Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  “I know. It’s been a long three weeks, but we’re finally at the end.”

  James and I agreed that since we’re almost done with school we would keep up the charade of not being together, just because we don’t want to tempt fate. That didn’t stop me from sneaking over to his house last weekend, thanks to Liam. A girl can only hold out for so long.

  “What are you going to do while I’m next door?” she asks.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Probably watch a movie. Or carve my eyes out so I will stop imagining what you two are doing in there. Maybe jam a pencil or two in my ears just in case I hear anything.”

  She laughs before finally grabbing one of my oversized nightshirts and slides it over her head. She twists her hair into a bun and gives me a quick smile. “Don’t wait up,” she says, quietly opening my door and slipping down to my brother’s room.

  I roll my eyes and plop onto my bed, folding my legs underneath. Leaning against the wall, I start to imagine what my life will be like once school is out. No more Somerset, no more high school drama, no more Chase, no more half living my life.

  My phone dances across my desk with an incoming message. I don’t even have to look to know who it’s from because James is the only person who would be texting me this late. Well, Penny would too, but she’s…occupied.

  WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

  I smile at the text and quickly type out my reply.

  NOTHING. JUST SITTING HERE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING.

  ARE YOU NERVOUS?

  NO. JUST WANT TO SHUT MY BRAIN DOWN FOR A WHILE.

  NEED SOME HELP?

  WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

  LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW.

  My window? I bolt to the window and throw it open quickly. James is standing in the middle of my front lawn with his hands shoved into his jeans and wearing one of his ratty old t-shirts and a baseball cap. It throws me for a minute because I don’t remember if I’ve ever seen him wear one before.

  “What are you doing here?” I whisper-yell to him.

  “Come down and meet me,” he replies, heading to my front door.

  I quickly throw on a pair of yoga pants and tie my hair up in a ponytail before quietly making my way down the stairs. My parents are heavy sleepers, which is good because I can’t remember the last time I’ve tried sneaking out of the house, even if I’m just going out on the front lawn. I rush through the damp grass, allowing the blades to tickle my feet as I approach him.

  “What are you doing here?” I repeat my previous question.

  He smiles and closes the distance between us. “I wanted to see you because I have some good news and it didn’t feel right to tell you over the phone.”

  “What news?”

  James grabs my shoulders, running his hands smoothly up and down before rounding my back and pulling me in tightly to his chest. “I got a new job today. They called me during my lunch hour for one final phone interview and then when I got home they offered me the position. You are looking at the new geography teacher at Brighton High School.”

  I leap into his arms and squeeze him tight. This is it. It’s finally happening. He’s moving to Boston with me.

  “That’s the school close to Harvard, right?” I ask, pressing my lips to his.

  He laughs and sets me back on the ground. “Yes, very close. Since you have to live on campus and I’ll be working near you, I can live close by and we can see each other without a major commute for either of us.”

  “Funny thing you should mention me living on campus.” He eyes me suspiciously as I bite my lower lip. “I’ve been doing some research and yes, most students live on campus and it’s highly encouraged for freshmen to stay there. There are a few exceptions to the rules.”

  “Which are?”

  “Well, they say that visiting undergraduate students, those who are attending for only a year, are eligible to live off campus.”

  “Obviously not you.”

  “Obviously,” I say. “Then there are the commuters, who are occasionally granted nonresidential status at the time of admission. Their only requirement is that you must participate in activities and social programs of the Yard.” He stays silent, waiting for me to say something else. I blink up at him slowly and clear my throat. “And then there are the students who move off campus, typically because they get married.”

  A twinkle sparks in his eyes as they soften to me. “Sweetheart, I’m glad you’ve done some research into this, but you and I won’t be living together your freshman year.”

  Not exactly the response what I was expecting. “What? Why not? I mean, this is perfect. We can finally be together, by ourselves.”

  “Exactly. And we will still be together, just not living in the same house.” He walks me over to the front steps and sits me on his lap. “I’m not about to take away your college experience just because we want to be together. Freshman year is filled with so many firsts and new experiences. Living with another person, making new friendships, going to parties, running across campus because you overslept…I want you to experience all those things. Plus, it’s Harvard. You’re probably going to have a ton of homework and won’t want to be too far away from others who are in your program. There will be study sessions, late night cram-fests, projects, all kinds of things you will need to be close for.”

  “You’re really bumming me out right now,” I say, laying my head on his shoulder.

  He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “I’m not saying that we won’t be seeing each other. We still have the weekends. And you need to come with me to look at houses and apartments to rent in the area because eventually you will be moving in with me. Just not the first year. Wait and see how everything goes. Maybe you’ll change your mind and want to stay on campus the full four years. Maybe you’ll meet someone else and you won’t want me anymore,” he says quietly.

  Lifting up head up, I grab his face and stare into his eyes. “I can guarantee you that won’t happen. Why would I want anyone else when I have the most perfect man on the planet right here with me? After everything we’ve gone through, how could you even say that?”

  James kisses me slowly, pulling me closer to him. The gentle brush of his tongue parts my lips, creating a soft hum to escape. I pour myself into this kiss, wanting to erase the thought completely from his mind. I pull back and press my forehead against his.

  “Don’t ever think that again,” I say with finality.

  “Okay.” He winds his hand around my ponytail, tugging it so it makes my head tilt back. “I like this defensive, possessive little minx you’ve turned into.”

  I smile. “You’re mine. I protect what’s mine.” Our lips meet again and he lets go of my hair.

  “That we can agree on. Okay, so are we clear about our living arrangements for now?”

  “For now. We’ll revisit the issue in a year,” I say, placing one last kiss on his lips before we stand up.

  “You better get back inside,” he says, looking back at the door. “I just wanted to come by and tell you the good news. Feel up to a Boston road trip in a couple weeks?”

  I smile and nod. “You know I’m always up for a Boston trip.”

  “Maybe I’ll book us in the same hotel as before.”

  “Two rooms again?” I ask, raising an eyebrow to him.

  He laughs, shaking his head. “Now that seems pointless, wouldn’t you agree?”

  “I suppose but I mean, for nostalgia purposes it’d be fun. You can woo me all over and make me fall in love with you again.”

  Heat courses through my veins with the look James is giving me, making me forget that I’m standing on the cold cement steps in front of my house. It makes me want to rip off his hat, grab his hair and throw him down on the ground to get lost in his body.

  “Don’t give me that look. I know what that look means,” he growls quietly in my ear.

  I press my thighs together to try and quell the throbbing ache that just formed. “What look? This look?” I mimic the look again a
nd watch as his eyes darken.

  “Okay, now it’s time for me to go. Be a good girl and go back to bed,” he says, kissing my nose.

  I stick my lower lip out and pout. “That’s the kiss you’re going to send me off to bed with? What am I, five?”

  He laughs then places his hands on the sides of my neck, letting his thumbs brush over my cheekbones. “When you play games like that, yes. But I’ll leave you with this instead.”

  Fireworks ignite behind my eyelids when our lips meet, sending shivers and goose bumps to run across my skin. My heart pounds harder in my chest as I wrap my arms around his neck while our lips move in sync with each other. It’s soft and wet and highly romantic.

  My favorite kind.

  When he releases his hold on me, I turn around and watch him retreat backward down the sidewalk.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow at graduation,” he says. He climbs into the cab of his truck as I blow a kiss goodnight to him. He presses it to his chest before driving back to his house.

  I quietly tiptoe up the stairs back to my room, making sure to avoid Liam’s room at all costs. I want to keep my ears from bleeding from the noises that may or may not be coming from there.

  Crawling under the covers, I press my head down onto my pillow and close my eyes, dreaming of Boston.

  The next evening everyone is milling about in the gymnasium, creating a cacophony of loud voices and clicking heels as they wait to file outside where the graduation ceremony will take place on the football field.

  Penny runs up to me, holding onto her cap so it doesn’t fly off her head. “This is it,” she loudly squeals.

  I smile and give her a brief hug. “This is it, the final page of our high school career. It’s kind of bittersweet, isn’t it?”

  Her lips twist to the side before breaking into a smile. “Hell no. I’m excited about the future. Life on our own, no parents, total freedom.”

  “Bills, homework, buying our own food,” I add, bringing her back down to earth.

  “Yeah, but it’s totally worth it.”

  “So Liam is okay with you being away from him?” I ask.

  Her smile falls slightly, but she recovers it. “No, but we’re going to make it work. I mean, NYU isn’t that far away.”

  I shake my head. “You’re right, it’s not. Just a train ride away. You’ll make it work, I know it.”

  “I hope so. I’m a little afraid of being there by myself. Liam said that he’s going to try to come down as often as he can.”

  “It's a shame you decided not to attend Boston College. We could hang out all the time.”

  She crinkles her nose. “And be the third wheel between you and James? No thanks. Besides, you need some alone time together now that you’ll be able to be in public and all.”

  “It still doesn’t feel real to me, you know?”

  She wraps me in another hug and smiles. “Believe me, it’s real.” She winks at someone over my shoulder.

  “Congratulations Ms. Morris, Ms. Fosse.”

  His voice causes the familiar fluttering of wings to stir up in my stomach as I turn around and come face to face with him.

  “Thank you, Mr. Dumont,” Penny says. “We sure are going to miss you around here but hey, congrats on the new job.”

  James smiles brightly and straightens his tie. “Thank you. I’m very excited about my new position and can’t wait to start this fall.”

  “I bet you can’t,” Penny says suggestively.

  I roll my eyes at her and can’t help the laugh that escapes. “Yes, thank you, Mr. Dumont. Your new job sounds exciting. And Boston, you know I love Boston.”

  James winks at me and shoves his hands into his pockets, another nervous gesture of his. “I’ve heard this a time or two from you.”

  The need to reach out and touch him is so strong that I’m having difficulty fighting it. But then Cami, Justice, and Dez walk up to us, quashing the feelings like a bucket of cold water to my overly raging libido.

  “Hey, Mr. Dumont. I hear congratulations are in order for the new job,” Cami says.

  “Yeah, Boston. Wow, that’s so exciting,” Dez exclaims.

  Justice turns to me and twists her mouth. “Britt, aren’t you going to Harvard?”

  My cheeks flush and I nod. “Yes.”

  The girls look back and forth between James and me. Can they read my thoughts? A knowing smirk comes across Cami’s face and her eyes twinkle with amusement. Then Dez and Justice share a look that confirms my suspicions. Let’s hope they never get into playing poker when they’re on their own.

  “Thank you, ladies, for the kind wishes. I’m sad to leave here but I’m excited to open up the next chapter in my life.” James avoids looking at me, even though there’s no point.

  “So you’ll be able to keep an eye out for our girl then while she’s there in the big city all by herself?” Dez asks.

  Now it’s James’s turn to flush. “I’ll see what I can do. There’s a chance we may run into each other.”

  I clear my throat, wanting to change the subject. “Well, I appreciate that very much.”

  “Mr. Dumont,” someone calls from behind him. James turns around and waves to the person while smiling at them.

  “Looks like I’m needed elsewhere. If you’ll excuse me, ladies.”

  “Bye, Mr. Dumont,” we all chant in unison, making James shake his head while he leaves our little group.

  Of course, the onslaught of questions starts immediately when he’s out of earshot.

  “Whoa, seriously? You and Mr. Dumont?”

  “When did this all happen?”

  “How long have you been together?”

  “Is he great in bed?”

  “He looks like a good kisser. Is he?”

  “Will you shut up!” I hiss, holding up my hands. “Look, we can’t say anything for at least another week because we don’t want to rub it in the school’s face.” I sigh and look around quickly since they’re not satisfied with that answer. “Okay, we’ve been together for a while. It’s a long story and I promise to tell you after graduation. We’ll get together and have a girls’ night out and I’ll give you most of the details.”

  “Only most?” Cami pouts.

  I laugh. “I’m not telling you everything. But just to tide you over until then, yes, James is a fantastic kisser. One of the best, if not the best.”

  Dez sighs and brings her hands up to her chest. “That’s so romantic.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please,” Mr. Leonard says as a lull falls across the room. “Thank you. If we could get everyone to line up, we’ll start the procession outside. I just wanted to take this moment to say how proud I am of each and every one of you. It has been my greatest privilege to be your principal for the last four years. May you succeed in your endeavors of the future and I can’t wait to read about your successes in the newspapers and magazines.”

  Claps and cheers erupt as we begin to line up in the order that was practiced earlier today. I smooth down my gown, admiring the look of my strappy sandals underneath. My hair falls in gentle waves over my shoulders with my cap secured to my head, courtesy of the bobby pins left over from prom. I wave to Penny, who’s standing a few rows behind me, and she gives me a thumbs up.

  When the doors open, we walk toward the football field where our parents and loved ones have all gathered to see this moment. So many memories have happened at this school, ranging from my first serious boyfriend to getting straight A’s in all my classes to joking around with my friends after a football game. But the most significant memory will be the day that I ran into James. That moment changed my life forever. I experienced love at this school and it’s almost bittersweet to be saying goodbye.

  As we file into our seats that have been placed on the field, I scan the crowd to look for my family. It doesn’t take long, mainly because Liam is standing up and waving his hands around like a fool. Whether or not it’s for Penny or me, I don’t know. Mom is sitt
ing next to him, crying because her baby is graduating. Dad has his arm wrapped around her, half-smirking and trying to be serious at the same time. She waves him away when he whispers something into her ear and it makes me laugh. Even though I’ll be off living my own life, I will miss them.

  Then I look at the faculty section and try to find James. That’s a little trickier because they’re on the stage facing us. Since they’re higher and not in stadium seating, I can’t see their faces. The one person I do see is the newly reformed Ms. Hathaway. Since her incident with Chase, her wardrobe has changed considerably. Gone are the days of short skirts and skin-tight shirts. She’s taken on a more simple style, mostly slacks and blouses. And she stays away from all the students and teachers unless there’s a gathering of them around. Apparently she’s learned her lesson the hard way.

  The band finishes playing the school song and Mr. Leonard gets up to the podium to address the crowd. I sit and listen, taking everything in. This is it, my last day of high school. It just doesn’t seem real. From now on I’ll be accountable for myself and for my actions. People will treat me differently, as an adult and not a child. Am I ready for that? Am I really prepared to face the world and all that’s waiting for me?

  I press my lips together and I realize that I am prepared to face the world, to discover new things and experiences. Then I think about what James said last night about me living on campus the first year. As much as it kills me to be away from him, I know that I would lose a piece of myself if I constantly cling to him. He’s the love of my life, but he’s also right about me needing to live on my own, discover who I am and what I want to be. I could change my mind a million times about where my path will take me, except for one thing. My path will always lead to James, regardless of where we are. We will always find our way back to each other.

  After a few more speakers and a performance by the choir, it’s finally time to hand out our diplomas. I play with the cord around my neck, making sure that it’s even. I wasn’t shocked when they said I would be graduating with high honors but when they told me I was graduating third in my class, I couldn’t believe it. Luckily it also meant I did not have to give a speech. Thank God for that.