by Roya Carmen
___
Jade,
I’m hiring a private investigator and I am finding you.
___
Jade, I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with you. I haven’t found you yet, but I will.
___
I’m coming for you.
___
Well, look at you. I’m impressed. You actually managed to find some poor shmucks to take you in. Don’t you look cozy with your new little family. Just know… it won’t last… I’m coming back for you.
___
I’ve been watching you and I know you have something going on with that Flynn guy. Moving on already… you are such a little filthy slut. I bet he doesn’t fuck you the way I do. Does he make you scream like I do?
___
Fuck, Jade. I got the papers today. You can’t do this to us. I won’t let you. I’ll die before I let you do this.
___
You’ll die too.
Jade
Fuck.
The last two emails are dated a few weeks ago… the day he beat up Flynn at the bar. He’s probably being cautious and laying low for the moment but my heart races at the thought of him finding me again.
My fingers shake as I start to type. I need to calm him down. I need to make him believe that he’s still my only one. I need to keep him away from Flynn and me. I need him to back off.
Dear Michael,
I hope this email reaches you. I’m so very confused… I don’t even know where to start. So much has happened since the day I left you.
First, I feel like I owe you an explanation. I left without a word and that was cowardly of me. The truth is that I was afraid you would pull me back in and change my mind if I spoke to you first. And honestly, I was also afraid you might hurt me. I had to leave the way I did because I had no other choice.
I haven’t checked my email since I left and I’ve just read your messages now. To be honest with you… you’re scaring me.
It all comes down to this, Michael… you hit me. You belittle me. You hurt me. I know you don’t hit me often, but even just once is too often. I’ve been counting over the years. Each slap, punch, kick is remembered. They are never forgotten… each one will stay with me forever. I told myself that I would walk away from you the day we reached #10. And we did that night.
I am stronger than you think. I’m not stupid. I’m not fat. I’m not useless. And I’m not weak. I’ve only gotten stronger these past few months. Every day I am away from you, I feel stronger. Believe me, it took all the strength I had to leave you. I was so afraid – afraid of you. I also missed you, every single day. I can’t count the times I imagined running back into your arms. You were all I knew, you were the only person to ever love me.
You still are. There’s no one else, Michael. Flynn and Aiden are friends. They are kind to me, but they have their own lives. In fact, Aiden just got married a few weeks ago. And Flynn has a long-time girlfriend, one of those tall leggy blondes, the kind of girl I kind of hate. But she’s pretty nice.
I’m still going through with the divorce because you and I are no good for each other. I want to move on. I want to move forward on my own. I don’t need anyone but myself. I’ve moved from the Riverstones – they’ve been too kind too long and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I wish them the best – they are a wonderful family. I’ve gotten myself a room in a house with a quiet older couple. They have a cat.
I’m looking to go to college, possibly study to become a vet tech like I’ve always wanted to. The dream I held in my heart: you and I, a picket fence and sweet little children – it was just a dream. Now, real life awaits.
I wish you the best, and I hope you won’t make my life too difficult and fight this divorce. You need to let me go. I won’t ask for much in the divorce, just enough to pay my legal fees, college tuition and a bit extra to get me started. I’ll be good if you are.
I really wish you the best, Michael. I know you’ll find someone else soon; you’re handsome, smart and very passionate. When you do, please be kind to her.
Love,
Jade
I hate lying to him. I hate having to write the words ‘There’s no one else.’ I hate having to hide my love for Flynn. But desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. If I can get him to believe there’s no one else, that Flynn and I are just friends, maybe he’ll back off. Now that he knows I’m no longer on the farm, hopefully he’ll stay away.
I try to be hopeful… but I can’t shake the feeling that he’ll find me regardless. Sooner or later.
Flynn
“I miss her so much, it’s crazy.”
Flash cocks his head, feigning interest. He brings a paw to his mouth, licks it clean, and curls it around his head. He couldn’t care less about my love life. He reminds me of myself – he likes to groom. The other cats at the barn are matted filthy messes. As long as they catch mice, they’re doing their job – they don’t need to look good doing it. But Flash is different – a gorgeous black cat with long whiskers, his fur gleams. He’s a king. I hate to play favourites, but he’s my favourite.
“You do your thing, Flash. All the ladies appreciate it, I’m sure.”
I run the bridle bit under the faucet, and scrub it nice and clean. “Look at me talking to a cat again.”
He stops to acknowledge me and goes straight back to his grooming.
“Yes, you might have a problem.”
I turn to see Amber in the doorway. I’m expecting bad news again. It seems every time she’s in here, she brings bad news. “Hey, Amb.”
She smiles and gives Flash a pat under the chin – he loves it. “I wanted to let you know… the police got them. They’re charged with assault… all three of them.”
I blow out a breath as a huge weight lifts off my shoulders. “Thank god.”
“I’m not sure if they’re getting jail time. Probably not… or not much anyway. It’s a simple assault charge and they’ll need to appear before a judge. That’s all I know.”
I nod, trying to digest all this. Does this change anything? Are we safer?
“Now that Jade is gone… I think we’re in the clear, but I’m still worried for her,” she says. “I sent her an email yesterday. She told me she was fine, that she was staying in a boarding room with an old couple.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“We’re still in contact,” I admit. She’s the love of my life – of course, we’re still in contact.
“What?! Are you crazy?!” she asks, not waiting for an answer. “Do you have a death wish?! He already almost killed you once… you don’t think he’ll try it again?”
My chest hurts. I can’t deal with this right now. “I love her, Amber.”
She shakes her head. “I know. I know you love her, Flynn but—”
“But what?! What do you expect from me? You expect me to just let her go? You expect me to abandon her? Who cares if she ends up back in his arms and he beats her to death one day. I can’t stay away, Amber.”
She’s officially crying now and I see the fear in her eyes. She loves me and our family more than anything else on this earth. I know she’s just looking out for me.
“We have the restraining order in effect, right? He can’t be anywhere near Jade or any of us,” I remind her.
“Yeah, sure,” she snarls. “Guys like him really listen to restraining orders, right.”
“I promise we’re being super safe, Amber,” I say in a poor attempt to reassure her. “I haven’t seen her since I dropped her off at the hotel.”
“But you’re keeping in touch through email?”
“Yes.”
“He could be hacking her email for all you know.”
I blow out a breath. I can’t deal with Amber’s paranoia right now. But she’s right – he could be witnessing all our online conversations. We need to be very careful.
“Anyway, you want to come for dinner tonight?” she asks. “I’m making beef stroganoff.”
A nice home cooked meal is exactly what I need now. “You bet. Six o’clock?”
“Six o’clock,” she repeats and she’s out the door.
“God, I can’t believe I haven’t seen her since that night.” I’m still talking to the cat and I really couldn’t care less – I’m that far gone.
I close my eyes, remembering that night. My sweet sexy little Jade was sprawled out on the desk, eager for me. Her perfect body was pressed against mine as she rode me into oblivion. God, I miss that. I miss it all – not just the sex, but the pillow talk, and just being next to her, being able to look into her eyes. I shake my head. I’m such a sap. “I need to man up, Flash. I’m a joke.”
He nods. I can’t believe my eyes. “Did you just nod?”
He does it again.
“Well, what do you know… I’m a joke, but my cat is a genius.”
Amber, Aiden and Trevor are boring me something fierce. The food is good but the conversation lacks. Well, to be fair, it’s not them, it’s me. I can’t stop thinking about Jade. I can’t stand this. I miss her so damn much.
Amber is just about to slice the apple pie when I stand and excuse myself. “What?! Where are you going?”
I know I’m being kind of rude, but I just don’t care. “I… I just remembered I forgot to do something at the barn… it’s urgent.” I don’t even bother to come up with a credible excuse, something a little more specific. I just don’t have the time.
Her jaw still hangs. “You’re not staying for pie?”
I kiss the top of Trevor’s head. “I’m so sorry, guys, but I need to go.”
I’m out of there in a flash and in my truck. I know I shouldn’t be heading where I’m going, but nothing can stop me.
I zoom down the highway with the radio on full blast. I’m high at the thought of seeing her.
My heart beats a mile a minute when I park my truck on the residential street, a few houses down. My gaze, fluttering and on edge, darts across the street. There are no other cars here. No one has followed me. I’m the only one here.
I walk down the street to the small yellow house with the porch. #14. My heart is still pounding when I step onto the quaint covered porch. My fingers shake when I ring the bell. I’m impatient when it takes forever for someone to answer.
Finally, a small elderly man peeks through the door window. He slowly opens the door, cautious. He assesses me with an uncertain expression. “Hello, can I help you?”
“Yes, I’m here for Jade… uh… sorry, for Anna.”
His head shoots up enthusiastically. “Oh… Anna. Yes… just a minute, boy.”
“Okay…” I smile. I can’t remember the last time someone called me ‘boy’. The last time I checked, I was thirty-six.
I see her through the window as she walks down the stairs. When she gets to the foyer, she disappears for a few seconds. And then she’s back, wearing a heavy sweater and winter boots. She’s wearing striped pajama pants – she obviously didn’t expect anyone. Yet, she still manages to be adorable. I just want to eat her up.
She looks up at me with the biggest eyes I’ve ever seen. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”
“I missed you.”
She sinks into me and I wrap my arms around her. I’ve missed holding her so much. I could stand on the porch like this forever. “I missed you too,” she says sweetly.
“Can I come in?” I ask. “It’s kind of cold out here.”
She pauses and she does that thing she always does when she doesn’t want to tell me something – she slowly pulls at her bottom lip with her teeth. “It’s just… you could come in for tea and cookies.”
“Tea and cookies?!” I laugh. “I had something a little naughtier in mind.”
She rolls her eyes to the sky. “God… I know… I wish. It’s just kind of awkward with Dorothy and Harry. I can’t exactly bring in this strapping lad and scurry up to my room, and try not to make a sound. They’ll know we’re fucking.”
I shake my head remembering our last time together. Yes, if we’re going to fuck, I want to make her scream – the bedroom upstairs won’t do. I get hard just at the thought of her on top of me, screaming. “Tell them you’re going for a walk.”
“What?!” she asks, confused.
“Tell them we’re going for a walk. It’s a nice fall night.”
“Are we? Going for a walk?”
“Just tell them.”
She shrugs. “Sure.” She heads inside for a minute and she’s back wearing a heavy jacket. She looks ridiculous in that puffy white jacket.
“Wow, you’re really prepared for the winter.”
“It’s coming. There’s nothing we can do about—”
I pull her to me and steal a hot kiss. She feels like a cloud in my arms. “Where are you taking me?” she asks.
We walk hand in hand. “Not far… you’ll see.”
We reach my truck, alone and secluded under a large maple on the deserted street.
Perfect.
I grab my keys from my pocket. The beep of my car is the only sound in the night. I open the back door for her. She shoots me a sly grin – she knows exactly what I’m up to.
I pat her on the rear. “Get in, gorgeous”
Jade
It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve touched him, since that last time, since he’s touched me. The leather seats of his truck are so damn cold, but I couldn’t care less. It’s so chilly we can see our breaths. As soon as he slams the door shut, he’s all over me. The weight of his body sinks into mine and I practically melt into the seat. I close my eyes when we kiss. I don’t care if this is stupid, if this is dangerous. I’d be prepared to risk anything for this. There’s nothing sweeter in the world than Flynn’s kiss.
Our hot tongues dance wildly. We’re frantic, and just can’t get enough of each other. Our hands are everywhere, searching, desperate. I brush my palms against his prickly beard – I’ve missed the feel of it. I’ve missed everything about him; his beautiful eyes, his wide grin, his soft voice. I run my hands through his hair, wishing I could keep him locked in a box, and play with him any time I wished.
“I’ve missed this.” He whispers against the shell of my ear. His breath is warm and sends chills down my spine. “Look at us… weeks apart and our pants are still on. What’s wrong with us?!”
I smile up at him. It’s not just about sex for us, it’s so much more. I unzip his jacket and slide my cold hands under his sweater – he’s on fire.
“Whoa…” he yelps. “Your hands are freezing.”
I break into laughter. “I know.”
He sticks his hands under my shirt too but they’re nowhere as cold as mine. “You want a little taste of your own medicine, you little rascal.” He tickles my ribs until I cry for him to stop.
We settle down and gaze into each other’s eyes.
“God… I missed this too.” I can’t do this anymore. Days away from each other, hungry for a quick stolen moment. It’s not enough. I know we can’t be together. I understand all the reasons why, but I’m not sure I can do it.
He presses his lips to mine again, the taste of his tongue perfect. His hot wet mouth is so delicious – I can’t get enough of it. He’s gentle when he slides his hand down over my hips and peels my pajama bottoms down, so slow. He pulls off my boots and I’m left naked from the waist down. It’s cold as hell but neither of us seems to care. He pulls me over him. My gaze fixes his as I straddle him – we’re not playing anymore. I swallow hard when his hand strokes my ass slowly. My pussy is screaming for his touch. It’s been forever since we were last together and I’m so aroused, I ache.
I feel bold tonight. I press my mouth against his, and bite at his lip sucking it gently between my teeth. I let go slowly. “Stroke my pussy,” I beg, my words lost in his mouth.
His hand finds its way there within a second. He slides a long finger along my sweet spot, slow and smooth, gently up and down. I grind against his hand, out of control. Hi
s dark eyes fix on mine – he loves watching me. “I want to see you come like this,” he says softly.
I want that too.
He goes harder and faster at me, and sends me to the clouds. I grind against him so hard, the car rocks. I don’t care if anyone walks by. I just don’t care.
I swallow a gulp of cold air as the waves crash through me. I’m breathless, lost in the palm of his hand. He takes me all the way there, to the end. I crash down on his shoulder.
“I loved that,” he says, his mouth pressed against my cheek. “You’re gorgeous when you come.”
I laugh. “I’m a little embarrassed.”
“No, no… don’t be.”
He holds me for the longest time without asking for anything in return. He is truly amazing. I want to please him too. I just need to catch my breath first. I trace slow circles around the patterns of his sweater. I can barely make them out in the darkness of his truck, but the moonlight shines bright enough for me to drink in the shadows of him. He brings his hand to mine and our fingers interlace. “This is what love feels like,” I say.
He kisses the top of my head. “Yeah.”
I kiss him and then I drag my tongue softly down his neck. He swallows hard, wanting more. But he doesn’t ask. I slither down his torso, and pull his sweater up. I drag my tongue along the curves of his abs, delighting in the salty taste of him. I swirl my tongue around his navel as I pull the tongue of his belt out. I rub his cock over his jeans – he’s so damn hard for me, it makes me hungry for him again. I want him inside me but I won’t be that selfish – I’d rather please him another way tonight. I want to do something I’ve never done for him. I nip at the flesh of his stomach, teasing him as I undo his fly.
He’s so hot when I take him in my hand. I slide my grip down his length, and watch his stomach concave in and blow out. I can’t wait to taste him when I wrap my lips around the tip of his erection, teasing still. He moans loudly. I swirl my tongue around him and lift my gaze to see him – he’s beautiful from this angle.
