Recollections of Rosings

by Rebecca Ann Collins

  But Captain Hastings certainly had. Almost instantly, she found herself clasped very close at the waist and whirled away around the floor at such speed as to render her dizzy. Determined not to make a fool of herself, Lilian clung to her partner and let him lead her through the steps of the dance, her feet scarcely touching the floor as they flew around the room.

  So close was she held, she could barely see over his shoulder; she never knew how she got through it without a mishap. When, to her great relief, the music stopped, she pleaded to be excused, claiming she was feeling unwell. She could feel her head spin and her heart race as her face was flushed with the exertion and not a little embarrassment at being in such close proximity to a man she knew not at all.

  Her partner became immediately solicitous and, begging her pardon for having exhausted her by such vigorous dancing, led her away from the crowd of dancers and ushered her into an adjacent room. It appeared to be a study or reading room and he led her to a chaise longue beside a window. While she sat down, he hastened to procure a glass of water from a goblet that stood on a table and, when she accepted it gratefully, seated himself beside her.

  The warmth of the room and her own state of unease had resulted in some degree of confusion, and Lilian did not immediately notice that Captain Hastings had closed the curtains behind them and placed his arm along the back of the chaise longue, against which she was resting.

  He said nothing for a while, except to ask if she was feeling better. When she said, "Yes, a little better, thank you," and tried to rise to return the glass to the table, he took it from her hand, leaning across her and moving even closer as he did so.

  Lilian, who had taken his concern for her to be genuine, leaned back and found he was now disconcertingly close; so much so, she could feel his breath upon her, with the reek of wine upon it. When she tried to move and make some space between them, his arm tightened around her shoulders, from which her shawl had slipped, leaving her feeling uncomfortably bare. She began to doubt his intentions when he took her hand in his, but when he made to draw her closer, she had no doubts whatsoever. Captain Hastings was no Sir Galahad, ministering to her in her moment of need; he was a scheming seducer, who had seen an opportunity and decided to take advantage of her. Never having dealt with such a crude approach before, Lilian was at first confused and then somewhat panic-stricken. How could she ward off his advances without creating a scene?

  Pushing him away with both hands, Lilian got to her feet and when he rose and stood in front of her, blocking her exit, she threatened to scream unless he moved out of her way.

  "Don't be silly, that will do you no good at all. All I want is a little reward for my kindness. If you say I attacked you, no one will believe you—certainly not Lady Ashton. You will only be making a scene," he said and his voice had changed from the smooth, urbane tones of a few minutes ago into something quite unpleasant and threatening.

  Undaunted and desperate enough not to care, Lilian retorted, "And I intend to do just that. If you do not let me leave immediately, I shall scream and I do not care whether they believe me or not, I shall tell them what you tried to do. It matters little to me what they think, for I shall be returning to Kent tomorrow, but you, sir, will have a lot of explaining to do."

  He stepped towards her and for a moment she thought he intended to call her bluff, but then, surprising her greatly, he said, "And if I open that door and let you leave?"

  "I will say nothing, but I wish never to see you or speak with you again," she said.

  To her immense relief, he appeared to have second thoughts; with a somewhat forced laugh, he stepped to the door and, opening it with an exaggerated bow, let her pass through, still keeping himself well concealed behind it.

  The first person she saw as she came out of the room was Josh Armstrong and he, noticing how ill she looked, asked, "Miss Lilian, you look unwell, is anything the matter? Can I be of some assistance? Get you a drink, perhaps?"

  Lilian shook her head; thankful he had been at hand and grateful for his concern, she appealed to him.

  "Mr Armstrong, please, could you find my aunt? I am feeling unwell and I wish to go home."

  So distressed and exhausted was she by her ordeal, she held on to his arm as he led her to a sofa in a small alcove at the end of the room. When he returned with her aunt, Lilian could scarcely hold back tears as she asked to be allowed to leave at once. Mrs Tate was concerned not to upset Lady Ashton, but Lilian insisted.

  "I am most dreadfully sorry, Aunt Becky, it must be the heat, but I am truly feeling very ill and I beg you to let me leave."

  At this point, Josh intervened to say that it was plain Miss Lilian was unwell and could not continue to remain at the party. Even Becky could see that something was very wrong; her niece was pale and looked as if she might faint at any moment. Asking Josh Armstrong to make their apologies to Lady Ashton, she appealed for a servant to call them a hansom cab and they left the house soon afterwards. Mr Armstrong, clearly troubled by Lilian's distress, stayed with them and escorted them to the vehicle.

  In the cab, her aunt tried to discover what it was that had caused her sudden indisposition, but Lilian was too distressed and still too much in shock from her encounter with Captain Hastings to speak.

  She had not decided whether she was going to confide in her aunt. It was a situation of great delicacy and could cause her much embarrassment. Lilian did not wish to regale her aunt with a narration of events nor even to complain about his behaviour, since Captain Hastings was clearly a friend of Lady Ashton and it was more than likely she would not be believed.

  In any event, she thought, if he is Lady Ashton's friend, she will not think him capable of such conduct, and were I to complain, he will deny it and they will both accuse me of lying. She decided, therefore, to remain silent on the subject.

  On reaching the Tates' house, Lilian, claiming that she was exceedingly weary, retired to her room, leaving her aunt thoroughly bewildered.

  Becky had expected her niece to enjoy the company and admiration of the numerous young men present at Lady Ashton's party. She had thought Lilian looked exceptionally well. Certainly one of the prettiest girls present, she was dressed and coiffured more fashionably than she had ever been before, ensuring the attention of quite a few of the gentlemen, all of whom would have far better antecedents and social prospects than Mr Adams, Becky thought. It had promised to be a singularly successful evening; she could scarcely endure the disappointment at the way things had turned out.

  ***

  When Lilian came down to breakfast on the morrow, her aunt could not help returning to the matter of the night before.

  "Lilian dear, I cannot think why you were so out of sorts last evening," she said, noting that her niece was still a little pale. "I thought you were enjoying yourself—I did notice that several of the officers present paid you some attention, especially young Josh Armstrong, and Captain Hastings asked you to dance, too, I noticed. Now he is a real favourite of Lady Ashton's and very popular at balls and parties. Did you know he is the younger son of Lord ___, who is married to Lady Ashton's cousin and connected also to Mr Armstrong, who is such a fine gentleman? They are both men of property and substance, with excellent prospects, and I was pleased they had shown you some special attention."

  Lilian looked up from buttering her toast. She had been silent hitherto, but could take no more.

  "Aunt Becky, they may be friends or relations of Lady Ashton and have excellent prospects, but neither of them appeals to me at all, nor, I am sure, have they the slightest interest in me. I wish to ask, please, that you arrange to send me home to Kent as soon as possible."

  Becky Tate looked stunned. She put down her cup of tea and gazed at her niece as if she could not comprehend a word of what she had said. And in truth, she could not.

  "Lilian dear," she said in a disbelieving voice, "whatever do you mean, you wish to return home to Kent? Why, you have hardly been here a fortnight!"

  "Indeed, a
nd it has been quite long enough for me to understand that I shall never be happy in London, I miss Mama, I miss my home and all the things I used to enjoy there." Her voice broke and she stopped awhile, but bit her lip and continued, quite adamant in her demand that she be allowed to return home.

  "Please, dear Aunt Becky, do not think me ungrateful, I know you have wanted to do everything for the best; but unfortunately, I am not the sort of person who can be happy here. I am ill at ease with all these fine ladies and gentlemen. Please let me return home."

  At this, Rebecca laughed lightly, as though she had understood at last what ailed her niece.

  "You poor child, so that is what troubles you? You are not accustomed to the ways of all these smart, fashionable people, they make you feel shy and uncomfortable… you are afraid that they will not accept you… is that what it is?" she asked.

  But Lilian shook her head and said in a determined voice, "No indeed, aunt, I am not afraid of them nor do I wish to be accepted by them. I just do not wish to spend any more time with them; all their silly town talk and county gossip bores me and I have no desire to become accustomed to their ways. They seem to have a fear of thinking for themselves; instead they simply say and do what everyone else says and does and never question it, however odious it may be. It seems that to have an original thought is an unforgivable sin! They flirt and gossip endlessly of matters that are of no consequence at all. I am truly tired of them, Aunt Becky, and wish to return home. I do miss Mama," and this time she could not hold back the tears.

  Her aunt was so shocked by this unexpected tirade, she said not a word in reply. She had not expected this. She had no idea what to do and hoped that when she'd had a good cry, Lilian would feel better and perhaps change her mind.

  Some minutes later, the doorbell rang and the maid announced that Mr Joshua Armstrong had called to see Miss Lilian and was waiting in the parlour.

  Rebecca was even more astonished. Why, she wondered, was Josh calling on Lilian? She could not explain it and jumped heedlessly to all the wrong conclusions. Recalling his real concern for her niece the previous evening, she turned to her with a gleam in her eye.

  "Lilian," she said archly, "am I about to learn that you have been flirting with Mr Josh Armstrong? Is that what brings him here?"

  Lilian was speechless at this as Becky went on.

  "And could this be why you wish to return to your mama so suddenly, have you got cold feet?"

  Becky was teasing, smiling in anticipation, but Lilian's answer wiped the smile off her face.

  "Aunt Becky, I beg you, please do not take me for an idiot as well. I most certainly have not been flirting with Mr Armstrong or anyone else. I confess I was very grateful for his assistance last evening—he was very kind and understanding—but I have no idea at all why he is here today."

  Rebecca was not convinced. "Are you quite sure? He was certainly very concerned about you when you were taken ill so suddenly."

  Lilian's eyes flashed. "I am absolutely certain, Aunt Becky. I do not know why he is here; perhaps he wishes to discover if I am sufficiently recovered to go for a drive in the park! He did suggest that it might be something we could do. You are quite welcome to ask him yourself."

  "I shall and we shall soon find out what he means by calling on you at this early hour, without an appointment," said Rebecca, as she rose and marched out of the breakfast room and into the parlour, where Mr Armstrong waited with a large basket of flowers.

  The rather bashful look on his face did nothing to change Rebecca's mind, which was by now running along a very specific track. It was made worse when, after some initial greetings, he asked in the politest terms, and with an unusual degree of diffidence, if he could see Miss Lilian in private.

  Rebecca was unsure if she should agree without enquiring what it was for, but he was Lady Isabel's cousin and she could not refuse him. As she left the room, she threw one last look at Lilian, which conveyed only her complete confusion.

  Lilian too was embarrassed. She had no way of knowing why Josh Armstrong was there that morning. She had found him pleasant and amiable, far more so than the rest of the company assembled at Lady Ashton's, but she could not account for his visit that morning. As for the flowers, perhaps, she thought, he had expected she would still be unwell and wished to improve her spirits.

  But, in truth, Josh Armstrong was on a very different mission, which he was finding equally difficult to carry out. He had come, he said, to apologise on behalf of his cousin Captain Hastings. Lilian was so taken aback at his words, she had to sit down at once. Her face reflected the dismay she felt, as she thought that somehow, the contretemps of last evening had become known to Mr Armstrong and the rest of the company. She was filled with mortification and was very near tears.

  But as he spoke, she listened and was soon reassured on that score, at least.

  "Miss Lilian, I am here because I have become aware that you were most shamefully importuned by Captain Hastings last evening. My excellent friend Percy St John has informed me that Captain Hastings, before he asked you to dance, had entered into a wager with a couple of his fellow officers that he would invite you to dance with him and, if you accepted, would entice you into letting him kiss you. It was a stupid, tasteless prank, no more—but having seen you so distressed before you left last night, Percy, concerned that it had all gone too far, approached me and spilt the beans, as it were. I am here to present my humblest apologies; that such a thing should even have been contemplated by a gentleman in our company is utterly obnoxious and I wish to assure you he will not go unpunished."

  Lilian, though reassured on one count, was still too disturbed to speak except to say, "I am astonished that you, Mr Armstrong, would still consider him a gentleman—his conduct was so odious. I have never been so affronted in my life, and what you have just told me does not improve my estimation of him."

  She fell silent again and he continued, "I agree, Hastings can be a blackguard—he is indulged by Lady Ashton and believes he can do or say anything he pleases. I am here, however, to assure you, Miss Lilian, that he will be brought to book this time. I am determined that he will never again embarrass you or any other young lady of my acquaintance. I have spoken very severely to him and I intend to see Lady Ashton…"

  Lilian interrupted him, more gently this time, thanking him for his apology and concern; however, she asked that nothing be said to Lady Ashton about the matter.

  "Mr Armstrong, while I appreciate your apology, there is no need to involve Lady Ashton in this situation. It does not concern her, and as I expect to return home to Kent very soon, I have no desire to cause Her Ladyship any embarrassment over this incident. I know she is a friend of my aunt Mrs Tate, who would also be seriously distressed were these matters to become public. I do not wish her to be so mortified, either. So far, I have said nothing of this to her. So, if you wish to do me a service, please say nothing to Her Ladyship, except that I have become unwell and must return home immediately."

  Then, looking very directly at him, she added, "How you deal with Captain Hastings is for you to decide. He is your friend and a member of your family. His conduct is certainly not what I would have expected to endure in the company of a gentleman. Suffice it to say that his behaviour is the worst I have encountered in my life, which though it has not been long, has allowed me the opportunity to meet people in many walks of life, from distinguished gentlemen like Mr Darcy of Pemberley to those ordinary working men who live and work on the Rosings estate. No doubt, you may not acknowledge some of them as gentlemen, but I can say to you quite truthfully that none of them has ever behaved in such an ungentlemanly manner as your cousin has done, nor has any other man given such deep offence."

  Lilian could see Armstrong was deeply shocked and disturbed by her words. Yet she was unsure how much he knew of the incident involving Captain Hastings. Since she had decided not to complain of his conduct to her aunt, she was not now going to tell Mr Armstrong the details, either. Clearly, he ha
d obtained some intelligence from his friend Percival St John, who may have been privy to the bet Captain Hastings had made, but not his subsequent conduct, after he had led her into the study.

  Perhaps, she thought, Hastings may have boasted of his "conquest" to friends… she had no way of knowing and feared that anything she may say would only add to the rumour and gossip that would surely follow. She had been so mortified, she wished to forget the incident altogether and return to the safety and peace of her home.

  When Josh Armstrong tried again to persuade her that she need not leave London; she would be quite safe from any further embarrassment, he would personally guarantee it, Lilian was gentler in her response. She thanked him for his concern but said firmly, "That is kind of you, Mr Armstrong, but I have decided that I must go home. I do not believe that I could ever feel at ease again in Lady Ashton's house. If Captain Hastings were present, there would be inevitable awkwardness and discomposure on both sides, and even if he were not, who is to say some other person in the party may not attempt the same? Someone who feels it is his right to harass a young woman only because he is a person of wealth and standing and she is a nobody in his eyes? It would be insupportable. Besides, were I not to tell my aunt and she should discover from some other source what took place last night, how should I explain my silence?"