by Kahlen Aymes
“Hmmmm,” she said. “That’s not exactly the way I remember it. I told her that she wouldn’t win you over with sex. That you were deep and there was more to you than that superficial bullshit.” Her light blue eyes glowed as she looked at me, still stroking my face.
“Well,” My hand ran up her body lightly causing goose bumps on her skin, “if I wasn’t already in love with you, I’m pretty sure you could win me over with sex.” I laughed softly.
“Oh really?”
She was so adorable. Her mouth quirked and her brow arched. “Without a doubt. It’s pretty damn amazing, isn’t it?” I smiled, kissing her lips tenderly, and brushing her hair back.
She stared into my eyes, right into my soul again, I thought. “Mmmmm, I’ll say.” She smiled softly and nodded gently. “It’s because I love you so much,” she whispered.
“And, because I love you so much. So stop worrying about Wendy.” I placed another soft kiss on her luscious mouth and pulled her close to my side. “This…” I raised my arm to wave across us, “Is the only thing that matters.” I turned and pressed my lips against her forehead, and just before we drifted off into an exhausted sleep, our bodies tangled together under the sheets, I said, “You’re all that matters to me. Only you.”
Chapter 17
Goodbye Again
I awoke to the song Cade had written for me, as my phone alarm went off. It was 4 AM and I needed to get out of Cade’s hotel before daylight. His arm pinned me to the bed but I lifted it slightly, trying not to wake him, and then made my way to the bathroom to retrieve my soaked clothes.
Oh fuck! What was I going to wear? I blushed as I recalled how he’d peeled them from me in the shower. I closed the door, leaving it cracked, then turned on the light. It dimly illuminated the room where Cade was still sleeping.
I found a plastic bag in the closet the hotel provided to send out dry cleaning, and put my wet clothes inside. I found Cade’s bag and rummaged through it until I found a pair of gym shorts and an old gray t-shirt. I knew he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed them, so I quickly got dressed. The clothes were baggy, but I tied a knot in the shirt so that it fitted my waist.
How in the hell was I going to sneak down to the garage without anyone seeing me, I wondered. I found a piece of paper on the desk and wrote him a note.
C-
Thank you for the beautiful evening. I had to borrow a pair of shorts and a shirt, sorry. I’ll give them back when you come over later. Call me when you wake up.
Love you with my whole heart.
Yours,
-B
I laid the note on the pillow I’d used, tiptoed around and knelt down on his side of the bed to look at him. He was lying on his stomach, spread eagle on the bed. Even in sleep, and dim light, he was so beautiful, more than beautiful. My heart filled with sadness at his impending departure, even as it ached with love. I bent toward him and placed a soft kiss on his mouth, part of me hoping he’d wake up to give me a proper kiss goodbye. “I love you,” I whispered.
“Brook,” he whispered. He stayed asleep, though his eyelids fluttered. I sighed and brushed his hair off his forehead. I hated leaving him.
I picked up the bag containing my clothes, and then my purse, trying to sneak out of the room as quietly as I could. He wouldn’t hear the door to the suite close as I left because I’d closed the one separating the bedroom. I rushed down the hall, found the stairs, and ran down twelve flights to the garage. Peeking my head out of the stairwell door, I saw the limo waiting where I’d left it three hours earlier. No one was around, but I still crouched down and ran between the parked cars and the wall until I reached the limo. I opened the back door and flung myself inside, breathing heavily, not from exertion, but from sheer terror at being caught.
“Home, Miss?” the driver asked nonchalantly, as if waiting hours in garages and having young women jump inside his car were normal.
“Yes, please. Thank you for waiting, Shane. I didn’t mean to be so long.”
“That’s okay, Miss. Mr. Carlisle told me you might be all night.” He smiled at me.
I guessed Cade’s driver was in on the secret, and decided to give him a big tip. Shit, everyone knew, it seemed, so what the hell were we sneaking around like this for?
When Shane dropped me off at home, I tiptoed into my room, and peeled off the shorts, but left Cade’s T-shirt on as the memories of our evening together flooded my thoughts. I could still smell him on my body and hugged a pillow, wishing it was him instead. As I lay there in the dark, yearning for him, I wondered if I’d ever really get used to the intensity of my feelings. They were so wonderful, but at times, extremely painful.
The evening when he would yet again be torn from me, was hours away, and I dreaded it. The weeks apart were like torture. I’d gotten the lead role in a new dystopian fantasy film, so at least I had that to keep me busy. I was going to spend some time with the cast over the holidays, but that was months away. Fantasy and sci-fi weren’t genres I spent a lot of time reading; so I made plans to rectify that, particularly of this writer since the movie was another book adaptation. I also wanted to watch some of the director’s films, and spend some time researching the cast and the producers. Jeanne insisted I get to know their body of work in advance to prevent me from looking like a moron when we all hit the set.
Cade arrived later in the morning, and we spent time with both my parents and my brother. My dad seemed to love him as much as my mother did, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been slightly worried because my dad had been even more reluctant because David cried on his shoulder when we’d broken up, and always allowed me to include him on all of our family vacations. It was more because Dad treated him like a son than he was my boyfriend, when I really thought about it. It had been slightly uncomfortable at first, but Cade engaged him in conversation, and soon, I was able to relax.
I watched as Cade said goodbye to Mom, Dad and Nathan. “It was good to finally meet you, sir.” He shook hands with my dad and then hugged my mom. “Thanks for everything, Mrs. Halloway.”
“Cade.” She looked at him sternly. “Diane,” Mom told him and smiled warmly. “I thought we covered that the other day.”
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, Diane.” He smiled at her. “It means so much to feel welcome in your home.”
He turned and gave Nate a hug. “Good to see you, man,” he said.
“Yeah, next time, I’ll kick your ass on guitar hero. I’m going to practice my butt off.” Nathan smiled warmly.
“I’m already looking forward to it.” He put his hand on Nate’s shoulder.
Cade took my hand as we went out the backdoor, and into the garage. Our fingers laced together, and my head rested on his shoulder as we walked. He raised my hand to his lips, and brushed his mouth across the back of my knuckles.
When we made it to Jeanne’s waiting SUV, he turned to me and I bent my head, pressing the top of it against his chest, taking a deep breath as I struggled to control my emotions. I was working hard not to cry and let him see how sad his leaving made me. My hands went to the sides of his trim waist, and I sucked in my breath, feeling my resolve quickly slipping, my eyes already blurring.
He rubbed both hands down my arms and back up again as he kissed the top of my head and rested his cheek against it. Cade sighed heavily, and when I raised my teary eyes to his he took me in his arms.
Jeanne had come to take him to LAX, and she waited inside her car, behind the closed garage door. His bodyguards would meet them at the airport drop-off, and get him safely on the plane to New York. The paparazzi would be suspicious of Denise’s or any other strange car hanging outside my house, so Jeanne graciously volunteered to help, despite the interruption to her evening.
My arms wrapped around his neck as I clung to him, breathing in his scent, my whole body began to tremble with my grief, and Cade bent, tightened his arms and lifted me off of the ground, as he held me closely against him.
“Oh, babe,” he whispered as we hugg
ed goodbye. Jeanne tried to avert her eyes, and had the radio playing so we had more privacy. “Don’t forget, I love you more than life.” He set me down and raised a hand to touch my face. I started crying, and his fingers caught my tears. “Shhh. Don’t cry, Brook.”
“Cade—this is so hard!” My body was shaking as his arms tightened around me again. His hands fisting on my back, gathering my shirt in them, as he held me close, his face buried in the side of my neck. “I can’t take it,” I sobbed into him. “I won’t survive doing this over and over… I… I feel like I’m dying,” I cried, gasping. His face moved into the curve of my neck as he kissed it with his open mouth. He was silent, but I felt him struggling. “I’m s-s-sorry I’m such a mess.” My voice cracked on a sob.
His voice was low and laced with emotion as he finally spoke to me. “Brook, the next time I come back, we’ll have more time together. You know we have a lot of the promotional stuff beginning, so we’ll be together for longer, I promise.”
He held me in silence for a time, kissing the sides of my face and my temple, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, he continued his voice breaking a little. “It’s bloody hard. It’s killing me, too. The pain of being apart is the worst I’ve suffered in my entire life, but it’s worth it, because you’re mine. Do you hear me?” he said, his voice thickening, but urgent. “You’re mine,” he said again.
“Oh, God, Cade,” I sobbed. “Will this ever get any fucking easier?” I said as tears squeezed through my closed eyes. My hands went into his hair as my grip tightened around him.
“No, love, I don’t think it will. I’m so sorry.” He pressed his lips to my forehead as his hands came up to hold both sides of my face. His blue eyes were wide and sad, one thumb brushing my cheekbone, and the other my lower lip as it trembled. “Honey, I have to go. I love you, so much. You’re everything to me.” He kissed my mouth in a wild hungry kiss. Our mouths melted together, and our tongues dove into each other’s mouths, both of us giving and taking with equal fervor. We couldn’t get enough, both of us reluctant to let go, but finally, he dragged his mouth from mine across my cheek.
“I love you,” he choked out, at the same time as he pulled my arms from around his neck. “I’ll miss my flight.”
“I love you, Cade.” He kissed my wrist and then put his hand behind my neck, pulling me forward to kiss my forehead again, before getting in the car with Jeanne.
I reached for him again, and he took my hand through the open window. As she backed out of the garage, once again, his fingers slipping from mine as we parted. My body shaking, I brought my arms around my chest to try and stop the pain.
As her fingers fell from mine, I watched Brook standing in the garage shaking, tears streaming down her beautiful face. Then, as she wrapped her arms around herself in pain, her mother came to take her in her arms and hug her. When Jeanne backed out, it was all I could do not to jump out of the car, and run back to her.
“Jesus Christ!” I groaned as the garage door closed. Both hands fisted on my forehead as I bent over in agony of my own. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut, my lungs fighting for oxygen. I closed my eyes as I tried to swallow against the lump in my throat. “AGHHHHH!” The sound ripped loudly from my chest, pain shredding my heart and lungs.
Jeanne glanced at me, visibly shaken by the outburst. “I’m so, so sorry, Cade,” she said in a soft voice. “I wasn’t sure this was real, given the circumstances, but my skepticism was misplaced.”
I looked out the window at the dark night sky, lost in my misery. My throat ached, my chest painfully tight, and my eyes stinging. I couldn’t breathe.
“Yeah. She’s turned into my whole world.” It was a simple explanation.
Jeanne was quiet for a few minutes as we drove out of their neighborhood, through Hollywood and Beverly Hills on our way to the airport. I continued to stare out the window, my eyes seeing nothing but Brook standing in that fucking garage, and her tear-stained face haunting me.
“If it brings you any comfort, I’ve never seen Brook like this before either. She’s young, but she’s usually so strong. When she said goodbye to David it was never anything like this.” She stopped abruptly probably thinking she shouldn’t have mentioned his name.
“Maybe it’s because we don’t see each other for weeks or months at a time. Or maybe it’s that I’m halfway across the fucking world,” I moaned.
“Or, maybe she just loves you more.” Jeanne reached for my hand and gave it a little squeeze.
“Seeing her in that much pain and knowing it’s because of me, it tears my heart out,” I said quietly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her how I felt.”
“You don’t cause her pain, Cade. Obviously she loves you, so of course it hurts her when you leave. It’s not your fault. You know that. You’re suffering just as much as Brook is,” she said softly.
I leaned my head back on the seat. “I know.” My voice was almost a whisper. My eyes closed as my chest constricted again.
She didn’t speak for a while, but when she did, her voice was quiet. “How did it happen?” she finally asked as she turned on to the expressway.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when did you two…” She began and let her words fall off.
“Oh.” I nodded in understanding. “Hmmph.” I let out my breath and sat up at little straighter in the seat. “Um, I guess the moment we met,” I said quietly as she glanced at me and her eyes widened. “When she walked in the room at the audition, I was drawn to her immediately. Denise had shown me photos of the top five contenders for the role, but when I actually saw Brooklyn for the first time, it was like electricity shot through my entire body.” I ran a hand through my hair, and let it remain at the back of my neck for a minute while I paused, and remembered. I flushed, thinking that for a grown man to admit such weakness, especially, in this industry, might seem idiotic. There were beautiful women dripping from the walls everywhere I went.
“Continue. If you don’t mind,” Jeanne murmured.
“We had this intense connection right from the beginning. When I looked into her eyes, it was like I’d known her all my life, loved her all my life, and when our lips met the first time, I knew.” I smiled at the memory. “She was better than me. She tried harder to fight it, but we were drawn to each other, intensely attracted, just, fascinated, I suppose. I wanted to spend every minute with her,” I paused. “That hasn’t changed.”
“Really? Surely, you’ve had reactions to other actresses.” Jeanne was probing; her protectiveness about Brooklyn apparent, and I respected her more for it.
“Not like Brook.”
“That’s incredible.”
“Yeah. It’s been…” I searched for a word to do the feelings justice, but there wasn’t one. “Amazing,” I said and then took a ragged breath. “A mixture of heaven and hell, the greatest joy, such unfathomable ecstasy and yet, the most unbearable pain I’ve ever experienced in my life.”
“It’s like the book series.”
I huffed softly. I’d made the comparison myself, many times, even trying to convince myself the rush I was experiencing was just getting into character.
“When she told us that the two of you were in love, you should have seen her face. Her eyes glowed with it. Naturally, I was worried.”
I smiled through my sadness, but I nodded. “I’d convinced myself we’d never be able to be together because of her situation with David. Now that it has, it seems like a miracle. I still sometimes wonder if I’m dreaming.” I felt my mouth quirk. “All those months, dying inside when he came on location, I tried to convince myself that I’d never have her. I knew that I was torturing myself by wanting to be near her, yet I couldn’t drag myself away. I hated myself because I couldn’t stop the overpowering need for her, and part of me didn’t want to stop.”
I took out my cigarettes and paused before lighting one. “Do you mind?” I asked. When she shook her head, I continued. “The brilliant part was that she wante
d to be with me, too. It was like neither of us had a choice.”
“What happened?” she asked. “That’s if you don’t mind sharing.”
“No, Jeanne, that’s okay. Being able to talk about Brook was like a balm to my aching heart.” I blew out the smoke after taking a drag on the cigarette. “We spent time with the script at first, talking about how we wanted to develop the characters. We watched movies and read the books together. Basically, we spent weeks inseparable.” Thinking back on all the time we spent together made my heart lurch in my chest.
“Martin had a very specific idea of how he wanted the characters to be played, but Brook and I disagreed with him. He wanted us to be fluffier, and such gibberish. After reading the series, we wanted to play the characters with all the pain that had to be in such an impossible relationship; two people who wanted more than anything to be together and couldn’t.”
I physically grimaced. Life was imitating art.
“Then, the utter anguish of being forgotten by the one person you live for.” I paused, swallowing. My voice was introspective when I continued. “We re-wrote every scene, rehearsed for hours in private, and argued tirelessly with the directors and producers.” I took a drag off of the cigarette. “We took a lot of grief, but Brook was like a dog with a bone and I found it incredible to watch. I sat back and watched her work Martin over until she finally got him convinced, and the movie will be so much better because of it. We made the relationship real.” I stared out the window at the passing billboards and lights as the traffic and streets passed by.
“There was like this unspoken unity between us. Like this was something we were always going to do together, and we did. Every step of the way.” I paused and took another drag. “Off set, we spent most of our time together, too. Watching movies, talking, playing music. She loved listening to me play the guitar and we fell asleep together many nights after spending the evening running lines for the next day’s shoot.” I looked at Jeanne. “We went out with the cast a lot as well, but the tension between us was bloody palpable. Everyone noticed how we gravitated toward each other and sometimes it was just easier to stay in together instead.”
