Triquetra

by Marguerite Labbe

  “I see someone who wants to be more than he thinks he is, but doesn’t yet realize that he’s already there.” He paused. “I see the man I’ve loved since the first night he caught my eye.”

  Damn him for always managing to get the last word in. I couldn’t even begin to describe how he made me feel: loved, chastised, heated, and possessive, all at once. I grasped his hips, my cock finding his entrance, and slowly pushed deep inside him.

  Kristair moaned, breaking the kiss to watch my face as I penetrated him. His tongue darted out to wipe the traces of my blood from his lips before doing the same to my own. The intimacy of us sharing blood was so damned erotic. I growled softly, my hands tightening without thought on his hips before I withdrew and drove into him again.

  He was incredibly hot and so damned tight around my cock that it was an almost painful pleasure. Kristair’s nails dug into the chair, scoring the smooth leather. I buried my face in his neck and slid my arm around his waist, breathing in his scent almost desperately even as I fucked him.

  I couldn’t get enough of the strangled sounds that caught in his throat or the way he moved his body so restlessly against my own. He rested his head against my shoulder again and his hand came up and back to wrap around the nape of my neck. I lost myself in his half-embrace. The physical pleasure paled in comparison to the soul-deep joy we shared at our renewed connection.

  If I could just capture this feeling, this moment, and keep it inside me forever, I might remember what it was like to be happy.

  There was just one thing missing. I lifted my hand, placing the inside of my wrist against his lips. He moaned deep in his throat and I could feel the vibration of it against my lips. “Kristair…,” I gasped as his teeth sank into my flesh. My eyes stung with imminent tears. Not from the pain, for that was fleeting, but from the wealth of emotions that were flowing out of him. Even as I wallowed in the tenderness that he held for me, he fed off of my own emotions. He drew the lust, love, and need from me and enclosed them around him like a cloak. It was the same tenderness that had undone me since the first night.

  My hips snapped hard and relentlessly into him. He trembled so sweetly against me that it was all I could do to keep some measure of control. My thrusts became frantic and I reached around to wrap my hand around his cock, stroking with my erratic movements. I drew in my breath in quick, harsh pants that came out again as mewling, sharp cries muffled against the side of his throat.

  Kristair’s cock throbbed in the circle of my fist. I felt his rippling contractions around my own cock as I emptied myself into him. Never enough, I didn’t think that I would ever get enough of him, or the explosive passion that erupted between us.

  “Don’t forget, Jacob. Don’t you ever forget. I’ll always be with you.”

  I WOKE up gasping, my body shuddering through the last stages of my orgasm. Oh god, I could still taste him on my lips; my wrist still ached. I squeezed my eyes shut against the slow, painful thuds of my heart and I turned into the twisted sheets, shaking. I was afraid to open my eyes. What if I saw broken skin? What if I saw an empty bed?

  Inside, my soul howled, the sound full of despair and fury, desolate and alone. I gritted my teeth and forced my eyes open.

  My wrist was whole.

  There wasn’t even a lingering impression of teeth and Kristair’s scent, his taste fled. It had been just a dream. It hadn’t happened like that. Kristair had left to confront the Syndicate; he hadn’t stayed with me, though I doubt that would’ve stopped the Syndicate. The rhythm of my heart started to slow.

  “But it’s how you wanted it to happen, mo chroí.”

  “Kristair?”

  Chapter 6

  MY BODY felt like I really had been up all night long making love with Kristair. My eyes were gritty, a headache throbbed between my temples, and my muscles ached. I should’ve gone back to my dorm between classes and taken a nap, but I sure as hell didn’t want to go to sleep again. The dream had left me feeling cheated, like I was caught in a goddamn monkey-in-the-middle game where everything I wanted was tossed around just out of reach, taunting me.

  And the day was hardly over with yet. Somehow I had to get through practice, work my shift at the cafeteria, and then go to the meeting at Pooh Corner. At least the meeting was something to look forward to. I had to believe that Tony was on the level and Ussier would see it.

  “Corvin.”

  My head jerked up at the sound of my coach’s voice. I realized I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even started getting ready for practice. “Sorry, Coach,” I muttered, tugging off my T-shirt. The last thing I needed right now was him giving me shit again for my attitude. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his mouth tighten at the sight of my tattoos. Well, he was just going to have to deal. For fuck’s sake, he’d known about them for eight months now. It wasn’t like they were going anywhere.

  I turned to face the locker, slipped off my nipple rings, and put them in the little box I kept in there, hoping he didn’t see the motion. They were yet another bone of contention between him and me. “Hurry up and finished getting dressed and get your ass out there. And, Corvin, you’re benched for Saturday’s game.”

  I froze in the act of slipping Kristair’s torc off from around my throat, and then I forced myself to lay it down before I spun to face Coach Latimer. “I haven’t broken any rules.” How I kept my voice even I didn’t know. In the past I would’ve already been shouting. I was building up to it though, anger grumbling in the background as I seethed.

  “Your attitude is unacceptable and your performance is suspect. I don’t like the changes I see in you,” Coach Latimer said, his voice flat and unwavering. Not the first time I’d heard that particular tone.

  “Let me get this straight. This year my grades have improved to the point where you don’t have to get on my ass anymore about keeping them up.” I put on my pads and jerked my jersey over them, glowering at him the entire time. “I’ve submitted to every request you’ve given me for a physical and drug test without argument. I haven’t been involved in one damn brawl on or off the field this year. And you’re benching me? Are you fucking kidding me? There are scouts out there, Coach. This is my last year. If I’m going to be invited to the combine again, I need to be playing. I haven’t done shit to deserve this.”

  “Yeah, you’ve learned how to keep a hold of your temper, but you’ve grown cold, Corvin. I don’t like it, nor do I like some of the feats you’ve pulled on the field. People are starting to talk and it gives me and my department a bad rep I don’t want.”

  Kristair believed that telling a bit of truth sometimes made your case stronger, so I opted to try that strategy now, though only out of sheer desperation. Dammit, I needed to play. I needed to get out there and forget for a while, to have something that was normal. As normal as I could get with having to make sure I kept any supernatural bursts of speed or strength locked deep inside.

  “Look, Coach, cut me some slack, okay?” I paused, my throat tightening, my eyes stinging just thinking about my admission, and I forced myself to meet his eyes. God, it was so hard. Admitting it out loud made it real and I’d gotten really good about not saying anything.

  “Last year I met someone who changed my life and then he was killed. Right now the only thing I give a shit about is football, so please, let me play. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll go take another physical. I’ll piss in a fucking jar whenever you ask. I swear to god, I’m not on drugs, okay? I’m not doing anything illegal, or anything that’s gonna let the team down. Come on, please.”

  My legs were trembling by the time I’d finished and I sat down hard on the bench. He was silent as I continued to get dressed, waiting for his answer. I had to act like he was going to give me permission. Then I was ready. I rose with my helmet tucked under my arm and my heart beating an uneven tattoo in my chest as I studied his face. Jesus, I didn’t need this now. Everything was crumbling out from underneath me. I wanted to start screaming and never stop
.

  Coach Latimer’s eyes hadn’t changed and my heart sank. I’d learned the hard way during my sophomore year that winning didn’t matter so much to the man as did the personal integrity of the team and every man on it. I’d been convinced that as long as I kept playing the way I had been I was golden. So I’d let my grades slip and the next thing I knew, I’d been sitting on the sidelines watching the team play without me. I’d had to do extra credit on top of the make-up work just to satisfy Coach.

  “I’m sorry, Jake. I really am.” It was the unfamiliar and unexpected gentle note in his voice that made my throat close up more so than the rejection I knew was coming.

  Coach handed me a slip of paper and I took it before sinking down onto the bench again. It had the name and address of a doctor on it. “This isn’t some damned head quack, is it?” I glared up at him, some of my anger coming back to chase away the despair. “I ain’t crazy.”

  “I’m not crazy, not ain’t. You are at a university now.” Kristair gently teased and my heart twisted.

  “No, it’s not, Corvin, though that might not be a bad idea either. You’ve got a lot of rage bottled up inside you. It makes you dangerous; to yourself and to your teammates and to the men we play against. I can’t take the risk.”

  I stared blindly down at my hands. I wanted to rail, shout, punch the lockers until the pain in my hand drowned everything else out. But I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t come out, and the fucked thing was I got where Coach was coming from. My jaw worked and I nodded, looking up to meet his eyes. “I understand.”

  He studied my face for a long time as if trying to weigh the sincerity of my words. “I expect you do. Maybe you’re finally growing up, Corvin.”

  I shrugged, my lips twisting into a smile. Shit, if getting wisdom was always this painful, I’d much rather be a cocky brat instead.

  “So, if this isn’t a shrink then who is it?” I gestured with the slip of paper in my hand. A sudden suspicion hit me with a wrenching in my gut and as soon as I had the thought I knew it was true. The profound disappointment in Coach’s eyes confirmed it. Oh god, how had he found out? I had been so careful.

  “I know you forged the results of your physical, Corvin. I don’t know why and I suspect you’re not going to be telling me either. The only thing I do know is that you’re not using, which is damned smart of you because I’d have no qualms about kicking you off the team, talent or no talent. Why you did something as asinine as fake a doctor’s clearance, I don’t know. If you have a medical condition and you’re worried it might keep you from playing, you have a responsibility to yourself to take care of it. Football is one thing, your health is another.”

  A medical condition. That was a fucking laugh. I couldn’t be more disgustingly healthy. I hadn’t had so much as a cold since the night I got those tattoos, not even when everyone else around me had caught the stomach flu the month before. No, I’d fudged my results because I was terrified of going to the doctor.

  Over the past year I’d been changing. I wasn’t used to the idea of holding back in practice and especially not during a game. But I was faster than I had been, more agile, stronger. You name it. What if they found something in my blood that indicated these abilities weren’t just a product of my imagination? What if I received proof that I wasn’t quite human anymore?

  Yeah, the thought scared the shit out of me. I wanted some semblance of normalcy left in my life. I could’ve taken it if I’d still had Kristair, but I didn’t. He was gone and there was no one else around to help me. I didn’t trust Ussier that much and I wanted to keep Steve and Kayla out of this craziness as much as possible.

  “I’m not sick, Coach, and I’m not risking my health.” I glanced down at the paper then turned to tuck it into my bag. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”

  It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad for him to think I’d betrayed him and not be able to defend myself. But what the hell was I supposed to say? I was afraid to go because I had a second heart and I never knew when it was going to decide to start beating inside me. That would be just what I needed to nail the proverbial coffin of my life, to become some kind of medical freak everyone wanted to prod at.

  “You do that, Corvin, and when the results come in, if they’re acceptable, you can play again.”

  I met his eyes with a bitter smile. “What about my attitude?” That sure as hell wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

  “I understand about losing someone. You know my door is always open. You should use it sometime.”

  I glanced away, the lump in my throat swelling even larger, and nodded. It was a nice gesture and damned if I didn’t appreciate it, but nothing was going to make the gape inside my soul go away. I was being bombarded with reminders every second and it was getting worse. Kristair talked to me more often, more personally, and God help me, the dream the night before had been so vivid and real. I may have tried to let him go, but my past was clinging with a vengeance.

  “Yeah, I’ll keep it in mind.”

  “Warm-up is getting ready to start and you need to be out there the same time as the others.” He turned to walk away.

  “Coach Latimer.” He stopped, though he didn’t turn around again.

  I just couldn’t let him believe whatever it was he was thinking about me and my reasons for faking the physical. I may have felt like I’d lost everything that meant something to me, but I still had my pride, and as hollow as it seemed, I clung to it. As much as Coach Latimer and I butted heads, I couldn’t let him think I was using. I knew he said he didn’t, but the suspicion had to be lurking in the back of his mind. After all, there were a hundred different ways to fake a drug test.

  “I swear to you I’m not juicing, Coach. I know my game’s improved and I’ve heard some of the talk behind my back. Truth is I’ve been working out somewhat obsessively, anything to get my mind off… well, whatever.” My chest tightened to the point I had to drag breath in. God, when would it stop hurting so fucking much?

  To mask my emotions I bent over to retie my cleats. “I didn’t go to the physical because I was embarrassed and I knew I was healthy enough to play.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn to look at me so I busied myself with my laces, hoping he would take it for shame instead of lying through my teeth. I didn’t care if he thought I was worried about eczema on my ass or an STD, just as long as he didn’t think it was drugs.

  I steadied myself and met his eyes again. “It was wrong and I’m sorry.”

  Coach Latimer didn’t answer; he merely nodded and walked away. The enormity of what had just happened crushed down on me and I sagged back against the lockers. I wasn’t going to be allowed to play. Football was the only thing I looked forward to anymore. When I was out on the field I could stop thinking, just lose myself in the moment and pushing my body to its limit. Or at least, to the limit I’d allowed myself.

  Now I was going to be stuck watching while the scouts wondered what I’d done. The rumors could hurt my chances. Frustration surged and I banged my head back against the lockers several times. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  The locker room emptied, the sounds of my fellow teammates fading as they went out to the field one by one. Had any of them listened in? How much had they heard? I supposed I could’ve made more friends on the team if I’d wanted to, but when I’d started I’d been too cocky and hot tempered. Now I had zero interest in letting anybody else in.

  I brushed my fingers over Kristair’s torc, hoping to gain some balance, then headed out to the field. As I fell into my first lap around its circumference, I started making lists, anything to block my mind and my emotions. First get through practice, then go to work and concentrate on the paycheck coming in instead of the people I was serving. I’d make an appointment with the doctor the first thing in the morning if they’d let me. They had to let me. I couldn’t wait weeks before the doctor had an opening in his schedule.

  Fuck, what was I going to do? I knew jack shit about human anatomy. Even if Kristair’s heart b
ehaved itself and remained quiet, I didn’t know if there would be some kind of echo effect since it was still taking up space in my chest. And what if they wanted to do blood work? Ugh, I was gonna go mad with all the what-ifs and uncertainties.

  I passed by the rest of the guys and settled into an easy lope at the head of the line, though I held myself back from really running the way my bones and muscles longed for. Staying just ahead of the guy behind me, no matter how much he tried to catch up, eased some of my seething frustration.

  I hated limiting myself. That wasn’t how I did things. I pushed myself, constantly. Only now I had to give some real consideration to what Kristair told me when he’d done his little hoodoo ritual, which had permanently implanted his heart in my chest. I’d thought the effects would’ve worn off with his death, but it was only one of many things I had been wrong about.

  Hell, I didn’t even know if trying to limit myself was even going to work. I might continue to get stronger. Who knew where it would end or what other abilities of Kristair’s I’d develop? It kept escaping me, like I was under too much pressure. It came in little spurts, a great rush if I took off the restraints. One day I was just gonna explode.

  Come to think of it, I had no damned idea how a vampire created another. Kristair had never discussed it beyond refusing to turn me. I shook my head and realized I had pulled ahead a little too much and once again forced myself to hold back. I didn’t want another bitching out on top of the one I’d already had. I needed to put a stop to these thoughts. I had enough damned trouble without worrying if I was turning into a vampire on top of it. In paranoia, I ran my tongue over my teeth, but they didn’t seem any sharper than they were before.