Naturally Naughty

by Morganna Williams

  “Get in,” he said, opening the passenger door and helping me into the Jeep. The feel of my sore backside sliding over the seat made me wince. I glanced up at him, hoping to find a little sympathy for my tender posterior, but instead he smirked. I guess it was safe to say he was a man of few words.

  “Where are you taking me?” I asked hopefully.

  He simply shot me a slow easy grin that I felt all the way to my toes and said, “You’ll see.”

  I gasped when we hit a bump, the lack of shocks in the Jeep bringing my tender tush to life. “Ooooh!”

  The horrid man laughed! I shot him a meaningful glare and turned to look out my window.

  When the Jeep stopped in front of JC Penney, I looked at him in surprise.

  “You need a new robe,” was all he said as he placed a hand on the small of my back to guide me into the store.

  “I didn’t bring my purse,” I told him softly.

  “I’m picking it, so I’ll buy it,” he said firmly.

  I felt a spark of indignation at his high-handed attitude, but my bottom reminded me of what happens when high hands fall so I bit my tongue.

  In the lingerie department he studied the big comfy terrycloth robes first. He fingered the sash of a purple one and glanced at me. “Too risky,” he said and moved over to the ones with the zip front. “Perfect.” He pulled a bright red one from the rack, held it up in front of me, and then headed to the cashier.

  Hmmmpf! He could’ve at least asked if I liked the color.

  He returned, sack in hand. “Well, let’s go, Streaky.”

  On the drive back home, he told me that I was to throw my old robe away immediately. I didn’t dignify that with a response.

  He pulled into my driveway and turned me to face him. “I can’t very well have you stripping for the neighborhood.” Pulling me close, he gave me a kiss that curled my toes and left me panting for more. “I have to go get ready for my shift; try to remember what’s under the robe is for my eyes only.”

  “Yes, sir.” I pressed one more kiss against his lips before climbing from the car and running inside with my new robe.

  Feeling giddy when I got inside, it took me a minute to notice I was still in chat. Oh, no! Hallie and Sebrina had of course left so I closed out of chat and sat down to start an e-mail to them.

  “You aren’t gonna believe this…”

  A Cop, a Phone, and No Seatbelt

  I was driving down the road chattering to my friend Sebrina about the date I had been on with Landon last night.

  “He was sooo romantic, Seb! He cooked for me and then we sat out back and drank wine under the stars.”

  Sebrina sighed, “That’s so sweet.”

  I frowned when I saw the flashing lights in my review mirror. “Crap! I’m getting pulled over, but I wasn’t even speeding!”

  “Hmmm, are you sure, babe?” Sebrina asked.

  “I wasn’t, honestly. I’m in town.” I pulled over and watched the police car behind me.

  I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw Landon step from the car. “Oh, it’s only Landon.”

  “Only Landon? Ummm, babe…” Sebrina sounded a little concerned.

  I rolled down my window and smiled up at Landon. “Hi! You had me worried there for a minute. I was just telling Sebrina…” I gasped when he leaned into the car and took the cell phone from my hand.

  “Sebrina? Shannon has to go. Bye.” I watched, shocked, as he hung up on my friend.

  “Landon! That was rude! I was still talking!” I said indignantly.

  “Yes, you talked 1st through 5th Street. Did you notice the tractor trailer trying to turn that you passed?” he asked curiously.

  “What tractor trailer?” I said, craning my neck to look behind my car.

  “Shannon, it’s against the law to talk on cell phones while you’re driving,” he said sternly; then as he was looking down at me, his face suddenly darkened even more. “How come you aren’t wearing your seatbelt?”

  “Oh, well, you see it was just a quick trip and I didn’t think…” I began, only to be interrupted.

  “You never seem to think until it’s too late,” Landon said exasperatedly.

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly, hoping to appease him a little.

  I frowned as he pulled out his notebook and began to write what looked suspiciously like a ticket.

  “Are you giving me a ticket?” I asked.

  “I’m giving you two; one for the cell phone and one for no seatbelt,” he informed me coldly and continued writing. “May I have your license and insurance information?”

  “Landon, you can’t be serious!” I cried.

  “License and insurance information, please.” I looked up into his implacable face and felt tears forming in my eyes. I angrily wiped them away and got my license and car insurance form for him.

  “I can’t believe you’re writing me tickets! That’s so mean. You could’ve let me go with a warning,” I fumed.

  He handed me the clipboard to sign the tickets. “Warnings aren’t effective with you. Besides, being informed of the law should be warning enough.”

  “Jerk!” I yelled as he handed me my copies. “What are you doing?” I hollered as my door opened and Landon pulled me from the car. I watched in surprise as he leaned in and switched off the ignition, pocketed my keys, and locked the car.

  “Landon?” I asked worriedly as I was escorted and handed into the police car.

  He didn’t say a word to me as he drove.

  I licked my lips and tried again. “Landon, I’m sorry I called you a jerk. I was just surprised when you gave me the tickets.”

  Landon pulled into his driveway and helped me from the back of the car. I frowned at the way his jaw was working.

  That couldn’t be a good sign.

  “Oh, look, a new plant,” I said as we went in the back door; anything to fill the silence. I looked around the kitchen.

  “You know a little yellow would look really nice in… oooooooohhhhhhhhhh. Noo, wait, Landon!”

  Before I could finish my decorating tips, he had bent me over a handy kitchen stool and tossed my skirt over my head. My panties were down around my knees before I could even finish protesting. I watched wide-eyed as Landon pulled a very large wooden spoon from the crock that sat on his counter.

  “I better not ever see you without your seatbelt again,” he said as he began to apply the spoon with vigor to my backside. “I also don’t want you to even think about talking on the phone and driving at the same time.”

  “Ooooowwwwwww! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!” was about all I could manage as an incredible sting built in my bottom. Who would have thought something as innocent as a spoon could hurt so bad? It fell again and again, covering every inch of my quivering bottom.

  I just hung limply across the stool and wailed as he continued to lecture on driving safety and emphasized his words with further application of the horrid spoon.

  It wasn’t long before I was a contrite mess and swearing to never drive again, much less with a phone or without a seatbelt.

  “Just to make sure you’ve learned something,” he said and quickly delivered ten more licks to the area where my bottom and thighs meet. I nearly shot completely off the stool then. That hurt!

  The licks stopped and I heard the thunk of the spoon landing in the sink moments before Landon lifted me to my feet. I gasped when he pulled my panties up over my bottom, wondering about the feasibility of sticking my burning butt into his icebox to cool off.

  Landon dried my tears and pulled me close. “I don’t want to have to repeat that lesson again. Understand?”

  I sniffed. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good. If I do, you won’t be able to sit to drive,” he informed me.

  Landon took me back to my car, but refused to give me back my cell phone. He told me I was not getting it back for a week.

  I started to argue about that, but then I thought of his spoon and changed my mind. I didn’t want to think about what else he m
ight pull out of that crock!

  I sighed, looking at the tickets, and then frowned. “Landon, you wrote on here that I can’t take defensive driving.”

  “Yes, I know,” he said, leaning in the window to kiss me on the forehead.

  “But I can take it,” I told him earnestly. “It’s been almost a year since the last time I took it.”

  “Shannon, you’ve taken that class six times at least and so far it’s done nothing for you. So from now on when you get a ticket, you can pay it and I will give you the Landon Bridges Drivers’ Safety Course for free.

  “You just took lesson one and you’re right, you don’t want lesson two,” he added as he straightened. “I have to get back to work. Drive safe.”

  Hmmmmpf!

  The Cell Phone Blues

  “So anyway, Seb is in big trouble with Ryan.” I finished the story with flourish.

  “So you’re telling me that Sebrina’s cell phone bill was over so much that it was $150.00 more than the normal bill and she has how many anytime minutes?”

  “Ummm, I think she said a thousand. She has a much better plan than me.”

  “How is it even possible to talk on the phone that much?” Landon asked me incredulously.

  “I dunno, but Seb’s really smart so she has a lot to say,” I defended my friend.

  “As much to say as you do, perhaps?”

  “Now why would you want to bring me into this? I was talking about Sebrina and Ryan. Not me.”

  I frowned as Landon made his way over to my computer desk and opened the drawer he knew I kept my bills in.

  “Landon, that’s my private property!” I exclaimed then grinned when inspiration struck. “You can’t look in there without a warrant.”

  Landon stopped and glanced over at me. “Yes, I can. There’s probable cause.”

  “Probably what!?” I watched with horror as he pulled my phone bill from the drawer.

  “My, my, my, it looks like Sebrina isn’t the only one who went over on her minutes last month. You went over by a hundred minutes yourself. Who could you have been talking to? Let’s see, your sister, Philly, Philly, your sister, sister, Philly, Philly, Philly for three hours and thirty-seven minutes. What could you possibly have to discuss for three hours and thirty-seven minutes?”

  “Well… ummm… what day was that?”

  “Never mind that you have several conversations that lasted that long and one here on the twenty-eighth that lasted for over four hours.”

  “Well, it’s not like I’m not going to pay the bill myself. We aren’t married or even living together so really, Landon, my bills aren’t your business unless you plan to start paying them.” I sat back in my chair with a smug smile, relieved that I had found a way to stymie the direction of the conversation.

  “That’s true except for one thing, sweetness.”

  I frowned, trying to figure out where he’d found a flaw in my logic. “What’s that?”

  “The reception in your house isn’t worth a damn so I know if you were home when you talked to her, you would have used your home phone.”

  My stomach hit my feet as I recognized where this was going. “Oh?”

  “Oh is right. Just where did you do all of this talking?”

  “Ummm… Wal-Mart?”

  “You expect me to believe you talked to her for over four hours in Wal-Mart?”

  “Well, sometimes it takes a long time to get your prescriptions filled there, honey.”

  Landon simply crossed his arms and stared at me. I hate the interrogation stare. I start squirming around in my seat within seconds. Soon I will develop diarrhea of the mouth and begin babbling non-stop before proceeding to a full confession. I am determined to stand strong in the face of the stare this time. I will be strong.

  “Well, you see… I needed cheese. It was a regular cheese emergency. Seb knows bunches about cheese and then there was this pâté. I wasn’t sure if Wal-Mart was the place to buy pâté so I knew Seb was the one to ask and then there were crackers. I was strictly opposed to the ones shaped like a Christmas tree ‘cause I wasn’t in the mood to deal with shapes. Which Seb assured me she understood completely. Then I went back to check my prescriptions and the line was really long and we chatted about that and the weather, then it was my turn and I said I’d take mine to the front and I noticed I was getting a fever blister and you know what? Seb gets them just like I do. All over her face. Isn’t that an interesting coincidence?”

  The silent stare continued. “Oh… well… uhh… maybe not. So I paid and we talked all the way to the car and I…”

  He was relentless with those piercing green eyes. He gave no quarter. I winced and tried to stay firm in my resolve to give nothing away, and then it happened.

  I broke. “Okay, so maybe I drove and talked a tad bit this last month. I know I’m not supposed to talk on the phone while I’m driving, but sometimes it’s necessary and Seb gives such good advice. I’m always careful and I…”

  “That’s enough, Shannon. I’d advise you stop explaining. Trust me, you’re doing nothing for your case,” Landon said as he rolled up his sleeves and approached my chair. Damn, it’s no fair when he uses the stare.

  “Now Landon, let’s discuss this, you should never have looked at my bill. I was only sharing a friendly anecdote concerning a friend of mine. You were supposed to sympathize with Sebrina, not turn it around into my problem!” I said, jumping up to back across the room.

  “Stop right there. young lady. One more step and I’ll take my belt off.”

  I froze. I’m sure if he ever threatened that to suspects on the lam that they’d freeze too.

  “Landon, honey, I just… I…”

  “You just thought you could get away with it.” In no time at all I found myself dangling across his knee, my bare bottom raised for his close inspection. The minute his hand connected with my backside I was wishing that the inspection had lasted longer… a lot longer!

  “Ooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!”

  Soon the room was filled with the sounds of hand meeting bottom and my cries for mercy. I found none. Landon’s hand fell again and again with stinging precision. My backside would have been able to heat an entire house by the time he finished.

  Then he began to deliver hard spanks to my sit spots, striking the exact same place repeatedly until I was sobbing limply over his lap.

  I was crying so hard it took me a minute to realize the spanking was over and he was running his hand up and down my back. When I was calmed, he lifted me to sit on his lap, my bare bottom resting against the rough fabric of his jeans.

  He cuddled me to his chest and stroked my hair as I cried, promising quite rashly never to talk on the phone again, period.

  I frowned when I heard what sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

  The beast! I’m pouring my heart out and he’s laughing at me!

  I would have taken him to task over such ungallant behavior, but decided that if any more fire was heaped upon my poor bottom I’d start a fire anywhere I sat for the next several days, so I kept my own counsel. I could talk to Seb about it tomorrow. She’d understand.

  Uh-oh!

  I stood frowning down at the front passenger side tire. Flat as a pancake! Wonderful! Great! Here it was pouring down rain in thirty-degree weather and I was stuck on the side of the road with a flat. Could my life get any better?

  Geeze oh Pete!

  To top it all off I was about to freeze. It had just been a quick trip to the store; who needed a coat? I kicked the tire in frustration, and then jumped as sharp pains immediately shot through the toes of my left foot. Okay, not the brightest move to make in flip-flops.

  Great—now I was wet, cold, and stranded with a broken foot! I limped around to the driver’s seat and sank into it, pulling the door shut with a sulky frown.

  What to do… what to do? I picked up my cell phone and studied it carefully. I could call Landon… the thought of his reaction made me cringe. It wasn’t the flat; it was that I di
dn’t have a jack or a decent spare. I’d been supposed to get a spare for months and still hadn’t managed to do so. This was in fact the third flat I’d had since breaking my jack. No, it would definitely be best to skip Landon in this entire fiasco.

  I took a deep breath and dialed my sister’s number. “Hi, sis! It’s me, Shannon.”

  “Well, who else would be calling me sis?” I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “I have a teeny little problem.”

  “What?”

  “I have a flat.”

  “Oh, nasty weather for it. Change it.”

  “Umm… I can’t… I don’t have a jack.”

  “Still!? You still don’t have a jack! This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you!”

  I winced as she began to yell as only an older sister can. “I know… yes, I know… yes, irresponsible… I’m an idiot… okay, I’m not an idiot… yes, foolish behavior… are you going to help me?”

  “Well, of course I am.” My sister heaved a long-suffering sigh. “Did you call Landon?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’ll yell.”

  “He should yell!”

  “Well, that’s beside the point.”

  Another deep sigh. “Okay. Where are you?”

  “By the Carr Motel.”

  “That seedy place? Oh, my god! It’s a drug lord haven!”

  “Hardly. We live in little town America; there are hardly big-time gangsters living here.”

  “That is a bad part of town. I’m on my way.”

  Right after we hung up a big utility-looking truck pulled up behind me. The side of the truck read Lew’s Tire Service.

  Wow! What were the odds on a Sunday? I jumped out of my car and met the large man exiting the truck.

  “Got a flat?”

  “Yes. But I don’t have a jack.”

  “Got a spare?”

  “Sort of.”

  I ignored the puzzled look on his face and opened the trunk. The big man frowned and looked from the oversized tire and back down to my car a few times.