The Survivor

by Dylan Steel

  “Are we?” Nic’s eyebrows knitted together. “Because that’s not what I want—not at all. I—”

  “Do I have to stay here?” she interrupted. Lowering her voice, she added, “I mean, is it some sort of Kunbriat expectation or requirement or—or—can I just walk out the door?”

  “Sage. Please.” He leaned forward earnestly. “I could pull rank and say yes, but I—I was hoping you’d stay because you wanted to.”

  She blew out a puff of air, disgusted. “So I don’t really have a choice,” she said dully. “Fine.” She picked up her fork, poking at the edge of the dish in front of her. “Then say whatever it was you wanted to say so we can be done.”

  “Fine.” Nic slumped back in his chair. His face fell. “I wanted to tell you before anything happened with Carnabel, but I never had a chance. She told me her, uh… She said we were running out of time for our first try, so…” He paused, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

  The room started spinning around her. She held up her hand, squeezing her eyes shut. “Please spare me the details.”

  “Sorry. I—” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know if you know this yet or not, but there are some pretty serious consequences if we fail to perform our duty as pairs.”

  Sage’s grip on her fork tightened. “It’s pretty recent, but I’ve heard.”

  Relief visibly washed over him. “Then you know. You know why I had to be with her.” He leaned forward, reaching for her hand. “I didn’t have a choice, Sage. If I had, I never would’ve—”

  She jerked her hand back at his touch. “There’s always a choice,” she hissed under her breath.

  “Like you and Everett haven’t—”

  “We haven’t,” she snapped. Sage bit her lip, looking away. She clenched her jaw even tighter as tears welled up in her eyes. They always came at the worst times. She never seemed able to stop them, but she didn’t have to let them fall.

  Nic’s eyes widened. “You haven’t? Oh, rox, Sage, I—” He stopped himself, nearly choking. “You know there isn’t much time left to—”

  “My databook has a calendar,” she said coolly, anger flashing behind her eyes. “Now can I leave?”

  “Sage, I still want us to work.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “There is no us anymore, Nic. You made that choice for both of us.”

  “No,” he growled. “I choose us.”

  “That’s no longer an option.” She set her fork down, her dinner completely untouched. Her hand subconsciously went to her ear as she lifted her chin. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring your cuff. I’ll return it to you soon, I just—I didn’t know I would be seeing you tonight, or I would’ve brought it with me.”

  Pain rippled behind his golden eyes. “I don’t want it back. It’s yours. It’ll always be yours.” His eyebrows dipped lower as he reached for her hand again. “Just like you’ll always be mine, Sage.”

  “I’m not yours.” She tried to wrench her hand free, but he was holding it too tightly. Her heart started pounding faster. “Let me go, Nic.”

  “I can’t.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”

  She bit the inside of her lip. “You already have. Whether it was you or Carnabel or Eprah, it doesn’t matter. You made your choice, and so have I. I can’t be with you anymore. You have to let me go,” she said softly, searching his eyes.

  “But I love you.”

  Sage shook her head. “I know you think so, but you don’t. You didn’t really choose me.”

  “I didn’t choose Carnabel,” he protested, a glossy sheen beginning to cover his eyes.

  “No. I know that,” she said sadly, “but you didn’t choose me either. Not really.”

  You chose Eprah, she thought, knowing she could never say it out loud, but at the same time, realizing it had been true all along. He’d never loved her more than his duty, and she’d been lying to herself from the moment he’d become a pairing option, thinking she could be alright with good enough.

  But she knew the truth now. Even if there was nothing better, she couldn’t accept good enough. No matter how hard they tried, Eprah couldn’t take every choice away. This one was hers.

  She set her hand on his, gently prying his grip loose. “I don’t think we were ever the great match that you thought we were, Nic. Maybe they weren’t wrong in splitting up our pairing.”

  “How can you—Sage, no.” His features twisted in anguish.

  “I’m sorry Nic.” She shut her eyes. This conversation was more draining than she would’ve thought possible. “I really am. I thought I loved you too once, but—”

  “Is it because of him?”

  “Him?” Sage shot him a confused look.

  “Everett.” He bit out the name with derision.

  Sage sighed, shaking her head. “No. This is about you and me. He has nothing to do with it.”

  “I could crush him, you know,” Nic snapped, his eyes flooding with hate. “He’s nothing.”

  “No,” Sage said firmly, frightened by his sudden outburst. “He’s your friend—or was, at least—but you can’t—I don’t have feelings like that for him, but even if I did…” Her shoulders heaved.

  “Nic,” she whispered, fighting back tears, “I cared about you, and you broke my heart, and I can’t give the pieces back to you again. That’s all. And if that’s not enough of a reason, I don’t know what else I can say.” Her lip trembled. “And I can’t sit here and listen to this anymore. Please don’t make me.”

  Nic’s gaze raked over her slowly. He seemed to be savoring every last moment he had with her, taking in every line and curve, committing it to memory.

  Her eyes pleaded with him. “Nic,” she said softly.

  He blew out a ragged breath as he nodded slowly in resignation. “You may not believe me right now, but I love you, Sage Indarra. And I’m not done trying to prove it.”

  11. DISCOVERED

  Darkness welcomed Sage as she stepped out of La N’bo alone. She shivered in the night air, though it was warmer than where she’d been sitting a few moments earlier. She was beyond ready to put some distance between her and the stuffy atmosphere inside.

  After Nic had expressed concern about her walking home alone at night, she’d nearly found herself with an unwelcome escort. Fortunately, she’d managed to convince him that she’d be fine on her own—mostly because she’d threatened to start stripping his Chances even if it meant that the Kunbriat would retaliate against her. He’d relented when he realized she was completely serious. She wasn’t sure she could handle being around him another moment longer.

  Wishing she’d thought to bring a jacket just to have something to do with her hands, Sage crossed her arms and began walking quickly in the direction of her apartment. Maybe her appetite would return by the time she got home.

  As she neared the intersection, she noticed a figure leaning against a building at the end of the street. His hood was pulled low over his face, but it was obvious he was watching her. Her breath caught in her throat as her heart picked up speed in her chest. Maybe she’d been too quick to turn down Nic’s offer.

  Her eyes darted around the street as she tried to determine whether or not the man was alone. If he was alone, she was fairly certain she could hold her own between her Bokja training and the number of Chances she had—or her sprinting speed if the first two options failed. But if he wasn’t alone…

  She didn’t want to think about that. It looked like he was alone, and she didn’t want to run back inside La N’bo and ask Nic to save her from someone who might not even mean her any harm. That wouldn’t just be embarrassing—he’d see it as some sort of sign that there really was unfinished business between them, that she couldn’t survive without him. Her heart couldn’t handle another dose of his misplaced hope.

  Sage furrowed her brow, biting her lip in indecision. She was probably worrying over nothing. All the same, her guard was up now. She wouldn’t be caught unaware.

  With agonizing eff
ort, she forced herself to continue moving forward steadily, acting as if she hadn’t seen him. He seemed to sense she’d spotted him because he immediately disappeared around the corner—in the same direction she was heading.

  Her footsteps faltered. She didn’t want to follow him, but going the long way would take her through a much worse area of town—one filled with the red dots that Eric had pointed out to her. A statistical nightmare—one that didn’t mesh well with leaving alive.

  Cautiously, Sage rounded the corner after the mystery figure. She caught another glimpse of him still heading away from her.

  Her heart tumbled unexpectedly. She knew that walk.

  Throwing a quick glance over her shoulder to be sure she was alone, she worked up the courage to call out to him quietly. “Everett?”

  Without turning around, the figure sped up. It was him. It had to be.

  “Wait.”

  He continued walking away. She frowned, mentally lamenting her heels as she picked up her pace to close the gap between them. She was sure he’d heard her.

  “Everett, wait.”

  He finally stopped, but he didn’t turn around. Her hands tightened into fists at her side as she tottered toward him as quickly as she could in her shoes.

  “What in Eprah’s name are you doing out here?” Sage asked as soon as she reached him. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

  “I decided to go for a walk.” He shrugged, looking away.

  “Were you following me?” She narrowed her eyes accusingly.

  He flinched. “No.”

  “But you knew where I was going,” she said pointedly, cutting through his denial, “so it wasn’t exactly a challenge to find me.”

  His jaw tightened. “I was worried about you.”

  She stopped, taking a step back. “What? Why?”

  “I saw your reaction to the message at the apartment.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You tried to hide it, but something about it upset you. I wanted to know why,” he admitted, studying her closely.

  “And do you know why now?” she asked, her voice dangerously low.

  “I know Nic followed you into La N’bo,” he said, matching her tone with an added undercurrent of frustration. “But I can only guess what you talked about.”

  “You had no right to spy on me.”

  “I wasn’t.” Everett’s brows dipped into a frown. “But of the two of us, I think I’m the one who has a right to be upset right now.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Her mouth dropped open.

  “Ok, so tell me what I am supposed to think,” Everett demanded. “You sneak out of our apartment late at night to go see your old pair, even after—”

  “I ‘sneak out’?” Sage retorted, fuming. “You were there when I got the message. It’s not like I planned—” She held up her hand, backing away from him. “No. You know what? I can’t do this right now. I’m going home.” She stalked off without looking back.

  “Sure. Walk away,” Everett grunted, quickly catching up to her side. “It’s gonna do you a lot of good.”

  “Better than yelling at you in the street.” Her heels clicked faster against the pavement.

  “You’re the one seeing someone behind my back,” he growled, grabbing her arm to stop her.

  “I—” Sage’s face burned crimson in a mixture of indignation and guilt. She had been seeing Nic behind Everett’s back, but that had been awhile ago—she definitely wasn’t anymore. “Why do you even care?” she snapped.

  Everett stared at her, slack-jawed. “You know what’s at stake for both of us, and you’re out here with—with him. Even though you know he’s with her! And you can’t tell me that it doesn’t bother you—not after the other day at the clinic. But even after everything he’s done, you don’t care, do you?” He shook his head, disgusted.

  Rage flared up inside her. He had no right to stand there and judge her, especially after she’d just spent the evening telling Nic they were over. “You have no idea what—”

  “I think I have a pretty good idea. You just can’t wait to be rid of me and go back to—” He stopped abruptly, stiffening. His eyes trailed down to Sage’s hand, which was clasped tightly around her bracelet.

  The angry blaze behind Sage’s eyes immediately dissolved into dismay. Her shoulders trembled as she pulled her hand away from her wrist. She’d never stripped a Chance from someone before. “I’m s-sorry,” she whispered, nausea swirling in her stomach. “I don’t know why I—I…”

  Everett’s expression hardened. “Not like it matters, right? Because there’s nothing happening between us—not now, not a month from now, not ever. It’s not like I’m going to have the rest of these Chances long anyways.”

  Tears rushed to her eyes. “Everett, I’m so, so sorry.” She reached out to him, but he jerked back. His reaction hooked around something inside her, wrenching more painfully than she would have thought possible. “Please. I didn’t mean—”

  “I hope you and Nic will be very happy together. You two deserve each other.” His lip curled in disgust as he turned and started walking away again, not waiting for his pair.

  Sage watched through watery eyes as he put some distance between them. Once he was halfway down the street, she began following him, slowly. Painful knots sat heavy in the bottom of her stomach, making each step difficult.

  She’d done what she’d promised herself she never would—she’d accepted Eprah’s standards and made a decision about what someone else’s life was worth. Guilt gnawed at her insides, as did some other unfamiliar emotion that she couldn’t quite place. She didn’t think she’d ever been so disgusted with herself as she was in that moment.

  Her head hung low as she trudged the rest of the way home. She wasn’t even sure she wanted Everett’s forgiveness, but she knew she didn’t deserve it.

  12. BOOM

  Running her hand through the images above the tech table, Sage stifled a yawn as she scanned the feeds of the city block. Overnight shifts weren’t terrible, but she rarely had any reqs to answer. Officers tended to stick to patrol routes at night, and even when they were at the Peace, they didn’t seem particularly concerned with tech issues.

  Hopping out of her chair, she paced behind the table for a few seconds, pumping oxygen through her blood to wake herself up. A quick glance around told her that she wasn’t the only one feeling the effects of the long night. The tech to her right was slumped over his table, his head propped up by his hand.

  She flexed her fingers in front of her, reaching tentatively toward the map. With a few flicks, she pulled up the colorful map of people’s Chances, scanning the clusters for anything unusual. Her shift was almost over, and she liked to make sure everything was quiet before heading home. One of the few advantages of working at the Peace.

  Behind her, the soft whoosh of the room door opening startled her. She whirled around, suddenly much more alert than she’d been just moments earlier. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized it was just Eric.

  She turned back to the screen, only partially paying attention as he pulled up a chair beside her.

  “You’re in early,” she said.

  “Couldn’t sleep,” he grunted. “Anything interesting happen?”

  “No. The usual.” She knew better than to waste too many words on him this early in the morning. He’d either get irritated at her for talking too much or completely tune out whatever she said, forcing her to repeat it again before she left.

  “Good. Any repairs?”

  “Not really. Two tablets without a charge, but I didn’t even handle them. Chester’s out now working on something that might be real though.”

  Eric stared blankly ahead, not even acknowledging what she’d said. Sage bit her lip, holding back her amusement. Laughing at him would only make him mad—assuming, of course, that he noticed at all. But she’d rather not risk it.

  Playing with the ends of her hair, she turned her attention back to the colors littering the city. Eprah was coming t
o life as people got ready and left for the day. Even at the widest view of the city, the beginning of the day was always obvious. Colors that wouldn’t otherwise interact mingled together on the sidewalks, bleeding into each other in a kaleidoscope of reds and greens and yellows and blues and oranges, all rushing to get to their respective jobs. She found it mesmerizing, almost soothing.

  A loud boom thundered somewhere nearby, jarring her from her thoughts. It was quickly followed by a second. Sage’s eyes widened. She gripped the edge of the tech table for support as the ground rumbled beneath her. The few techs in the room were all on their feet now, wide awake.

  She exchanged an uneasy glance with Eric. “What was that?”

  “I have no idea.” He pointed at the map. “But I don’t think that’s a good sign.”

  Sage followed the line of his finger to where the Cabinet of the People was located on the map. Her breath caught in her throat. As she watched, the colorful blurs shifted, rapidly fading from one color into another. Greens morphed to yellows, yellows to oranges, oranges to reds—and some went straight to black.

  Eric jumped in front of her, scrambling to pull up a better view of the Cabinet.

  “Rox.”

  “What is it?”

  Eric stepped aside, revealing giant plumes of smoke rising into the air.

  The blood drained from Sage’s face. “Where’s the Cabinet?”

  “Behind it? Under it? I’m not sure,” he said in exasperation, swiping across the table, trying to get a better view. “There’s so much smoke, I can’t see anything.”

  Sage’s heart started pounding harder in her chest. Everett could be there. Her mouth fell open with that realization. Her breathing turned shallow. Was he ok? Was he hurt? They’d barely spoken to each other since she’d stripped one of his Chances, and now—

  “Stay here,” Eric ordered, yanking open the door. “I’m gonna see if anyone knows what’s going on.”

  Sage’s nostrils flared. Not a chance.

  As soon as he disappeared down the hall, she was back in front of the map, flipping through the footage. She held her breath, unsure if she was hoping she’d see Everett or not see him. She just wanted to make sure he was ok. But she couldn’t find him anywhere.