Triquetra

by Marguerite Labbe

  Beyond what I sought from him, Jacob would challenge me, no doubt on every level he could. He would take nothing less than being my equal. That would pose its own problems in the future, I was sure. Yet, I was happier for it. The few men I’d truly cared for had all been mentally and spiritually strong, and Jacob outshone them all.

  I hadn’t expected to bond with him as deeply as I had. I’d never done that before and I wasn’t sure how it had gotten so out of hand. Not that I was upset with the results. It was strange, to know everything about a person, all of their secret shames, hidden wishes, all the parts that truly made them. And I had given Jacob the same in return; not every memory, or every problem, because that would’ve been too much for him to process at once. But much, much more than I’d ever given anyone. Was I being selfish? This could be the end of my life and I knew firsthand the pain of losing someone I’d bonded with.

  Lost in my thoughts, I walked past the Improv, the lights long since doused. The campus was dead silent this time of the morning. Even the O was shut down for its usual hour while the floors were hosed down to wash away the grease and alcohol. The winos and bums who congregated outside were no doubt huddled in corners underneath their ragged blankets and cardboard, hoarding what heat they could. Eventually the students would awaken and venture forth so that they could exchange favors and the parasitical cycle would start once more.

  The great snow-covered lawn yawned before me, and as I crossed I gazed up at my home. The Cathedral of Learning towered above me, climbing up to pierce the heavens. The unflagging monolith dominated the skyline of the city and guided the lost to the heart of the campus.

  There was one person about on the first floor of its echoing halls. I sensed his life as I made my way past the cavernous Commons Room to the bank of elevators and rode up to my office. I locked the door behind me and flicked on the small desk lamp. The mail was stacked neatly on the corner of the desk where had Kayla left it, with a few messages and her usual concise notes.

  My chair squeaked as I sat down and leaned back. I read through the notes, my mind not really there, but still tangled up with Jacob’s. It was a pleasant place to dwell. I started sorting the mail, tossing the usual junk into the trash.

  When I saw the envelope with the Syndicate’s midnight blue logo, my mind shifted into razor-sharp clarity. My sudden change in mood almost jolted Jacob awake, but a quick soothing thought settled him down again, and I guarded my mental thoughts lest I disturb him further. After the feeding and ritual, he needed his sleep.

  The envelope was much thinner than the previous ones. It had been a couple months since I’d received a letter from them and I had wondered what they were up to. They didn’t seem the sort to give up and it had aroused my suspicions.

  I sat forward and slit it open, drawing out the single sheet of fine paper, my lips pursed in thought.

  Ancient One,

  Our repeated attempts to contact you seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Therefore, two of my associates will present themselves to you at dusk. This matter cannot be delayed any further. I expect you’ll wish to address it with the severity it deserves.

  Cordially,

  Roland Montrose

  My continuing silence was making him more obnoxious in his demands than usual. I tossed the letter into the trash as I had the previous ones. I doubted they meant me harm that would be at cross-purposes for what they intended, but what they wanted they hadn’t earned. Therefore, we were at war, though a battle that had been excruciatingly polite up until this point.

  Their audacity knew no bounds. My mouth thinned and I drummed my fingertips on the desk. The Syndicate had irritated me since their first letter arrived, and I was patently uninterested in bandying words with whoever they sent. The idea of lingering in Jacob’s bed, letting him fuck me until he was sated, while my intruder waited with growing impatience was an entertaining one.

  However, I knew I wouldn’t allow anyone to invade my territory without me being present, so the thought was moot. My annoyance that they were able to dictate my actions, no matter how small, caused Jacob to rouse and reach out toward me. Again I soothed him, lingering longer over our mental embrace this time until he had calmed.

  I wasn’t guarding myself as well as I thought, or else my lover had found a way to circumvent my walls. Either thought was a trifle unsettling and illustrated the impact he’d had on me in the short time since I came into his life.

  Leaving the rest of the mail unread, I rose from my chair. Let the Syndicate come with their questions and demands. My secrets were my own and I wasn’t giving them up to anyone, least of all them. I caressed my lover with a thought and he responded in kind, which brought an unbidden smile to my face.

  I unlocked the door that led back into my personal quarters. The small room was cluttered with curios I’d gathered over the centuries and rare books from my own library. As usual, entering my sanctuary soothed me. I was at home locked up with the other relics of the past.

  Jacob’s image grinned at me as I undressed and tossed my clothes into the hamper. I paused to look at his pictures on the wall, candid photos taken from the months I pursued him, newspaper clippings from the student paper, even one from his hometown. I knew what I was: a predator. I was a creature that took what he wanted either through manipulation or sheer force. I wondered what Jacob would think if he saw this. Would he be afraid?

  Dawn was almost here. I could sense its approach deep in my bones. The sun was slipping over the horizon though I couldn’t see it from my windowless haven. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on in the shower as hot as it would go. Lost in thought, I washed the specks of woad from my hands and Jacob’s scent from my body.

  That was a loss. I wanted to keep his scent in my nostrils, his taste in the back of my mouth. But I despised being unclean. I spent too many years wallowing in filth and blood. Such was the nature of the time I’d been born into and no amount of water and soap would ever wash it away.

  I shut off the water and threw on comfortable clothes. I wasn’t ready to sleep yet. Not after the way I’d fed. The physical and emotional rush had been incredible and would keep me satiated for some time, which was good for Jacob. I couldn’t feed off of him often in the manner I had. The toll would wear his mind and body down until he was reduced to a shadow. I made that mistake once and I wouldn’t repeat it again.

  Locking my inner sanctum behind me, I returned to my desk. Kayla would appreciate it if I spent at least a few hours working since I’d been rather neglectful. It would give her a sense of normalcy and maybe some reassurance. I’m sure it was getting harder for her to delay the requests. I scanned her notes and messages again, picking out the older ones. It wouldn’t take me long to retrieve and organize the materials. Besides, the research would keep my own worries and wandering thoughts at bay. Then I would rest. Since I would have to entertain unwelcome visitors this evening, I wanted to have my wits sharp.

  Gathering the notes, I headed down to my private library at the end of the hall and entered the key code. The university and I had worked out a mutually beneficial relationship. The academia had access to the wealth of knowledge I’d collected and I had certain rooms at my disposal in the cathedral, with no questions asked about the odd hours I kept.

  The particular musty smell of old books hit me and I drank it in. The door latched behind me with a soft click and the room was plunged into total darkness. The air was cool, with the low humidity designed to keep the ancient parchment and leather-bound texts from warping or becoming more brittle. Light could damage my collection so unless I was working with a specialist who had been requested by the university I tended to work alone in the dark. It wasn’t as if the lack of light was a deterrent to me.

  Soon I’d gathered the texts on the list and scanned the wanted passages with the aid of a specially designed machine, one of the few pieces of technology I’d become adept at. After e-mailing the images to Kayla, I returned the books to their home. I’m sure it
would be safe to allow some of them out of my sight, but each volume and scrap of paper was precious to me, and though others may also take special care of them this was another one of the many areas of my life in which I wished to have total control.

  I paused, my eyes sweeping over my collection. Uncounted wisdom of the ages, from both my kind and humans, and I still couldn’t find the answers to the mystery haunting me. What was happening to me? Why was I the oldest one left? I’d traced and tracked down every piece of information I could find. I’d studied every vampiric line. Many of us were killed long before ever reaching our prime, either hunted down by humans who became aware of their presence or killed in one of the many bloody confrontations that happened when predators came together.

  And some just disappeared. My own Mistress was about my age now when I awoke one evening to find her gone. I never heard from her again. Her journals described the same symptoms I had, the same questions and concerns, but no answers. Sometimes I imagined it was her voice in my mind that whispered to me, though the thought was just a passing fancy.

  Maybe we all eventually went mad and destroyed ourselves, walking out into the sunlight until we exploded in our own fiery hell and the breezes came to disperse our ashes across the land. I shook my head. No… there had been no madness in her. I had lived with her for almost two hundred years and read her journals umpteen times since her passing. She wasn’t insane, which meant I wasn’t either. I clung to that belief.

  I left my library and headed up a few more flights of stairs to my resting place. Sunlight encroached upon the marbled floors of the hallway and I avoided those places. Soon students would be crawling over the building except for these upper floors. It was deserted, the classrooms and labs far below. The few students who did venture up here were usually dared to by their friends and all quickly left again despite the fact I was slumbering and unlikely to wake. My presence was a miasma that lingered in the empty rooms and stairwells.

  The room I entered was bare, swept free of dust and cobwebs, because especially here where I slept it had to be clean. I stopped in the middle of the room and closed my eyes, centering my mind for the task at hand. Fear kept getting in the way as I waited for the voices in my mind to pounce. They often called at this time, urging and pleading with me to do their bidding.

  Tonight though, the whispers were blessedly silent and all I heard was the rhythmic pounding of Jacob’s heartbeat. I seemed to be grounded in reality again and that reality was entirely my young lover.

  It took effort to control my wayward thoughts, and even more will to make my body lose its density. I had practiced this same trick for centuries, changing my mass with ease. It would take mental discipline to get me back to where I was, and not let my worries control me. Once I changed, I seeped down through the miniscule cracks and empty spaces in the stone around me until I was one with the floor and walls.

  I didn’t know how much time I bought myself. I couldn’t stop searching for answers though. Jacob’s presence was strong as I started to drift off. “Jacob. My sweet, stubborn, Jacob. I hope your sacrifice was worth it.”

  Chapter 8

  I FELT like I’d been drugged. The lethargy kept dragging me down even as someone continued to shake me. From far away, I could hear my name being called and the only thing I knew was that it wasn’t Kristair. He was sound asleep himself, and the thought of lazing the rest of the day away in his arms was so damned tempting I snarled at my tormentor and turned around to gather Kristair closer.

  Only he wasn’t there. The realization jolted me right out of sleep and I opened my eyes, blinking at the empty side of the bed. What the hell? I could’ve sworn he was there.

  “Jesus, Jacob, great way to scare the hell out of a guy.”

  I rubbed my eyes and glared up at my roommate Tony, who was bent over my bed, with a look of worry in his gray-green eyes. “What are you talking about? I was sleeping. Any idiot can see that.” I glanced over at the alarm, but for some reason it was missing. “What time is it anyway?” I swore if it wasn’t time for classes yet, I was gonna kick his ass.

  “Three o’clock, fucker,” Tony retorted, straightening as I looked at him in patent disbelief. “I tried waking you up before I left, but you didn’t budge. When I came back, you were still in the same damned spot. You didn’t even look like you were breathing.”

  He had to be mistaken. I searched for my clock and found it upside down on the floor. I had a faint memory of knocking it over in my attempt to shut it off earlier. I leaned down and set it back beside my bed. Shit, Tony was right. I’d slept through both of my classes and there was a hole in my middle where my stomach should’ve been.

  I sat up with a groan, every muscle in my body aching. I’d been out for twelve hours and I could easily sleep for several more. I was sorely tempted to do just that, but my rumbling stomach had something else to say now that I was awake.

  “What the fuck?”

  I glanced up at the sound of shock in Tony’s voice and then back down at my paint-covered chest. A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered vividly how they’d gotten there. I chuckled. “What can I say, man? Wild night.” Wilder than anything I could’ve ever imagined.

  “You aren’t kidding.” Tony shook his head. “And for right now, I don’t wanna know. Me and Steve are going to hit the O to grab a pizza. Wanna come?”

  “Yeah, just give me twenty.” I clambered out of bed, my joints cracking as I yawned and stretched. When did Kristair leave? I remembered him kissing me, but that was about it.

  Damn, I missed him. A bit wistful, I rubbed the spot on my chest where his heart was. I could still sense it there, though it was no longer beating like had been. I could sense his mind as well. He was sleeping soundly and I doubted I could wake him, no matter how loud I mentally shouted at him.

  I got why he’d left. An apartment filled with a bunch of college students wasn’t an ideal place for a vampire to sleep. Too much light and noise, and entirely too unpredictable. Kristair wouldn’t have been tempted to stay, no matter our ties. Still it would’ve been nice to have woken up next to him.

  I flicked on the bathroom light and stared in shock at my reflection. No wonder Tony had freaked out. The dark circles under my eyes made my skin seem very pale. It was like Night of the Living Dead. I looked closer, my fingers touching the unbroken skin of my throat, and dried blood flaked away. I hadn’t thought the bites would heal so quickly; at least I didn’t have that to explain. Despite my appearance, I was fine, especially now that my fatigue was disappearing.

  Shaking my head, I stoppered the tub drain, leaving the water running, and peered back into the mirror. The blue paint stood out in stark contrast. I studied the markings, almost regretting having to wash them off. It was a physical link to my boyfriend. Boyfriend. That term didn’t seem to apply to Kristair. I wasn’t sure how to refer to him. I thought about it for a moment then shook my head again. Whatever. I’d figure it out.

  Shutting off the tap, I slipped into the steaming water with a soft sound of appreciation, and leaned my head back against the lip of the tub, shutting my eyes. Damn, that was soothing. The only thing that would’ve made it better would be if Kristair was leaning back in my arms. I might never leave then despite how hungry I was. I would lick off every drop of water beaded on his smooth skin and sate myself that way.

  Instead, I let the hot water soak into my aching muscles and re-created every moment of last night in my head. I fucked a vampire. I didn’t know whether I was insane or the shit. And Kristair would be back for more of what I gave him. For once, I didn’t get that surge of cocky arrogance I always had from a thought like that. I wasn’t sure what it was about me that fascinated him so, and it was worrying. What if I screwed it up?

  Yet, it wasn’t like he was going anywhere. I had his heart, after all. Beyond that, I didn’t know what I could do to make him stay and, even then, I feared my hold on him was iffy. I reached out with my mind and touched his. The whole line of thinking was
making me crazy. For crying out loud, twenty-four hours ago I couldn’t wait to get rid of him and now the idea of him leaving, or going to somebody else, terrified me.

  It was all his fault. My life had been simple before he started chasing after me. Go to class, go to football practice, win the game, and then the cycle would start all over again. It was a nice life, uncomplicated, and I liked it. Now I was lying here in cooling water, covered in blue paint, with a vampire’s heart in my chest. What the hell?

  My stomach growled and I pushed all of my conflicting thoughts and confusing emotions away. One bath wasn’t going to unravel the tangle, and I needed to eat. Maybe I’d get things sorted out before Kristair returned tonight. I couldn’t help but smile knowing I’d be seeing him—or stop the little surge of warm pleasure just the thought of him gave me. Oh God save me, I was turning into the world’s biggest sap.

  I began lathering my chest and arms before lying back to rinse off. I frowned as I looked at my shoulder. The figures were still as deep a blue as before. I scrubbed harder this time, until my skin stung, but the paint wouldn’t fade.

  “Oh, fuck me.” I examined them closer. The ink looked as if it had sunk deep under my skin, the way a real tattoo appeared, except the skin didn’t have the raised ridges. Unease hit me hard, followed by worry. If this was permanent, I was a dead fucking man. I didn’t even want to think about how dead I was going to be. Coach Latimer was going to throw a fit… and, oh God, Ma!