by Roya Carmen
But I love every minute with Trevor. He’s such an amazing kid, and almost every time I look at him, I imagine having my own little boy just like him. I grin at the thought for a few seconds, and then my heart aches as I remember the problems Michael and I had conceiving. The truth is, I may never have a child of my own.
“Can I take it home?” Trevor asks. “I could dig it up and put it in a pot, and keep it in my bedroom by the window.”
Flynn shakes his head. “Nope. You know we don’t take anything from nature,” he tells him. “Everything has a purpose,” he explains. “That mushroom might be an insect’s home or food for an animal.”
Trevor pouts. “I know.”
He hops back to his feet and we carry on with our hike. “How about some macaroni and cheese for lunch?” I ask him.
He jerks around. “Yes!”
I smile. “You staying over for lunch?” I ask Flynn, hoping he will.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he says, and my heart swells a little.
Joey, another pony at the barn, is happy today. He clearly loves Trevor. He behaves as Trevor rides him around the arena. The grin on Trevor’s face is infectious – every time he strolls in front of the viewing area, he flashes me that wide grin. Flynn follows them around the arena, yelling out instructions, offering guidance, and telling him he’s doing a great job.
I have the luxury of just sitting here comfortably, and I enjoy the view. My eyes soak in the sight of Flynn in his dark sweater and dark designer jeans that hug his ass just right. He wears his signature bandana again today – I’m brought back to the first time I met him. I instantly labeled him as a bad boy. I immediately figured he was all show and not much substance. Boy was I wrong. My mind wanders… to Flynn and I in bed. We’ve made love four times now, each time as amazing as the last. I close my eyes and relive every second; the feel of his large rough hands on my skin, the crisp scent of Irish Spring soap and nature, the sensation of his soft beard against my lips, against my sex.
Damn.
When Trevor is finished with his lesson, Flynn helps him off Joey and lets Trevor lead the pony out of the arena. They walk slowly around the bend to the stalls. I reach them, and Trevor shoots me a huge grin when he sees me.
“You did amazing,” I tell him. “You’re a natural.”
“Isn’t Joey awesome?!”
Flynn works on the saddle and quickly frees Joey.
“Can I give him a treat?” Trevor pleads.
Flynn smiles down on him. “We’ll brush him first and then you can.”
They both brush him, working in unison. I can’t help myself – I need to snap a photo. I steal Flynn’s phone from his pocket and I go crazy. When they’re done, Trevor pulls a treat from his bag and he’s all smiles as he offers his hand to Joey who goes crazy for the treat.
Flynn turns to me, a sweet grin on his face. “You want to ride today?”
I’m taken off guard. “Uh…” I’ve ridden Buddy quite a few times now and I’m pretty comfortable with him. “We just… I can ride another time. Buddy is out on the field.”
“Well, I was actually thinking of another horse for you,” he says. “I think you’re ready.”
My heart starts beating a little faster. I don’t know if I’m ready to ride another horse.
“Liberty,” he tells me. “Amber’s horse. I think you and Liberty would be perfect for each other.”
I love Liberty. She’s beautiful. A gorgeous spotted brown and white mare.
“Liberty is kind of shy… like you. She’s a sweetheart.”
My heart is still pounding as I mull it over. I think I’m ready. I think…
Flynn seems to sense my hesitation. “You’ll be fine. You’re ready.”
Flynn has the knack of pulling me out of my comfort zone but every time he’s done it, it has worked out pretty nicely, and has left me feeling empowered and strong.
“Okay, let’s do it,” I say quickly before I lose my nerve.
His whole face lights up. “All right, let’s do this.”
The three of us dash to the paddock where Liberty is grazing with the other horses. The excitement and fresh air makes me feel alive. Trevor and I trail behind Flynn, eager little puppies. I’m really doing this.
Liberty lifts her head as we approach. She knows we’re coming for her. Flynn gives her a pat. “Hey, old lady.”
He lets me lead her out of the field, trailing close. She’s a small horse but she’s a lot bigger than Buddy. She’s a gentle one and I have a feeling that she and I are going to be great friends. As I lead her into the stalls by the arena, Flynn and Trevor run to the barn to fetch her saddle and bridle.
I trail my hand along the curve of her graceful shiny back. She’s so tall and majestic. There’s something about her… I can quite put my finger on it. I feel like we’re very much alike. Her dark curious eyes peer into mine, and she lets out a loud sigh – this tells me she’s relaxed, and it puts me at ease in return. I lead her to the stalls.
Flynn and Trevor are back in a flash, and Flynn helps me clean out her hooves. He shows me again how to pull her leg up to the right position, pressed against my thigh. I dig the pick into the hooves, the dirt crumbles to the cement floor.
“You’re doing great,” he says.
I beam – I could have never imagined doing this kind of thing before. This beast is putty in my hands. She could kick me in the face, but I hold steady. I’m confident, not scared. Horses are unpredictable. They can be calm one second, and swift the next. They are larger than life and have the power to hurt you. You must trust them. And they must trust you.
Trevor brushes her, still full of smiles and then bounces away to inspect the stalls. Flynn settles the saddle on the curve of her back. “You two are like two peas in a pod,” Flynn teases. “I knew she’d be perfect for you.”
“How did you know?”
He fiddles with her girth. “You two are a lot alike. When she first came here, she was a mess. We could barely approach her. She’d whinny and neigh loudly as soon as someone tried to get too close or attempted to make any kind of contact. The fear in her eyes would send chills down my spine.”
I blow out a breath. “Wow. What happened to her?”
“We’re not quite sure, but we think she may have been abused. We got her from a barn not too far from here... it’s a rescue centre. They take in wounded horses and rehabilitate them. They also board retired race horses. This one here used to be a show horse.”
I stroke her mane, my heart heavy. “She’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, she’s a good horse. She certainly didn’t deserve what was done to her.”
I’m not sure I want to know when I ask, “How bad was she?”
“When they first got her in, she was severely undernourished… you could see the ribs on her. She was lethargic and really skittish.”
“How can people do that to an animal?” I ask, not expecting an answer.
“How can people do that to other people?” he says softly, and I think about Michael, about the slaps, the kicks, and the hurtful words.
“Sadly, it happens every day. Owners kick their dogs, and those dogs whimper in a corner, and whip right back around to their abusive owners, wanting to be loved. It’s all they have and they’re willing to put up with a little abuse to not lose the only person who loves them, who feeds and shelters them.”
My stomach sinks. Is that how I’ve been… a pathetic needy little dog? All these years, I could have walked away, and I never did until that fateful day. Why did it take me so long to be strong? And even now, I’ve wanted to go back to him. Until very recently, I’ve wanted to go back every day.
Liberty is ready for me. She gazes into my eyes gently, almost as if she’s telling me it will all be okay, that she will be good for me. I suck in a deep breath as I put on my riding helmet. “Here goes nothing.”
Flynn helps me lead her into the arena. He helps me up over the stool and up on the horse. He pats my rear
and gives me a wink.
Damn, he’s sexy in that bandana. Later tonight is our time… and I just can’t wait.
I’m nervous at first but before long I relax as we walk slow circles around the arena. She’s good… she listens perfectly as I pull on the reins. I’m in total control and it makes me feel so powerful. I’m in charge here. I’m the boss. This majestic creature is under my power and listens to my instructions. I have never felt so strong, so fierce.
In this moment, I know I will be fine. No matter what comes my way. My eyes are brimming with tears when I round the corner and flash a smile at Flynn. He’s changed my life and I’ve never been so thankful to anyone.
He’s everything to me.
“You were amazing,” Flynn tells me again as the three of us tend to Liberty.
I’m beaming – I’m on cloud nine. “Thank you.” I don’t think I’ve ever felt so exhilarated.
Trevor is excited when he digs into his bag and fetches a treat for Liberty. “Can I give it to her,” he asks Flynn.
“Sure, she certainly deserves it.”
Trevor stretches a hand up to Liberty and she doesn’t hesitate to gobble up the treat. “I’m going to ride Liberty when I’m bigger too.”
“You sure will,” Flynn says.
I smile up at Flynn who is partially hidden on the other side of Liberty. We’ve been shooting each other flirty glances all day.
“I know someone else who deserves a treat,” he says playfully. “Jade did a pretty good job too.”
Trevor laughs. “I don’t think she would like these. Maybe we have something at home… like leftover cake or cookies or something.”
“Yes… I think I have just the thing,” Flynn says with a wink in my direction.
I bite down a laugh… he’s so bad.
“Well, well, well… what a pretty picture the three of you make.”
My heart hammers against my ribcage at the sound of the familiar voice. I would recognize that voice anywhere. I turn to Michael, my heart beating wildly. The nape of my neck is suddenly hot. I can’t move – my feet are rooted to the floor. I’m shaken by how fast my body can go from content and relaxed to frazzled and shaken.
“Straight out of a page in the Sears catalogue,” he adds as he slowly inches toward us. Flynn is on alert, his head held high. Trevor studies Michael curiously… he must remember him from his birthday party or the rehearsal dinner. Breathless, I finally manage to move my feet. I go to him because I don’t want him anywhere near Liberty or Trevor. My brain is fuzzy with strategies – how should I handle this situation? There just isn’t enough time to form a cohesive plan – this is the last place I expected to see Michael.
Jade
“Hello, Michael,” I say softly. The last thing I want to do is antagonize him. “Let’s go talk outside.”
He spins around and walks toward the exit. I follow behind. I feel so small next to him – I always have. As we step outside into the fresh air, I slide the huge barn door closed behind me and I’m happy Flynn hasn’t followed us – he would only add fuel to the fire.
I’m shaking, but deep inside I know he won’t hurt me.
He inches toward me and cups his large hands around my jaw. “I miss you,” he pulls me into him with a strength that feels so familiar. This is exactly the way he would pull me closer before he’d have me. My body betrays me as it melts a little, as it craves him still. But my mind is stronger.
“I can’t stay away. We can’t do this,” he says softly, no hint of the usual authoritative man I know. I’m motionless in his hands, half scared, half confused. Hypnotized. He has that effect on me, he has the peculiar skill of rendering my brain to mush. I can’t think clearly when I’m around him.
“I won’t cooperate, Jade,” he says. “I won’t let you do this. I’m going to fight you tooth and nail. I’m going to make this hard for you. You can’t throw away everything we have over some fling with some fucking stupid cowboy.”
I wrap my hands around his and struggle to pry them off me but he won’t let me go. “It’s not… it’s not about him,” I struggle to say, my lungs devoid of breath. I grip his hands harder and he feels so hard, so impenetrable. I know I’ll never get through to him. He’ll never understand why I need to do this, why I need to get away from him.
“Let her go,” Flynn barks.
Michael’s dark gaze fixes mine, and his grip on my jaw hardens.
“Let her go,” Flynn says again, his voice smooth and calm. “If you have anything to say, you can say it to me.”
A weight lifts when I feel Michael’s grip loosen. He’s letting me go… for the moment. He turns to Flynn and he seems so large a presence. He’s not much taller than him but he’s a lot stockier, larger, more threatening. But Flynn doesn’t budge.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he tells him. “This is between me and Jade. All I need to say to you is that she’s not yours… she’s mine.”
Flynn is speechless. His face is red, and his jaw is tight but his restraint never falters. He’s too good a man to get into a fist fight.
“When you’ve had your fun, and you’re done fucking her, she’ll crawl back to me,” Michael spits out. “Mark my words.”
I feel sick to my stomach. He thinks Flynn is just playing. He thinks I’m not good enough for him. Why would Flynn want me or love me? He’s just playing with a broken doll, trying to patch her back together.
“Don’t hold your breath, buddy,” is all Flynn says. And those few words spark a familiar rage in Michael. He shoves him hard, so hard Flynn falls to the ground, but he manages to bounce back up quickly. As soon as he’s up and tall, he lunges back but Michael is solid as a statue.
Flynn backs away. “Get off my property,” he yells and just then, I spot Trevor standing around the corner, at the edge of the barn. He looks scared and confused.
“Flynn,” I cry out. “Trevor is there.”
Michael knows better. “I’m giving you a bit more time, Jade. I know you’re just getting back at me, or sowing your oats, or finding yourself… I really don’t give a shit, but I know you’ll be back when you get your wits about you.” He turns from us and walks back to his SUV.
He reaches for the handle of his car. “And I’m not done with you, Riverstone,” he calls out. “I’d watch my back if I were you.”
Trevor runs into Flynn’s arms. “Who is that man?”
My heart breaks. Not only have I managed to drag Flynn and Amber into this, but now sweet little Trevor too. They can’t live like this. I shouldn’t be here. I should go.
“He’s just a man Jade knows,” he tells him. “She’s trying to get away from him because he’s mean.”
Trevor looks up at Flynn with sad eyes. “He’s a bully?”
Flynn kisses the top of his head. “Exactly.”
He squeezes closer into Flynn’s chest. “I hate bullies.”
I’m brought to tears. I can’t do this. I can’t drag this wonderful family into my mess. It’s not fair to them.
I need to go.
Flynn
The kid is wearing me down. I’m not as young as I used to be. It’s been almost a week and I’m exhausted. As much as I love him, taking care of an eight year old is exhausting. Jade seems to be faring better than me – she’s a natural with him. She’s clever too. She knows exactly how to settle him down when he gets too agitated.
She pulled out a puzzle to distract him about an hour ago and they’re making good progress; it’s a photo of three puppies in a basket. So far, they have the edges done.
I’m cooking burgers for dinner – Trevor’s favourite. I’ve taken a little break just to watch them. The sight of her with him makes me a little crazy. I can’t help but imagine her with our own children; a little girl with dark curls and a boy just like Trevor.
Damn, this is serious. This isn’t just simple physical attraction like I’ve experienced so many times. This isn’t just a crush. This is the real thing.
I’m in love
with this woman. I want to have babies with her and spend the rest of my life with her. And it’s so damn complicated. Her ex is crazy. He’s not letting her go. He might be insane but I completely understand where he’s coming from – I wouldn’t want to let her go either. I couldn’t stand it if she were in another man’s arms. It cuts me to the core, seeing her in his grip, her eyes fixing his. There’s still something between those two and it makes me crazy jealous.
I’m sick with jealousy and worry. I couldn’t get a wink of sleep last night, and I could barely eat today. Hopefully, I’ll get my appetite back soon.
I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath as I head back to the barbecue on the back deck. As I flip the burger patties, I can’t get the man out of my head. He’s volatile. He’s a real threat. For one of the first times in my life, I’m at a loss as to how to handle a situation. I feel out of control and that feels foreign to me. I despise the man, and that’s a strange feeling too.
I’m nauseated as I replay his words in my head. How could he imply that I’m just having a good time with Jade, that I’ll throw her away like yesterday’s trash as soon as I’ve had enough. I’ll never get enough of her. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. He doesn’t understand that I love her.
I didn’t think it would be a great idea to enlighten him about the matter. It’s best if he thinks there’s not too much going on between Jade and I, especially with the divorce coming up. He knows we’re sleeping together but he can’t prove anything, and I’m not about to give him ammunition.
Nope… what we need to focus on now is keeping Jade away from the man, and making sure she has an excellent divorce lawyer.
We’ll get through this together.
Trevor is fast asleep, and Jade and I are tucked away in her room. It feels strange being up here in the attic. I haven’t been here since I was a teenager. It was Ruby’s room for the longest time. It’s weird being here with Jade.
