“I’m—what?”
Good. I’ve flustered her a bit. “You’re right. He will never love me like he loved her.” She opens her mouth and closes it. “Did you think that I thought he would?”
“I don’t know what…I mean…”
“I’m not under any delusions that we will ever have what he had with your mom, who I know you think I didn’t like, but I did. I really respected her. She was funny, pretty, smart, and I remember she could do that thing with her nose.” I smile warmly.
“She thought she was a witch.” Everly’s voice loses a touch of her edge.
“She would wiggle it all the time when we talked to make your dad lose his train of thought.”
Meghan may have hated me, but the feelings weren’t mutual. I wasn’t her biggest fan, but I will never allow Everly to think I hated her mother. She got the guy. I wasn’t strong enough to tell him and that was on me.
“He hated it. He would yell when they were fighting and she’d wiggle it to make him stop.”
“I can imagine she would.” I chuckle.
Everly’s hands unclench and she rests her head back. “I didn’t know you knew her like that.”
“I was friends with her too, which is why losing them both was so hard for me. I wish I could’ve at least talked to her again.” I say the words and park in front of the house. “I would’ve liked to have met you, especially.”
“Me?” she asks with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah, your mom and I were pregnant at the same time. We talked about our kids being best friends. Which is apparently the opposite of what you and Chastity are.”
“Yeah, we’re definitely not alike.”
“No, she’s actually like your dad, which is weird.”
Making fun of Derek wasn’t my goal, but whatever lane opens, I’m going for. She’s not giving one-word answers, and for that, I’m grateful.
“Yeah, and he says you and I would’ve been friends in school.”
“We would’ve,” I say with a smile. “I was really cool, unlike your dad. Who I can assure you was a total dork in high school.”
“My mom wasn’t.”
“No, she wasn’t. She was really kind.”
In many ways, Meghan was a lot like me. We were both popular, smart, and athletic, but Meghan had the courage to always be nice—at least in college from what I knew. We used to joke with Derek that he was still trying to fit in with the cool kids. I knew the truth though—he was a million times better than I was and I was trying to not let him figure it out. I was always afraid he’d see the truth and walk away.
I haven’t thought about that time in my life in so long. It had to have been horrible for her to make him hurt me.
She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I really miss her.”
“Of course you do, honey. She was your mom and loved you very much.”
She nods.
“I’m sorry that you’ve lost her.”
Everly is a good kid, I don’t doubt that. She is overwhelmed with feelings that she doesn’t know how to handle. When I look back at the meanest people in school, they were often the ones in the most pain. They cried out because it was easier than sitting in the hurt.
I believe it’s the same with Everly.
She lashes out because it’s the best way to hide from her grief.
“Me too.”
“Well, if you ever want to hear stories or talk about her, I’m here.”
Her brown eyes are filled with unshed tears. “Why did you guys stop talking?”
This isn’t something I feel right telling her. “Because when we’re young, we think with our hearts and forget to hear with our head.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
I laugh. “When you’re older it will. You don’t have to feel like I’m trying to take your mom’s place. I don’t want your dad to forget her. I’m just me, and all we can do is be kind, right?”
Everly’s eyes widen. “Mom said that.”
I nod with a grin. “I know.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why do you paint?”
The question brings me up short. I haven’t told her that I paint, but it’s also not top secret. Her father may have told her or even Chastity.
“I paint because the world I see isn’t the one I’m living in. So, I make the canvas into what I hope it could be. It’s hard to see things sometimes, and when I have my brush, I’m able to open my heart just a bit.”
“What if you don’t like the world no matter how you’re looking at it?”
So deep for such a young girl. I smile wistfully, wishing that she saw things easily at her age. “Then you get to create what you want or you get to paint it as ugly as it is and accept it.”
Everly looks out the window. “I don’t really feel like there’s much pretty right now.”
It’s got to be so hard to be her age and feel that way. “You know, you’re not that different from Chastity in a lot of ways. I know you don’t think so, and when I was your age I would’ve totally laughed in my face if I were you, but…” I pause, hoping she’s still with me. “In a lot of ways, she lost a parent and had very little choice in how things went.”
“And now you do?”
“No,” I tell her with all the honesty I have. “I don’t. I had to drop out of school, raise a kid on my own, and I work for my parents. I want you to see that when you’re at the top, there’s nowhere to go but down. And the top of middle or high school is really not that great.”
It’ll probably all fall on deaf ears, but at least I tried.
She nods once, exiting the car and then stops, sticking her head back in. “I wish I knew you didn’t completely suck earlier. I would’ve at least smiled at you—since you were so popular at one time and all.”
I’m not sure what exactly that means, but I’m going to pretend it’s a compliment. “Thanks…I think.”
“You’re welcome. See you around.”
I wave. “See you around.”
* * *
“This is a little weird,” Derek says as we make plates for the girls.
“I know.”
“But they’re working on their project, so we can’t really be blamed for this.”
Their project is due tomorrow so we suggested we’d all have dinner. It was meant to be a very casual thing, but both girls have made snide comments about this not being a regular thing.
At least Everly said hello this time to me, so there’s a small sliver of hope on that front.
They’re down in the store, doing whatever it is they need to do for this social media experiment and he and I are being very…domesticated.
Derek comes behind me, wrapping his arm around me as I plate the food. “I could get used to this.”
“You could, huh? I’m pretty sure your mother cooks for you daily.”
His low chuckle reverberates in my ear. “Yeah, but she’s not you.”
“And you think I would cook for you?” I ask as I turn around to face him. He’s totally walking into a trap, but I’m not about to stop him.
“I would hope so.”
“What would you do for me?”
He grins. “I’d definitely do things for you.”
“I bet you would, but, if I’m in the kitchen slaving away, I’d like to have specifics.”
Derek turns, looking at the door, and then back to me. “First, I’d do a lot of this…” His lips touch mine softly at first and then he deepens the kiss. My fingers tighten around his shirt, loving that this is one of the things.
“Then”—he breathes as he shifts back—“I’d do that, in other places.” My stomach clenches as I think about where his mouth would otherwise be as well.
“That’s a start.”
“I’d—”
“God.” Chastity’s voice breaks the statement he was about to say and I turn bright red. “You should be happy it was me,” she says as she grabs the notepad off the ta
ble. “All I’ve had to hear about for weeks was my stupid mother and her stupid father and how that didn’t mean we’d be stupid sisters. Like I’m excited by this idea?”
“Aww, sisters.”
She rolls her eyes. “And what did you do to her?”
Derek puts his hands up. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Today, she’s being all nice and it’s freaking me out. Pissed off and mean Everly I can handle, but she’s asking me about how it’s been to be raised by a single parent and if my mom is my friend. It’s weird.”
I can’t help the smile that forms. There was no guarantee she would actually hear what I said and not just mentally flip me off. The two of them share a bond that they don’t know. I always notice that, when two people think they’re different, it’s often because they’re so similar they can’t accept the other. It’s the things that bond us that can also divide us.
Chastity and Everly could be best friends, but they choose to be enemies.
“Maybe she’s trying,” I suggest.
“Maybe she had a lobotomy or was abducted by aliens last night. Either way, you guys need to stop…touching and stuff.”
“Nice to see you too, honey,” I say with a smile. “Derek and I were just checking the temperature of the sauce with our mouths.”
Derek steps to the side before clearing his throat. “I’m…”
“Oh, don’t try to placate her, she’s being an ornery teenager. Like we’re not going to catch them making out with their boyfriends? Please.”
His eyes shoot to mine and then it dawns on me what I said. I said that we were going to. Not me. Not him. But as though we’d be raising them together and catching them. I don’t know when that shifted.
When did I start thinking of us as a couple? A real couple.
It’s always been me doing it on my own. I’ve had it all mapped out because I never saw it any differently. Now I’m talking about being a team with him. It’s foreign but at the same time, deep in my gut I know that it’s what I want.
My world has been turned around and finally, I have hope for more.
“Yeah, I guess we will.”
Chastity groans and leaves the room. “I should’ve moved in with Grandma.”
Both of us burst out laughing. “Well, I guess I’m glad she didn’t say her father. Thank God none of us had to see him all that much when he was here.”
Derek stops laughing and something in his face changes. I’m not sure what, but it was so weird that my stomach drops a little. He turns his face and starts to busy himself.
Why did he turn away when I said something about Keith? He hadn’t shown up again after that night at my parents’, and from what I’ve heard he left town yesterday. I’m just grateful my life can go back to normal.
“Derek?” I call his attention.
“Teagan?”
“Why did you turn away?”
He straightens his back and sighs. “I hate thinking about Keith.”
“Well, no one really likes to think about him, but you seem…I don’t know…weird.”
“I hate him and I still hate what he did to you. And that there even is a tape.”
My heart sinks. I thought maybe after he knew the whole story, he’d understand. He didn’t seem bothered by it after. He was angry, which I get, but not at me. Derek felt a lot of self-hatred for not protecting me—which is stupid.
He couldn’t have stopped it. I don’t even know that I would’ve told him.
“I get that, but it’s in the past, seriously.”
He nods. “Agreed, but I still don’t like him.”
“Oh, me neither.”
“Good, then let’s stop talking about him.”
“Okay,” I say apprehensively. “Dinner is done anyway.”
Derek gives me a quick kiss. “I’ll head downstairs to get the girls.”
This could be so easy if we can get the girls to be civil, which seems to be happening on its own. There are no hurdles to overcome other than merging our lives. I don’t think we’ll struggle there. Even though years of us being apart has changed things about us, we’re still the same.
We just—click.
It’s why I think I see the future with him.
There’s a knock at the back door that leads down to the store, which means it can either be my mother, Derek is locked out, or it’s Nina. I pray for any but the first.
When I open the door, I thank God for once being kind to me with this. “Hey!”
“Hey,” Nina says a little quieter than her normal boisterous self.
“Everything okay?”
“I really need to talk and it can’t wait.”
I push open the door and invite her in. “What’s wrong?” She starts to pace, and my nerves grow. Nina is always so easygoing. When things are in crisis, she’s the calm one. Seeing her like this is out of character. “Nina?”
“I’m not sure if what I heard is a lie or not, but the rumor is going around and I don’t want you to hear it anywhere else.”
“Okay…”
This town and their fucking rumors. I’m so tired of it and once again, I’m going to be the center of it. God forbid they get a life and leave mine alone.
“So, Keith was here and apparently, the rumor is that you sent Chastity to get information on Keith.”
Well, now I’ve heard it all. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“You mean she didn’t go to the funeral home?”
“Of course she didn’t go! She didn’t even know when it was. This is so insane. I’m so tired of this crap. I want nothing to do with that asshole. I’ve worked so hard to keep Chastity away from him and the poison that is his life and for what?”
“Tea,” she says softly. “I saw her.”
“You saw who?”
“Chastity.”
My heart sputters. “You saw her where?”
Nina releases a heavy sigh through her nose and then shakes her head. “I saw her leaving the funeral home.”
This makes no sense.
“She couldn’t. She was with Derek.”
Nina looks away, she chews on her thumb and then turns back to me. “I know.”
“You…he was with her? No, that’s crazy.”
“All I know is I saw her and then I saw him. I don’t know, Tea. I don’t know what the story is. Derek didn’t tell you?”
No, he most definitely didn’t. In fact, he didn’t say a word.
“I was going to tell you.” Derek’s voice fills the room. “I was waiting for the right time.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Teagan
Present
I stand, looking at the man I love, wondering what the hell he was thinking. “You took her to the funeral home?” I ask, praying he answers differently.
“It wasn’t like that.”
Nina walks forward, touching my shoulder. “Call me later, okay?”
I nod, not taking my eyes off him.
I wait, trying to wrap my mind around what she just told me. Derek, who hates Keith, took my daughter to see him. He didn’t talk to me, ask me, get my blessing. He just took her? Why? What could possibly be the reason why he would go against something I so clearly was opposed to?
Nina walks around us, her hand rests on his shoulder for a minute and then drops.
“Nina?” I call. “Can you ask the girls to stay downstairs until we get them?”
“Of course, honey.”
“Thank you. For being honest as well.”
She gives me a sad smile and then closes the door behind her.
Derek straightens his back and his lips form a thin line. I don’t care that it hurt, this is far worse. “Before you go ballistic, hear me out.”
“By all means…” I say with anger vibrating in my voice.
There’s not much that he can say that makes this okay. He took her, behind my back, to see the man that has single-handedly tried to destroy me.
“I was driving do
wn Main Street and saw her walking, which I thought was a little strange, since she said she had to do homework.”
I’m going to lose it. She told me that she was going with him and told him she was doing school stuff? Unreal. My daughter is in big freaking trouble, but then again, so is my boyfriend.
“Which led you to…?”
“She was going to the funeral home whether you or I wanted her to or not. I thought it was better for her not to go in there alone.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make!”
“She wanted to see him, Teagan. She knew he was here, you forbade her from going, and I didn’t want her to go in unprotected.”
My heart is racing and I can’t believe this. “Then you call me! Me! I’m her mother. I’m the only goddamn person in this world who has protected that girl. She never should’ve seen him.”
“You would’ve rather I did what?”
“Tell her no. Talk to me.”
This should be clear as day. He had no right.
“I understand you’re mad, I didn’t know what to do when I saw her and I didn’t want her to walk in there alone. You and I both know she was contacting him.”
“You didn’t have the authority to act like that.”
“So you’d rather I held her captive in the car so you could handle it?”
“Yes!” I slam my hand on the counter and turn away.
I don’t know what to feel right now, but betrayal is the one thing that keeps coming to mind. My anger isn’t only about the fact that he took her, which is bad enough, but that he kept it from me.
“I’m sorry. I really am. I did what I thought was best for Chastity. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
The thing about intentions is that even while they may be good, they still have consequences. There are things that he’s done and I’ve done that put us here to begin with. I didn’t intend to fall in love with him, but I did. He didn’t intend to have his wife find the journal, but she did. I also don’t know how to reconcile the fact that he intentionally lied.
“No? Then why lie, Derek?”
“She asked me to keep her secret.”
“She’s thirteen.”
“I’m aware of that, but if you and Everly had some secret that wasn’t going to harm her, would you tell me?”
All I Ask Page 24
