The Trophy Wives Club

by Kristin Billerbeck

  “Just don’t wear open toe shoes to the interview today,” Lily warns.

  “You don’t mind?” Penny asks. “I suppose you heard my husband was sleeping with the nanny, so we’re in counseling, and I’m out a nanny. Some days I wonder what’s harder.” She laughs, but I can see the truth in her eyes.

  “I can have a pedicure anytime.” I slide into my sandals, one soggy, one not, and take a toddler with each hand. “What are their names?”

  “Jonah’s on the left. He has a mole over his right eye and Micah there, doesn’t. Jonah starts things and Micah’s happy to finish them. Here, take my cell phone, so you can call if you need to. Everyone else’s number is programmed in, so you can find us.” I grab the phone and place it in my back pocket.

  “Come on, boys, let’s go for a walk. I’ll bring you right back to Mommy after we go to the park for a while.”

  They both look to their mother and start to cry, so I bend down again, and their whimpering soon slows with my gentle words. “We’ll go to the park up the street and let Mommy get her feet washed. Do you like swings? Then we’ll come back when Mommy is all done, and she’ll be happy again.” After some careful finagling, the boys come with me as we walk out the door and toward the sunlight. “Anything I need to know?” I ask Penny.

  “Keep your hands on them so they don’t run into the street. They’re very fast. Faster than you might think them capable.” She climbs down from the chair. “I should go with you.”

  “Penny, I ran Jay Cutler’s life for eight years, I can handle two toddlers for a half an hour.”

  “You’re an answer to prayer, Haley. Thank you.” She climbs into the chair, and I can see her Zen moment is about to come. Without any yoga moves whatsoever.

  I’m too tall to walk with both boys on my hands, so I kick off my sandals in the doorway and walk barefoot up the street.

  Their touch is like a slice of heaven as they grasp my hands with their chubby fingers. There’s power in having a warm grasp hold on to you like that, and my mood lifts. I talk peacefully to them the whole way to the small park. Once there, I put each of them into a baby swing and launch the ride gently.

  Their giggles are infectious and I find myself singing to them aloud and stopping to listen each time they laugh. Wouldn’t it be great to laugh like that? To laugh from the belly with reckless abandon and not know there is anything painful out there waiting to pounce?

  “I’m not a praying girl, boys. But I pray your mommy and daddy make it, because you two are worth the trouble.”

  “Talking to yourself, Haley?”

  I turn around and see Jay in his running shorts that I purchased for him at Nordstrom on sale. They were $33.88 in fact. I look at him, then to the boys. What might ours have looked like? Jay appears healthy—fresh and rested, like he’s been on vacation. His skin is a luscious, golden brown, and I can see why I fell in love with him in his warm smile. In his boyish charm he has this amazing ability to erase all the evil he’s done. It’s like a magic potion to me, and it erases so much.

  I think about how when I was reading the Bible in my motel room, while waiting for Jerry Springer to come back on, it said that part of the curse on woman, besides pain in childbirth, which I’ll apparently never know, is that thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over you. Well, I’m cursed something awful. I could fall all over again if he’d give me the time of day. Some part of me will always belong to him. I should hate him. A smart woman would hate him. A woman with a lick of sense would hate him.

  But just like always, when I look at him, I want his approval. I want him to tell me he’s made a mistake.

  “I’m talking to my friend’s boys. This is Jonah and this is Micah.”

  “How can you tell?”

  “Jonah has a tiny mole over his eyebrow. See here?”

  Jay slows the swing and looks at Jonah. “No, I don’t.” Jonah starts to cry. Jay’s charm doesn’t translate to toddler.

  “Jay, don’t get so close. He doesn’t know you.”

  Micah starts to wail at his ride being over as Jay studies him too. Jay pushes the swing with a little too much force. I still it. “What are you doing, Jay? They’re children! Take it easy.”

  “It’s a tough world, might as well prepare them,” he screams over Jonah. “Whose rugrats? Feisty little buggers.”

  “My friend Penny’s. Look at those faces, Jay,” I say, when the twins are calm again. “Doesn’t that make you want to believe in God? Look at their hands, the work of beauty they are. Like prized works of art.”

  Jay has that caged animal look he gets when he doesn’t like where the conversation is headed. Which translates, anything veering away from his favorite topic: him. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask him. “You never come here on the weekdays.” The park is his normal jogging route, but during the week, he usually jogs at the beach or a park by the studio. At least he used to. I suppose I’m not an expert on Jay Cutler’s routine any longer.

  “I’m at home reading scripts today. I’d love to know what you think about this one. It’s serious. I think it could be a contender, Haley. I’m ready for that, don’t you think?” He looks at me expectantly. “The Golden Globes lit a fire under me that I could be doing more with my life. I got it right on that last script.”

  “I picked that script,” I say, and he looks puzzled. “The one that won Rachel her award.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “I did, Jay. I picked it, and I hand-selected Rachel Barlin for the role when I saw her on a television drama. CSI: Miami to be specific.”

  “Haley, you don’t know the first thing about what I do. Rachel was never on that show.”

  The way Jay says things, it’s no wonder I am afraid to have an opinion. I know I picked that script. I know I found Rachel, and yet here he is making me question these very facts, like I’m living in some sort of alternate universe. I know just what he needs. He needs Helena, a woman with a photographic memory who can tell him he’s full of crap. Not a mouse like me. I find the familiar anger stirring within me.

  “Why would I say that if it weren’t true?”

  “You’re trying to get more money out of me, and don’t think I don’t know that you can captivate Hamilton Lowe. He’s easy prey for a woman like you, but that agreement is rock solid, I made sure of it myself because I know how good you are.” He looks at the boys, whose eyes are glued to him. “You look beautiful, Haley. Maybe putting on a little weight.”

  “I’m eating a lot of chocolate. Not working out so much,” I say like a rebellious teenager.

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I’m pregnant,” I blurt. Which of course, I’m not and in fact would be a miracle if I were, but I want to see if there’s even a smidge of jealously. I want to hear that Jay cares something about me and not just my image.

  “Wow.” He checks out my figure. “Whose is it?”

  “I’m not sure.” Now that sounds Hollywood.

  Nothing. No jealousy. Not a flash of the eyes. Nothing. He is inhuman. It’s that simple. Then…

  “It’s not mine. You know that, right? Don’t try to extort—”

  “I know it’s not yours, Jay,” I say simply. “That would be impossible, wouldn’t it?”

  I used to watch Jay’s strong legs run and think how lucky I was to have such a gorgeous husband who cared enough to take care of himself. I wish I’d seen that he only took care of himself. Some people are like giant SUVs, they just require more effort, more energy, and leave an indelible carbon footprint on your backside.

  “You should take this movie, Jay. I think you can do anything you want. You can be a contender if you wish.”

  “I trust your opinion, Haley. You always did have a good head for business.”

  “Only when it agrees with yours, Jay.”

  “You won’t give this script a read-through? For old times’ sake?”

  I look back at the boys
and blow them kisses as I push the swing. “I can’t help you anymore, Jay. I have to help myself now. Besides, didn’t you just say I didn’t know anything about what you did?”

  “Hamilton said you were going to the tabloids. You won’t do that. I told him you wouldn’t.”

  I won’t. He’s right. “How do you know what I’ll do?”

  “You’re a kind person, Haley. You may try to act like me, but you’ll never be like me. It’s one of the reasons I married you. I knew you’d always be there for me.”

  “And the reason you divorced me?”

  “It wasn’t personal.”

  I start to laugh.

  “No, really. I don’t like who I am with you. I’m better with a more independent woman who knows what she wants.”

  “I always knew what I wanted, you just told me it was ridiculous.” Micah and Jonah start to fuss, and I pull them out of their swings. “I need to get back. Penny will be worried about the boys.” I look Jay directly in the eyes and he looks away, like he always does.

  “Rachel is pregnant, too,” Jay blurts.

  “I thought—”

  “It’s not mine,” he says, as naturally as you please.

  “And you’re okay with that?” My eyes fill with tears as I see he is okay with it. I am not okay with it. I’ve been sucker-punched. I’m not good enough for him, but some tramp carrying another man’s baby is what he wants? Just when I think I know Jay, I realize I don’t know him at all.

  He shrugs. “Why shouldn’t I be? She’s with me now. She’s a smart girl. I have nothing to fear, she has the best now.”

  I live in an alternate universe, and I think, in this case, that’s fine by me. He runs off as soon as he’s done with our lightning-quick conversation and I take the boys and we toddle back to the salon.

  Lindsay is finishing up her pedicure when I bring the boys back to Penny, and Lindsay smirks at me. “You’re supposed to be here getting to know us. You did bail on your promise, but I forgive you.”

  “I was getting to know these handsome fellas instead.” I kiss the boys on the cheek as they scramble to their mother. “I always did do better with the boys.” I wink at her.

  “Me too. That’s why I’m going back to my husband,” Lindsay tells me.

  “You’re what?”

  She nods. “I prayed about it.”

  “Do you want that?”

  “I need to. I asked God, and I just need to do this.”

  I nod.

  “He’s sick.”

  “Sick?”

  “He’s had a few ministrokes. And I think the pressure of being alone is more than he can take. He doesn’t have the energy to be a workaholic right now.”

  “So will you nurse him back to health, so he does?”

  Lindsay laughs. “That’s not my intention, no.”

  “You sound like you’re going to the gallows, Lindsay. Shouldn’t this be a happy thing if you’re going back to your marriage?”

  “It’s a duty. I don’t expect you to understand, but I’ve been selfish my whole life. I have a chance to do the decent thing here. I want to be the person who does the decent thing even if it isn’t appreciated here on earth. I know God will appreciate it, and that’s who I want to impress, not anyone here. I’m not trying to fix anything for God. I’m only trying to make me a better person.”

  “You offered to take me in off the street. That makes you a better person in my eyes. Maybe you could ask God if that’s enough goodwill for the day.”

  Lindsay giggles.

  “What does the priest say about this?”

  “He’s a pastor, and he thinks I should go. That I’ll feel guilty if anything happens to Ron.”

  “I might feel guilty too, but maybe I’d get over it.”

  “For all his faults, he never left me out in the cold, Haley. The condo is proof of that. He continued to support me. It may not be much emotionally, but he gives whatever he’s able to. I can appreciate that more now. It’s the decent thing to do, and he’s not a believer, so now it’s my turn to rise above my humanity.”

  “The decent thing would have been to honor his marriage vows and not work himself to death, but it’s all a matter of degree, I suppose.”

  “I want you to take the condo.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t have a place to live. I have a place to rent, and we can use the write-off, so take it.”

  I look around the room at this bevy of beautiful women. In the span of an hour, they’ve offered me a job and a place to live, and friendship. But more importantly, they’ve offered me hope. It’s something I didn’t have a few hours ago.

  “Thank you, Lindsay.” I can barely get the words out. “I just told Jay I was pregnant.”

  “Jay?”

  “I saw him at the park.”

  “Why would you tell him that? You’re not, are you?”

  “No, I’m not. But I think I’d like to be.” I look over to the twins. “I want to be a mother.”

  “Wait a minute, Haley. Hold up. You’re freaking me out. First thing when I met you, you were saying you never wanted to be married again.”

  “I meant that.”

  Lindsay sighs. She’s exasperated with me. I thought telling my mother this idea would be tough, but Lindsay is not exactly the pillar of support I was looking to test it out on.

  “When did you come up with this stupid idea?”

  “At the park with the boys.”

  Penny rolls her eyes, “Girl, you need to come to my house and spend the night. I’ll grant you, they’re darling for an hour or so.”

  “I’ve been taking care of Jay for eight years. At least with children, they would love me back.”

  “Haley,” Bette says. “Obviously, you haven’t heard of teenagers. Why don’t you ask your own mother about teenagers and how much they love you back?”

  “You are all doing to me exactly what Jay always did. I made a decision, don’t you see?”

  “You had an idea. There’s a difference, and we’re just telling you it’s a stupid idea. We’re telling you because we love you, not because we want you to feel bad about yourself,” Helena adds. “We’re all about positive self-esteem here.”

  They love me? They don’t even know me! Do they know I walk into walls? That I have a cat who I abandoned? That I hate driving fancy cars? Do they know any of that? No, so their opinion doesn’t count! But the fact is that Helena said it, so it’s got to be true on some level. Last time I checked, Vulcans couldn’t lie.

  “I’ve got to run to the motel and get dressed for this afternoon. I want to practice being professional. Penny, are there any glass walls in this office?”

  “I don’t think so,” she answers, then after a pause, “Why?”

  “No reason. Just asking.”

  “I’ll meet you at the door at three o’clock on the dot. Don’t be late!”

  “I won’t.”

  I pause at the door. “You all really think being a mother is a bad idea right now?”

  A loud collective groan comes up. Apparently, it might be a bad idea, but I glimpse over at Jonah and Micah, and they offer me a smile as big as sunshine, so I’m not thoroughly convinced.

  “Haley!” Lindsay calls.

  “What?”

  “Take my cell phone. The number is written on the inside of the case. I can never remember it.” She presses it into my hand.

  “‘Take my cell phone, take my condo.’ Is there anything else you’d like to give me?”

  “A piece of my mind, but there’s plenty of time for that. Go get a job.”

  I haven’t been on a job interview in nearly a decade. I am so glad I shaved today.

  Chapter 13

  CMG is a giant conglomerate in the talent industry, and its modern “green” building demands the respect it deserves. The roof is tilted upwards to make room for the solar panels, announcing their commitment to Hollywood’s “issue du jour.” As I walked in from the parking garage, in
the “Employee of the Month” slot was a brand-new hybrid. I have to wonder if it comes with the label.

  Believe it or not, there is a lot of talent in Hollywood. I think when Paris Hilton is on television, the general population forgot this town gave rise to a worldwide entertainment industry. The lobby is all marble (slipping potential high and not sure how that fits in with global warming).

  The expansive room is filled with hopefuls, some reciting lines to themselves, one doing some form of deep meditation where his arms are capturing the light, outstretched to the ceiling, and all of them looking around to check out their competition. I spy one girl take her fingers and try to “measure” a nearby hopeful’s waist.

  Lily, unlike Helena, doesn’t have a photographic memory because the building is nearly all glass, and I talk to myself about focusing.

  Keep your eyes ahead of you.

  Listen with your ears. Watch with your eyes.

  “Haley, perfect, you’re on time!” Lily comes out of the elevator, and all the hopefuls looks as if they might rush it. When they see her speak to me, their chests all collapse in disappointment.

  “Of course I am. I am more punctual than a Blackberry. I thought you said this place wasn’t glass.”

  “Did I? Sorry, my mind wanders on details.”

  “I wore heels.”

  “So?” She looks down at my feet. “Those aren’t heels.” She slides her foot to the side, and she must have five-inch stilettos on. “These are heels.”

  “Never mind.”

  “Bud Seligman is the agent you’ll be meeting today. He’s crazier than a loon, so if he says something off the wall, just smile. He’s probably ticking off things he needs to do this afternoon. Without an assistant, he’s lost.”

  “Why did the last one leave?”

  “We don’t generally publicize our jobs because most people who take them are just aspiring actors trying to get an ‘in.’ This particular girl bucked the system. She was a friend of someone in accounting.”