by Roya Carmen
I nod. I completely understand where she’s coming from. This is not fair to her. We shouldn’t be dragging her into this, and the last thing I want is to jeopardize my family and my barn.
“I really wanted to help her when she first came here,” she says. “I felt sorry for her. But things have gone too far. We’re in too deep, Flynn.”
“I’m the one who’s in too deep.”
“I know. I know you love her.” She doesn’t ask me to let her go because she understands love. She knows I could never let her go.
I finally concede, knowing it’s the right thing to do – I have no other choice. “I’ll talk to her, and she’ll be out of here in the next twenty-four hours.”
Amber’s eyes are filled with tears. “Thank you, Flynn. You don’t know how sorry I am about this.”
I take her in my arms. “I know.”
Jade
Trevor flashes me a smile as he struggles with the cheese shredder – the poor kid is going to hurt himself with that thing. I take the shredder from him. “Here, Trevor… let me show you.”
I attempt to show him the proper technique but he doesn’t quite get a handle on it. “Here, why don’t you cut up the lettuce and I’ll handle the cheese.”
He grins up at me and starts on the lettuce. The three of us are making fish tacos. Admittedly, Amber is the one doing most of the work, and I’m sure it will be delicious.
Busy as always in the kitchen, Amber is not herself tonight. None of us are. How can we be after what happened this weekend? I’m still trying to figure out what to do. I’m at a crossroads. Should I go or should I stay. I really don’t want to go – I love it here. But on the other hand, I’m being completely selfish. I’m fully aware that my presence here is putting everyone in jeopardy. Michael is staying away for the time being, hiding from the police, but it won’t be long until he comes for me again.
I’ve been busy doing research and going over my finances. There are quite a few boarding rooms available in town, but I’m not sure I want to stick around here. I should probably run away far, far away. Yet the thought of being away from Flynn just kills me.
“I think that’s enough cheese,” Amber says. “Thank you.”
She hasn’t made eye contact with me all day and I want to ask her what’s wrong. I don’t because I’m afraid of the answer. I have a nagging feeling something is up. She stands over the stove, frying some fish, her back to me. “Flynn texted… he’s coming over for dinner.”
“Yes!” Trevor cheers.
My breath hitches just at the thought of seeing him. I haven’t seen him in two whole days, not since that time he was bed-ridden in the guest room. I miss him.
“Do you mind setting the table for six, Jade?”
“No… of course not. I’m on it,” I scurry to the cupboard to fetch some plates. I’m trying to be as helpful as I can be.
“Ruby is coming over too,” she says. “Eric is working late tonight… another deadline.”
The night is suddenly looking up. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Ruby. My heart feels heavy at the thought of my happiness about tonight’s dinner – this is the reason why I can’t bring myself to leave, even if I know I really should.
“Oh, God,” Ruby exclaims as soon as she spots Flynn. “You look awful.”
He gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Geez, thanks, little sis.”
“Is that eye all right?” she asks, full of concern.
“It’s cool,” he tells her, taking the bottle of wine from her hands. “Thanks for coming to visit me by the way.”
She smirks. “We were away this weekend… a little romantic getaway.”
“Oh… wouldn’t want to ruin your little getaway, now would we,” he teases.
“Sometimes I wish I had your life, Ruby,” Amber tells her. “Help yourself.”
Ruby turns to me. “Hi, Jade,” she says, her voice a sweet mix of cheer and sorrow. “How are you? You okay?” She hugs me tightly and doesn’t let go for the longest time. It’s possibly my birthday and I’ve forgotten… or it’s my funeral – she’s acting so strange, but then again, Ruby can be dramatic.
Everyone helps themselves to Amber’s fish tacos. Trevor is really proud of himself when he manages to roll up his own taco. The tacos are amazing but that’s to be expected – everything Amber makes is so delicious.
The evening flows smoothly enough, but unfortunately, the conversation is occasionally stilted. Every time the subject of Michael and that night comes up, the room falls into silence, until someone clears his/her throat and changes the subject. But Ruby, as curious as they come, always veers it back to the elephant in the room, wanting to know all the gory details.
Dessert is a delicious pumpkin pie, store-bought I think, but still pretty darn good. Every now and then, Flynn shoots me a look but the usual playful, winking Flynn is not here tonight. Something’s bothering him and I’m dying to know what it is.
The worst comes to mind – he’s had enough of all this drama and he wants to break it off. I feel nauseated at the thought. I don’t know if I would survive if he left me. I hate myself for that. Here I am, trying to be stronger, and I still need a man.
I shouldn’t need him so badly. I shouldn’t need anyone.
But I do.
After dinner, the bunch of us help Amber clear the table. I offer to help clean the kitchen, but she says it’s okay. She tells me Ruby can help her tonight. I cock a brow, wondering if she’s just being kind and giving me a bit of time with Flynn, or if something else is going on. Everyone’s been acting weird, with the exception of little Trevor.
Flynn takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. I like where this is going. I’m intrigued – we usually never make love in this house. The only time we ever did was when we looked after Trevor that week.
By the time we reach the attic, my legs throb a little. I may have been eating a little more since I’ve been here, but I also get plenty of exercise, walking up and down these stairs.
When we get to my room, I half expect him to hike me up against the wall, but he pulls me into a big bear hug instead. I like hugs as much as the next girl, but there’s something wrong – I can feel it.
Jade
I tear myself from him. “What’s wrong?”
He’s in tears. “I’m sorry, Jade.”
“What’s wrong? What are you sorry for?” I ask, imagining the worst – he’s dumping me.
“You need to go,” he says softly and I can tell it’s killing him.
He doesn’t want to let me go. He’s doing what’s right, keeping his family safe.
“I know. I understand,” I tell him. “Don’t feel bad about it.”
He wipes his face with the heel of his hand. I’ve never seen him cry before. I’ve never seen a grown man cry before, not right in front of me. I don’t remember my father, and Michael doesn’t cry.
It’s heartbreaking. I lean into him and wrap my arms around his torso. “Don’t be upset. What we had was beautiful. I’ll never forget you, and I know you’ll never forget me.”
He pulls from my embrace and cups my face in his hands. “You don’t understand, Jade. You need to leave this place but I can’t let you go. I could never let you go, Jade.”
My chest aches at his words. He should let me go. For his own good. “What do you mean?”
“Amber doesn’t feel safe with you here,” he explains, “and I don’t blame her. I want her and Trevor, and Aiden to be safe. I don’t want to drag them into this.”
I nod quietly, still taking all this in.
“But as for me, I’d rather be with you than be safe. There’s no way I’m letting you go. There’s no way I’m letting the bastard win. He doesn’t get you back. Ever.”
“I would never go back to him—”
“I know. I just…” He takes me into his arms again. “I can set you up in a hotel downtown tomorrow for a few days and we’ll start looking for a place for you as soon as possible.”
“I
’ve already started,” I tell him. “I’ve jotted a few options down – boarding rooms in houses in town. There’s one in particular that sounds promising. They have a cat.”
He smiles wide. “Yes, that’s perfect, Jade. I wouldn’t want you to be all alone in a gloomy apartment.”
I hug him tighter. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll come and visit as much as I can.”
I know he will. What I’m concerned about is Michael visiting me. “I hope he doesn’t find me again.”
He strokes my hair, the gesture so gentle and sweet. “He probably will, and then you’ll just need to move again.”
“God, what a fucking mess,” I say, my face buried in his soft sweater. “You should be with a simple leggy gal whose biggest problem is having to miss her mani-pedi because her friends invited her to the cottage for the weekend.”
He laughs. “Yeah… I sure know how to pick ‘em, don’t I?” he says and I know he’s joking.
“Maybe you secretly get off on the drama,” I tease.
He sighs. “I don’t, believe me. I would do anything for this nightmare to be over.”
Flynn
I hate this. I hate having to let her go. She was doing so great. She was riding Liberty. She was getting stronger every day. I could see it in the gleam of her eyes. Was all that work for naught? I won’t let myself believe that. What the horses gave her, she gets to keep.
She’s still strong.
The hotel room is nothing special. I wish I could give her more, but there aren’t many choices in this town. And I can’t afford to put her up in some fancy hotel anyway. The linens look fresh, and there’s a TV and free Wi-Fi apparently. A free continental breakfast too.
She’s all settled in and it’s that time – time to say goodbye. Damn, I’m going to miss her. I know I’ll be back, but I don’t want to be away from her, even for a single day. Her beautiful green eyes are wet when she looks up me, silently begging me not to go. “Can you stay for another fifteen minutes?” she asks sweetly.
“Yes,” I say, curious. What in the heavens can we do with fifteen minutes – the possibilities are endless.
“I want you,” she says quietly and I get hard instantly at the sound of those three little words. I’ve been waiting for her to ask. I didn’t want to push her after all she’s been through recently, but it’s been days since we’ve made love – it’s all I’ve been thinking about.
I pull her face to mine, and my mouth crashes into hers, hungry. My hands are greedy too, starved for her skin. She drives me wild when the sexiest moan escapes her throat as she presses her small body against mine. I grab the underside of her thigh and hike her up over my hips. She wraps her legs around me and I prop her down on the desk, the desk with the notepad, pen and Bible on it. I swipe all of it off and it falls to the floor in a mess.
She pulls at my shirt, desperate to take it off. I peel it over my shoulders and I’m bare for her. “Fuck, Flynn,” she whispers and trails her hands along the edges of the bruises covering my torso. Then, she kisses them softly. I pull her face to mine again – I miss those sweet lips. “You want it slow and soft on the bed, or right here on the desk?”
She licks her lip playfully. “On the desk.”
I can tell she’s horny as sin. I smile as I reach for the buttons of her blouse. I feel like taking my time, making her beg. And I do. I think she enjoys being teased. She’s patient… a very good girl. Her gaze doesn’t leave mine as I slowly undo every single button. When I finally reach the bottom one, I can’t take it anymore… I need to taste her. I reach for her perfect breast and pull it out of that white lace cup, into my greedy mouth. She throws her head back when I suck her hard nipple, all the while I stroke her pussy over her jeans.
“Fuck, Flynn,” she moans. “Take off my pants.”
I’m not gentle when I pop open her button and tear her jeans off. Her silk panties come along for the ride. Frantic, I struggle to free myself to take her, and just when I finally do, a realization dawns on me.
“Fuck.”
“What? What’s wrong, Flynn?”
I stare at her; sprawled out the desk, legs spread wide, and I can’t bring myself to tell her.
“What?!”
“I don’t have a condom with me.”
She stares down at the floor.
“Do you have anything?” I ask, desperate. I can’t imagine not being able to be inside her right now.
She shakes her head and pulls me to her. “I don’t care. I want you like this. It’ll be fine...”
“Are you sure?” I ask. I don’t think about all the consequences. I assume that she’s on the pill because she doesn’t seemed concerned in the least. And the thought of being inside her, bare, drives me wild, to a place where logic and sense do not exist.
I pull her to me hard. And when I enter her, she lets out a little moan. I start off slow and soft. I love watching the pleasure on her face when I make love to her; the beautiful slightly opened mouth, those long lashes fluttering, her soft neck, and that long silky dark hair flowing to her ass. Watching her, I almost forget about my own pleasure sometimes.
I go harder at her because it’s what she wants. She grinds me harder and harder, reaching for her release. She’s floating right off the desk, save for her hands, palms flat on the surface, holding herself steady. As I pump into her, her head bangs into the mirror. Over and over again. And she couldn’t care less. Fuck, that thing better not come down. I don’t care. I can’t stop. And neither can she. She whimpers into the stale air, enjoying every single second of it. Finally she screams out loud when I make her come. The sinful sound pushes me over the top too. I squeeze her hard as we both ride our climaxes.
She’s completely breathless when she comes to. “Wow…” is all she says.
“Wow,” I say, in full agreement. It was amazing.
I reluctantly let go of her. “We still have ten minutes,” I point out with a laugh. “Do you want to cuddle or… are you just using me for sex?”
She slides off the desk and joins me on the bed. She curls her body into mine. She’s so much smaller than me but our bodies fit perfectly together. I hold her tight, not wanting to let go.
The things this woman does to me – I don’t quite understand it. I suppose it’s what artists and poets have been going on about for ages – an inexplicable chemistry.
As wrong as it might be, it feels so right.
Jade
I’m pretty miserable. There’s no warmth here. There’s no colour either, with the exception of the Thomas Kinkade prints on the wall. They are quite lovely – I’ve been staring at them for the last three days. They’re the only thing keeping me sane. I love the colours and whimsical scenery of a much simpler time. Everything is peaceful and perfect in a Thomas Kinkade painting. The one with the house reminds me of Riverstones and it’s my favourite. Luckily, it’s the one over my bed.
I don’t feel safe here. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t breathe properly. I spend most of my time in town, where I’m surrounded by people. I know he can’t do much to me if we’re surrounded by people. But here in this room, he can. I have no choice but to come here at night when the library and all the shops and cafés close down. There’s a twenty-four hour gym down the road I wish I could join – I could sleep on the benches in the change room.
Thankfully, I’ll be out of here by Tuesday. My new room will be available then. The one at the older couple’s home.
All in all, it hasn’t been so bad here – I’ve been spending the days reading, going to the library, walking the streets and having tea at the coffee shop. I met a lady at the continental breakfast yesterday. I told her my name was Anna. I’m Anna here. Anna Foster.
I just made that up. I don’t have a fake ID or anything. I probably should have one, and become a whole new person. Then, he might not be able to find me. But I refuse to hide. I’ve been hiding too long. All those years with him, I was hiding. Hiding in plain sight, in a beautiful perfec
t house.
I fire up my laptop. It’s been ages since I’ve been on there. I didn’t want to be tempted. I didn’t want to be found. I wanted to leave my old self behind completely. When I left that day, I was not only leaving Michael, I was leaving a life that never quite felt real to me. I was leaving it all behind.
When I open up my email account, I’m a little overwhelmed by the number of messages. I scan through them quickly; messages from my dentist; missed appointments, the library; books overdue, three messages from my friend Jackie at book club (the only friend I had), asking why I haven’t showed my face. Another message from the hairdresser.
And then I see Michael’s name – fifteen messages… each one incrementally more urgent and crazier than the preceding one.
Jade,
Where are you? Please answer me.
___
Jade,
Where did you go? I miss you. What have I done? I’m so sorry about what happened. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.
___
Jade,
Please, talk to me. I miss you. I love you.
___
Jade,
Everyone is looking for you. You’ve missed half a dozen appointments. Even your mother is asking for you.
I grunt. I know that one is a lie. I haven’t spoken to my poor excuse of a mother in years.
___
Jade,
I’m getting angry now. If you reply right now, I won’t be mad, I promise.
___
Jade,
Enough already! This is crazy. I understand you’re upset because I hit you, but I promise it will never happen again.
___
Jade,
Please, just come back to me. We’ll make love and then I’ll stroke your back just the way you like. Then, we can jet off to the Bahamas for a week. I know I’ve been working too hard. I can take a week off just to be with you.
___
Jade,
You can’t make it on your own. You have no money, no education, no skills. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You need me and you know it.
