Lifeline

by Susan X Meagher

  "She’s not well," Jamie said. "She really needs some love this weekend. If she can tolerate it, will you both give her as much physical affection as you can spare?"

  Martin gave her a perplexed look – not used to having an opportunity to get past Jamie to hug his child very often – but he quickly nodded.

  When Ryan came back into the kitchen, he draped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him like he was the key to life. Father and daughter were no farther than a foot from each other the entire night, and by the time they went to bed, Ryan seemed more relaxed than she had been since they had arrived in Pebble Beach.

  The next morning, Martin called Ryan out to the car. "I’ve got a few things for you, sweetheart, but I didn’t know where you’d want them."

  "What did you bring?" she asked, once again anxiously looking around the property.

  He opened the trunk to reveal her seldom played drum set. "I know you haven’t really gotten the chance to even break it in yet," he said. "I thought your little vacation was just the time to do it."

  She smiled at him and offered a hug. "Let’s take it up to the gym. I tend to sing along when I play, and I don’t want to disturb Jamie." They lugged the set up the stairs, then spent a few minutes quietly assembling it. "Thanks, Da. This will come in handy."

  They walked back downstairs and he pulled out a box. Inside, were a few tall candles; a large, thick, floor pillow; a well-read copy of the Bible, another of the psalms, and a few heavy tomes from St. Ignatius and St. Augustine. "You brought my prayer space!"

  "I thought you might need it. I know you don’t use it much anymore, but this seems like a good time to get back into the habit of setting some time aside every day for reflection."

  She tossed her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Da. This is just what I needed."

  He looked at her curiously and asked, "Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head, Siobhan. I can see how very troubled you are."

  Once again, she looked around the property, admitting, "I keep thinking they’re taking my picture."

  "Let’s go to the pool house and talk. It’s nice in there."

  They walked the short distance in silence, Ryan’s posture tense and wary. They sat down and Ryan said nothing for a few minutes, then she sighed deeply and began, "I don’t really have a lot to say, Da. I’m seeing – well, speaking – to a psychiatrist twice a day. She’s helping me, but I’ve got a lot to deal with."

  "Does it help to talk about it, honey?"

  "Not really. I mean, I talk to Amanda, and that’s really enough. When I’m not talking to her, I’d just like to take it easy and try to forget about it. But that’s so hard to do, knowing that the vultures are right outside the gate."

  "I know it’s rough," he sympathized. "But they’ll leave you alone at some point. They have to!"

  "Logically, that’s true, but I don’t see much logic in this whole mess. I feel like they’ll never leave us alone."

  "Now, don’t think like that, darlin’. This will end soon, and you and Jamie can go right on living your lives the way you want to."

  "I sure hope that’s true, Da. But I’ve seen no sign of it." She sighed and looked at him with a grim expression on her face. "I don’t feel like I’m in hell, but I can just about see the flames from where I sit."

  That afternoon, they all sat in the game room, watching the NFL playoffs. Ryan was lying on the long, leather sofa, her head in Maeve’s lap, trying to remain awake while her aunt ran her fingers through the long, black hair.

  Martin caught a look of abject sorrow on Jamie’s face as she watched the tender moment, and after a while he asked her to go into the kitchen with him to prepare some snacks. Not mentioning what he had seen, he wrapped her in a hug, not letting go until he heard her start to cry softly. "You need some hugs too, darlin’," he whispered.

  "I know," she said, her voice shaky. "She’s just … we’re not … we just aren’t able to comfort each other, Martin."

  "I understand, sweetheart." He held her again, trying to give her all of the comfort he could. "When Siobhan’s mother died, she wasn’t able to accept my affection for several months. Moira stayed with us for a few weeks, and when she left, Maeve came over every night to rock Siobhan to sleep." His voice filled with emotion as he said, "It was so hard on me, Jamie. I needed to comfort my child, and to get some solace from holding her – but she had grown to trust her mother’s sisters and rely on them. I think she felt betrayed that I had to leave her for two or three days a week, and she just closed herself off to me." He shook his head and said, "That was a wound that took a long time to heal."

  "I can’t imagine," she sighed. "God, I hope it doesn’t take months for us to be close again. I don’t know how I could bear it."

  "It won’t," he said. "You’ll work through this, Jamie, and then you’ll be there for each other again. I promise you that."

  "I hope you’re right, Martin. I truly hope you’re right. I need her so badly."

  Mia sat by the pool at their hotel, relaxing while she waited for her lover. The team had won their game the night before, and now was scheduled to face Canada that evening in the championship match. Jordan had played a lot of minutes in the previous evening’s game, mainly because of a minor injury to one of the starters.

  The team had practiced in the morning, as usual, and Jordan was apparently due back at any time, given that some of the other players had started to wander down to the pool. Mia had met all of Jordan’s friends, but so far that only encompassed three of the other women. Jordan had said that the more experienced players seemed pretty cliquish and standoffish, but it didn’t seem to bother her much.

  As Mia considered her lover, she realized that the lanky blonde was really quite a loner. She didn’t have many close friends, seemingly preferring to have a lot of casual acquaintances. Mia recalled walking around campus with her just before finals. Jordan said hello constantly, giving everyone a warm smile, but when they’d go to her apartment, there was never a message on her machine, and she never called anyone from Mia’s either. She didn’t own a cell phone or a pager, and never suggested doing anything with any of her friends.

  I suppose that’s part of her focus, she reasoned. She seems to be so single-minded that she’s obviously not spent her time cultivating and maintaining friendships. I think Ryan and I are the only people she’s close to.

  As she was considering this, two women that she had not been introduced to sat on chaises close to hers. She recognized one as the starting outside hitter, the one who was too injured to play the night before. "Think you’ll be able to play tonight, Jill?" the other woman asked.

  "Mmm … not sure. The trainer’s gonna look at my wrist later on. It’s a pretty mild sprain, but there’s no sense in rushing it."

  "Especially given how Jordan played in your place," the other woman said. "She might take your spot!"

  Jill gave her friend a long look, her mouth curling up into a sly grin. "She can take a spot, all right. She can take the spot next to me in my bed. Given that she’s moving in with me when we get back, that won’t be a long trip," she added, winking at her friend.

  Mia nearly cried out at this wish, and she tried to still her heart from beating loud enough for the other women to hear.

  "She is gorgeous," the other woman said, "but I heard she had a girlfriend."

  "Uh-huh, so I’ve heard," Jill said dryly. "You’ve been with the team for what … three years now? You and Mark are the only couple who’ve been able to keep a relationship going, Toni. What makes you think she’ll be any different? Sooner or later she’ll be single … and old Jill will be there to comfort her."

  Toni sighed and laid back on her chaise. "This sport does make staying committed hard. If Mark wasn’t able to travel with us a lot, I don’t know that we’d still be married."

  "You were smart to marry a writer," Jill said. "Given that Jordan’s girlfriend never showed up in Colorado Springs, I’m assuming she has so
mething to keep her in San Francisco … if that’s where she lives."

  "You wouldn’t try to break them up, would you?" Toni asked hesitantly.

  "No, I don’t do that," Jill said. "Of course, I’ve never had to," she said. "Every woman I’ve had a crush on has eventually been single. Not all of them accepted my offer, but I had a chance with every one I’ve ever wanted. I can’t see why Jordan will be different."

  "Has she shown any interest? Does she flirt with you or anything?"

  Mia felt her heart clench in her throat as the tall, rangy woman considered the question. She wanted to stick her fingers in her ears and babble some nonsense just so she couldn’t hear, but she was also too curious to walk away. "No, she’s not the flirty type. She’s too cool and aloof for that. But I just bet that she’s a tiger once you get past that façade, and I’m determined to find out for myself if I’m right."

  Unable to stomach another moment of the conjecture, Mia gathered her things and started back for their room, running into Jordan who was just coming down in the elevator. "Hi, honey," the blonde she said brightly. "Coming in so soon?"

  "Uh-huh," Mia said, trying hard not to show how upset she was.

  "Hey … what’s wrong?" the perceptive woman asked immediately. "You look like you’re about to cry."

  "I am," she said with a slight sniff, getting into the elevator as soon as the door opened.

  Jordan was right on her heels, following her down the hall to their room, taking the key-card out of Mia’s shaking hands to open the door. She grasped her in a hug and rubbed her body with her hands, doing her best to calm her down. "Tell me what’s wrong? You’re not angry with me, are you?"

  "No," the smaller woman said, her voice muffled against Jordan’s T-shirt.

  "Come on, sweetheart, tell me what’s got you so upset."

  She pulled back and decided to be honest, revealing, "Some women out by the pool were talking about you," she said softly.

  "Oh, Mia, don’t listen to what people say. I’m sure I’m not well liked yet, but it doesn’t bother me – don’t let it bother you."

  Mia’s curly hair tossed as she shook her head. "It’s not that. One of them likes you … a lot."

  Jordan cocked her head and looked at her with a puzzled smile. "You’re upset because somebody what … thinks I’m cute?"

  "Oh, please," she said. "Anybody with eyes thinks you’re cute. She’s just determined to get you into bed, and she’s really confident she can do it."

  "Aw … baby … unless she’s a lot bigger, and a lot stronger, she’s gonna have a hell of a time getting me into her bed. And even if she did, I’d jump out the second she let me go." She was obviously trying to use humor to pull Mia out of her mood, but it wasn’t working well.

  "She’s not going to force you," the smaller woman said, missing the joke completely. "She’s going to wait you out. She said no one on the team has been able to sustain a long term relationship."

  Jordan sat down on the bed and rested her hands on her knees. "Who was this, Mia? I need to have a little talk with her."

  The determined curly head shook decisively as Mia said, "No, I’m not going to tell you. I don’t want you to feel funny about your teammates. Besides, it’s not her that upset me – it’s the thought that she might be right." She looked down at Jordan with a heartbreakingly sad look on her face and asked, "Do you think she’s right? Do you think it’s impossible for us to stay together?"

  Jordan let out a sigh, and patted the bed beside her. When Mia sat down, she looked at her seriously and said, "We’re the only ones who have power over that. I’ve told you that it’s going to be hard, and I’m sure it will be. But we don’t have to let the distance destroy what we have. If you want to stay together … then we’ll stay together."

  "If I want?" Mia asked, confused by the statement.

  "Yes … if you want to stay together, we will. I will never grow tired of you, Mia. You can count on me." Her clear blue eyes were fixed intently on the smaller woman, and Mia could nearly see the conviction she felt reflected in them.

  She leaned in close, and let Jordan wrap a long arm around her. "I want to stay together," she said softly. "I know it will be hard to have you gone for almost nine months, but we can get through this."

  Jordan nodded, feeling some of the anxiety leave her body at Mia’s reassurance. "Once the Olympics are over, we can be together again," she said softly. "Actually, we could be together as soon as you graduate."

  "Huh?"

  "Well, you could come to Colorado Springs as soon as you graduate. The team won’t pay for you to travel with us, but I’ll work at any modeling job I can get to save enough to pay for you."

  "That’s so sweet," Mia sighed. "I just don’t know if that makes sense, though. If you’re going to be traveling all summer, I might as well wait until you come home. I assume Jamie and Ryan will leave and sell the house, so we can get an apartment together."

  Jordan stiffened noticeably, her eyes growing wide with shock. "I uhm … I can’t afford that, Mia. It will take most of what I make to afford my apartment in Colorado Springs. I kinda thought you’d come to be with me," she said confusedly. "Isn’t that what you meant when you said we’d be together after the Olympics?"

  Mia jumped to her feet and looked at her carefully. "You mean you’re not done with this once the Olympics are over?"

  Her big blue eyes were nearly round with surprise. "Of course not, Mia. This is a long-term commitment. I’ll stay as long as they’ll have me."

  The smaller woman crossed the room and dropped into a chair. Her head fell into her hands as she moaned, "I had no idea. I thought this was a one-shot deal."

  Jordan was on her feet and kneeling beside her in moments. "I just assumed you understood. You kept saying we’d be together, and I just thought you meant you’d come to Colorado."

  Mia patted the strong shoulder, unable to look into those earnest blue eyes while she collected herself. "We’ll figure this out, Jordy. It won’t be easy, but we’ll figure this out."

  Jordan’s head dropped into Mia’s lap, and she let the gentle touch calm her racing heart. She amazed herself when she felt her head raise and she stared into the warm brown eyes that she had come to love. "I’ve worked for this goal since I was a child," she said softly. "I’ve geared everything towards this, Mia. I’ve given up most of my free time, sacrificed every summer vacation, spent most holidays away from home, and run away from every possible attraction I’ve ever had for another person – just so I could keep my focus." Her gaze narrowed and the fire in her eyes flared as she said, "I’d give it up for you in a heartbeat. If you can bear with me until the Olympics, I’ll quit and come home. Don’t give up on me, Mia," she begged, tears starting to roll down her flushed cheeks.

  Mia felt her love for her partner fill her soul, and she sank to the ground next to her, holding her tightly enough to bruise her. "I won’t give up on you … or on us, Jordan. We’ll figure this out. Trust me, baby. We’ll figure it out."

  "I love you, Mia," she murmured, the tears continuing to fall freely.

  "I love you too, Jordan," the smaller woman said, her own tears mingling with her lover’s while she kissed her possessively.

  By the time Martin and Maeve left, late on Sunday afternoon, both Jamie and Ryan felt substantially better. They had each soaked up as much affection and love as they could handle, and had both slept substantially better as a result. Ryan had a hard time watching them leave, but she greedily accepted the hug that Jamie offered as the older couple pulled away, giving the smaller woman a spark of hope that things would eventually return to normal.

  As soon as she reached Hillsborough on Sunday evening, Catherine called her daughter. "Jamie? How are you, sweetheart?"

  "Better, now that you’re back in the country," the younger blonde said. "We’ve both really missed you, Mom."

  "No more than I missed you both. How are things going, dear?"

  "Still not very well," Jamie said. "We’
ve got so much to deal with, Mom, but talking to you the other night really helped. We worked that issue out – thanks to you. I know it won’t solve our problems, but at least we won’t be making them worse by shutting each other out of the bedroom."

  "My pleasure, honey. Having you ask for my advice means more to me than I can say."

  "You were the only person I considered calling, Mom. I knew you’d be there for me. Tonight, Ryan’s the one who needs you, though. Up for another challenge?"

  "Of course. What’s up?"

  "She’s worried about Jennie tonight. Can you help out with her while we’re down here?"

  "Of course. I was hoping I’d get to be involved."

  "What we really need is for you to take Jen to school, and then pick her up at night. Is that too much to ask?"

  "Of course not! I’ll call her right now to arrange to pick her up."

  "Actually, if you want to, you could stay at our house for a few days. Mia’s coming home tomorrow, and I know she’d love the company."

  "That’s not a bad idea, dear. It will take me a while to figure out how much time to allow at that time of day, and staying at your house will cut an hour from my trip."

  "It’s not gonna be fun, Mom," Jamie said. "Traffic’s a real bear. One other thing you could do is find a car service that will take her and pick her up. I would do it, but I want to talk to the driver personally, and I can’t do that from down here."

  "Consider it done. Anything else?"

  "No, I don’t think so. Conor took her for a haircut yesterday, and he gave her money to buy a decent pair of shoes, so she should be set."

  "What about spending money, dear? I’m sure she needs some."

  "Oh, right! Uhm … I don’t know how much is acceptable, Mom. Uhm …"

  "I’ll talk to Sister Mary Magdalene," Catherine said. "I want to go see how the lights look anyway, as well as remind her of how important Jennie is to all of us."

  "Good idea," Jamie said. "I think she’s gotten the idea, but it can’t hurt to remind her."