All I Ask

by Corinne Michaels

  Dread fills my stomach. I’ve had moments like this, when there’s a clear vision of what’s coming next. This isn’t going to be something I want to hear. “Okay…”

  “Timing of it was really funny, wasn’t it? We find each other, fall in love more than we already might have been, and start to really have this life.” I move closer, touching her, because if she’s going to end this, I have to stop her. I won’t let this be us again. I can’t watch her walk away. “I called him, the art dealer, and they want to offer me a spot in their next showcase.”

  I can fucking breathe again. This is good news, not her ending things. “That’s great, Tea.”

  Then I see the moisture building in her eyes, and I realize…it’s not—I’m about to lose her.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Teagan

  Present

  How do I choose?

  How can I walk away from this man when he’s everything I’ve ever wanted? I can’t pick up and move like this, but…I can’t walk away from this opportunity ever.

  Someone wants my paintings.

  The money that he offered—floored me. To say no would be insane. I love Derek. He’s the man I’ve waited my entire life for. Now, he’s here, mine, and in love with me but this is…this is…an opportunity I’ve dreamed of.

  “It means I have to leave,” I say.

  “For how long?”

  I close my eyes, not able to look at him because I can’t watch him hurt. “At least a year.”

  “A year?”

  That’s not the whole truth. I would have to go for more than that, and if I move Chastity to Florida, I’m not going to move her again. “I don’t know because it would be a move and I don’t know that I would…”

  “Come back.”

  Is he asking me or finishing my sentence? Either way, I know the sentiment. “It would be a lot to move down with Chastity temporarily.”

  “And you can’t paint from here?”

  I sigh. “They need me there for the gala and the opening, there’s press, and a tour? It’s all so much right now, but he requested that I relocate until at least the first six months of the exhibit have finished. Plus, I need to paint more—a lot more, and it would be easier to paint from their beach. He has these plans, it’s not just to sell my art, it’s all about exposure and using the social media buzz to launch a long-lasting career. He wants a lot of photos of me painting and hosting events at the exhibit. It’s a lot of networking, I guess.”

  “I see.” Derek’s voice is filled with disappointment.

  “I have to take this.”

  His eyes meet mine. “I know you do.”

  “Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Chastity, my life has been hard. Really freaking hard. I’ve sacrificed everything, lost everything, and now, it’s like someone gave me a hand. If I swat it away, I’ll regret it forever.”

  This is the first time that someone has chosen me the first time around. It’s a chance to stand on my own, be something more than an assistant manager in my parents’ antique store. If I were to marry Derek, I’d go from being my parents’ burden to his. Even if he never said it, that’s how I’d feel.

  Now, I can be my own woman. I can show Chastity that I’m not a college dropout who couldn’t do anything with her life.

  The only thing holding me back is him.

  I have to give up the most incredible opportunity or lose the most incredible man.

  Life isn’t fair sometimes.

  “This is your chance, baby.”

  It is. “But that means I have to give you up.” I choke back a sob.

  “Why?”

  “Because I have to move to freaking Florida.” After I got off the phone with Tim, I asked Chastity what she wanted, and she was ready to pack tonight. I know she wants out of here. Hell, I want out of here, but I want Derek too.

  “I’m not saying it won’t be hard,” Derek turns away. “I don’t know how the fuck we’ll manage, but we’ll do long-distance. We’ll make it work.”

  “I wish you could come with me.”

  There are a hundred reasons why he can’t. Everly, his father, the house he bought, and the fact that we are new, are just a few. How can I possibly leave?

  “You know I can’t.”

  I walk closer, placing my hand on his chest. “I know, just as you know I can’t turn this down. For the first time, Derek, I won’t be nothing.”

  “You were never nothing.”

  “No, I am. I have nothing to offer you.”

  He steps back. “You’re all I want. I don’t need you to offer me anything.”

  “Please, listen.” I release a deep sigh and try to assemble my thoughts. “I’ve always wanted more. You showed me once that I could have more, and since then, I’ve been searching for it. I never shared those paintings because I’ve failed at every facet of my life. I’ve been lacking in one area or another, and I couldn’t handle one more thing, something I love, to be…unworthy.”

  Derek’s hands wrap around my arms, holding me tightly. “You are worthy of everything, and if I ever made you feel less…”

  “No! That’s just it, it was never you. It’s me! It’s my choices and you asked me what I want, and I want it all. I want to paint and make money. I want to be with you and Everly. I want us to figure our shit out and live in that house. All my life I’ve waited for you, and now…”

  Now I have to choose. Do I want love or do I want to finally feel as though I’ve accomplished something other than screwing up?

  “You don’t have to explain it.” He lifts his hand, brushing the hair out of my eyes. “You have to take this, baby. Not because I want you to leave. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you. I love you enough to wait. I love you enough to let you go because I know”—his voice is filled with determination—“I know you’ll come back to me.”

  My lip trembles and I let the tears flow. “I don’t want to lose you, Derek.”

  “Then don’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you’ve accomplished what you need to. I know you feel like you’ve waited your whole life for us, but believe me, I have too. I’ve loved you, lost you, and I’ll be damned to ever lose you again.”

  Derek doesn’t give me a chance to respond, he crushes his lips to mine and I taste my tears along with his vow.

  * * *

  “Do you really have to go?” Nina asks as she helps pack my suitcase.

  “Please don’t you start.”

  I’ve cried more in the last seventy-two hours than I have in years. My flight is at six in the morning. Tim is going to meet me at the airport and show me the condo they’ve rented for me and Chastity.

  “I’m sad. I’m going to be stuck in this town without my favorite angry person.”

  I laugh and roll my eyes. “You could come with me…”

  “And leave all this?” Nina waves her arms in the air. “No, honey, I’m meant to live and die in this town. But I’m proud of you.”

  Dropping the sweater in the bag I rush over and wrap my arms around her. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

  “I’m going to miss you more.”

  Nina pulls back and shakes her head. “Enough of that. Now, is Chastity with your mother?”

  This is another reason I’m struggling. She has another two weeks of school before break, which is when she’ll come down. Derek and Everly are going to bring her and spend time with me. I’ve just never been away from her. A night here or there, but nothing like this.

  “I dropped her off an hour ago so she can settle in a bit.”

  “She’ll be fine.”

  I laugh. “I know, it’s me I worry about.”

  “You have no idea the strength you have inside of you. In the midst of dealing with Keith’s bullshit, you raised an amazing child. You’ve persevered when many would’ve collapsed. Don’t sell yourself short, my friend. I am so proud of you.”

  “So am I.” Derek’s voice cuts in as I clutch my chest.
<
br />   “Derek!”

  “You didn’t think we weren’t going to spend our last night together, did you?”

  “Where’s Everly?”

  “She’s perfectly capable of staying home with my parents.”

  “And on that note.” Nina claps her hands. “I’m going to head out and let you two…well, do what you do.” She comes over to me, and the tears come again. “Don’t you cry, Teagan Berkeley, don’t you dare. You’re doing something magnificent and I’m so happy for you.”

  Nina has been my rock over the years. I love her heart and I’m going to miss our daily talks. “This is so damn hard.”

  She grabs my hand and squeezes. “The things that are worth doing aren’t meant to be easy. Call me when you’re settled?”

  “You can count on that.”

  She touches Derek’s arm on her way out and I hold back as much as I can. I try to be brave and strong because I chose this. I kept saying I wanted to have the power to make choices and now I want to take that back. Choices are dumb.

  Give me consistency and Derek.

  He makes his way over to me, pulling me to his chest. “She’s a wise woman.”

  I nod, breathing in his musky scent. I close my eyes, committing it to memory so that on the nights I’m missing him, I can remember this. The way his arms hold me just right, his chin rests on my head as I melt into him. There’s the faint scent of the ocean that’s ever present and then his cologne. It’s everything that makes me happy.

  “I have a surprise for you,” he says after a few seconds.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you all packed?”

  “Almost.”

  “I should’ve figured.” He chuckles. “Get your bags because we won’t be coming back here.”

  “What?”

  “Just go with it, Tea.”

  There’s so much that I still need to do, but then none of it matters as much as the man in front of me. So, I toss a few more things in the bag while Derek waits patiently. I know I forgot stuff, but he’ll be driving down with the girls in two weeks and I can have him bring whatever I need. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

  My mother said she’s leaving the apartment as is, so when I come back, I don’t have to worry about housing.

  After ten minutes of checking the apartment over again, I’m as ready as I’ll be. We head to the car, both of us quiet but finding ways to touch the whole time. When we get in, I can’t keep silent anymore.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.” I can hear the smirk in his voice.

  “You could just tell me.”

  He turns to look at me, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together. “I could, but then I would ruin the fun.”

  “You and I have a very different version of fun.”

  I hate being left in the dark. I also know he used to love tormenting me with things he knew that I didn’t. The more I pushed, the worse it was.

  “Maybe, but you make it too easy to make you crazy.”

  We drive through town and when we turn down Sycamore Street, I know exactly where we’re going.

  The house.

  Sure enough, he pulls into the drive and releases my hand. “Come on.” We get to the front door and he hands me the key. “Open it.”

  “You want me to open the door to your house?”

  He comes around behind me, holding the key with me, and we turn it. I wait for the scary beady eyes to stare at me when the door opens, but they’re not there. Instead, the house is completely cleaned out and it smells like fresh paint.

  “Go in,” he urges.

  I enter the space, still waiting for the creepy dolls to pop out, and when he flips the light on, I can’t breathe.

  It’s breathtaking.

  The wood is a dark gray stain and the walls are painted a light cream color. Everything has been cleaned and the house looks exactly as I’d dreamed it in my head. “This is beautiful,” I say as my hand touches the doorframe.

  “I remembered you said something about cream walls so I went with it. Everly picked the exact shade.”

  I smile. “She did great. When did you do all this?”

  He walks forward as if the small distance was too much. “We’ve been working on it the last few weeks, but we really got busy three days ago.”

  “When you knew I was leaving?”

  “I wanted you to see it before you go.”

  I close the distance and lean up, kissing his lips. “I’m glad I did because the last time we were here…”

  “Freaking scary.”

  I laugh once and rest my head on his chest. “I’ll remember it always.”

  “Oh, me too, it frequents my nightmares. Come on, there’s more to see.”

  My eyes widen in shock. “More?”

  “We’ve been really busy.”

  He walks me through the kitchen, explaining some of the work he wants to do to bring it up to a more modern look. “Do you think that’ll be good?”

  “Me?” I ask. He wants my opinion?

  “Well, I fully intend for you to live here at some point.”

  I’m never getting on that plane. I can’t do it. “Don’t say things like that, please. Not tonight.”

  “Why not tonight?”

  I sigh and start to pace. “I’m having a hard-enough time even thinking about leaving tomorrow, the idea of knowing that this”—I throw my hands up, waving them around at his gorgeous house—“is what I’m walking away from…I can’t do it.”

  “So you love the house and not me?” His voice is full of humor.

  “It’s a toss-up.”

  Derek wraps his arms around my waist, bringing his lips to mine. “I’ve got one more thing to show you.”

  “I’d rather us do this,” I say as I pull his face back to mine. I kiss him, wanting to pour every emotion I can into it. I want him to feel how much I love him and don’t want to leave.

  “Baby, I plan to do that in about ten minutes, first let me show you what else we did.”

  I pout, lip jutting out, and he chuckles.

  We walk toward the other end of the house and I’m seriously impressed. I can’t imagine how they got all the dolls out, let alone had time to scrub, paint, and refinish the trim. There’s a set of double doors with glass planes. Derek pushes them open, his arm extended for me to enter.

  “What is this room?”

  He walks to the corner and turns the lamp on.

  Then, I don’t have to ask.

  I don’t breathe.

  I don’t move for fear that this will all disappear.

  In this room that overlooks the huge oak tree is an easel with a blank canvas in it.

  “It’s where you can paint when you come home—to me.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Derek

  Present

  I wait for a reaction, not sure if this was one step too far, but Everly seemed to think it was a great idea.

  Come to think of it, the fact that I listened to her is not exactly the smartest thing I’ve done.

  Teagan stands there, looking at the easel, and I move so I’m behind her, inhaling her lavender scent and she leans back, just enough so I can feel her. “Is it the wrong easel?”

  “No.”

  “Is it too much?”

  She turns her head, staring at me from over her shoulder. “Yes, but not because of what you think. It’s too much because I can’t do this. I can’t leave you now…I can’t…”

  This wasn’t meant to keep her, this was meant to show her that if she flies, she can always come back. This is her home. This is where she belongs, but I never want to tie her down.

  Teagan has to do this, and I’m proud of her for taking the risk, even if it means we have to be apart for a while.

  I walk over to her, wrapping my arms around her, because in a few hours, I won’t be able to. I don’t know how I survived without her before, but I’m going to have to find a way again.

  �
��No,” I tell her. “You’re going because that’s what you need to do for yourself.”

  “What about us?”

  “Baby,” I say, looking down into her gorgeous green eyes. “We’re not going anywhere.”

  Her hands move up my chest and then around my neck. “Make love to me.”

  “Oh, I plan to, but I want to show you one more thing.”

  She smiles, her lashes fluttering up and down, making me want her more than anything. I take her hand, leading her upstairs.

  I can’t show her too much because though we may have cleared the downstairs of the freaky dolls, I couldn’t get rid of them until next week, so they’re all in one room and I’m talking floor-to-ceiling amounts of these damn dolls.

  “I knew this house was special,” she says as she touches the banister.

  “Which is why I bought it.”

  She sighs. “Yes, you bought my dream house.”

  When we make it to what will be the master bedroom, I stop. “I bought our home, Teagan. When I stood here with you that day, I knew that this was going to be ours. I know we have things to work out and I’m not trying to push you.” I tell her so she knows, I can be patient.

  “You have no idea how much I want that.”

  “Good.” I lean down and kiss her lips.

  Then, I open the door for my last surprise. I wanted us to spend the first night here. I worked all day to get the downstairs done with Everly, but came back to do this.

  “Derek.” She says my name softly.

  I laid out a bunch of blankets, like we would on the beach, and surrounded it with candles.

  “Now,” I say as I pull her to the makeshift bed. “I plan to make love to you.”

  Teagan grips the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. “I’m hoping you have big plans.”

  I smirk as I pull my shirt off. “You’re damn right I do.”