I was damn certain that he hadn’t blocked himself from my thoughts and would know I was coming back. If it wasn’t safe, he’d let me know, though it had better be a mental note instead of taking over my will again.
Immeasurably relieved once I had come to a decision, I got dressed and went into the kitchen to grab a trash bag for my sweater. I was painfully aware of Steve’s eyes on me as I passed and I hated being such an ass to him and Tony, but I didn’t want either of them mixed up in this mess.
With that thought in mind, I paused to write a note on the fridge’s white board. Guys, I’m going out again. Probably won’t be back tonight. Don’t worry about me. When I get a chance, I’ll explain it all. J
Yeah, right. More like when I thought up a probable lie. Steve didn’t say a word as I walked by again, my stomach tense and nerves strung taut. I grabbed my sweater, my skin cringing away, and rolled it up into a ball, tossing it into the bag. I grabbed my jeans as well, just in case there was blood on them, and then dumped the trash from my bathroom and bedroom into it to disguise the contents. I really sucked at this.
The thought of going back outside without my coat made me start shivering again, but it was better than contemplating what I was doing. It had better not take long to find another cab. I grabbed my jean jacket so it would be something, though it wasn’t going to do much to block the wind.
I jumped as someone pounded on my bedroom door. My heart leapt into my throat and my lungs froze. Steve stepped in with a set look on his face I knew way too well. “I don’t have time for this right now,” I started, my hand tightening on the garbage bag.
“I don’t give a crap.” He eyed the bag and sighed. “Dammit, Jake, how much trouble are you in?”
I hesitated. Damn. I had never wanted to confide in anybody as bad as I wanted to talk to Steve right now. At least I knew he would listen before he sent me off to the loony bin and he’d sure as hell know what to do if the cops did come knocking. The urge to spill my guts was so strong I had to bite my lip to keep from talking. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how it would affect Kristair and he was entrusting me with his secrets.
“I have no clue.” I buttoned up the jacket tight, and then slung the bag over my shoulder, with its incriminating contents. “But I haven’t hurt anybody, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No, I’m not.” He paused and I glanced away from his probing gaze, shifting to my other foot, unable to come up with a response. “But you’ve seen someone get hurt. Did anyone see you? Please tell me I’m not going to have dudes with Glocks banging down our door at two a.m.”
I laughed; I couldn’t help it, and some of my tension eased. “No, Steve. You don’t have to worry about that.” If the Syndicate wanted a little payback, I doubted they would use guns. Kristair was their target, not me. The thought scared me and the urgency to see him grew.
Steve seemed to relax a bit and shrugged. “Well, you know if you need anything….”
“Yeah, I know. ’Preciate it, man.”
“Whatever.” Steve held out his hand and looked at me steadily. “Give me the bag. I’ll toss it for you. Just watch yourself, k?”
“Hey, it’s me.” I grinned tightly as Steve glared and moved the bag behind me. Steve and Tony were not getting involved in any way. “That’s okay, I got it.”
Steve shook his head. “Wait here a minute at least. I might have another coat you can borrow.”
I started to reply when I felt the undeniable sense of Kristair’s presence return. My relief was so profound my knees almost buckled. He was okay. I heard a startled exclamation from the front room and my eyes widened. He didn’t.
My bedroom door opened and Steve spun around as Kristair strolled in with my coat in his hand. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to throw my hands up in exasperation.
“Who the fuck are you?” Steve demanded, stepping smoothly in his path, completely disregarding the cool look Kristair sent him. My buddy had balls, that was for sure.
“I’m with him,” Kristair replied, tossing my coat on a chair. Our eyes met over Steve’s shoulder. “You didn’t really expect me to continue coming in the other way, did you?”
I laughed. “No, I guess not.” I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him crazy, but Steve’s presence stopped me. “You could’ve knocked like normal people though.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” He said out loud and then concern colored his mental voice. “Besides, I wasn’t entirely sure someone would open the door considering the state you were in when you left.”
“I take it you two know each other.” Steve’s voice was dry as he stepped out of Kristair’s way. He half-turned to look back at me, his expression wary.
“Yeah, we do. Everything’s cool.” I took my eyes off of my lover long enough to give Steve a reassuring smile.
Whether or not he believed me, I didn’t know, but he did leave us alone without further comment. I studied Kristair, unable to mesh the image of this tall, elegant man in front of me with the creature that had been in his office with its feral eyes. I knew they were the same person despite how I struggled against it. I’d be an idiot if I tried to convince myself that the predator in him didn’t exist. Yet, I loved him. The good, the bad, all of it, and I would be even more foolish if I ignored that.
Chapter 13
MY EYES drank Jacob in, the new lines of strain around his mouth and the new awareness in his gaze which was older than it had been when I awoke and found him in my chamber. The door had barely closed before I found myself striding forward and taking him into my arms. Much to my relief, he didn’t hesitate, but wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. I slid my fingers into his thick hair, cradling him close.
“Does this mean you’re not angry with me anymore?” I asked, murmuring the words in his ear. I had sensed his mental attempts to reach me and disliked having to block them. If our situations had been reversed, I would’ve been crazy with worry myself.
“Don’t push your luck,” he replied, his voice tart, yet there was no real anger in his thoughts. My own irritation had faded with Dominic’s death. Jacob’s head tilted back and his eyes held a hard promise. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again. You got me?”
I hesitated. Maybe I had been overzealous in my attempt to protect him, though I wasn’t about to back down completely. “You know why I did it.”
Jacob’s eyes flashed. “That’s not the point,” he flared. “You can’t manipulate me like that.”
I sighed and dropped my arms from around him. We were going to argue again. “What do you want me to say? That I won’t do it again?” I saw the confirmation in his expression and shook my head. “No, mo chroí, I cannot make that promise.” My eyes narrowed as my anger returned as well. “Do you expect me to sit idly by and do nothing while you break your word and throw yourself into a situation that could’ve gotten you killed?”
His cheeks reddened, but his eyes lost some of their blue fire. “I thought you were dead,” he muttered through clenched teeth. “You tossed me out so damn quick, I couldn’t sense you, and your heart stopped. What did you expect?”
“I expected you to use some sense and think things through before you went rushing out. No, I won’t promise to not stop you again. I can’t. I’m not going to allow you to get hurt if it’s at all within my power to stop it, and believe me, it is. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t do the same if you were in my place.” My anger drained away again. I had no desire to fight with him. I turned away, walking toward the window, and stared down at the snow-clogged streets.
“Dammit, Kristair.” Jacob came up behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. “You’re right. I would.” I heard his teeth gritting as he admitted it and I had to stifle my sudden urge to smile. “But the least you can do is promise not to block me out again. And I will hold you to that.” He met my eyes fiercely in our reflection on the glass.
“Do you really want to witness that side o
f me? It’s not something I’m ashamed of. I am a predator.” A dark thrill of delight rushed through me as I recalled the fight in vivid clarity. I had always relished laying my enemies low, reveling in a good battle, even before I became a vampire. “And despite the circumstances you grew up in, you’ve never dealt with this kind of violence.”
“Does it scare me? Fuck yeah, it terrifies the crap outta me.” Jacob rested his chin on my shoulder, his eyes still locked with mine in the window. “Still, it’s a part of you and it’s not hidden that far beneath the surface. I can handle it, love. I’m not a kid. If we’re going to be together you can’t coddle me. I don’t care how much you want to.”
I remained quiet, thinking his words over and studying him. He meant it, every bit of it. Kayla reprimanded me constantly about my tendency to be overprotective. Maybe part of the whole debacle was my fault. If I hadn’t walled off our connection with such strength, perhaps he wouldn’t have taken matters into his own hands. I turned in his arms, and cupped his face in my hands. “If it will make you happy, then I promise I won’t shut you out again.”
A broad smile broke out across his face. “Yes, it would make me happy.” Then his expression turned serious. “I’m lost without you,” he whispered. “You’ve ruined me for anybody else. I should cuss you out, but I can’t seem to work myself up to it.”
He laid his head back down on my shoulder as I held him closer. I could sense how upset he had been when he couldn’t reach me and the relief my vow gave him. “I’m sorry.” Unwittingly, I had probably hurt him more by doing that than if I had let him stay with me in my mind. Well, it was a moot point now. If Jacob wanted to be a part of it all, then he would be.
“You’re damn right, you should be sorry.” There was a long pause as Jacob waged an internal struggle. “I’m sorry too. I guess I shouldn’t have decked you. That was probably taking it a bit far.”
It was impossible to hide my amusement, though I did manage to not laugh out loud. “Thank you. I would hate to become an abuse victim,” I replied, my voice grave.
Jacob’s head flew up and he gave me a light shove, a smile playing about his lips. “See if I ever apologize to you again. Freaking ingrate.”
It was good to laugh, and to know that things were untroubled between us again. I pulled his warm body into my arms again and kissed him. Last night we had come together on his terms and as he kissed me back I decided that tonight I was going to claim him in return.
Jacob’s stomach rumbled and I chuckled against his lips. “Why don’t we get you something to eat and I can answer all of those burning questions you have stored in your mind.”
“Fine by me.” Jacob released me, his expression serious. “Do me a favor and don’t try to spare me. I’m gonna know if you’re holding back and it’s just going to end up pissing me off.”
What he didn’t say, which I heard loud and clearly in his thoughts, was that it would just make him worry more as well. I retrieved his coat and held it out to him. “I believe I can accommodate you.”
Jacob shrugged into his coat and then grabbed a bag of trash, his thoughts shying away from the contents. “Where are we going?” he asked as I followed him into the main room. His two friends glanced up from the couch and I gave them a wolfish smile. “I can heat up a couple of Hot Pockets or something.”
“You eat entirely too much junk food as it is. I know someplace nearby where we can talk.” I nodded to the young men. “Gentlemen.”
“See you later, guys,” Jacob said, cramming on a hat he’d taken from his coat pocket.
“Later,” Tony muttered and Steve remained silent, his expression as cool as my voice had been.
“I need to drop this off first.” Jacob held up the bag as we entered the hallway. I nodded, cocking my ear toward the door. I could hear the sound of muted conversation on the other side.
Jacob strode down to the end of the hallway and tossed the bag down a chute. I realized then what was in it. “Blood can be a pain to get out,” I murmured in his mind. He jumped and laughed a bit nervously as he rejoined me. I took his hand, lacing our fingers together, and we headed out.
“How much do you trust your roommates?” I asked. They seemed to be close-knit, more so than most of the students who came together out of convenience.
“Tony and Steve?” Jacob looked over his shoulder toward the apartment. “Totally. They’re good people.” His eyes were questioning. “Why?”
“Just curious. I want to make sure they aren’t going to cause trouble for you.”
“Seems to me that you’re the only one causing trouble around here.” A teasing smile flashed across Jacob’s lips.
I gently squeezed his hand. “You’ve got a point there.”
“You never did tell me where we were going,” Jacob said as we exited his building. He paused on the sidewalk, examining the cars parked along the street.
“Hemingway’s. It’s not far from the cathedral,” I replied, my brows furrowing as I watched my lover. He seemed to be looking for something. “What is it?”
“Which one’s your car?”
“What need do I have for a car?” I replied, chuckling as Jacob gave me a disgusted look. I tugged on his hand. “Come; our legs are good enough for us.”
“I’m sorely disappointed in you, my friend.” Jacob fell in beside me and sank further into the comfort of his coat. “You have all these weird abilities and you probably have more money than I’ve made in my life, and you actually choose to walk.”
“I already have everything I want,” I said. “Save for the answers I can’t seem to find no matter what effort I put into searching.”
Jacob glanced my way, picking up my change in mood. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on? Now seems like as good a time as any to start spilling your guts.”
“Where to start though?” My voice was thoughtful as we turned down one of the main streets that flowed through Pittsburgh and headed toward the restaurant.
“That’s easy. How about by telling me what the hell’s going on with you? All that stuff the Syndicate was hinting at in your cryptic little talk about it being your time and leaving your legacy and all that bullshit.” Jacob’s eyes narrowed. “Somehow I get the idea that the little ritual you did on me the other night had everything to do with it.”
Trust Jacob to immediately go for the most difficult part. “There isn’t much I can tell you. I don’t know the answers myself, but I’ll give you what I do know.” I paused, gathering my thoughts together, steeling myself for his response.
“You aren’t dying on me, are you?” Jacob tried to make it sound like a jest, but the worry eating at him made him fail miserably.
I squeezed his hand, seeking to reassure him, though it was hollow because I didn’t know. “I wish I could say, mo chroí. None of us who have reached this stage know. Maybe it is death, but I tend to believe it is something else entirely.
Jacob drew in a deep breath, curses stringing through his mind as we walked. He cast me a baleful glare. “You seem to be taking it rather calmly,” he accused.
“I’ve had some time to get used to the idea. It’s a mystery I’ve been seeking to unravel since my Mistress disappeared, though I admit I’ve made little headway.” I paused on the sidewalk and turned to him. “Don’t fret so.” I cupped his face. “I have reason to believe I’ve bought myself some more time, though I’m not sure how much.” I tasted the vitality that hummed in my lover. It hovered in the air between us. “At least another fifty years or so.”
“Oh wait just one fucking minute.” Jacob scowled at me, leaving me to wonder what had set him off this time. It didn’t seem to take much. “Who’s your Mistress?” Jealousy rolled off of him in waves.
After a moment of startled silence my mouth started to twitch as mirth bubbled to the surface. “There is nothing for you to get upset about. She was the one who took me from my tribe and made me into a vampire. Our relationship never went beyond that. It amused her to have me ref
er to her in that manner, I think.”
Jacob continued to glare at me as if I had only told him enough to question if I was telling the entire truth, or maybe it was my amusement that was irking him. “Jacob,” I said in a reasonable tone. “Why would I lie?” I paused and then smiled as he relaxed. “Besides, you’re the one who enjoys women as well as men. I don’t.”
We resumed walking down the street. “So I was right. How did that little hoodoo exchange of yours change what’s happening to you?” Jacob asked, going back to our previous conversation and rubbing the spot on his chest in an unconscious gesture I found to be endearing.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I thought it might ground me somehow, anchoring me in this reality.” I wasn’t sure how to explain it, considering I was working more on intuition, shadowy hypothesis, and gut reactions than with solid information. “I’m now tied to you, and your own life force, and it seems to be interfering with the changes that have been plaguing me.”
“You seem to be pretty sure of yourself. Is that really the case, or are ya putting on a show for my benefit?”
“Well, the more odious symptoms have disappeared since last night, but I’m not celebrating yet.” I stopped in front of the restaurant s tucked up a side street and opened the door for him.
We were silent as the waiter led us back to a booth. The restaurant wasn’t very crowded and the lights were dim so it afforded us a measure of privacy that other places wouldn’t have. Jacob slid into the seat opposite me and studied my face intently. “Before I did the ritual last night, you saw into my mind and you had known of me for some time.” I paused. I hated to say the implications out loud. It made them more real. “Would you say I was crazy?”
Jacob leaned forward, his eyes sparkling. “Well, most normal people I know don’t follow around guys for months and hang outside their windows for shits and giggles.”
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