“How are you feeling today?” I asked him.
“Fine. Why?”
I shrugged. “Checking to see if you’re hung over is all.”
“Nah.” But he shifted behind the menu and while I could barely see him, I wondered if I could believe him. “Why’d you help me at the bar that night? If I remember correctly, you were only at our show because your friend wanted to come.”
“True.” The waitress set our drinks down and we ordered quickly before I continued. “I was only there because that was what Emery wanted to do for her birthday week.”
“So why’d you get me out of there?”
I wet my lips then took a drink to soothe my suddenly dry mouth before I continued. There was a long awkward silence between us but if we were going to do this then I should feel comfortable explaining this to him.
“I wasn’t going to sit there and watch you get your ass beaten by a guy simply because he had the advantage of you being drunk. What’d you do to get him so mad?”
He shook his head and ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “I have no idea. I don’t remember.”
I chewed on the corner of my mouth. Of course he didn’t. He’d been pretty drunk. “Well, whatever it was, I thought it better to get you out of there and make sure you could do the next show for your legions of fans.”
“Are you one of them now?” A smile played with the corner of his mouth and for the first time up close, I could see just how beautiful he was. I mean, he’d been hot the first time I’d seen him, but he was always so severe. Kind of sad that I hadn’t been able to fully appreciate it before.
Now I could. He was young and on top of the world. Probably had a different woman in his bed every night or maybe not in his bed, but somewhere. That was usually the rock star’s dream, wasn’t it?
Whereas I hadn’t had sex in so long that I thought cobwebs had probably formed a barrier over my vagina. But there wasn’t anyone I had clicked with in forever and after watching my mom let men use her for a good time, I wasn’t going to do that. It would’ve been different if I thought that was what she really wanted. I didn’t judge that. Women could do the same hoeing around that men did, but I’d seen how she’d felt about it afterward. Unfortunately, she was always too drunk to know her own mind.
“One of what?” I asked after forgetting what he’d said.
“A fan. Are you a fan now?”
“Oh. Yeah. Honestly, I just hadn’t paid attention before. When it comes to music, I listen to whatever is on the radio, but you guys are good. I’d say your sister in particular is amazing, but I don’t want to piss you off.” I bit my lips together to keep from smiling.
At least he laughed loudly, bringing the attention of the old people across the room to us. Otherwise, the place was empty right now.
“I know Daisy is amazing and it doesn’t bother me,” he said. The waitress dropped off our orders. For him, a big stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon on the side. For me, a smaller stack of pancakes and a side of eggs because I couldn’t skip getting a protein. “What were you two up to at the bar that night?” he asked.
“It was Emery’s birthday. She wanted to go out with a couple of girls we met at the concert. That’s where they were going.”
“So you wanted a few drinks?”
“No,” I said quicker than I probably should have. “I don’t drink.”
“Ever?” he asked. I shook my head. “What about others drinking?”
“I can’t really do anything about what others do. I’m fine with it if they’re responsible. I don’t like being around drunk people though. Too many bad memories.”
“Makes sense,” he told me but the idea of those bad memories burned my stomach. “How long have you been babysitting?” he asked, changing the subject.
I snickered but finished my bite of pancake before answering. “This is my first official babysitting job. Unless you count when I was a teenager.”
“Why did you agree to it?”
Now was when I’d go into more detail. His siblings didn’t need to know everything, but he kind of did.
“Mack caught on pretty quickly that me bringing you to the hotel drunk wasn’t my first time doing something like that,” I explained, then I took a breath. “Because that’s all I did with my mom growing up. She’s a raging alcoholic and likes it that way. No matter how much I tried to help her, she didn’t care. I was the nuisance and it got to the point where it’s not worth my effort. That happened at like fourteen.”
“Shit,” he muttered, then pushed his plate away like he was already done. I wasn’t feeling much like eating more, either.
“But I cleaned her up more times than I could count and I kept doing it over and over until I was eighteen and could move out on my own because if I didn’t, someone would call CPS and throw me in foster care.” I dropped my hands into my lap. “I didn’t want that.”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
“So Mack thought having me around, babysitting as you call it, would help you and them because as I told you that first night, this is a really big opportunity.”
His spine snapped straight. “You don’t think I know that?”
Since he’d taken me by surprise, I had to blink a few times to find my bearings. “Of course I think you know that. I’m just saying that’s why I care. Plus, Emery would be heartbroken if something happened to you or the band.” Now his face cracked a little. “She’s, like… your biggest fan.”
“Sorry I snapped at you.”
“It’s fine. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.” I pulled my hands up onto the table. “I really don’t want you to think of this as babysitting.”
“I really don’t want you to think I’m a drunk.”
That was a lot harder to explain. “I don’t think you’re an alcoholic. Yet. I think you’re on the road to be because eventually, your body isn’t going to let you not drink. You’ll crave it. Do you crave it now?”
He was silent for a while before he answered. “No. Not really. It’s more of a means to an end.”
“What’s that mean?”
He shook his head. “I don’t really want to get into it now.”
“OK. When you’re ready, I’m happy to listen. I’m not an expert, Daltrey. I’m just here to be your friend and maybe give you some outside perspective. That’s it.”
“How come I’ve seen you a handful of times and we’ve never really spoken? You’re always talking to Mack.”
That had a little bit of an accusatorial sound to it. Me and Mack? Not a chance. “You’re always drunk.”
His jaw tightened and one side bulged out, making me think he could crack a tooth.
“So how about this? I’ll talk to you like this anytime that you want. But only if you’re sober because honestly, I can’t talk to drunk people. It brings back too many memories for me and makes me uncomfortable.”
“What if I need to have a few drinks to do what we do?” he asked quietly.
“Nobody needs to drink and if you think you do, then there’s probably something else going on that you’re self-medicating and should talk to a doctor about.” I laid my hand on his. “I can help you try to figure it out, but Daltrey, I can’t do it all.”
10
Daltrey
Damn, it was like Ella could see into my soul, and right now, it was cracked by her telling me about her mom. It had been the smallest glimpse into what she’d dealt with growing up, but she’d had such a starkly different childhood than I had.
My parents were great and Mom had stayed home with us while Dad had worked. We’d never had babysitters and had never been on our own. Whereas Ella had been picking her drunk mother up off the floor, I’d been begging my mom to extend an already generous curfew.
I knew right away that I wouldn’t be a problem for her. I couldn’t do that to her. Though her talking about me self-medicating had hit me wrong. Was I? Maybe. Would I admit to that? Hell no, but I was going to have to find a way to cope with everything I’d been feelin
g.
Since neither of us was going to eat anymore, I paid the bill, though she insisted that I didn’t need to do that, and we slowly walked back to the venue.
“So what’s it like?” she asked.
“What?”
“All of this.” She waved her arms around to indicate everything.
“It’s amazing and weird.” Those were the two best words to describe what my life had become. “We played locally for years and most bands never make it that far, but the right person heard us and got a hold of Mack when there was an accident with Courting Chaos’ original opening act.”
“Lucky timing for you guys.”
“Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t wish injury on anyone, but it happened and we were lucky to be able to step into their place.”
“Why is it weird?” she asked as we rounded the corner toward the venue.
“Because there are all of these people constantly around you. Or wanting something from you. We’re not even that big yet. You should see what Courting Chaos deals with.”
“I bet.” Ella twisted her fingers around each other. “What do people want from you?”
I shrugged. “Everything, I guess. Time. Money. For you to listen to their music, which is insane because we literally have zero pull at this point.” I glanced at her then back out ahead of us. “Sex.”
“So a piece of you.”
I nodded, though I hadn’t thought about it that way. Every one of those things would take a small piece of me.
“Is there any of that part that you like?” she asked. I raised an eyebrow to question what she meant. “Do you like hearing new music even if you can’t pass it on to anyone else?”
We stopped at a picnic table by the back door of the venue. No one was around yet, but it wouldn’t be long before my siblings were looking for me.
“Most of the music is garbage, honestly.” It took me a minute to decide if I wanted to be completely honest. I did. “I like the sex. Most of the time.”
She scrunched up her nose. “Now that we’re best friends…” she said. I chuckled. We still barely knew each other, but I got what she was saying. I’d just told her something you didn’t normally tell someone you weren’t close to. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Obviously. You told me personal stuff.”
“Do guys really like that? Random sex with a different woman every night?”
I propped my elbows on top of the table and folded my hands in front of my face so I could run a finger over my top lip, which gave me a minute to think about how to answer this. She could get pissed if I was honest, but I wanted honesty with this woman.
“Yeah. I think that guys do. Not every guy and not every time. We’re not all the same, but I don’t think I know a guy who would turn a willing woman down, even if it was a one-night thing.” Then I snapped my fingers. “Bonham would. I don’t know that he’s ever had sex outside of a relationship.” After leaning over a little closer to her, I added, “Don’t you sometimes just like a means to an end? Get that itch scratched and move on?”
She was nodding slowly as she contemplated what I’d said. “No,” she finally said. “I guess I don’t. I can’t imagine getting naked in front of a guy I didn’t even know.” She brought those sea-green eyes up to meet mine. “I guess if I have an itch, I just scratch it myself.”
Fuck. Me.
I swallowed hard and tried not to focus on what she’d just said. Most women wouldn’t admit that they flick the bean themselves in the first place, but Ella had said it so willingly.
“What?” She cocked her head to the side. “Women do it too.”
Yeah. I knew they did, but fuck, that was all I was going to be thinking about when I lay in my bunk at night. Her masturbating in the bunk below me.
This was one time I was thankful as hell that my brothers interrupted my conversation with a beautiful woman. We had to get to soundcheck.
That night after the show, which I noticed Ella watched from the side of the stage, she and I hung out and watched a movie that she chose for a while. We didn’t talk about anything substantial, but it was nice having her here, even if she was being paid to do it.
After the second time she yawned, I told her to go to bed.
“No way,” she countered. “Not until you do.”
“So if I stay up until tomorrow morning, then you will?”
“That’s part of the deal, Daltrey. I can’t keep you from drinking if you’re awake and I’m asleep.”
“There’s no alcohol on the bus.” Mack had made sure of that the night before and I hadn’t known why then. Now I did.
“That we know of.”
Fuck. She was suspicious as shit, but she wasn’t wrong. I could have some stashed somewhere and she obviously knew all of the tricks.
“Want to check my things?” I offered because I wouldn’t have cared if she did.
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to go through your things. You’ll think I don’t trust you or that was what my mom always claimed.”
“You said yourself that I’m not an alcoholic.”
“I said I don’t think you are, but hiding liquor would be something one would do.”
“I really don’t care if you go through my things.”
“And I already told you that I don’t want to. That’s an invasion of privacy that I have no right to.”
I took a moment. There was no way I was going to win this argument. She was trusting in me that I wasn’t sneaking anything, but she was watching me to make sure. So a trust-but-verify situation. I could appreciate that.
“We should come up with a code or signal,” she said, effectively changing the subject.
“For what?”
“Mack said he didn’t want you on complete lockdown, so if you need some…” Ella wiggled her eyebrows up and down. “Alone time with a fan, we should have a signal.”
“I’m not going to need that.”
“But what if you want—”
“If it comes up, how about I just say that I’m going to go fuck this woman? Since we’re best friends and all.”
Ella sunk her teeth into that plump bottom lip and it sent my imagination running wild again. “That’ll work.” Then she yawned again.
“Come on.” I stood up then reached a hand out to her. “We’re going to bed.”
“Uh…”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “I’ll go to bed because you’re tired.”
After saying goodnight, it was a good long while before I fell asleep. Once again, my brain wouldn’t let me stop thinking about her and those damn legs that looked so soft, I wanted to lick them. It was summer. She even slept in shorts, but damn, I wanted to peel those down her legs and find out if every part of her was as sweet as she was.
My bet was on yes.
Ella and I spent the next several days doing much of the same. We’d eat most of our meals together, even when I was with the family. I’d learned that if I was with them, then she was off duty. Yet she still always came when I asked her to. I shouldn’t have been surprised, given that we were on the road and she didn’t have any friends with her.
Scratch that. I was her fucking friend. We meshed together like crazy. Though I already wanted more than friendship from her. She also spent a lot of time talking to Daisy, Lexi, and Jurnie when we were in the venue. Those four would chatter and giggle so much, it should’ve been annoying. Yet somehow it wasn’t.
“She fits in with the girls,” Bonham said as we were walking back from soundcheck.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Asshole.” He gave me a push. “You know exactly who I’m talking about. Ella Matthews. The woman attached to your hip.”
“You mean the woman Velcroed there by our oldest brother? My babysitter?”
“That’s who he meant.” Van was suddenly on my opposite side of Bonham.
“Yeah. She’s a nice person. I would assume she’d get along with your girlfriends.”
“Don’t be dumb,” Van countered. “I’ve seen the way you watch her.”
“I don’t watch her.”
Bonham snorted. “The fuck you don’t.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Mack are—”
“They’re not,” they both said at the same time. But only Bonham continued. “I thought maybe at first, but I asked him privately for real and he says no. I believe him. Plus when the fuck would they have the time? She’s always with you.”
“Why do you believe him?”
“Because you know he’s been pining for some woman forever now,” Van reminded me. Which was true, but none of us knew who that was and I knew for a fact that he’d been with other women. “Yeah, we don’t know who it is, but that man has been in love with whoever she is for a long-ass time. That’s why he never dates people for long.”
“And I don’t think he’d risk bringing some ass on the road to help you,” Bonham said. “Once he tossed her aside, it’d get real fucking awkward real fucking quick.”
That was all true. Here I’d been having massive amounts of guilt over lusting after my brother’s girl and she wasn’t his, after all. There was an unspoken rule among us brothers. Unspoken because nobody needed to say it. Not a one of us would date or fuck someone the other had been with. And we’d sure as hell never try to steal a girl from our brother.
That would be fucked-up.
This changed nothing, other than I didn’t need to feel guilty anymore. Just because she might not be interested in Mack didn’t mean she’d be interested in me.
The three of us entered our dressing room to find Lexi, Jurnie, and Ella in there crying from laughter. Ella hopped to her feet as soon as she saw us but was still laughing and I really wanted to know at what.
I also didn’t want her to think she had to jump to attention any time I was around. That wasn’t what I wanted and honestly, since she’d joined the tour, I hadn’t even wanted to drink. The shows were rough and I wasn’t at my best, but I wasn’t using the drinks to relieve the pressure in my chest when we performed. I was trying to figure that feeling out in the first place and I hadn’t told Ella about it yet.
Daltrey (Pushing Daisies Book 4) Page 8
