’t see that she has his eyes or that she’s brilliant. He makes an offhand comment about not wanting to see anyone in this town, while looking at her, and I had to restrain myself from beating the shit out of him.”
My chest feels tight as I think about what it must have been like for Chastity to meet Keith.
Chastity has always been steadfast and unfazed by most things that would’ve sent me into a spiral. She has this ability to shrug things off that I wish I had. However, I don’t think she’s actually shrugging anything off.
I slump down into a chair, my arms on the table, and let it all sink in.
What if she’s not so brave? What if I’m so weak that she has to be strong around me?
Did I do this?
I look up at Derek. I’m so conflicted. On one hand, he acted in a way that I appreciate. Protecting Chastity like a father in some ways. He stepped up, held her hand, walked her through something she was determined to do and ensured she wasn’t alone. I appreciate that.
On the other, she never should’ve walked through it.
They both knew my wishes and the history between Keith and me.
And then he lied.
“Right now, my heart is so torn I don’t know what to think. You lied to me, Derek. More than that, I feel like Chastity could be hurting and I didn’t know! I didn’t get to talk to her about what happened or what it was like to see him. You—”
Chastity opens the back door and looks at me. “I did it. Derek didn’t do anything, Mom. I wanted to go see my father. I needed to look him in the eye, and whether Derek went with me or not, I was going.”
“You have no idea how much trouble you’re in,” I tell her as I get to my feet. “You went, after my explicit instructions not to, you’ve been contacting him behind my back, and then you got Derek involved in your scheme.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Mom, but can you imagine what it’s like to have a parent who you don’t even know? He’s not dead. He’s a freaking famous person and people talk about him around here like he’s a god. So, yes, I wanted to meet him. I’m sorry that you’re mad because I wanted to meet him.”
“I’m not upset you wanted to meet him, Chastity. I understand that. I’m upset you lied to me. We don’t lie to each other. That has always been the one thing we’ve promised. You went behind my back—more than once—and I want your phone. You’re grounded.”
“Fine, whatever. I lied but I had to. You wouldn’t listen to me about it! You just told me to stay away. Even years ago when I asked about him! I wanted to know about my father and you never cared!”
“I’m the parent here. I know what’s best for you, and Keith”—I sneer his name—“isn’t good for anyone. I wasn’t trying to be mean or whatever else you think, I was protecting you from someone who doesn’t deserve you!”
“I can decide that for myself,” she yells.
I wish she could. I wish that at thirteen I could’ve known all the bad shit that was to come. She has no idea what a cruel world it is, and I’d like to shield her as much as I can. “Babygirl, if only that were true, but the bottom line is, you disobeyed me, and you got Derek involved. Hand over the phone.”
She hands me her phone and stomps off to her room.
I look up at the ceiling, pushing the tears back. Everly walks through the door and looks at Derek. “Dad?”
“Go on down to the car, Everly. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I walk over to the counter, putting my hands behind me for support. There’s no salvaging tonight.
“You know what kills me?” I say to Derek as he stands there, watching me.
“What?”
“That as angry as I am about all of this, and believe me, I’m fucking pissed, I’m more sad. I had no idea that all of this went on, and here I am, paying the price. I didn’t know you loved me a million years ago, and I had to pay the price then. When do I get to make the choices? When is it my turn to decide what happens in my life?”
“What do you want, Teagan?”
“I don’t ever get what I want.”
“Then ask for it.”
“I have and what do I have to show for it?”
Derek moves closer, his eyes stay on mine. “Chastity knew what she wanted and went after it. Be proud of that for just a minute. I know you’re angry and hurt, but you want to decide, then decide now. What do you want?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
And that’s the thing of it all, I have no idea what I want because suddenly, I feel unsteady. Not because Chastity lied, but because with Derek, my life doesn’t feel boxed in. As much as I love it, it’s hard not feeling secure. Things aren’t as they’ve always been, and it scares the shit out of me.
With choices comes vulnerability to be hurt so deeply.
He takes a step forward. His fingers wipe the tears that fall down my cheek. “Close your eyes.”
My lids lower.
“Don’t think, just tell me something real, Tea.”
I let his warmth thaw away some of the hurt that’s inside of me, and let the visions I’ve held back for so long come to life. “You and me, in a home, raising the girls and being happy. I want to paint. I want to not be in this apartment, feeling like I’m nothing.” I envision myself at the beach, him sitting on the blanket next to me. “I want us to be happy, to grow old together.”
His lips touch mine in the softest of kisses. I feel the callus of his thumb graze across my lip when he pulls back. “I see all of that when I close my eyes. I see you in that horrible house of dolls, waiting for me. I see us living a life, building our life, but you have to choose it too.”
“I did once.”
He shakes his head. “No, baby, you didn’t, but you can now. You can choose to see that no one acted in a way that was meant to hurt you. I’m going to take Everly home, you decide when you’re ready for me to come back.”
He gives me another soft kiss, this time on my forehead and then walks out.
If I could have him stay, I would. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. However, there’s a part of me that’s so lost in my head because I did choose him once. I chose him the day he married Meghan because I knew that it meant doing what was best for him—not for me.
And now I know that he loves me, wants the same vision that I do, and all I have to do is ask him to stay.
I snap out of it and rush out the door, down the stairs, and through the store. When I get to the street, all I see are taillights.
I stand h
ere, watching him drive away.
I make my way back upstairs where Chastity’s music is loud, which means she doesn’t really care to talk, which is fine by me.
Grabbing the phone off the table, I go to text Derek, but then I realize it’s not my phone, it’s Chastity’s.
I open the app, wanting to see what exactly she’s messaged her father and click the notifications, since I have no idea where the hell the information would be. I look at the image on her page and my heart stops. That’s a painting…my painting…on here?
Why is she posting my art?
I start to click around and there is photo after photo of my paintings all on here. Comments, hearts, and people tagging their friends to share the posts. I scroll lower and there’s one photo with almost one hundred thousand hearts. My confusion grows deeper as I keep going.
Then I click up top and what looks like an inbox appears. There are messages asking about buying them, people wanting to know where the paintings are showcased, and my stomach drops.
These paintings were mine. They were for me and I never wanted to share them.
How could she post them?
“Mom?” Her voice pulls me from the phone.
“How could you?”
“I can explain.”
I put the phone down, my hands are shaking. “You better start.”
“You wouldn’t see how special you are and how beautiful these are. When Everly and I were tasked with the social media project, we had to come up with something that was new and fresh, it was to be taken down after it was over and I thought maybe…I don’t know.”
“What is this, Chas? Seriously? Because you and I…we don’t operate this way. We never have.”
She betrayed my privacy. I feel as though someone has punched me in the gut—a second time today. It’s not that I’m not proud of my work, because I am. I think my paintings are beautiful and special, but when I was ready to share them, it would’ve been my choice.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”
My eyes meet hers. “What does that even mean? What did you think would happen when you posted them, Chastity?”
Tears with a mix of shame form in her eyes. “At first, it was the only thing I could think of for the project. I thought that maybe it would help us. Maybe you could finally do something you like instead of working in this store.” She sniffs and another tear falls. “Then you could be happy, but then you and Derek started dating. It was…I don’t…it wasn’t all my idea…”
I sit, watching her struggle for words. “Who else’s was it?”
“Everly and I thought, that maybe we could, God it sounds so bad, and it is.”
“You thought you could break us up?”
She nods. “I like Derek, I really do, but I hated her so much that the idea of having Everly Hartz in my life was so bad, I had to find a way. So we thought, if we could get your paintings seen, and…”
I have never been so upset with her in my life. “Don’t stop now, Chastity, what did you think would happen?”
She thought nothing of me, that’s for sure. She thought of herself and Everly.
“I don’t know. I thought maybe this could help us. I hate this town. You hate this town, it seemed like maybe this was our ticket out. I’m stupid. I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t and then, Mom, something happened. People started to find them and love them. We couldn’t keep up with notifications. There were inquiries and people asking to buy them…open the app.”
I look down at it, not wanting to look at it. Not wanting to do anything but cry.
“Please, I just want to show you,” Chastity urges. I do as she asks and then she pushes where all the messages are. “Right there, that came in today. It’s what Everly and I were doing downstairs, we were going to tell you today, I swear. At dinner the two of us were going to confess everything and explain.”
There is nothing I can say right now. The relationship that Chastity and I have had was always built on trust. Lies weren’t welcome. Today, it seems that’s all I’ve uncovered.
“Have I failed you?” I ask. “Was it something that I didn’t give you?”
“No, Mom!” Her eyes are filled with tears again. “I’m so sorry. I was just so mad. The idea of Everly around made me crazy. So, we wanted to split you up. Cause a big fight between you two or maybe get your paintings sold so we could move! If we left here, then I wouldn’t have to be around her anymore. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m…”
“Sorry.”
She takes my hand in hers. “I really am.”
“I believe you. I still don’t understand why you’d do this. You know my art was private and that I didn’t want to share it. I hid it from Grandma, and the last thing I would ever want is it to be public like this. But I know you’re sorry.”
“It felt like the only way to get out of this town before you marry him.”
“I know you hate her, and I get it, but—”
“She’s not that bad. We talked a lot the last few days when it went viral. Then there was no way to stop it. It just got more and more out of control.”
All of this has gotten out of control. “Can you remove it all?”
“Yes, I can delete the account, but can you read that one message please?”
I wipe my own tears, which fall silently. “This one?”
She nods quickly and opens it.
Dear RealPerspective,
I’m an art curator outside of Palm Beach, FL. I own one of the most prestigious galleries and your paintings have captured the eye of a few of my best clients. We’d like to speak with you further regarding having some pieces displayed and sold here. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.
Best,
Timothy Sterling
TS Fine Art Gallery
“I googled them,” she says quickly. “Their last painting sold for over one-hundred thousand dollars!”
My throat is dry while my chest tightens. I’m not ready for this. No one is going to pay that much for one of my paintings. “This is crazy.”
“Maybe, but isn’t it worth at least replying? This could change everything for us.”
That’s the problem, what if I don’t want everything to change now?
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Derek
Present
“How could you do this, Everly? How? You realize that this is a huge invasion of privacy? Do you realize what you two even did?” My temper is beyond reason. Once we got in the car, she confessed everything. I’m so disappointed in her.
I drove to my parents’ house in disbelief. We’re inside and we need to finish talking, now that I’m calm enough.
I know she’s capable of some devious things, but to plan a way to get rid of Teagan and Chastity is beyond my comprehension. This wasn’t something they did accidentally, there was a plot to this. They planned and continued on with it for weeks. All the while they were hiding under the pretense this was all for school.
“I thought it would get rid of her! I want to go back home! I want Mom to be alive and…” She starts to sob. “I just want Mom back!”
I pull her into my arms. As angry as I am, I can’t watch her cry like this. “I know you do.”
“But you don’t. You have Teagan now.”
Jesus. I can’t imagine the pain she must be in. On the other hand, she can’t do these things when she’s angry. “Just because I’m with Teagan, doesn’t mean that I wish your mother weren’t alive. I know that the relationship we had wasn’t great, and I’m sorry for that. I should’ve been stronger and left, but I couldn’t leave you.”
“I know I’ve been really awful, Dad.”
I hear my father’s words in my head and pray I can guide her the way he would’ve done with me. “What are you going to do about it? Because that’s what counts. I’ve made my share of stupid decisions, but it’s how you handle it that defines you.”
“Can I go apologize?”
I touch
her cheek and give her a warm smile. “Yeah, I think we can do that.”
She and I head to the door, but there’s a knock. I open the door to see Teagan standing there with tears in her eyes.
Everly steps forward before I can speak. “I’m so sorry, Teagan. I really am.”
Teagan wipes her face. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. We never should’ve done what we did.”
Her lips turn into a soft smile. “I appreciate that.”
I touch Everly’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go see what Grandma is doing?”
“Sure, Dad.”
When she’s gone, I step outside, closing the door behind me. “Tea?”
She bolts forward, her arms wrap around my neck, and I hold her tight. She starts to cry, really cry. The last time I saw her this way, she was pregnant. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Her head lifts, eyes red rimmed from crying. “I don’t know what I want, Derek. I don’t know anymore. I thought I knew. I thought it was all planned out for me. I was meant to be alone, working in that antique store, raising Chas until I could get out. I was prepared for that life and then you came along.”
“That’s what has you so upset?”
“No.” She sniffs. “After you left, I ran after you because you are what I want. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. You’re the something real in my life. And now…God, now I don’t know how to keep you.”
I grip her face, forcing her to look at me. “You don’t have to worry about keeping me. I’ve always been yours.”
“It’s always about timing. Do you remember saying that to me?”
“Vaguely.”
I’m not sure where she’s going with this. Teagan takes a step back, shaking her head. “You told me once during college that for some people, it’s all about timing, and I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. I’ve always figured that our timing was always our problem. And it was, right?”
“Teagan,” I say her name, willing her to say whatever it is.
“After you left, I talked to Chastity and she showed me the account. There were so many comments, I couldn’t even process it. People talking about how they saw the horizon before, but there was something about the colors or the way the strokes were.” She laughs mostly to herself. “As if I have a clue what the hell I’m even doing with the strokes. Then, she made me look at a message from an art gallery in Florida.”
All I Ask Page 25
