Oathbreaker (The Godhunter, Book 3)

by Sumida, Amy

  “I'm so sorry I wasn't able to make it in time to save him,” he said and cleared it all up for me.

  “Teharon, no,” I hugged him, feeling the tension in his shoulders. When I pulled back, I saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. “This is not your fault. This is as far away from being your fault as it can be. There's no way you can possibly save all of us every time we get banged up. I count myself lucky that you've been able to save me so many times. I'm so grateful to you for always coming to my rescue, and the thought of you feeling guilt over this, hurts my heart. Please, don't ever blame yourself. Even if it's me you can't save, don't ever blame yourself.”

  “Vervain,” a tear dripped down his cheek but the look in his eyes lightened and the tension left his shoulders. “There is a saying among my people: When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. I think today Alfred rejoices for a life well lived.”

  “Teharon, I...” I swiped at the tears. “Thank you,” he squeezed my hand before going to join the God Squad.

  “Tima,” Rain and the rest of Dark Horses were there. “I was wondering if you'd allow me to sing a song in honor of your lion.”

  “That would be kind of you,” it was a little hard for me to meet Rain's eyes now. Knowing he was psychic would take awhile to get used to. Also, I was kind of concerned that he might start spouting puzzles about the future for me to figure out and I just didn't have the strength to deal with that.

  “I didn't see this coming,” he said instead of some ridiculous rhyme, surprising me enough to raise my head. He looked bleak and a little lost.

  “Maybe it was something you couldn't stop,” I offered.

  “Maybe,” he frowned and stepped back so Adriano, Ilario, and Constantin could offer me their condolences. Then, as a group, they stepped away.

  “Vervain,” Odin's rich voice brought my head back around.

  He stood in front of me with Vali, Vidar, and Thor. It was strange to see them all there together. Having memories of being with both father and son, and then seeing them standing before me, was kind of awkward. Knowing that they both still cared about me made it even worse somehow.

  “Thank you for coming,” I said automatically.

  “Is there anything you need?” Vidar came forward and took my hand. “Can I help at all?”

  “No,” I smiled sadly, “it's all taken care of but I'm glad you're here. It's been an exhausting day.”

  “Just sit down, Mom,” Vali said as he shooed me back into my chair. “Let me get you something to eat and drink.”1`

  “Thank you, Lili,” They had been the last in line, so I could finally relax a bit.

  “You remember the nickname you gave him,” Odin smiled.

  “Yeah, I guess I've always liked renaming people, even back then.”

  “You did,” he laughed softly. “You even had names for my wolves.”

  “Grace and Fur Face,” I huffed a small, surprised laugh. “Because Geri was so clumsy and Freki always had fur in his eyes. I call Nick, Fur Face sometimes,” I shook my head.

  “You even called me that once,” Trevor was suddenly there, with an arm around my shoulders.

  “That's right, I did,” I tried to ignore Odin's disappointment in the interruption.

  “Well, he is a wolf,” Thor raised a brow. “It must have seemed natural.”

  “Why don't you all go get something to eat,” I said before Trevor could find offense and start a fight at Al's funeral. “I'll be at this table over here and you can join me.”

  They nodded and headed toward the food, while I pulled Trevor along with me to a table on the side where I saw Sommer, Tristan, and Jackson already eating. I sat and he sat right next to me, an arm going behind my shoulders, on top of the chair. I found myself leaning into him. I was so tired. Too much sadness can do that to you, make you want to curl up and sleep until it all just goes away.

  “Are you guys doing okay?” I asked my friends sleepily.

  “Oh, we're fine,” Jackson answered for them all. “Take a breather, shug.”

  The soft sounds of a guitar filled the air and I switched my focus over to Rain and Adriano. Adriano was the lead guitarist of Dark Horses, so it was no surprise that he was backing Rain up. He was seated near the front of the tent, strumming his guitar while looking somber and intense, his closely cropped hair showing off the edges of his cheekbones. Rain stood off to his right, his hair pulled back into a ponytail, his sharp eyes softening as he looked over the crowd, waiting for his cue.

  The music was haunting but the lyrics were ferociously tender. Rain sang about a soldier separated from his unit in the midst of battle. He fights valiantly but without someone at his back, he's unable to defeat his enemies and finally falls to their blades. His body is found later and mourned over by the man who should have been beside him. Instead of being angry though, the dead man's spirit comes back to comfort his friend.

  “Fate is made of footsteps,” Rain sang. “Along the path we choose. We are not led, we are not given, we are not made to lose. I took these steps knowing, that I walked them all alone. And the fate I chose is mine and not for you to own.”

  I smiled at Rain gratefully. It was the perfect song for Al, the ex-soldier. It was also the perfect song for my Intare, who I knew felt as guilty as Teharon did for not being there when Al died. Then the last few lines rang out and I knew the song wasn't just for Al and my lions.

  “The path is of a circle, too great to see the bend. I start a new beginning, where you see only end. So don't mourn for me, my brother. Don't cry for me, I say. We'll meet along the circle, though I may walk the other way.”

  A circle. Had I come back again because it's simply the nature of life? Was everything a coincidence or was I back for a reason? I did tell Odin that we'd meet again. Maybe I was supposed to be with him? But by that reasoning, I was supposed to be with Trevor too. It was so confusing, I was walking the circle again but which way was I going?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “I can't believe you own this place,” Tristan looked around the inner courtyard with awe.

  “I can't believe it either sometimes,” I had snuck my human friends away from the tent so I could show them around a little. “This is my favorite spot though.” I gestured to the butterflies flowing from flower to flower.

  “Huh,” Jackson sat down next to me on my stone bench. “I would have thought it would be the exercise room.” He raised a brow and smiled suggestively. “I know I'd be more inspired to work-out if I lived here.”

  “Hey,” Tristan frowned at him.

  “What?” Jax spread his hands and shrugged. “I'm only human. Which brings me to my next question. How human are you, Vervain?”

  “What?” Now it was my turn to look at him sharply.

  “Well, now that your station has improved, as it were,” Jackson grinned. “Have you improved as well?”

  “Hello?” Sommer pushed Jax in the shoulder, “just look at her. She's improved.”

  “Indeed,” Jax looked me over, obviously noting all the improvements to my appearance that had come with taking Aphrodite’s magic. “The outside is nice and shiny but what about the inside? Is it still human?”

  “It doesn't know,” I snarled at him and he shrank back in surprise. “Oh shit, I'm sorry. I do that sometimes when I'm frustrated.”

  “Remind me not to aggravate you,” Tristan's eyes were huge.

  “I think you kind of just proved my point,” now Jackson looked concerned. “Are you okay? I mean besides all this horrid stuff that keeps happening, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” I sighed. “I just had some interesting news on top of all this other stuff. It's kind of got me on edge.”

  “Interesting good,” Sommer narrowed her gaze on me, “or Chinese proverb interesting?”

  “Not sure yet,” I frowned. “Maybe a little of both.”

  “Ah,” Jackson smirked, “I don't believe that'
s considered a proverb but a curse. Generally one would only say May you live in interesting times to an enemy.”

  “Maybe some one cursed me then,” I laughed mirthlessly, “in another life.”

  “Alright, enough of this cryptic shit,” Tryst grimaced, “spill.”

  “Okay,” I laughed. I was kind of anticipating their reactions to this new drama. “So I just discovered that I was Odin's wife in a past life, bore him a son, Vidar, and helped him raise another, Vali.”

  “What the hell did you just say?” Sommer had been standing but she sat down quickly on the bench opposite mine.

  “Wait, isn't Odin, Thor's father?” Jackson was working it out rather quickly. I was impressed.

  “Yep,” I nodded.

  “You slept with your step-son?” Jax had a strange look, mostly horrified but a little intrigued.

  “In another life,” Sommer huffed at him. “Did no one else catch the other life reference?”

  “I already believed in reincarnation,” Tristan shrugged.

  “I had an inkling,” Jax chimed in, “but this is just too delicious. Gods have the best gossip, thank you so much for finally including us.”

  “You're thankful not because of this new world of magic I've shown you,” I shook my head, “but because of the gossip it's filled with?”

  “The magic is cool too,” Jax winked at me. “Especially the magical men.”

  “Which Vervain has already had a head start on enjoying,” Sommer grinned.

  “Evidently,” Jackson looked me over. “How was ol' one eye? You know, sexually.”

  “Yes, I know what you meant,” I rolled my eyes. “And I have no idea. I've been getting an occasional memory but nothing longer than a quick flash.”

  “A quick flash?” Tristan laughed. “I would have thought a god would have more stamina.”

  “The memory not the sex,” I laughed with them. “Actually, from the part I saw, I wouldn't mind remembering a little more.”

  “Vervain,” Sommer sobered the conversation. “Are you in love with Odin?”

  “I definitely feel...” I huffed and shook my head, “yeah, I love him.”

  “Uh oh,” Tryst said eloquently.

  “What are you going to do?” Sommer asked.

  “Well that's the big question, isn't it?” I rubbed at my forehead. “I love Trevor and no matter what happened in a previous life, I'm not giving him up.”

  “But?” Jackson prompted.

  “But I don't want to give up on a man who mourned me for hundreds of years, living only with the hope that I'd one day return to him.”

  “Hundreds of years?” Tristan blinked at me like an owl.

  “Very romantic,” Jackson said softly, “in a tragic way as all the best romance is.”

  “No, Mr. Poet,” I shook a finger at him. “Tragedy does not equal romance to me. I'd be much happier with a tragic-less romance. I wish my life were more simple.”

  “No you don't,” Jax focused his intense stare on me. “More simple would mean no palace, no hot lion-men, no werewolf lovin', and no gorgeous one-eyed ex-husbands.”

  “Is he considered an ex?” Tristan interrupted before I could respond. “You never divorced him.”

  “Holy shit,” I breathed, my heart leaping for a second before I jerked it to a rational halt. “That was another life, Tryst. He's definitely considered an ex.”

  “Hmmm,” Tristan seemed to consider it. “But the real question is: do we have to buy you a card on Mother's Day now?”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “We have to talk about Odin, Vidar, and Vali.”

  Trevor groaned, sighed, and walked down the hallway to the bedroom.

  “Trevor,” I followed after him and was rewarded with another groan. “We have to talk about this, they’re coming over tomorrow.”

  “Can’t we talk after we make love?” He sounded so whiny, I couldn't help laughing.

  “Talk first, then the lovemaking,” I jumped into bed and he climbed in after.

  “You’re a cruel, cruel woman, Godhunter,” he leaned back against the bed's wall and sighed.

  “You’re supposed to be helping me here,” I nudged him. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Tell Odin to take a hike and just visit Vidar and Vali,” he spread his hands like it was so obvious. “Now can we have sex?”

  “Oh, now it’s sex, not making love,” I raised a brow. “How much longer do I have to talk to get you to us the F word?”

  “I’d say my patience will wear thin in about two minutes,” he looked at me very seriously. “Then the making love will have gone from sex to fucking.”

  “I think I’d rather fuck,” I whispered in his ear, “then have sex, and then make love.” I felt his whole body shiver in waves of pleasure before he sighed.

  “You’re very lucky, I have such great control,” he pulled me into his arms. “Or there would’ve been none of any of that for a few minutes.”

  “Men are so easy,” I let my voice get husky. “We still need to talk.”

  “Arghhh,” he threw up his hands. “I just told you how to handle it.”

  “I can’t tell Odin to take a hike,” I poked him in the stomach. “He’s not making any demands of me and he agreed to join our side, even though it lost him friends.”

  “Friends who he was already losing anyway because of his traitorous brat,” Trevor growled.

  “Why is it that you sound pleased by that?” I narrowed my eyes and pulled back, so I could sit up and stare him down.

  “I’m not pleased,” he knocked his head back into the bed, thump, thump, thump. “I’m jealous.”

  “Jealous?” Oh shit, I was bad at handling jealousy, “Who of, Odin, Vali, or Vidar?”

  “All three,” he waved helplessly. “I’m jealous of what you had with Odin, a whole lifetime of loving under your belt and a child as well. Vidar is a living, breathing tie to Odin, and Vali is a living, breathing testament to how much you loved Odin. So much that you became a mother to his son by another woman.”

  I frowned and remembered something my mother used to say to me. Have a child with a man and you’ll never get him out of your life. I guess that could be bad or good depending on the man. I don’t think she had reincarnation in mind, when she said it though.

  “Sabine loved Odin,” I rubbed his thigh idly. “She had a child with him centuries ago. Vervain however, is in love with you… right now.”

  “You are Sabine,” his eyes had gone from wolf to puppy.

  “No I’m not,” I brought in my legs to sit cross legged, just as Nick decided to make an entrance and claim my lap. I pet him as I struggled to explain. “She’s a piece of me, like a memory or a bit of knowledge, but she’s not all of me. If this truly is reincarnation, and I’m not sure it is, then I’ve probably lived lots of lives since and before Sabine. I’ve probably born several children and loved lots of men.”

  “That makes me feel so much better,” he grimaced at me but at least it was an improvement from those puppy eyes.

  “It should,” I swatted him. “Do you really believe that all those other lives have any bearing on this one? Should you be jealous of all those men, those children? Am I a big slut because I’ve loved different men in multiple lives?”

  “No,” he frowned as he tried to work it out.

  “Right,” I smiled. “Because they’re not Vervain. Sabine is not Vervain. Only I am Vervain and only the man I love in this life will have me.” It was a great speech, if only I could convince myself.

  “It sounds good,” he took my hand and stared down at it as he swirled his thumb over my palm. “You’ve said similar things before but I’m not sure it’s going to work out that way. You don't have memories of those other past lives or have people from them in your present life. This could really hurt us, Minn Elska. I don't want to become just another memory to you.”

  “You will never be just another memory,” I squeezed his hand.

  Some little part of me
shifted and trembled at his words, almost as if they were prophecy. I didn’t want them to be prophetic. I wanted to stay there with Trevor, happy and content with his love. I didn’t want to deal with Odin or decide how to integrate him and our children into my life.

  Then something whispered inside me that I did want to deal with them, I wanted a lot more than that in fact. I remembered Odin holding Vidar’s tiny toddler hands as he led him toward Mommy. I remembered the first time Vali smiled at me. Most importantly, I remembered what being a part of their family had felt like and I missed it. I missed them.

  I swallowed hard and acknowledged the wanting. Trevor was right, it was unfair to have those memories. Surely if there was reincarnation, the memories weren’t supposed to come along for the ride… and for a good reason. I’d been forced to remember and it was screwing with my new life. The question that was really bugging me though, the question that had been in the back of my mind since this whole thing with Odin started, was why I was remembering.

  It was hard enough dealing with this life's issues. Seeing Thor and working with him again brought back memories too but Thor was just a part of my past. His loss was something that I had to accept, it was a normal part of life… a single life. He left me and I moved on. I fell in love with Trevor.

  There was no going back to Thor, plain and simple, and frankly, I don't think I'd go back to him if I could. People didn't always live up to our expectations, sometimes they did things that forced us to make hard decisions. Like whether or not to keep them in our lives. I had no illusions about that and I was happy with the decisions I'd made. I could live with my memories of Thor, knowing I was making memories with Trevor that would ease their ache, and eventually I'd be able to look back on them fondly.

  My memories of Odin however, were harder to deal with. There was no break-up with Odin. No horrible betrayal or reason to leave him. If I hadn't died, I would still be with Odin. There was the rub. Those memories were bittersweet not because he'd hurt me but because he hadn't. The memories I was starting to get were of a truly happy life and I had a feeling this was only the beginning. Once the damn broke, I was going to be overwhelmed with longer, more detailed recollections. Of things I could never have again.