When Dawn Breaks

by Melissa Toppen

  “It’s nothing,” I quickly try to explain. “I just fell. I’ve had too much to drink.”

  “You fell or he hit you?” she grinds out, hands clenching at her sides.

  “What?” I blurt, trying my damnedest to play stupid. But I know Tess well, and I know instantly that she sees right through me.

  “Why don’t you go back downstairs, Tess. This isn’t any of your business.” Blake steps in front of my best friend, essentially blocking her from me.

  “None of my business?” Tess questions, anger laced in her voice. “None of my business?” she questions again. “You hit my friend, and you’re telling me it’s none of my business,” she screams in his face, stepping up to Blake in a way I would never dare.

  Her small frame looks so fragile stacked against his, and yet she stands her ground without the slightest ounce of fear in her expression.

  “I said, go the fuck downstairs, Tess.” His voice is laced in warning.

  Please, Tess, just go. Just go. I’m pleading with her, but I can’t seem to actually push the words out.

  “No!” She meets my gaze over Blake’s shoulder. “Bree, go, now.”

  “Tess.” I swipe angrily at the tears I can’t seem to stop from falling. “Please,” I plead with her.

  “She’s not going anywhere with you.” Blake takes a step forward, forcing Tess to take a step back. “If you know what’s best for you, you’ll turn around and not fucking say a word about this to anyone.”

  “Are you threatening me?” she challenges.

  “Tess, please,” I try again to reason with her.

  “Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.” Blake turns his gaze on me, warning in his eyes.

  The next set of events happens so quickly, I’m not even sure I know what’s happened before it’s all already played out. A loud smack echoes down the long corridor as Tess lays a hard slap to the side of Blake’s face.

  Before I’ve even registered the movements, he’s got Tess by the forearms and slams her into the wall hard. I watch her head snap as it bounces off the drywall and the pain that distorts her face.

  “Stop!” I lunge at Blake who moves too quickly for my delayed reaction time, managing to land another hard backhand to my face. I stumble backward, not sure how I manage to stay on my feet.

  I’m prepared to go at him again, not willing to let him hurt my friend, but before I can even take one step I watch Tess swing her right arm forward, the high heeled shoe that seems to have magically appeared in her hand connecting with Blake’s face. It cuts into the flesh below his eye, and he growls out in pain seconds before slamming Tess into the wall once again, only this time his forearm presses firmly against her throat. I can tell by the panic in her eyes and the way she struggles to pull in a breath that he’s restricting her ability to breathe.

  “You really shouldn’t have done that, little girl,” I hear Blake say, but I’m too busy trying to find something, anything that I can use to get him off of her. Turning toward the staircase, I freeze in place when Ant suddenly appears at the top of the stairs.

  His reaction time is so quick I feel like I barely blink and he’s got Blake pinned to the ground, punching him over and over.

  Tess stumbles to my side, grabbing my hand as she pulls me toward her.

  “Are you okay?” She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly.

  I can’t bring myself to speak right away. I think I’m still trying to digest everything that just happened. From Tess, who fought a man twice her size to try to protect me. To Blake, who now lays pinned on the floor beneath Anthony.

  All I can think is that this is all my fault.

  Ant’s eyes meet mine for a fraction of a second and like all the other times before now, I swear he can see right into me. He can see it all, and it’s like I can literally see him connecting the dots in his head.

  As if everything finally catches up with me, I break down in Tess’ arms, crying in a way I haven’t cried in years. And it’s not because Blake hit me; he’s done that more times than I can count over the course of our relationship. It’s because by turning a blind eye to his abuse, I put not only myself and my unborn child in danger, but I also inadvertently put Tess right into Blake’s path of destruction.

  And what’s worse is that after everything, I have to fight my knee-jerk reaction to run to Blake’s aid.

  What is wrong with me?

  I don’t move, don’t speak, I stay there wrapped in Tess’ arms for what feels like several minutes but is likely much less, until I hear Tess say, “Get him out of here please.”

  I look up just in time to see Sebastian who nods only once before him and Ant are dragging Blake down the stairwell, disappearing within seconds.

  Tess sags forward into me, her relief evident, and another wave of guilt immediately washes over me. As if we’re both trying to figure out where we go from here, a long silence stretches between to the two of us as we stand in the now vacant hallway.

  “How long?” Tess finally asks the question I already knew was coming. Reaching out, she gives my shoulders a light shake when I don’t answer her right away. “How long?” she repeats, her voice thick with emotion.

  “A couple months,” I finally answer, unable to meet her gaze.

  “A couple months?” she questions, clearly upset. Not that I can blame her considering what just unfolded merely minutes ago.

  “Why would you let him do this to you?” she continues.

  “Because I love him,” I find myself saying, not even sure how I can mutter the words after what he just did.

  “You love him? He’s been hitting you for months, and you love him?” She looks at me like she has no idea who I am even, though we’ve been best friends since second grade.

  “He has his moments. He’s not always so bad,” I try to explain, though I’m not entirely sure why. What can I possibly gain from trying to defend him?

  “Do you hear yourself right now?” she bites, throwing her hands up in the air.

  “I don’t expect you to understand.” I hate how defensive my tone sounds, but I can’t stop the way it’s all coming out. “Not everyone can be as perfect as you and Sebastian.”

  “This has nothing to do with me and Sebastian. It’s not a competition, Bree. Blake hit you. He’s been hitting you. How can you stand here and defend him right now?”

  “Because I love him,” I say again, the words coming out even less believable the second time around.

  “I don’t believe that for a second. Tell me the truth,” she demands. “You can tell me,” she adds softer.

  “I’m pregnant,” I finally blurt, fresh tears streaming down my face.

  “What?” She seems just as shocked as I was to find out the news.

  It’s not like I planned for this. It’s not like this is what I wanted for my life. I wish I didn’t feel so beneath her right now. She’s perfect. With her perfect looks and her perfect grades and her perfect boyfriend. And here I am. Bree. The fuck up of our group, doing what I do best—fucking up.

  “I was just telling him. That’s what set him off.” I finally manage to find my words. “He blames me. Said if I didn’t take care of it that he would.” I try to hide the emotion welling in my chest. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Tess.”

  “How long have you known?”

  “About a month.”

  “You should’ve told me. I could’ve been here for you. I could’ve helped you.” She’s pulling me back into her arms just as Courtney appears at the top of the stairs, her face flush and her breathing labored.

  “Ant and Sebastian just dragged Blake outside. What the hell is going on?” she questions, dropping it the instant she gets at look at us.

  Without hesitation, she steps forward and wraps her arms around me from behind, sandwiching me between them.

  And just like that, a sort of calm settles over me. Everything is so messed up right now and my future has never been more uncertain, but I know with friends like Court
ney and Tess by my side I will get through this, just like I have everything that’s happened before this. And I will just have to find a way to be okay with the outcome, whatever that may be.

  “Hey Bree, someone is here to see you.” I look up to see my friend, Robyn, standing in the doorway of the manager’s office where I’m counting money, trying to wrap up my shift for the evening.

  Today is my last day waitressing at La’ Belle. I thought I’d be more excited to be moving onto bigger and better things, but I’m honestly a little sad to leave the restaurant where I’ve been waitressing for nearly three years now.

  When I started applying for jobs with the county last month, I had been warned that it can sometimes be a very long process so I was more than a little surprised that within two weeks of interviewing I had been offered a full-time position working with children services. I got the call less than a week ago and due to the offer, I was only able to give a weeks’ notice here, though my boss, Jane, was amazing about it.

  “To see me?” I finally question, having no idea who would be here to see me or why.

  “Tall. Broad. Dark hair. I mean, if you don’t want to claim him I will,” she jokes, giving me a quick smile.

  “Ant,” I say, the name instantly bringing a smile to my lips.

  It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I’ve seen him and yet by how my body reacts to the news of him being here, you would think it’s been weeks.

  We’ve been nearly inseparable the last three weeks. And while he hasn’t yet nailed down the job at Thoma Technologies, which was his excuse for wanting to stay with me temporarily, he’s still ended up sleeping on my couch more nights than not over the past few days.

  He says it’s because Tess and Sebastian are unbearable, but I think it’s more about feeling like he’s imposing on them than how they are together. Though he doesn’t seem to have the same problem at my place. I swear that man just makes himself right at home which, of course, is fine by me.

  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love having him around, I do. And while I still get butterflies every time he looks at me a certain way, I’ve managed to compartmentalize those feelings enough that an easy friendship has reformed between us, to the point that you would think almost no time has passed.

  Jack loves having him around maybe more than I do. Uncle Anthony is not only the best swing pusher, but he is also the best fort builder, the best grilled cheese maker, and the best story teller among many other things. I try not to be offended that he seems to be so much better at just about everything.

  But I still give the best snuggles; that’s a title I refuse to let anyone take from me.

  “Go,” Robyn says, cutting into my thoughts. “I’ll take care of closing you out. It’s your last day, get the hell out of here and be free for all of us,” she jokes, a sad smile on her face.

  “I’ll come visit,” I promise, crossing around the desk to wrap my arms around her neck. Pulling her into a quick hug, I add, “Besides, now you’ll get first dibs on my section.” I pull back with a smile, knowing my assigned section is the most sought after but because of seniority I always get it.

  “Yeah, if Tina’s ass doesn’t swoop in and try to take it.” She rolls her eyes.

  “Like you would ever let that happen,” I retort.

  “Yeah, good point. I will throat punch that bitch if she tries,” she says so straight faced I can’t help but laugh.

  “Girl, I know you will.”

  “Now go, don’t keep that hottie out there waiting.” She shoos me away, and I do nothing in the way of correcting her belief that Ant is something more than a friend.

  “Thank you.” I quickly grab my bag and offer Robyn one more quick hug before practically skipping out of the office, through the kitchen, and into the dining room.

  I spot Ant instantly; how could I not? His tall, broad build and handsome face stand out in any crowd. Of course, the dining room is nearly empty so that helps too.

  He smiles the minute he catches sight of me, but it’s not just any smile. He seems genuinely excited about something.

  “Hey,” I say the moment I reach him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I got the job,” he announces, practically bouncing in front of me.

  “Oh my God, Ant, that’s amazing.” I laugh when he wraps his arms around me and pulls me straight off my feet, spinning me in a full circle before setting me back down.

  “I was starting to lose hope that they would ever make an offer.”

  “It’s California. I swear everything moves ten times slower here,” I laugh.

  “Not for you. Hell, you got that job so fast I think even I got whiplash.”

  “That’s rare. Trust me,” I assure him.

  “So I was hoping I could take you out for a celebratory drink. What do you say?” He gives me a hopeful grin.

  “Okay, but only one. My grandma is dropping Jackson at the apartment on her way to dinner, so I’ve got to be home in two hours tops.”

  “I promise I will have you home in time.” His smile widens as he wraps his hand around mine and pulls me out of the restaurant.

  “So did they say when they want you to start?” I wait until the waitress has sat our two draft beers on the bar table and walked away before asking.

  “Monday,” he says, taking a long pull of beer.

  “Wow. That’s fast,” I say, mirroring his action and taking a drink of my beer.

  “I know, there’s a shit ton of stuff I have to do over the next five days, but I’m glad to not have to wait. This living off of savings and putting out my friends is for the fucking birds.”

  “Please.” I swipe my hand through the air and then pause before asking, “So I’m assuming you’ll be staying with us full-time now?” I wish my voice didn’t sound so hopeful. The truth is I love having Ant around.

  “A month at most. Once I can show a reporting income I’ll be able to start looking for apartments. You’re sure you don’t mind?”

  “Are you kidding?” I give him a look that says he should know better by this point. “You practically live with us now.” I point out. “And we love having you.”

  “You seriously have saved me these past couple of weeks. Hanging out with you and Jack has been amazing. I really can’t thank you enough for letting me crash your space.”

  “What are friends for if not to offer up their couch to a friend in need?”

  “Well, you didn’t have to and I really appreciate it. Seriously, Kingsley, you’re a gem.” He reaches across the table and squeezes my hand, and I swear the entire left side of my body feels the effects.

  “Yeah. Yeah.” I blow it off, pulling my hand back to grip my beer in an effort to compose myself. “You just remember that when I come knocking on your door one day.”

  “Done and done.” He grins, wide and genuine.

  “I’m assuming you’ll need to get your stuff from Sebastian’s?”

  “What’s not already at your apartment, yes.”

  “If you can wait till tomorrow, I’d love to ride over with you and visit Tess for a little bit if that’s cool.”

  “Yeah, I’d love the company.”

  “Jack has pre-school from nine to twelve thirty, and I can have my grandma pick him up after that so we don’t have to rush.”

  “Sounds good. Maybe after we get back the three of us can go out to a nice dinner and celebrate both of our new jobs.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Me too,” he offers, staring at me for a long moment before adding, “I’m really glad I ran into you that day at Sebastian’s. I didn’t realize how much I had missed you until you were standing right in front of me.”

  My heart instantly picks up speed.

  “I know what you mean,” I agree, taking a drink of beer just to avoid having to say more because, honestly, what more can I say.

  “It feels like months ago doesn’t it?” He continues without waiting for an answer. “I look at you and Jack and feel l
ike we’ve been here forever. It’s only been what, a month, and already I can’t picture me without the two of you.”

  A tight knot lodges in my throat, and I try so hard to swallow it down, but once it’s there it seems impossible to get rid of.

  “He’s such an amazing kid.” He continues. “And you, you’re a natural Bree. That boy is so lucky to have you as his mom.”

  “Thank you.” I push past the emotion welling inside of me long enough to answer.

  Ant doesn’t know my past, not entirely. Maybe bits and pieces he’s picked up along the way, but he has no way of knowing the magnitude of the statement he just made. Because that’s been my biggest fear all along—that Jack could do better than me. I doubted my ability to be what he needed from the very beginning and honestly teetered on adoption for a very long time. It wasn’t until I felt him move inside me that first time that I knew there was no way I could give him away.

  But even after that, even after holding him in my arms for the very first time and knowing I would never love someone the way I loved that little baby, I still doubted that I was what was best for him. I’ve tried to do right by him. To protect him and put him first in a way my mother never did for me. I guess hearing someone say it out loud—to have someone acknowledge that maybe I’m doing something right—is validation I didn’t realize until this very moment that I needed.

  “I mean it, Bree.” Ant once again reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “You have absolutely no idea how incredible you are, do you?”

  I don’t know what to say to that so I just stare back at him, my loss for words apparent.

  “You always did doubt your self-worth, I guess I just never understood why,” he admits, clearly questioning if he should have said the statement out loud.

  “I can give you a million reasons,” I blurt, wishing I could pull the words back in.

  “Don’t do that.” His thumb runs circles across the back of my hand. “You may not see the amazing girl I do, but one day, Kingsley, one day I’m gonna make sure you do,” he promises, his words holding more meaning than I think I’m really equipped to process at the current moment.