Hot Southern Mess (Hide Your Crazy)

by Hardenbrook, T. A.

  “Come on.” Tiny scooped me up in his arms to carry me over to the car. This evening was a complete mess, thanks to me. Not only did I cause an altercation between Reid and Brantley, but I also looked like a damn train wreck from carelessly meeting the cement in the hallway. If I wasn’t fired tomorrow from my lack of responsibility, then I just needed to quit. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this world like I thought. Maybe, I needed to suck it up and conform to society; put the pearls on and move back to Georgia.

  Tiny shifted my body in his arms and opened the door, bending down to slide me into the car. I felt a tear trickle down my swollen cheek as I fought my hardest to keep the rest contained.

  “Molly Anne,” Reid’s soft voice sliced through the tension, instantly causing the little remaining control I had to combust right there before me.

  “Molly Anne, what happened?” Reid stammered, grabbing my chin to force me to look at him. His eyes grew wide when he noticed my face.

  I needed to explain to him that I just took a header in the ground, which is the reason I looked like a troll, but the tears were now freely flowing down my face.

  “Breathe,” Reid whispered, gathering my body into his lap and holding me tightly.

  I couldn’t control the emotions that were leaving my body. It was like a lifetime of regret, pain, wants, and desires were bursting out for the first time. Normally I had a good control on burying everything deep down inside, but for some reason tonight was the breaking point for it all.

  “Molly Anne, it’s okay. I’ve got you now.”

  All I could do was burry my face deeper into the side of Reid’s jacket and quietly sob, as my world continued to crumble.

  It’s amazing how many things you forget about until the earth decides to lay it all out for you. Year after year, problem after problem, I continued to stuff things deep down inside. Not having to deal with it out in the open was the only way I could survive. Sure, that was never the healthiest option, but it was a crucial task for the world I had to live in. Any sign of weakness would have given my family another reason to chip away at me. And, well, with all that I carried secretly, it wasn’t an option.

  Eventually all things come to light. No matter how hard I tried to keep it all together, all it took was for one night of misfortune to cause a mental break down. Keeping myself together wasn’t an option anymore; I had no control over my actions. The closest thing I could compare it to would be a dam breaking. A person spends hours upon hours creating this magnificent structure. You put all your time and energy making sure the erection is solid, thus providing yourself the illusion of everything being wonderful. Then, you go about your life, knowing that this glorious thing that you built was protecting everything you cherished and held dear. So year upon year, you continued to let it hold everything up for you. Letting the water pile up on the other side; choosing to not deal with the dangers that sat only on the other side of the wall. Living in a fantasy world, the place you created.

  Sooner or later the structure was going to break. Nothing was made to last forever; no matter the materials you might use. If you don’t maintain the integrity of the construction, it’s going to burst at the seams. You might not see it at first; slowly the water starts to drain upon the life you have created. Things get wet, but you try and clean up the little water damage. Once again, reassuring yourself that the damn you built was strong, it could hold anything. Then those little cracks turn into larger ones, letting the water flow freely. At this point, one should start some serious repairs, knowing that a little spackle wouldn’t hold it together forever.

  But one doesn’t. You continue to evade the problem; pretend that it couldn’t happen to you, and walk away. Running from Georgia was my spackle. Sure, it solved some of the obvious problems, but it didn’t take care of the cracks. So now, when the dam crumbled, and water flooded my life, how was I going to soak up the mess that I continued to ignore for so many years?

  I really couldn’t say how long the car ride over to the hotel was, but then again, I don’t remember getting out of the car and walking into a room either. My world was so clouded and jaded from all my emotions hitting me at once that deciphering what to do next, was a mental task I was not up to battling yet. With the tears long gone from my eyes, I laid my head down and let the darkness take over. Falling into a deep sleep was the only way to help ease the pain of my shattered life.

  The room was still dark when I opened my eyes, but I could hear a hushed voice on the other side of the room.

  “No, Stephanie, I’m not leaving. Cancel the Jacksonville concert; I really don’t give a fuck. She needs to sleep, damn it. She has been running ramped for you these last two months with only a few days off to herself. I don’t care if you can do it, Stephanie; she isn’t you,” his voice snapped in the darkness.

  “Let their dumbass band play then. Political Downfall is not my worry right now, it’s Molly Anne. If you were here to see that she has been busting her ass for this tour, this wouldn’t be an issue. Fuck, Stephanie, I hardly see her eat anymore because she is always doing something for you! Do you realize how skinny she has gotten these last couple of weeks? She was already thin, now she is a walking skeleton. She needs a break, and that is what is going to happen. We will see you in Miami on Tuesday.” Reid tried to keep his voice quiet, but his temper made that a lost cause.

  “Oh and Stephanie, she is keeping her job.”

  I heard Reid collapse into a chair as a deep sigh rushed out. I hated being a problem for anyone, and clearly I was causing a huge one. I wanted to say something; tell Reid to just go and I would be fine, but the words never came. My body was too heavy to move, and my mouth stayed closed. Once again I closed my eyes and let the sandman carry me away.

  “Molly, you need to eat something,” Reid’s voice purred next to me. Sluggishly, I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light coming through the curtains.

  “There’s your beautiful eyes,” came his voice as he gently swept the hair away from my face.

  “I feel like death,” I managed to spit out, realizing my mouth was like the Mojave desert.

  “Let me help you up,” Reid gestured, pulling back some of the blankets I had been buried in.

  Swatting his hands away, I just shook my head. “I can do it.”

  Reid stayed silent while handing me a cold glass of water. Eagerly, I brought it to my lips and gulped the contents down. My head felt like I had been on a drinking binge, making its pain evident in my entire body.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled, closing my eyes to try and lessen the pounding in my brain.

  “You need to eat something and take these,” Reid commented, holding out two magical blue pills that would make my world much more tolerable to deal with.

  “I’m not hungry, but I will take those.”

  “You will eat, Molly Anne; you look like shit.”

  “Well, aren’t you mister nice guy this morning.” I glared, grabbing the pills and tossing them into my mouth.

  “What do you want to eat?” Reid questioned, picking up the phone for room service.

  I had no intentions of eating. I needed to make sure my job was still intact, considering I just went to sleep last night without securing the future of my job. Grabbing the rest of the bedding, I tossed the covers back and swung my feet over to the side of the bed. My world started to spin slightly, as I clutched the sides of the bed tightly, praying this would pass quickly.

  “Really, Molly Anne? Get back in bed, and I’ll send some dinner up.”

  My eyes grew wide when he uttered the word dinner. Holy shit popsicles! Did I really just sleep an entire day away? “I’ve got to get to work, Reid; I can’t believe I slept that late,” I panicked, rushing to stand up off the bed.

  My legs almost gave way when I got to my feet. Luckily, Reid was there to catch me before I got aquatinted with the hotel floor.

  “Sit down,” his voice threatened while guiding me back onto the bed.

  I knew this tone fro
m Reid, and it wasn’t one I wanted to fight this instant.

  “Reid, Stephanie is going to fire me,” I cried. I couldn’t just continue to sit here in this bed.

  “I already took care of Stephanie, now I’m taking care of you,” he replied softly, letting the compassion shine in his eyes.

  “What?”

  “Molly Anne, you take care of everyone else on this tour. Who takes care of you?”

  “I take care of myself just fine, Reid.”

  “Really? Cause you are at least ten pounds skinner than when we first went on the road, and have you seen your face yet?”

  I cringed when he mentioned my face. I remember wiping out in the hallway of the strip club, but then the rest of the evening was jumbled. I dropped my gaze to the floor and silently shook my head no. I couldn’t argue with the fact I hadn’t been taking very good care of myself lately, considering my skinny jeans were loose on my small frame now.

  “I’m not trying to be mean, Molly Anne, but looking at you right now scares me. I refuse to let someone that I care about fall into oblivion. You mean too much to me to sit back and watch it happen. I already called Stephanie; your job is fine and we will meet back up with the band in Miami.”

  “Reid, I can’t have you miss the tour for me,” I whispered softly.

  “Were you not listening to me a moment ago? I said everything was taken care of. I’m not leaving you right now, Molly Anne, so you’re going to have to come to terms with it,” Reid said while punching the number for room service into the phone.

  I was too tired to argue with Reid right now, and it really wasn’t worth it. I’ll let him ‘take care’ of me for the day, and then it will be right back to rock star Reid once again. One day wouldn’t kill me.

  Chapter 25: Makeup wasn’t going to help my face.

  I had finally ventured out of the comfy hotel bed and stood staring at my reflection in the mirror. Apparently, cement had no give to it; who would have thought. The whole right side of my face, from my chin to my eyebrow was a fantastic shade of purple and blue. My cheekbone was puffy and swollen, making it appear that I got into a fight. I can’t believe Reid sat here the last day looking at me like that. Pretty sure Quasimodo would run with a mere glance from me. Sad to say, this wasn’t the first time my face had taken a beating from my sheer lack of coordination, and probably wouldn’t be the last either.

  Groaning, I grabbed a washcloth out of the basket on the counter and ran it under some hot water. I needed to wipe off the little bit of mascara that stained my cheeks during sob fest two-thousand-thirteen. I scrubbed the left side of my face, then carefully set out to tend to the right; gently dabbing the black streaks that were starting to blend into the bruises.

  “You doing okay?” Reid asked, sticking his head inside the bathroom.

  I tried to laugh. “I look like a monster.”

  “Well, I’ll admit you have looked better.”

  “Ugh,” I moaned, dropping the washcloth to the counter in despair.

  Reid smiled as he walked over to the sink and picked up the cloth, gently dabbing it on my disgusting face.

  “It’s not that bad,” he commented, offering me a comforting smile.

  “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who looks like the side of her face got smashed in.”

  “Well, it’s not the best look on you, but still sexy none the less.”

  I let out a snort and rolled my eyes. There was nothing sexy about the way I looked right now. Glancing back into the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize the woman standing before me. My body did look a little thin, and my skin had taken on an ashy appearance. I was a hot mess, and not in the good sense either.

  “Reid, I don’t know what to do,” I said quietly, directing my eyes to the floor.

  “Well, there is only one thing you can do, Molly Anne; you pick yourself up and deal with it.”

  “Apparently, I don’t know how to deal with it. Look at me, I’m a train wreck…………..choo-choo.”

  Reid placed the washcloth back on the counter and grabbed my shoulders.

  “Do you remember the first time we met?” he asked, pausing for an answer from me.

  I simply nodded, keeping my gaze casted downward.

  “There you were, getting the job done, and it didn’t faze you that I walked into the room, even with your ass hanging out. You let me know right off the bat that you wouldn’t put up with my bullshit lines, calling me out right there in that dressing room. You didn’t have your tits hanging out of your shirt, or so much makeup on that you made yourself a completely different canvas. Molly Anne, you were a girl who was proud of who she was, and wouldn’t let anyone tell her different.”

  Reid grabbed my chin and once again forced me to look into his eyes.

  “Molly Anne, you are something special. Start believing that.” Reid quickly let go of my chin, and walked out of the bathroom.

  I had been wrapped up in myself for so long, that I think I completely lost sight of who I really was. I wanted to make things happen, conquer the world, do things completely on my own. But, in the end, was that really me? Had I been so hell bent on being so different, someone the exact opposite of what my family was, that I lost sight in who the real Molly Anne McGlenister was?

  For the next day I couldn’t shake the conversation between Reid and me in the bathroom out of my head. It wasn’t that he called me special, but the fact that I really started to question who I had become. I battled with the whole identity crisis matter when I was younger; finally settling on who I thought I wanted to be. Now, looking back, I have been just playing a part in whatever society I believed to fit. I was lost in my own world, with no one to help save me.

  “Please buckle your seatbelt for the remainder of our journey,” a flight attendant said to me in passing.

  “Thanks,” I replied, clipping the belt together then going back to staring at the window. These last two days had done wonders for my mood; but still inside I was a complete and utter mess. Reid had been nothing but a gentleman, but I wasn’t holding my breath for a miraculous change in his demeanor. Sure, he wanted to take care of me now, but once we got back on the road I was bound to see the other side of him come out. Call me cynical, but leopards don’t change their spots. Maybe that’s why I’m so screwed up.

  “You ready for the show tonight?” I asked Reid, glancing over at his seat.

  “Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged, looking back down at the Spin magazine in his hand.

  Good talk, I thought to myself. Seemingly, I left caring and compassionate Reid back in Atlanta.

  The weather in Miami was hot and humid. Growing up in Georgia made me use to the nastiness of the South’s weather, but being away from it for the last couple months really made me wonder how people survived down here. I peeled off my long sleeve black shirt, and used it to wipe the sweat that formed on my collarbone.

  “Gross,” I muttered, sticking my hand between my bra to wipe the boob sweat away. Pulling my ball cap lower in my head, in effort to hide my bruises, I picked up my bag from the cart outside and headed for the waiting town car.

  “Is that butt sweat, Miss Molly?” Tiny joked as I walked in front of Reid and him.

  “Oh stuff it,” I snapped back, casually tossing the bird over my shoulder.

  “That a girl,” Reid cheered.

  “Hurry it up, boys; I need air-conditioning,” I shouted back at them, basically speed walking to the cool oasis ahead of me.

  The guys just laughed as I reached the door handle, yanking it open to feel the cold blast from the interior smack me in the face. “Perfect,” I moaned, smiling from ear to ear.

  “Scoot over,” Reid instructed.

  “I’m not riding bitch,” I stated firmly. I hated riding in the middle. Being sandwiched between two people in the heat was probably one of the most uncomfortable things imaginable. I wasn’t a huge touchy feely kind of girl, anyway, and not having enough space had my anxiety level riding high.

  �
�Don’t expect me to sit in the middle,” Reid scoffed, tossing me a dirty look.

  “Just get in, you lovebirds; I’ll sit up front,” Tiny laughed, walking around to the other side of the vehicle.

  “Problem solved,” I mocked, sliding into the cool car and sliding over to my seat.

  Reid climbed in after me and sat down with a wink, reaching out to run his thumb over my lips.

  Really? Just when I thought I had him all pegged for rock star Reid, this side of him magically appears. How in the world am I ever going to figure myself out when he has me running laps trying to figure him out? And men claim women are complicated, sheesh.

  “Hey, stop fidgeting,” Reid exclaimed as he reached for my hand in the car.

  I had been picking at my already super short nails for the last ten minutes, completely nervous about seeing everyone. I hadn’t spoken to Stephanie since the morning of the Halloween party, and, well, that was three days ago. Reid claimed I still had my job, but for how long?

  “I’m not fidgeting,” I spat back, ripping my hand out of his.

  “Tell that to your poor fingernails. Do you have any left?”

  “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes and watched as we pulled into the arena. Butterflies were swarming around in my stomach, as I took a long drink from the water bottle I had; hopefully drowning the bastards.

  “Let’s go,” Tiny directed, climbing out first, and then walking around to open Reid’s door.

  “Stop worrying.”

  “Bite me.” I snapped. Clearly I was going to be on edge this afternoon.

  I brought my hand up to the side of my face, hoping to shield myself from the people milling about in the parking lot. I knew I would have to explain the mess of my face to everyone inside, and would rather not tell the story five million times.