The Trophy Wives Club

by Kristin Billerbeck

  If I had a straitjacket…

  “It’s not just your marriage that goes in these situations; it’s your lifestyle, your daily routine, your clothes, your makeup, your hangouts. Literally, everything in your life changes overnight, and we’re here to tell you after the hard part, that’s when life really starts.”

  “I’m ready for life to start now,” I say absently as I sit back down.

  “Fighting for money isn’t worth your energy. You have to focus that energy into positive places. It’s like purging your system. Have you ever been on a cleansing diet?”

  “It was worth Clint Eastwood’s energy, and don’t you worry, it will be worth mine. I play to win.” I clutch my purse to my chest. “I still have my friends, by the way. If anything, my friends are out looking for a new husband for me right now. Not that I would want one again.”

  The brunette holds up her cell phone. “Go ahead then, call one. We’ll wait.”

  “I don’t want to call one. I’ve just been out of town, and I’ll call them when I’ve found a place to live. I thought I was going home to my parents, but that’s not working, so I’m staying at the Wilshire until I rent an apartment.”

  The Wilshire. Unless, they’ve suddenly decided they don’t need credit cards for ID, I won’t even get a room in their Dumpster. Jay and the tricks up his sleeves! But appearances…appearances.

  “If they’re really your friends, they’ll take your call. What are you afraid of?” the snippy brunette asks.

  My stomach tenses at my last encounter with Anna Lynchow at the salon. If Anna is anything, she is industrious, and there is little doubt in my mind, everyone has been informed of my lack of conformity—and my outright refusal to date the latest castoff.

  “I’m not afraid of anything; I just don’t feel like calling.”

  “You haven’t even begun this walk, Haley. You seem to think we’re ignorant of your situation, like we don’t know what it’s like to be kicked to the curb like you never mattered, like you were something on the bottom of his shoe, not his wife. You think that’s foreign to us?” the redhead pipes in.

  “It’s not as bad as you think.” I take out my phone and flip it open, “Fine, I’ll call.” I dial Anna’s home number and wait for David, her butler to answer. Sure, she ditched me at the nail salon, but Anna’s moody that way. She’s probably started working on finding me a new man as I speak. “Lynchow residence.”

  “Hi, David, It’s Haley Cutler, can you put Anna on?”

  There’s a pause. I feel my heart jump. I am so not worthy of a pause. Pauses are for telemarketers and friends you’re ticked at, or dumping…“Ms. Cutler, Mrs. Lynchow is currently indisposed—”

  “Indisposed, are you kidding me? David, get her. How many Botox parties did I go to for her to get a free shot? I want to talk to her. I’ve got a bone to pick with her. She left me in the nail salon for one thing.”

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Cutler.” He hangs up on me. The women are all staring at me, and I feel my self-respect dwindling, and I’m standing all alone in sequins once again.

  I shrug. “I’ll just call her on her cell, her butler is pulling a hissy fit. No biggie.”

  I dial Anna’s cell and wait for it to ring, but the message machine picks up immediately. “Anna is unavailable. Please leave your message after the tone.”

  “She’s not available right now.”

  “Call another friend,” the blonde challenges.

  “I don’t want to call another friend.” The fact is, if Anna’s not speaking to me, the chances are good she’s made certain no one else is speaking to me either.

  “Don’t push her, Lindsay. It’s a traumatic time.”

  “It’s supposed to be traumatic. She just lost her husband and her friends and probably her unlimited credit card. Isn’t it better that she faces it now than live in denial and use her last dime to fight Hamilton Lowe in court?”

  “I didn’t lose my friends!” I stamp my foot like a preschooler.

  “You did,” the brunette challenges. “You just don’t know it yet.”

  “Real friends don’t dump you because you’re getting a divorce,” Lily, the beautiful Asian woman says.

  “That’s right, real friends don’t. We wouldn’t. But this is hard on friends, too. They don’t know whose side to take, and they’re waiting it out,” Helena says.

  “But you’ll lose,” Lindsay, the blonde adds. “The person with the least power in this town always seems to lose.”

  I remember when one-upmanship was all about the most exclusive shoes, preferably custom from a sought-after designer, and the biggest, clearest diamond. I actually remember sliding my hand up against another woman’s ring, so we could casually check for the four C’s. Only the rules have changed here. Now it’s who has the most pathetic story and considering that mine played out on national television with a film star, I think I take top honors. It’s nice to know I can win at something on this side of marriage.

  I sweep my hair behind my ear. “Anna’s just busy right now. I may have lost my husband, but as you probably saw on the Golden Globes, I didn’t lose much. She’s probably hosting a dinner party and can’t get to the phone.” Though in my heart, I know Anna has about as much chance of hosting a party as her husband does of working with Oscar material.

  “What about the friends you had before you got married? You’re going to need lots of support,” Lily says.

  Oh yeah, them. “I haven’t seen them for nearly a decade. They were busy with college,” I admit. I cringe at the thought of how I was busy with Jay and deserted them. I was in love. I didn’t need to crowd my world with people who took me away from Jay and his needs. Oh man, I could kick myself. I remember telling myself they didn’t understand. One by one, they just drifted away, tired of calling and hearing how busy I was with Jay’s schedule. “I always had someplace to be, and they got tired of waiting for the scraps to fall from Jay’s table.”

  Lily nods. “I understand.”

  “I should call them up.”

  “I’ll bet they’d like to hear from you,” Lily says gently.

  “What if they tell me they saw it coming?” I shut my eyes. “What if they saw Jay on television?”

  “What if they did?” Lindsay asks. “Maybe they’re at home feeling for you right now. Not everyone thinks like that group you’ve been hanging around with.”

  “Maybe they’re not. Maybe they think I got what I deserved.”

  “I don’t think any woman watches a woman like Rachel Barlin snag someone else’s husband and rejoices in the fact. It’s a loss for all of us. She’s a gorgeous reptile. They know. Trust me, they know,” Lily explains. “You belittle your sex thinking otherwise.”

  I look to each of the beautiful faces surrounding me and think it’s impossible for them to truly understand. “I should get home,” I say, knowing it’s impolite not to listen to everyone’s tale, but in all honesty, I can’t bear any more.

  The blonde crosses her arms and looks directly into my eyes before casting a sideways glance at Bette. “I’ll tell you how to take him down,” she whispers out of the side of her mouth. She pulls away. “If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

  And just like that, the clouds begin to part.

  “You’ll help me?” I ask, without bothering to cloak my desperation.

  “Lindsay,” Bette chastises. “You know our rules.”

  At the censure, Lindsay calmly looks at Bette. “I’m sorry, Bette, but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do.” Lindsay stands up and heads for the door. She looks back at me. “You coming?”

  I clamber behind her, grabbing up my purse, and look at all the astonished faces. “Thank you for welcoming me.” I rush to the door, for fear someone, especially the hand-patting Bette, will try to stop me and pummel me with Bible verses. And no thank you. I am done being a human doormat.

  If I wanted to embrace denial, I would have stayed home with my mother. She does it best. But that kind of
living lasts only so long, because at some point, your whole being cries out for truth.

  Bette’s face morphs into a nervous expression with a profound crease in the center of her forehead. I think she’d hoped to convert me by now. “Haley, I need to give you the origin of our name and explain a few of our rules so you feel safe here. We want everyone to feel safe here. Don’t run off just yet.”

  Bette speaks in her soothing voice. “Sit back down. Just for a moment. I don’t feel we did us justice.” Both Lindsay and I saunter back to the hard chairs and sit down like repentant children. “I feel I got off on the wrong foot trying to protect you at a time when you need to be heard. I’m sorry about that, dear.” Again, with the hand pat. “We’re a support system for one another, and that involves feeling free to share our experiences, good and bad. We know nothing leaves this room, and we want to focus on the positive. We don’t want to start in the wrong place with you.”

  “My husband’s a dog. That’s where I am right now,” I say honestly. “Even if he was ready to move on, didn’t I deserve to be told? I mean, what did our marriage vows mean?” I know what they meant, of course. They meant more write-off for Jay and that he could land a twenty-year-old blonde. “All those years I tried to shut out the facts. He was busy I told myself. He was a workaholic and the biggie, he was doing it all for us. Someday, we’d have a family, and he’d be able to spend time with our child when the time came.”

  “I understand,” Lindsay says.

  “I do too,” Helena says.

  “Yeah,” Lily adds.

  Bette stands in front of the door and opens her Bible, so I can’t escape. I mean, leave. Here we go, let the pummeling begin. Let the guilt mount.

  “In First Corinthians 9:24, there’s a verse about running our race, our life, toward the prize. It reads like this.” She moves her finger along in her marked-up Bible. “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” She looks up at me. I think she’s expecting an epiphany.

  Okaaay.

  “What does that verse say to you?”

  “That’s where the Trophy Wives name comes from. The prize?”

  She nods excitedly as though I’ve just aced my LSAT. “We’re running for the prize in here, Haley, and we already found the one that wouldn’t last. We change our focus and He changes us. For His approval, all we need to do is believe. Nothing else! Isn’t that exciting?”

  Thrilling.

  When did I become such a pessimist? I used to wear sequins and dance like no one was watching. Now I can’t even sit in a Bible study without rolling my eyes. I’ve turned into my father.

  I start to get up slowly, looking longingly at Lindsay. Please come with me, my eyes plead.

  “We’ll be here for you, Haley,” Bette says. “When you’re ready.”

  I nod.

  “It’s hard to fully grasp the pain you’re feeling right now—”

  I shake my head. “I’m not in pain. I’m just waking up, that’s all. I’ve been in pain, I just didn’t know it until Jay let go.”

  Bette sighs deeply. She doesn’t believe my denial. But I really don’t feel pain; I feel only numbness when it comes to Jay—and maybe a big desire for revenge. It’s humiliating and shameful that I gave my heart to a man who cared so little for it. He thinks I don’t matter, but I’ll matter when he goes to his bank account, I can promise that.

  “Have you ever read the Song of Solomon, Haley? It’s a book in the Bible,” Bette explains.

  “I know what it is, and no, we weren’t allowed back in the days I went to Sunday school. Mrs. Kensington said it was scandalous.” Which, I want to add, only made us want to read it, but I never did. We didn’t have Bibles back then; we used small books that had the stories within them.

  “I suggest you read it because it’s how a man should care for and love his wife. It’s full of passion and desire, and it’s an allegory for how God cares for His people.”

  “He doesn’t care for me that way. No offense, but if something can go wrong, it will go wrong with me.”

  “What about your dad? Didn’t he love you like that?”

  “I don’t think my dad ever noticed me, to tell you the truth.” For some reason, my eyes well up saying this. I feel as though I’ve betrayed my own father. I want to give in to my sadistic self that says Bette’s swigged too much happy punch today, and her sunshiny view of life has about as much basis in reality as fairies do, but there’s a tug within me that I can’t ignore, and it’s that the blonde, Lindsay, has the information I need.

  “Sweetheart, you can be loved like this. That might feel impossible never having experienced it, but I promise you this love is real. You probably feel as if you’ve been in a race that has no finish line.”

  I do feel like that. With Jay, it was simply a race I couldn’t win. I feel my head bob up and down subconsciously, and tears prick my eyes. Stop it.

  “Now—” She pats the back of my hand, and I note I still have my wedding ring on. I look around and see that about half the women do. “—is the time to relax and let God take over. Did you ever think you could just lie back, relax and let someone else do the driving? You need a soft place to fall, Haley. The world is not so harsh if you have a padded nest.”

  I stiffen at her words. “I’m not a passive person, Bette. I don’t wait for things to happen to me. Not anymore.”

  “Does Lindsay seem passive?”

  Um, Lindsay seems to be manic. “No, but—”

  “I thought I’d be married forever, Haley,” Lily says in a quiet voice. So quiet, I wonder if she’s been tranquilized in the last second. Finally, I got a shot at something that matters, not a beauty contest or a mascara ad, but a real shot at being someone’s other half—the perfect wife—He loved me.” She looks me straight in the eye. “And I couldn’t get it right. I wasn’t good enough. There was always something wrong with me. My dress wasn’t the sexiest, or it was too sexy, and I looked like a slut. Or someone else’s wife looked better at the party, she must be doing more yoga, maybe I’d slacked off that week. Maybe they had a better caterer, and I should get their name for our next party. I could never succeed, which only made me try harder and virtually made me more pathetic in his eyes. By the end, he looked at me with complete contempt.” She touches her stomach. “It still makes me ill to think about it, but there was nothing I could have done. He didn’t really want a wife. He wanted someone to fix his insecurities. No one can do that for another. You both have to be complete. We’re here to help you become complete.”

  “He said those things to you?” I’ve never heard anyone else admit to her daily failures like this, and my breathing becomes erratic.

  “And worse. It took me years and lots of therapy to realize I never could have made him happy and that I wasn’t responsible for his happiness. This group has helped me create my own place in the world. I’m the director of HR for a major agency now and live in one of the best neighborhoods in West L.A. in a town house that I own. I drive a Lexus. None of those material things matter, I had all those when I was married, but I love myself now, and I know I’m worthy.”

  I can’t take anymore. It sounds like an AA meeting, and I made a mistake. I want to move on. I’m not stuck in addictive behavior! I stand up and move toward the door as casually as the new girl can. If I make believe I’m invisible, maybe they’ll buy it too. As I push on the door, I use all my force, allowing the exit to spit me out like a projectile. I focus toward the end of the hallway and run as fast as my legs will carry me.

  “Haley, wait!” Lindsay calls in the hallway. She is following me, and she has her purse and notebook with her. Unwittingly, I quicken my pace. I’m almost at the door to the parking lot.

  I cover my ears as I glance over my shoulder. “I don’t want to hear any
more, Lindsay.”

  She beats me to the door and stands in front of it, wearing Hudson jeans with their telltale front pockets and a cropped, formfitting jacket and stiletto heels, but she can still really move in them. I’m impressed. I’d have been in several walls by now.

  Lindsay doesn’t exactly look like my image of a church girl, but I imagine the Trophy Wives Club isn’t your normal Bible study. “I don’t know why that bothered me—”

  “Just give me a minute, Haley. You have to face it at some point and look at the bright side, you can’t be more pathetic than the rest of us. Your husband is gone. Your friends are gone. Those are facts.”

  I needed that brought up again.

  “The good news is that the cavalry has arrived. Your real friends who will be with you while you detox from this relationship.”

  “Revenge is my last resort. Did you see how handsome Jay looked on television? Nothing has touched him. If you all could just let him get away with that and trust God to take care of it, wow, I totally admire that. But I can’t do that. It’s not right. It’s just not. I’ve lived like a doormat too, you know. You all forget I did the doormat thing, and look where it got me.”

  “Don’t mind Bette, Haley, it’s been a long time since her husband left.” She crosses her arms and leans in toward me. “But she means well, and she’ll be there for you no matter what you need. Do you see that, at least?”

  “I do, she’s sweet, but I’ve been sweet too, Lindsay. I’m not that person anymore.”

  “So what kind of person are you? What do you want to do with your life now?”

  I look at the tacky carpet while I ponder. “I know how to produce a movie, but of course, I don’t really have the capital to start. I know how to call the caterer. I know how much shrimp cocktail is needed for a gathering of seventy-five and I know exactly how long I can go before my nails need to be filed, but other than that? I’m very good at doing what I’m told. I’d make a great Labrador. Do you know anyone who needs a well-trained dog?”