by Lucy Clark
He’d listened intently to her words, knowing she was right. This was Abbey, not some strange doctor who had come to town. While their past had been more antagonistic than supportive, he also knew he could trust her. There had always been a buzz flowing between them, even back in medical school, but both had been too dedicated to their future careers to do anything about it. The fact that the zing was still flowing between them over sixteen years later was astounding. He owed her the truth.
‘You want to know what happened?’ he asked, his tone as cold as stone. Abbey shivered a little. ‘You want to know why I live here, hiding in the outback so I don’t have to deal with the stress of surgery all day, every day?’ He shrugged. ‘The answer, Dr Bateman, is quite simple.’ Joshua paused and breathed out slowly. ‘I killed my wife.’
Chapter Four
THE words were spoken very matter-of-factly and Abbey could do nothing except sit there and gape at him.
‘I’m sorry?’ There was a confused and puzzled frown on her face. ‘Did you just say you killed your wife?’
‘I apologise for the blunt delivery.’ He shrugged again. ‘It’s the truth. I had to…operate on my wife and she died.’
‘Why on earth were you operating on your wife?’ The question was out of Abbey’s mouth before she could stop it. ‘I mean, it’s against hospital policy to have a surgeon operate on family members.’
‘You know that. I know that. But sometimes circumstances are what they are.’
He was talking in riddles and Abbey’s frown only increased. It was then she recalled him saying that out here, whether the patient was friend or family, it was up to the doctor to do something.
‘How long have you been a doctor here? You said your children were born here?’
He could see Abbey was putting two and two together. ‘That’s right. In this very house, almost three years ago.’
‘Which means that something happened to your wife and you were forced to operate and…’ She stopped, her mind whirring. ‘Oh, no. Joshua.’ Her face radiated pain and disbelief and he could see she’d guessed his secret. ‘Your wife died in childbirth?’ As he slowly nodded, her heart went out to him. He’d said the twins would be turning three next week, which would also bring the anniversary of his wife’s death.
She thought over Mark and Giselle’s concern for him in the operating theatre. ‘How often have you operated since your wife passed away?’
‘Today was the first time I took the lead. Generally, Dr Turner would operate and I’d assist.’
‘No wonder you were nervous and concerned.’
‘You said I was pale.’
‘You were. I thought at one point we’d have to peel you up off the floor.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t have to.’
She smiled at him as she swatted a fly. A nice breeze had come up and as her hair was still tied up from Theatre, she angled her neck to the side, allowing the air to circulate around her. It felt soothing, refreshing, and it was as though the wind was blowing away the past, blowing away the words Joshua had spoken, the pain and anguish that had been in his tone. While she could admit he could still rile her quite easily, what he’d just told her about his wife made her feel closer to him. Pain, she understood. Personal pain, she understood. Professional pain, she understood.
They may not have trodden the same path but their experiences had now led them to the same place. They were both recovering from their worlds being blown apart and as she tilted her head the other way, still watching Joshua closely, she was struck with an overwhelming urge to touch him, to reassure him that she really did know the emotions he was feeling. The circumstances may have been different but the feelings of loss, of power, of dejection were the same.
She leaned forward in her chair and placed her hand on his. ‘What you accomplished today, stepping forward and operating on Pierre, was fantastic, Joshua. You didn’t shy away from the situation. Instead, you pulled yourself together and did what needed to be done. That’s amazing.’
Joshua looked down at her hand on his, her soft, smooth skin bringing heat and heightened awareness to his roughened, dry one. She wasn’t offering him sympathy, as he’d expected. Usually when people learned of Miriam’s death, they were sad and upset and concerned, and while he’d witnessed those sorts of emotions in Abbey’s eyes as she had drawn her own conclusions about his past, she was now offering encouragement and praise.
As he looked into her big brown eyes, he caught a glimpse of her own pain. She, too, had been troubled by something life changing in the past. It wasn’t the first clue he’d received to bring him to that conclusion but her heartfelt words, her touch, the way she was letting him know that she was there for him…it was all becoming too much.
‘It’s not a big deal,’ he murmured, standing and walking to the rail, turning his back to her, needing the distance, the space, the divide. He’d been fine sitting near her, doing a great job of keeping himself under control, until she’d touched him. He’d stared at her neck when she’d angled it to the side, the breeze lightly teasing a few loose tendrils, and it had only been through superhuman strength that he hadn’t followed through on his urge to swoop down and press a trail of butterfly kisses all over her enticingly, glorious skin.
‘But it is,’ she insisted. ‘You’ve had a breakthrough. That’s huge.’
He still kept his back to her. ‘But will I be able to do it again? If there’s another emergency, if there’s another situation that requires me to step forward and operate, will I be able to do it again?’ The confusion in his voice only made Abbey’s belief in him increase. She moved to him, standing beside him, putting her hand on his shoulder and pushing slightly so that he was forced to look at her.
‘You know me, Joshua. I don’t give out compliments, I don’t build people’s egos up, I’m not a people pleaser. We’ve been lab partners in the past, we’ve been rivals, we’ve fed off the overly heightened sense of competition that exists in scholastic environments, but through all of that, as well as what I’ve seen of you today, I know for a fact that you are a good and very clever man. You care for this community and you’ll keep on caring for them for a long time to come. You’re a general surgeon who has found a way to cope with challenges life has thrown at you. Being here, in Yawonnadeere Creek, doesn’t make you a failure. Caring for people in a remote location doesn’t make you any less of a brilliant doctor than the surgeons who work excessively long hours in a sterile, impersonal hospital environment in the city.’ She swallowed, wanting him to know that she admired him, that she was proud of him and that she was now ready to embrace her six months here, hoping the town could show her what her new purpose in life was, just as it had shown Joshua his.
‘You may think you’re here, in this town, in this place, because you’re hiding from the world. That’s not so. You’re here because these people need you. Today, Pierre needed you and you didn’t let him down. Sure, Dr Turner may have helped you out by taking the lead, by performing any surgery, especially if she knew you had an aversion to it. But perhaps during those years, that was what you needed her to do so you could heal. Today it was time to move on and you did.’ She gave his shoulder a little squeeze. ‘Again, I reiterate that what you did today, the ghosts you faced…it was amazing.’
To have her standing there, touching him, praising him. To have her so close that if he reached out and hauled her into his arms, as he was so desperately wanting to do, he felt she wouldn’t pull away. Her words had meant a lot to him and where he’d heard similar words from his friends here in Yawonnadeere, hearing them from Abbey, from someone who hadn’t particularly liked him in the past, was nothing short of enlightening.
She’d said he was amazing and right now, at this point in time, he was actually starting to feel amazing. He wouldn’t let it go to his head, he doubted Abbey would allow that. Where she was now praising him for his accomplishments, he knew she would have no hesitation whatsoever in bringing him down a peg or two if she felt
he deserved it.
And that was where she was so incredibly different from his wife. While he was the first to admit that his marriage hadn’t been the strongest in the world, that his relationship with Miriam even before she’d become pregnant had most certainly needed a lot of work, he’d been willing and determined to work on it, to provide his children with a two-parent home, where Mum and Dad made every effort to get along.
But when he’d told Abbey that he’d killed his wife, he hadn’t only been talking about the C-section he’d had to perform. He’d been thinking about the way he’d talked Miriam into having children in the first place. It had been one of the areas in their two-year marriage that had caused the most contention. Miriam had been more than happy with it being just the two of them. They had been free, able to do whatever they’d wanted. They had both been doctors, both earning good money and, therefore, the world had been their oyster. Joshua had needed more. He’d talked her into having children and with great reluctance she’d agreed to have one.
‘And only one,’ he could recall her saying, holding up one lone finger to emphasise her point. When she’d discovered she was expecting twins, she’d been furious. ‘I’m not quitting my job, Josh. You can take care of them or they can go to day care. I have my career to focus on and I’ve already taken this year off in order to be an incubator.’
That had been his wife…the wife he hadn’t been able to save. All of these images flashed like lightning in his mind as he stood there, looking at Abbey who was validating his life. He simply wasn’t used to it, used to having someone stand before him and tell him, in earnest, that they believed in him. Abbey Bateman was quite a woman.
She was a beautiful woman too, but he was starting to realise it wasn’t just what was on the outside that mattered. It had been a pure physical attraction that had seen him end up married to Miriam and he’d vowed since her death to try and look at people—not just women but everyone—for who they were, rather than how they looked.
He’d already noted that Abbey didn’t wear any wedding rings but tonight he’d double-check her PMA file, which listed her marital status. For some reason, it was becoming important that he learn more about her. As he looked down into her face, her hand still on his shoulder, he realised she didn’t wear any jewellery at all, except for a small silver chain around her neck with a diamond-studded pendant in the shape of an O.
‘Joshua?’
He’d been quiet for so long that she was now starting to look concerned. ‘Thanks, Abbey.’
She smiled, rubbing her thumb up and down on his shoulder, the heat from her palm causing his awareness of her to continue to increase. Did she have any idea how she was affecting him? He could no longer deny that in the past he’d found Abbey attractive but, given that they’d argued a lot of the time, he’d been able to control those wayward feelings. Now she was here, in front of him, touching him, being kind to him.
Her sweet scent was becoming familiar to him and he liked it. The need to reach out and touch her, to feel the silky strands of her hair, the warmth of her neck, the taste of her lips. He wanted to do all of that and more, but he also knew it was wrong. Colleagues. They had to remember they were going to be colleagues for the next six months. She’d burst back into his life with a vengeance and he was no doubt having trouble controlling his urges because of their past. He had to remain focused. He had his life here in Yawonnadeere, with his friends and his children. He was respected and well liked. That had been enough for him during these past few years and it would continue to be enough for him in the future. Besides, although he and Abbey were quite harmonious at the moment, within a matter of minutes they would probably be arguing again.
‘We’d best go check on Pierre,’ he murmured a moment later, edging back from her touch. Abbey dropped her arm back to her side, a little puzzled by his quick shift in attitude. He’d been so vulnerable, so pained, so filled with regret as he’d told her about his wife, about his children, about his past. She knew it couldn’t have been easy for him to open up to her, especially as their past relationship had been one of antagonism. He had made her feel as though a different sort of bond was starting to develop between them.
Now he seemed to be backing away from her at a rate of knots. Perhaps she’d made him feel too vulnerable? As she watched him head back into the surgery, the screen door bouncing shut after him, she was sure that was the reason. That had to be it because otherwise it could mean that something else had just been going on between them. And Abbey wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with that.
The fact that she was all too aware of him, that from the moment she’d realised the man she would be working with, here in Yawonnadeere Creek, was Joshua Ackles, the old buried feelings she’d had towards him had begun to surface. She remembered all too clearly telling one of their friends, who’d had a crush on Joshua, that while he was most certainly good looking, a girl also had to take into consideration what was inside the package.
Today she’d seen many sides to the man. Friend, father and foe. She smiled at the last one and shook her head. How could she even think of having any sort of feelings other than professional ones for her new colleague? It was impossible. Her life was in a state of flux and she’d come here to try and sort that out. Getting romantically involved with anyone, let alone Joshua, wasn’t going to do her any good.
Never being able to have children, to have a life grow within her, was something she’d lived with every day for the past three years and whenever she allowed herself to think about it, she usually ended up fixating on it so much she would come crashing down into an untidy mess. It wouldn’t help anyone in this town if their new medic was a basket case and right now she had a patient who still needed care.
She headed back inside and heard the rest of the team discussing Pierre’s transfer details. Pierre was conscious but still extremely groggy from the anaesthetic. It didn’t, she realised, stop him from interjecting as the others spoke.
‘I don’t want to go to Adelaide,’ Pierre insisted. ‘I’m the HOp and my place is on the rig.’
‘No one is indispensable,’ Joshua pointed out calmly to his friend.
‘We can take him,’ Mark said, glancing across at his wife. ‘We can stay overnight in Adelaide and catch a flight back with Morgan in the morning.’
‘Ooh, Markie,’ Giselle purred, walking over to her husband and running her hand over his broad shoulders and then down his back to pinch his butt. ‘What a superb idea that is.’
‘Hey, cut that out,’ Joshua warned with good-natured teasing. ‘First and foremost, this is a medical transfer.’
Mark winked at his wife and kissed her cheek. ‘We promise to be professional.’
‘Until Pierre is settled in l’hôpital,’ Giselle agreed.
‘OK. Sounds like a plan. I’ll get the rig’s chopper organised to transfer the three of you.’
‘How long will he need to be in Adelaide?’ Abbey asked, wanting to familiarise herself with the protocols.
‘Overnight.’ The answer came from Pierre and Joshua gave a short burst of laughter as his answer.
‘You’ll be in for the next three days,’ he told his friend.
‘What?’ Pierre blustered, moving around as though he was trying to sit up. Abbey was at his side in an instant, as was Joshua, both of them putting a hand to Pierre’s shoulder to keep him still.
‘Settle,’ Joshua said.
‘Why? Why can’t I stay here?’ Pierre demanded, although there was less fight to his tone and more drowsiness instead.
‘Because you need to rest,’ Abbey supplied. ‘I doubt you’ll do that if you stay in town.’
‘Besides, the only place you can stay is here,’ Joshua added. ‘And you’ll get no rest with my kids in the house. They’re still not sleeping through the night and don’t even get me started on what happens if one of them wets the bed. Who knew toilet training would be so hard?’
Pierre settled at this news but it was clear he didn’t lik
e it. ‘Then why do I have to go with the lovebirds? At least send me with the pretty new doctor.’
‘Uh-uh,’ Joshua continued. ‘The pretty new doctor has to stay in town and learn her new job. If I take you, I’ll have to bring the twins along and that wouldn’t make for a fun trip either. So you see, the arrangements are made and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just lie there and relax, mate.’
Pierre closed his eyes but the curl of his lip told Abbey he still wasn’t happy with the arrangements. ‘I hope both your kids wet the bed tonight,’ she thought she heard him slur as he drifted off again.
‘Here’s hoping they don’t,’ Joshua retorted. ‘I’m sick of stripping beds and washing sheets all the time.’
Abbey chuckled. ‘At least the weather out here is conducive to getting them dry.’
‘That’s about the only good thing,’ he returned, momentarily allowing the lovely sound of her laughter to wash over him. Why was it that just when he’d finally got himself under control once more, she found another way to affect him? ‘Come on, Abbey. I’ll take you through the procedure for transferring a patient.’ Joshua headed from the room, not waiting for her, needing a few seconds to pull himself together once more.
Thankfully, by the time she walked into his consulting room and sat down opposite him, the desk firmly between them, Joshua was back in control. They worked through the transfer step by step. About an hour later, the helicopter pilot walked into the surgery.
‘Ute’s outside, ready to transfer the HOp to the helicopter, Josh.’
‘Beauty. Let’s go get Pierre.’ They headed back to the operating room where Mark was still monitoring Pierre, Giselle having gone to pack them an overnight bag.
‘You’re a bully, Joshua Ackles,’ Pierre mumbled when he saw the pilot, and received a rich laugh from his friend. Abbey tried to ignore the deep throaty sound as Joshua’s laughter washed over her. When she looked at the man, the grin spread across his lips changed his features so much. His blue eyes were bright and welcoming. Abbey tried not to gasp at the sight and worked hard to ignore the tingles that spread through her body.
