Book Read Free

Real Boys

Page 60

by William Pollack

emotional disconnect between teachers and boys in, 239–42

  failure of, 231–36

  gender gap in, 233–34

  gender stereotyping by, 242–45, 259–60

  girls’ adjustment to, 239–40

  guidelines for parents on, 262–66, 270–71

  high-energy learners in, 246–47

  hyperactivity diagnoses by, 247, 253–58, 262

  learning styles in, 245–48

  learning tempo, pace and, 245–48, 267

  male teachers in, 268, 269

  mentoring programs in, 268–69

  peer support groups in, 271

  praise and, 262–64

  questions to ask about, 231

  relative performance of boys and girls in, 233–36

  safe “guy” spaces in, 269–70

  same-sex classes in, 267–68

  self-esteem and, 232, 236–39, 250, 259

  single-sex, 258–62

  subject matter and, 266

  teacher-student bonding and, 261–62

  teaching methods of, 266–67

  toxicity myth and, 232, 242–44

  violence and stereotypes in, 349–50

  Sears, Robert, 119

  Seeley, John, 310

  Segregated by Sex: A Critical Look at Single-Sex Education for Girls, 268

  Seiler, Jeffrey, 135

  Self-Concept as Learner Scale, 237

  self-esteem, xviii, xx, 86, 102, 119

  absent father and, 124

  active father and, 133, 135

  adolescence and, 147, 148, 156

  bullies and, 356

  depression and, 309, 325

  friendships and, 188–89, 190

  love and, 76, 204

  mask of masculinity and, 16–17

  measuring of, 238

  quality time and, 131

  schools and, 232, 236–39, 250, 259

  sports and, 277–78, 282, 285

  “selfish joy,” 134

  Sells, C. Wayne, 341

  Selman, Robert, 355

  separation, 20–51

  acting out and, 36–38

  ADD diagnoses and, 36–38

  anger and, 44, 49–50

  Boy Code stereotypes and, 23–25

  cultural imperatives and, 27–28

  “dis-identification,” 28–29

  emotional shaping and, 40–44

  fathers and, 26–27, 43–44

  gender identity and, 28

  guidelines for reconnecting after, 47–51

  hardening process and, 45–47

  longing for connection and, 38–40

  mask of masculinity and, 11–13

  mothers and, 27–28, 40–43

  parents and, 29, 31–32, 35–36, 40–44

  role models and, 51

  shame and, 25–26, 32–33

  trauma of, 145–46, 173–75

  serotonin, 56, 307

  Sex Role Egalitarianism Scale, 165–66

  sexuality:

  of adolescent girls, 149–51

  adolescent-parent communication and, 153–55

  AIDS and, 227–29

  bisexuality and, 220–24

  cross-gender friendships and, 203–4

  masculinity’s double standard and, 149–50

  see also homosexuality

  shame, 25, 102, 315, 378

  avoiding language of, 49

  boys’ fear of, 33

  coaches and, 284–85

  depression and, 309, 316

  divorce and, 367–68, 369

  emotional disconnection and, 32–33

  girls’ sensitivity to, 33

  hardening process and, 11–13, 45–47, 59–60

  in infants, 32

  mask of masculinity and, 5, 11–13

  mothers’ emotional shaping and, 40–43

  sports and, 284–87

  and trauma of separation, 25–26, 32–33

  violence and, 338, 345, 346, 347

  Shortchanging Girls, 237

  Simmons, Charlie, 185–86

  Simpkins, John, 198

  “sleeper effect,” 368

  Smucker, Marvin R., 311

  Snarey, John, 119, 135

  Spencer, Aaron, 68–69

  sports, 272–300, 343, 362

  Boy Code and, 272–74, 285

  brutality of, 288–89

  coach as role model in, 282–85

  coed, 299

  competition and, 273, 289

  depression and overinvolvement in, 325

  eating disorders and, 292

  emotional expression and, 275–76

  friendship and, 276–77

  guidelines for monitoring of, 296–99

  “guy-ifying,” 298–99

  hardening aspect of, 285–88

  losing and, 279–81

  multitiered programs in, 298

  obsessiveness with, 289–93

  parents and, 287–96

  respect for limits in, 299

  self-esteem and, 277–78, 282, 285

  sense of mastery and, 277

  shame and, 284–87

  teaching of, 297–98

  transformational nature of, 273–75, 285, 298, 299

  Stand by Me (film), 196

  Stanton, Andrew, 294–96

  Stanton, Sylvia, 293–96

  stereotypes, xix, xxiii, 35, 85

  adolescence and, 147–48

  of Boy Care, 23–25

  of two-parent family, 377–78

  see also myths

  Sternback, Jack, 124

  Streeter, Allison, 190

  Streeter, Jessie, 189–90

  Stroufe, Alan, 86

  “sturdy oak” stereotype, 23–24, 50–51

  substance abuse, 7, 25, 369, 385

  adolescence and, 155–57, 174, 178

  depression and, 326–27

  talking about, 178

  suicide, xviii, xx

  epidemic of, 333–34

  by homosexual teens, 209, 210

  rate of, 332–33, 334

  social connections and, 310

  violence and, 341

  Sullivan, Harry Stack, 181, 190

  Swain, Scott, 191

  Sweet Valley High (TV show), 185

  Tannen, Deborah, 194–95

  Taxi Driver (film), 360

  testosterone, 53, 86

  sexual orientation and, 215

  violence and, 52, 55–56

  Thematic Apperception Test (TAT), 167

  Thome, Averil, 204

  timed-silence syndrome, 8

  depression and, 314–15

  mothers and, 102–3, 110, 111

  sadness and, 314–15

  Tsongas, Paul, 136

  “Understanding Boys” (seminar), 347–48

  Van Derhorst, Gloria, 246–47

  Varley, Christopher, 324

  Vincent, Peter, 289–90

  violence, 36, 47, 124, 338–63

  action vs., 343–44, 362–63

  anger and, 338, 347, 352–53, 361–62

  bullies and, 342–46, 350, 356–57

  coping with, 346–48

  and early disconnect from mother, 347–48

  empathy and, 350, 351, 352, 353, 356

  frontier image and, 348–49

  masculinity and, 345

  in media, 357–61

  national crisis of, 340–52

  parents as models for, 350–52

  perspective-taking technique for, 352–53, 355–56

  roots of, 338–39

  school stereotypes and, 349–50

  shame and, 338, 345, 346, 347

  suicide and, 341

  testosterone and, 52, 55–56

  triggering event for, 347

  violence-free zones and, 353–545

  Voices of Love and Freedom (Walker and Selman), 355

  Walker, Patrick, 355

  Wallace, Alex, 210

  Wallace, Jessicah, 210

  Wallace, Susan, 210

  Wallerstein, J
udith, 368

  War of the Buttons (film), 189

  Washington, Devon, 306–7

  Waters, Jaye, 25–26

  Waters, Roger, 25–26

  Wells, Kenneth, 321

  Wentzel, Kathryn R., 174

  Westfield, Clint, 81, 83–84

  Williams, Tyler, 113, 117

  Wilson, E. O., 216

  Winnicott, D. W., 273

  Winslow, Julia, 243–44

  Wolt, Beth, 256–57

  Wolt, Marty, 256–57

  women: absent father and, 96

  academic performance of, 235

  depression in, 311, 312, 319, 320

  mother-son relationship and, 82, 84, 91, 92

  nurturing of boys by, 82, 84

  see also girls

  World War II, 94–95

  You Just Don’t Understand (Tannen), 194

 

 

 


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