Roustabout

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  Tera gave a small smile. “I’m not surprised; he idolizes you and . . .”

  “Hell, no!”

  “Of course he does, Tucker. Look at it from his point of view: he feels stuck in a rut; the man he believes is his father doesn’t care about whether or not he has the chance of a basketball scholarship and has no interest in bettering his son’s life; you ride into town and make it all happen. Plus, you’re a stunt rider, for goodness sake. Of course he’s going to say things like that.”

  It was a version of what Zef had said to me before Scotty and Renee had arrived.

  Then she gave a small smile. “He’ll be so excited when he finds out that you’re his father.”

  “Wow, I nearly fucked up, didn’t I?”

  “Tucker, no,” she said soothingly. “How could you possibly know he’d say that? Tomorrow you can sit down together and tell him. It’ll be fine.” She paused. “What was Renee doing while Scotty was saying all this?”

  “Not much. She just made it clear she didn’t want me to tell him there and then.”

  Tera pursed her lips.

  “Do you think . . . has Renee let him get carried away with this idea of you and his mother . . . ? Oh, I see.”

  “See what?”

  “She wants you back.”

  I shifted uncomfortably, hoping that she’d drop the subject. But this was Tera, so no way that was happening.

  “I told her straight that I’m with you. And Scotty. I said that he’s got to deal with you being part of my life.”

  “You said that?”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  Tera smiled at me, then ran her hands along the side of my jaw, pulling my face toward hers.

  “You need to be kissed for that.”

  And before I knew it, the evening was a lot less shitty than it had been ten minutes ago.

  I was at the point of taking her back to the RV, when she pushed on my chest and eased away from me.

  “Someone’s here to see you,” she whispered.

  Scotty was standing awkwardly, uncertain whether to approach or not. When I waved at him, he took a pace nearer, then stopped again.

  “Hey, man! Come and sit down,” I said, pointing at the space next to me.

  He shuffled forward, casting nervous glances at Tera.

  “Hi Scotty,” she said kindly. “I have marshmallows. Want to get them toasted?”

  He nodded, then reluctantly added, “Yes please, ma’am.”

  “You can call me Tera. Okay, let’s get Kes to show you how they toast marshmallows in the carnival.”

  Kes grinned at Scotty from across the bonfire, held a stick in front of him with a marshmallow impaled on the end, then a jet of flames shot from his mouth, turning the edges a warm brown.

  “Whoa!” yelled Scotty, his eyes wide. “Freakin’ awesome!” He turned to look at me. “I want to live in the carnival when I grow up. I’m going to be a stunt rider just like you.” Then he glanced back at Kes. “And I want to learn to do that.”

  We grinned at each other, then Tera tossed him the rest of the packet of marshmallows.

  Tera

  Tucker and Scotty were enjoying themselves, eating toasted marshmallows, then burgers, then more junk food, in that ‘I’ll eat anything’ guy-way. Seeing them together showed me another facet of Tucker, and I could see that for someone who’d been alone for much of his life, family was important to him.

  Which was why I waited until his back was turned to hunt down Renee.

  She stiffened when she saw me coming.

  “Hello again,” I said.

  She nodded briefly.

  “Scotty seems like a great kid,” I began.

  Her eyes narrowed warily.

  “He is,” she said, her words edged with suspicion.

  “It’s good to see him getting on so well with Tucker . . . with his father.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Say what you’ve come to say.”

  “I’m not trying to come between Tucker and his son. I wouldn’t do that because I care about Tucker and I can see what Scotty means to him . . .”

  Renee opened her mouth to say something but I didn’t let her interrupt me.

  “ . . . but I won’t let you come between Tucker and me either.”

  Her lips thinned and she leaned forward, poking her bony finger in my chest and causing me to stumble backward.

  “You have no idea, no idea, what we’ve been through. Me and Tucker. Together. We’ve got a history; we shared everything. I understand him in ways you never can.”

  I flinched because I knew she was right. Renee saw it, arching her eyebrows at me in triumph.

  “You’ll never have that!”

  I swallowed and looked her in the eye.

  “That’s true. I don’t have that. But Tucker and I have a future together. And I promise you this—if you hurt Tucker again, you’ll regret it.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “Are you threatening me?” she asked, her voice amused and incredulous.

  “I’m making a promise.”

  She laughed out loud.

  “Honey, I grew up hard, same as Tucker. You wouldn’t stand two minutes in a fight with me.”

  “We’ll have to agree to differ on that because I have something worth fighting for.”

  I let that sink in first, measuring her surprise that I wasn’t backing down.

  “Tucker cares about Scotty and I can see you love your son very much. You owe it to both of them to tell Scotty the truth. I’m just saying don’t try to come between them . . . because you have no idea what I’m capable of. And if you think for one second that I won’t do everything I can to protect Tucker, you’re even more deluded than I thought.”

  Her mouth clamped shut.

  “That’s the first smart thing you’ve done,” I said.

  She nodded slowly.

  “I did what I had to do for my son,” she said, staring at me without flinching. “I never wanted to hurt Tucker. He’s a good man.”

  “Something we can agree on,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.

  She looked like she wanted to say something else, but then changed her mind.

  I watched her walk away, my heart racing.

  The next morning, Tucker was on edge.

  “It’ll be fine,” I said calmly for the twentieth time. “Scotty adores you. He’ll be really happy about this.”

  “I don’t know,” Tucker said, shaking his head. “He’ll be mad that we’ve been hiding it all of this time. Fuck, I would be.”

  “He’ll come around. It’s what he wants—you said so yourself. He’s more likely to be mad at Renee than you.” I sighed. “Look, I’d offer to go with you, but I think this is something you and Renee need to do yourselves.”

  “I know, I know. Okay, wish me luck!”

  I kissed him lightly on his lips and waved him off. Then I slumped down onto one of the deckchairs. I hated that I’d sent him off alone to deal with that woman. I didn’t trust her.

  Aimee came out of the RV with Bo in her arms and sat next to me.

  “Did he go to tell Scotty?”

  “Yes. I just hope everything is alright.”

  Aimee nodded. “He seems like a nice boy. I can’t say I warmed to Renee.”

  “God, no! Me neither. I didn’t want to come off like the jealous girlfriend, but I just wanted to bitch slap her smug face!”

  Aimee grimaced and laughed. “Probably not the best thing to do. But hopefully you won’t have to see that much of her.”

  “I know. I just hate the thought of Tucker being around her.”

  Aimee gave me a reassuring hug.

  “You don’t need to worry about that. Tucker loves you.”

  But did he? He’d never said the words.

  Tucker

  I stared in disbelief at the hotel receptionist.

  “They checked out? Are you sure?”

  “Yes, sir. Mrs. Foster left this for you.”

  She pu
shed an envelope across the desk with my name scrawled on the top.

  Tucker,

  Something came up and it’s not the right time to tell Scotty. I’ll call you.

  Renee.

  I turned the piece of paper over, certain there must be something more, but that was it.

  What the hell was Renee up to?

  I pulled out my phone to call her, but surprise, surprise, it went straight to voicemail.

  Frustrated, I shoved the phone in my pocket and headed back to the fairground.

  When I got there, I found Tera with the horses.

  “Hey, you! That was quick. How did it go?”

  “I have no fucking clue,” I grunted. “They weren’t there.”

  “Where were they?”

  I shook my head. “They just up and left. Renee left me this.”

  I handed her the envelope and she read the short note.

  “Oh my God! This is all my fault,” she whispered, a guilty expression on her face.

  I stood up straight. “What the . . . ? You want to explain that?” I asked, my voice calm despite a sudden rush of anger.

  “I . . . oh, Tucker! I just told her that if she messed with you, she’d be messing with me. I never thought she’d run away.”

  I stared at Tera in disbelief. “You threatened her?”

  “I could just see the way she was flirting with you; trying to use Scotty to get you back,” she said hastily. “I . . . I got scared. Because you have all this history with her, so . . .”

  It didn’t add up. Renee was tough; she’d had to be. If anything, Tera getting possessive would make her push back.

  “That’s it?”

  “Pretty much,” Tera said, biting her lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think she’d run off like that.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not blaming you. I’ll talk to Renee when they land.”

  Tera

  I felt awful. I never meant to drive Renee away like that. No, I didn’t trust her, but I didn’t want to stop Tucker from having a relationship with his son—I’d been trying to help, hadn’t I? Or had I just been horribly selfish? Oh God, what a mess. It had backfired—badly.

  I felt so guilty. And I felt ashamed, too. Tucker should have been telling Scotty this morning that he was his father, and I’d robbed him of that.

  Worse still, Tucker couldn’t reach Renee by phone and she wasn’t answering texts or emails either. She and Scotty had dropped off the radar, and it was all my fault.

  The only positive was that Tucker was more annoyed than upset.

  “Fuck it,” he said wearily. “Scotty’s waited his whole life to hear the truth—another couple of months won’t matter. I’ll fly out to Richmond after Thanksgiving and tell him myself, whether she wants to or not.”

  “I feel really bad about this,” I sighed.

  Tucker pulled me in for a hug. “I’m not blaming you, Tera. Renee should have called me. I don’t want to make a big deal of it with her because I know she’s dealing with a lot right now. Yeah, it pisses me the hell off, but like I said, after the holidays, I’ll go see my kid.”

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered again.

  I didn’t really feel like company, and maybe Tucker felt the same way, because after the last show that evening, he wrapped his arm around me while we strolled down the midway, enjoying being spectators instead of part of the show.

  “Where are going?” I asked.

  “Ferris wheel,” he answered, his full lips turning up in a sly grin.

  “I hope you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking!”

  “I don’t know, sugar. What are you thinking?”

  I tickled his ribs and he danced away laughing.

  “We can’t have sex on the Ferris wheel,” I said pointedly.

  “Why, Miss Hawkins! I’m shocked! A gentleman would never assume such a thing from a fine lady like yourself.”

  “Huh. I’m as much a lady as you’re a gentleman, but I’m still not getting arrested for public indecency.”

  Tucker smirked at me. “It’s the moonlit ride, sugar. They turn off the lights in the buckets. Anything goes.”

  I paused. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  Just then his phone buzzed with an incoming text.

  Tucker checked it automatically, frowning at whatever he saw.

  “Problem?”

  “Not sure. It’s from Renee. She says for me to check my email.”

  We left the midway and sat behind the helter-skelter, listening to the loud shrieks of people spinning down from the top of the tower.

  Tucker’s fingers drummed against his thigh as he waited for the email to download.

  I saw him open the message, and then his body froze. He scanned the whole email, the lines edging his mouth tight with some deep emotion.

  Then he threw his phone to me and stalked off without saying a word.

  “Tucker . . . ?”

  I stared after him in surprise—I’d never seen him like this before and I didn’t know what to do. But if he wanted to be alone . . .

  I read the email on his phone, my concern softening to pity.

  Tucker

  Tera found me by the horses. There was something relaxing about being with them . . . maybe their unconditional acceptance, their simplicity. They didn’t fuck you over—only people did that.

  They snickered softly when Tera walked up, greeting her like an old friend.

  I didn’t need to ask if she’d read the message, I could tell by the look on her face.

  “I’m sorry, Tucker.”

  I didn’t answer. There was nothing to say.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said again.

  She wrapped her arms around me, leaning against my chest. Having her there, giving me comfort because I’d had a shitty day, it felt good.

  “I knew Renee was a liar,” I said at last, reveling in the way Tera felt in my arms. “I just didn’t think she’d lie about the kid. Not like this.”

  “Scotty definitely isn’t your son?”

  “No, the DNA test is 99% conclusive . . . he’s not mine. I don’t know if that means he’s Jackson’s after all . . .” I frowned. “The email from the lab is a month old—she’s known all of this time. Maybe she always knew.”

  “Then why . . . ?”

  “Why did she do it?” I shrugged. “Because she wanted the money; because he could have been mine.”

  She met my eyes without flinching. “Why aren’t you angry? After everything Renee has done to you . . . !”

  “Scotty could have been mine,” I repeated, my voice so quiet it was amazing that she heard me over the noise around us. “We were together . . . like that. So it could have been me. Just luck, right?”

  She hesitated. “Are you . . . disappointed?”

  I rubbed my eyes tiredly.

  “Scotty seems like a great kid, and I’d started thinking that we . . .” I paused, struggling to find the words that explained the confusing mix of emotions swirling through me. “Renee loves him, I know that. Maybe she’s a good mom. But if I had kids, I’d want to be a part of their lives. Hell, I’d want them to know I existed!”

  I let out a long breath.

  “At least Renee didn’t say anything to Scotty. I just don’t know why she changed her mind. Why go through that whole charade and then leave? It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe she had a conscience about it after all.”

  Tera winced.

  “I think I might have an idea about that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Um, well, don’t get mad, but I didn’t tell you everything I said to Renee last night.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Yeah? What did you say?”

  Tera took a deep breath and met my gaze.

  “I told her that if she ever tried to hurt you again, I’d make her regret it.”

  I waited, but Tera was silent.

  “That’s it?”

  “Yeees,” she said, her eye
s flicking away from me.

  “Fuck’s sake, Tera! What else?”

  “I may have said that she owed it to both of you to tell Scotty the truth.”

  “You said what?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said hastily. “I know it was none of my business, but I just had this feeling that something was off. It was all so odd.”

  Some of the anger drained out of me.

  “Guess you were right about that,” I said bitterly. “But, dammit it, Tera! The Senator?”

  Her chin jutted out. “I’m sorry, I am. I just wanted her to know . . . to know that you’re not alone. That she had to deal with me, too.”

  Her lip trembled, and angry as I was, I couldn’t bear to see the tears glistening in her eyes. I pulled her into a tight hug, resting my chin on her shoulder.

  “My girl, looking out for me again,” I whispered.

  She sniffed and nodded at the same time.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “Yeah. So am I.”

  There was a pause. “What will you do about Scotty?”

  I shrugged. “He still thinks of me as his uncle. She’ll have to tell him the truth eventually. Whatever, I promised I wouldn’t let him down, and I won’t. But yeah, it changes things. Again.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever want to have children?” she asked carefully.

  I gave her a long, penetrating look, trying to figure out if this was some sort of test. I had no idea what the right answer was.

  “I’d never really thought about it before this summer,” I replied honestly. “I spent my whole life making sure I didn’t have to.”

  “That’s not an answer,” she said thoughtfully.

  “Yes, no, maybe. Right time, right place,” I said, watching her beautiful face. “Right woman.”

  She nodded slowly.

  “What about you, Tera. You want kids?”

  She gave me a small smile and looked away.

  “Children? I don’t know. That’s definitely a game-changer. But sure, why not? One day.”

  What did that mean?

  I waited until she looked my way.

  “With me?” I asked quietly, shocked at myself for even wanting to ask the question.